Hey guys! This is a new story that just kind of popped into my head last weekend and wouldn't stop coming. It's another angsty one, but I hope you all enjoy it. This is set pre Hobbit when Fili and Kili are teenagers. I still don't know whether I got the dwarf age ratio right, but Kili's about 15 and Fili is 20 in human years.
Rating: T for violence and Angst and Durin family feels. Hurt!Fili, Kili suffering from self blame and Thorin having normal Thorin issues.
Synopsis: After a terrible hunting accident, the Durins are stranded in the woods, one wounded badly and the others suffering through their own inner demons because of it. Will the family be able to repair their mistakes?
Chapter One
It was only supposed to have been a few days hunting trip with the boys. Thorin had never meant it to be the disaster it turned into; but then, no one ever really did when things turned to hell and you were only left with the things that were only supposed to be witnessed in your worst nightmares.
It had started off well enough. He had proposed the idea to Dis and she thought it was a wonderful one. The boys had been restless of late; Kili had just celebrated his 30th birthday and he felt all grown up and because of it, he was more and more determined to prove his manhood—unfortunately the way he did it was by becoming even more rambunctious and driving Dis to call in her brother to help straighten him out once it appeared that daily training exercises wouldn't make the difference.
"I'll take them out into the mountains for a week," Thorin told her when she'd come to him at her wit's end. "A few days roughing it in the autumn weather will hopefully beat a little of Kili's energy out. It just comes with the cooling weather. We were no better when we were their age."
She smiled. "That sounds wonderful, Thorin, thank you. You know I love my boys, but they can get so trying sometimes. It would be a good opportunity for you to teach them survival skills. They haven't had enough of that apart from the few camping trips you and Dwalin have taken them on."
Thorin was always eager to spend time with the boys, having to act as both father and uncle to them, and he saw this opportunity for what it was—a good way to bond with them, especially Kili, in their more troublesome years. Not that the boys had been bad, just restless and Kili, being a bit reckless, and hasty as he was, could sometimes come across as a bit cocky and rude, even if he didn't mean to. Thorin didn't take it to heart, but he made sure he kept Kili in his place as well, for it would never do to let such habits go uncorrected. He knew a few days in the woods could work wonders. His own father had done it enough times with him and Frerin to prove the method affective.
So they set off with much excitement the day after and Thorin felt a sudden happiness and liberation enter him as they left the town behind. He too would enjoy the break from work. It would just be him and his nephews, teaching them fatherly things. He always cherished the moments he had alone with them which made it feel like they could be his own boys.
The first couple days went well. They hiked through the mountains, happy, singing, and chatting as Thorin taught them things about surviving in the woods and told them stories of his younger years with Frerin and Dwalin and all the trouble and adventures they had had on their own trips.
The third day, it began to rain around noon and they were forced to stop and create a small lean-to to protect themselves from the weather. Unfortunately, the rain didn't let up that entire night, and the three dwarves were forced to stay there that whole time, huddled together in the dampness without being able to light a fire. But they spent the time to enjoy each other's company, even if Kili got a bit restless at times.
The next morning, they got up to see that the rain had cleared and after a quick cold breakfast, they hurriedly packed up and were on their way, Kili taking the lead at Thorin's bidding.
"This is really fun, Uncle!" he exclaimed, turning around and flashing the older dwarf a bright smile. "I'm glad you decided to do this."
"So am I," Thorin replied truthfully. "I haven't gotten a chance to spend a lot of time with you two lately, and you were driving your mother mad, so I thought I had to get you out of the house."
Fili laughed at Kili's indignant shout. He caught his brother around the neck and grinned as he rubbed his knuckles against Kili's head, making the younger scream and struggle, digging his fingers under Fili's arm to make him let go by tickling him.
"All right, boys, that's enough!" Thorin said. "We're going to hunt for supper tonight, and you won't find anything with all the noise you're making."
They quieted down with a few more jests and jabs as Thorin shook his head fondly, secretly hoping they would never change.
It was around late afternoon when it happened. They had come to a defile in the side of the mountain and were looking for a way around it. It looked too steep to climb down, but Thorin thought he remembered there being some sort of easier passageway from one side to the other without having to go around.
"Cast about up ahead," he told the boys. "I'll look to the south."
They split up and Fili took the lead as Kili looked out across the gorge before hurrying after his brother.
"See anything?" he asked, hopping from one rock to the other.
"Not yet," Fili said. "Stop doing that, it's all wet and you'll slip."
Kili stuck his tongue out at him and continued on his way. "You're such a worry wort, Fi. I'll be fine."
"Yeah, well I have to be with you as a little brother," Fili said with a grin, grapping Kili around the waist before he could jump and swinging him around to the ground again.
"Hey, I'm not a baby anymore, and I'm taller than you now!"
Fili ginned and tugged a lock of Kili's hair fondly. "Oh, and that matters so much! You know well enough that I can still win a fight with you."
"Oh yeah?" Kili challenged, dropping his pack to the ground. "Wanna prove it?"
"Gladly!" Fili said, forgetting their mission for a moment in the urge to prove his little brother wrong and put him into his place. He shrugged out of his pack and lunged at Kili as the dark haired dwarf giggled and hopped backwards to avoid his brother's hands. Fili finally caught him and they grappled for a moment before Fili dug his fingers teasingly into Kili's side to gain the upper hand and Kili jerked back with a laugh that turned into a growl.
"Not fair!" he whined.
