AN: So here's my new story, which is indeed another Jagan. The inspiration from this story came about after reading BTRLoganLover123456789's story "Hit Me", and loving the idea of Logan not wanting to kill himself, so he hires a hit man to do the job for him. I've already asked BTRLoganLover123456789 if I could use her idea, and it's all good :) In no way am I going to plagiarize the other story, I have my own ideas.

I dedicate this story to my friend Christa, who has been pushing me to start this story since I've thought of the idea. This story is hers, so whatever she wants, she's going to get.

So, here we go!

Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything you may recognize.

"Yes, I'd like to place an anonymous hit on someone."

Logan couldn't pinpoint when exactly in his life he had gotten so desperate that he lost the will to live. It feels like his life is in a constant downward spiral, and he's not so sure how much longer he can continue living this way. Sure, he has his college career almost complete (he's currently a junior, an accounting major), he has 2 friends he can probably count on (but why would they care about him when they're constantly sucking face all day long), but otherwise what else does he have? His mother passed away when he was 13, his dad and him don't even have contact with each other, it's not like anyone would miss him or notice he's gone. These are just the constant thoughts that run through his mind when he's plagued with insomnia.

He's proud of his college career: he always makes the dean's list every semester, he got into his school's business school before anyone else in his class even applied, he even has people look to him for tutoring so he can make some extra cash. He's always been a great student; it's the only thing he's ever been good at. Since he really had no friends before college, most of his time was spent doing various homework and studying. He graduated within the top of his high school class, and all the colleges he applied to gave him a free ride with a full scholarship. So when it was time to pick the college, he decided to go as far away as possible, moving from Pennsylvania to California, thinking maybe a new life in a new state would make things better. And it did for a while, he no longer had his dad breathing down his neck, the school basically looking at him from under a microscope, and he even made two friends who he had stuff somewhat in common. Kendall and Carlos were the first to accept him for who he is, and not second guess their first impressions of Logan. But even though he had some things going for him, nothing took away the feeling of the feeling that his life meant nothing and that he was put on this earth for no true purpose.

Logan and Kendall were roommates freshman year. Kendall took Logan under his wing, wanting to make sure his hermit of a roommate got out some and explore his new surroundings. Kendall was easy to bond with, being that Kendall himself is gay, and even though Logan wasn't out and proud about it, having Kendall be that way made Logan want to be that way too. With Kendall came Carlos, and Logan later learned they were boyfriends for almost 3 years at the time of being freshmen. It was never a surprise when Logan would be sleeping and he'd hear some things he probably wouldn't ever have heard coming from Kendall's bed. Carlos also attended the same school, but would always prefer to stay in Kendall's room. Logan never had the heart to confront Kendall about their late night sex-capades when he was in the next bed, solely because Kendall was his first real friend and he didn't want to piss him off in any way. So he just invested in a pair of noise canceling headphones and let the soothing melodies of Michael Buble/Josh Groban bring him into the realm of unconsciousness.

His mom was his number one supporter, so when she passed away from a brain stem stroke, it hit Logan hard. Of course, his father would always nag about him sulking and to just shape up, so Logan truthfully never was able to mourn properly. His mother knew everything about him: she knew what his favorite foods were, what type of books he liked to read, how whenever he had a bad day at school he craved his mother's warm embrace, and most of all she knew he is gay, something his homophobic father could never accept. Since her passing, Logan always felt a part of him was missing, and was truly upset with the fact that she was no longer there to defend him from his father.

High school was not a cakewalk for him, either. Sure, when he first entered high school, no one really paid attention to him, until that one fateful night, when Logan decides to go to a party that a student he was tutoring invited him to, but all that went to shit. Basically, he decided he wanted to let loose, and follow what other kids were doing, which was drinking in excessive amounts and have sex with whomever was offering. Now the alcohol made him extremely social, and bolder than he normally would be. He found himself doing and saying things he would previously never fathom of doing, so when Jett Stetson, captain of every popular sports team from his school, propositioned him, he didn't say no. And since Logan was questioning his sexuality, he figured this would be a great way to experiment. One thing lead to another, and Monday morning when he arrived back at school, the whispers of students talking about Logan and Jett's affair had spread. And what made it worse, was that Jett spun it so Logan was the one that propositioned him, and that he denied anything happened on his end. Of course, no one would believe Logan if he even tried to have people see the truth, so he just sucked it up, and counted down the days till he was done getting his education in that hell hole.

There wasn't an exact moment when Logan started thinking about ending his life, the thoughts had slowly crept in since the day his mom died. They started out small, nothing to be alarmed by, but slowly grew to where they were now. To the point Logan was literally calling a hit on himself. Because he wasn't brave enough to take his own life. I had considered a lot of things: hanging himself, swallowing a bottle full of pills, shooting himself, walking purposely into oncoming traffic, but whenever he actually tried to do it, a nagging little pull in his gut kept telling him not to. Like there was something he was going to find that would make life worth living. But he couldn't handle the feelings and thoughts that plagued him day in and day out, making it difficult to even breathe sometimes. He had made the decision that calling a hit on himself was the most logical way to kill himself without actually killing himself.

So as he picked up his cell phone, dialing the number, he waited with bated breath for the phone to pick up on the other end, hearing the surprisingly soothing and calm voice of the receptionist. With a shakey voice he spoke. "Yes, I'd like to place an anonymous hit on someone."...His one and only step was completed, and now his life was literally in someone else's hands. He hung up the phone, sighing deeply. He was, for once, at peace.

So… what do you all think? Review!