Title: Wishing for Forgiveness.

Song: "Criminal", by Fiona Apple.

I've been a bad bad girl.
I've been careless
with a delicate man.

Addison finished drying out her hair and started brushing it. The cold sent a shiver down her spine- she had just taken a shower. She decided to fix her husband and her some dinner. That was if her husband decided to come tonight, of course. It was 9:30 and he hadn't gone back home yet. Addison knew that he was supposed to be at home two and a half hour s ago. She was a doctor and she knew how the hospital was sometimes, but something inside her told her that her husband wasn't home early because he didn't want to, not because he couldn't make it. It was probably easier for Derek to come home late, once she was asleep, so he wouldn't have to face her. How did we get to this? Addison thought bitterly. Why is this even happening?

And it's a sad sad world.
When a girl will
break a boy,
just because she can.

Before, when they lived in New York, something like this wouldn't ever have happened. Before Mark, Derek would always make it for dinner, no matter what. Before, in those happy days, Derek would hug her wife and kiss her once he got home.

She put the food on the refrigerator for Derek to eat it once he finally got home (if he ever did). "But now… " She thought as she looked at herself in the mirror."Now he wouldn't kiss me though I was the last woman on Earth. "

She stared at the mirror, gazing at herself in a gesture that she couldn't avoid-it was a habit. It might look vain, but she was actually trying to figure out what was wrong about her.

Don't you tell me to deny it.
I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins.

Addison wasn't stupid. She knew she was beautiful-and it's not that she bragged about it-she just knew it. She had long, red, never-messy hair and a face that many actresses would die for. She was tall and slender even without the heels she wore every day. She was definitively beautiful, but it wasn't enough. She didn't want to be good-looking if the man she loved didn't even look at her. She thought sadly that her husband wouldn't notice if she walked around wearing a trash bag. What was the point in getting more beautiful?

I've come to you,
'cause I need guidance to be true...
And I just don't know
where I can begin...

Maybe if I stop eating and I tint my hair into blonde, he'll notice me. Only to say "That's pathetic Addison. You'll never be Meredith. "She imagined, as a sad grimace formed in her face.

A sudden noise took her out of her thoughts. Addison shook her head, confused. She turned around and she saw Derek quickly walk into the trailer and close the door behind him.

What I need is a good defense,
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.
And I need to be redeemed,
to the one I've sinned against,
because he's all I ever knew of love.

"Why are you still awake? It's late" He asked as he made his way to the refrigerator to grab a snack from it.

"I was just… " Addison trailed off, hesitating. "I couldn't sleep" She ran a hand through her hair and cleared her throat. "Listen, Derek, I… "

"Not now, Addison" He cut her off and finished eating. "Tomorrow"

"No!" She suddenly bursted into tears. "No, I won't wait until tomorrow because that's what you always say. Stop walking away, Derek! Stay and face me like a man!"

Heaven help me for the way I am...
Save me from these evil deeds,
before I get them done.

"What?" He inquired. "I don't walk away. I'm just too tired and busy to argue with you, Addison. I didn't have a good day."

"Well, guess what. I've not had a good day in months, Derek. And I'm tired too. But I'm here to do something about it."

"Something about what?"

I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand...
But I keep livin' this day like the next will never come.

"About our marriage, Derek. Is it gonna end like this? Aren't you gonna fight for it?" She argued, pissed off.

He didn't know what to answer. He was full of doubts about what to do with his marriage, Addison and Meredith. Addison had hurt him badly, but he still loved her, and deep down inside, he knew that she was right when she said that his indifference had led her into Mark's arms. And Meredith…he was in love with her, but she'd proved that she could hurt him too.

Oh help me but don't tell me to deny it.
I've got to cleanse myself,
of all these lies till I'm good enough for him.

I've got a lot to lose and I'm bettin' high so I'm beggin' you...

Before it ends, just tell me where to begin...

Addison gazed into his eyes and guessed what he was thinking, the struggle that was taking place inside of him. She felt compassion and understood that he needed time.

What I need is a good defense,
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.
And I need to be redeemed,
to the one I've sinned against,
because he's all I ever knew of love.

"This is…hard. I'll give you time to think about it, but try not to take too long, okay?" She offered raising her arms, giving up for tonight. "But Derek, remember that I still love you and that I'm deeply sorry for what I did. Remember the old times, how happy we used to be." She begged in a whisper as the tears started to form in her eyes.

Let me know the way,
before there's hell to pay;
give me room to lay the law and let me go.
I've got to make a play,
to make my lover stay...
So what would an angel say...?
The devil wants to know.

For a moment, he could. He remembered New York's cold nights, when he used to come home early to have dinner with his wife. He remembered himself complaining about the cold weather and the job as Addison took his coat and kissed him. Memories of a happy life, memories of moments of joy. He remembered the Christmases they spent together… the happiest moments of his life. He remembered how proud of Addison he was, how they fitted in every level, and how much he loved to introduce her as "My wife".

He hadn't realized how much he missed all of those things. After what happened with Mark, the feelings of sadness, pain and betrayal had covered all, forcing him into forget all those memories.

What I need is a good defense,
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.
And I need to be redeemed,
to the one I've sinned against,
because he's all I ever knew of love.

"I've tortured him enough for one night" Addison thought with a sad smile. "Goodnight, Derek" She said as she made her way towards the bed.

"Goodnight" He answered as he sat on the table; he still had a lot to think about. A while later, he lied in the bed and covered himself with the sheets. He looked at his wife, and grinned. She seemed peaceful when she was asleep.

What I need is a good defense,
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.
And I need to be redeemed,
to the one I've sinned against,
because he's all I ever knew of love.

"Goodnight, Addie. Sweet dreams." He said as he kissed her forehead and leaned his head on the pillows, hoping to finally get some sleep.

Addison wasn't asleep, though, and the simple fact of that nickname was her sweetest dream come true.