"Oh, it's not?" Fili asked with an evil grin, advancing on his brother who was trying to keep from smiling and was backing away. "Come here, little brother, let's see who's really stronger."
He lunged and Kili leapt backward with a laugh, only to lose his footing as he tripped over a rock and slid in some mud. Fili's face turned from one of amusement to horror as he watched Kili, as if in slow motion, fight for purchase as he slid toward the edge of the gorge. He lunged forward just as Kili slid over the side with a cut off scream as he grabbed his wrist.
"Kili, hold on!" he cried breathlessly as Kili dangled against the side of the cliff, scrabbling to grab the top to help Fili pull him up.
"Fi!" he cried frantically, his childish subconscious knowing that his big brother would always get him out of any scrape he managed to get into.
"Hang on, Ki!" Fili said again, grunting as he tried to haul his brother up. He was slipping too, the ground there wet and slick and as he tried to get his feet under him to give himself more purchase, his boot skidded in the mud and with a heart-stopping movement, he found himself unable to stop his own slide over the side. He somehow managed to grab a root that seemed sturdy enough if not wet and slimy. He slammed painfully into the side of the cliff, his sword hilt smashing into his ribs. Kili had screamed again, but Fili had not let him go, his other hand still around his little brother's wrist. But he would need both hands if he was going to get them back up.
"Kili, put your arms around my waist. Can you do that?" he asked.
Kili was silent, frozen. Fili spared a glance down at him. "Kili. I need my hands, you have to."
Kili nodded finally and Fili grunted and hauled his brother up by his wrist enough for Kili to wrap first one arm and then the other after Fili had let go, around his waist, his fingers wrapping around Fili's belt for dear life.
"Good," Fili said, feeling better now that he had both hands on the root. "Now, I'm just going to pull us up. Don't move."
Fili grunted and strained, trying to haul them up, but his hands were too close together to get good leverage and Kili was a heavy burden; indeed, he actually was bigger than his big brother. He tried to find purchase for his feet against the cliff side, but it was slick and covered in mud, and he was only expending his energy by trying.
That was when the root he thought was solid started to give way with his struggling. He cried out and Kili echoed his cry, holding him so tightly, Fili could hardly breathe. He gritted his teeth as Kili's nails dug involuntarily into his stomach, his face pressed between his shoulder blades, trembling.
"Hang on, Ki," he grunted, shifting so he could hang onto the cliff instead. He braced himself and took one hand off the root, the shift making Kili whimper as he struggled to find a handhold on the cliff edge. He finally found one that seemed sound and spent a moment to relax, but he wasn't certain he could move the other. Didn't think he had enough strength left to be able to hold on with one hand. He was frozen and trembling from exhaustion and couldn't breathe with Kili's weight on him and his arms squeezing him for dear life.
"Uncle!" he cried finally, knowing he couldn't do this alone. "Uncle, help! HELP!"
"Fi," Kili's voice came so low that he almost didn't hear it. "I'm scared."
"I know, Ki," Fili said. "Just hang on, Uncle Thorin will be here soon."
"Okay," Kili whispered.
"Uncle!" Fili cried again and then with a jarring motion, he felt the root give way and he only had a split second to think of grabbing the cliff top but by that time, his other hand had already slipped and there was nothing else to do but just drop.
It seemed like time slowed. Kili screamed, but Fili didn't seem to be able to make a sound. He only thought to protect his little brother, and instantly moved so he would take the brunt of the fall. The first impact was almost instant, and drove his breath away, then he and Kili rolled, tangled together down the curved side of the defile, before coming to a jerking halt against a cropping half way down. Despite his best efforts, Kili had been thrown from his arms on first impact and Fili landed first on his back and Kili was thrown on top of him with an explosion of pain that left Fili breathless and choking. They just lay there for a few minutes, shocked and gasping, until Fili felt his instincts kick in and needed to know whether his brother was okay.
"Ki-Kili?" he gasped out, trying to move his hand up to the lump on top of him. Kili was lying on his back across Fili's chest, his head on his brother's shoulder. He groaned and stirred.
"Fi?" he croaked, shifting as he tried to roll off his brother.
Something exploded in Fili's side. He gasped and Kili froze, afraid he had hurt him.
"Fili?" he asked. He slowly rolled off of Fili to see what was wrong, but the movement only made Fili cry out despite his best efforts to keep silent. Something had cracked when Kili moved and the younger dwarf had a sudden terrifying moment when he thought it was some bone of Fili's. But when he turned around to examine his brother he saw a broken wooden shaft sticking from his side instead. He blanched in horror.
"Oh Mahal, Fili, I'm so sorry," he breathed, trembling as he shrugged the quiver he had been wearing from his shoulder and saw that, sure enough, there was a tear in the stitching that an arrow had gone through and stabbed Fili when Kili had fallen on him. He reached out to touch the shaft lodged under Fili's ribs, forgetting any pain he had suffered. Fili grabbed his wrist before he touched it, his pain apparent in the strong grip.
"Kili, leave it," he ground out. "Not here."
"Oh, Fili," Kili whispered and choked on a sob, gathering his brother into his arms and pressing his face into the top of his head. Fili was breathless from pain, the broken off shaft feeling like it was twisting and burning his insides, but the only thing he seemed to be able to think about was that he was the one who was supposed to be comforting Kili. He was the one who had caused him this pain, and he couldn't find the strength to comfort him. He wanted to cry, but he knew that would only make it worse.