A/N It's been a while since I've been able to write anything to publish on here! My life has kind of been in a constant upheaval lately, plus I'm writing professionally, too. So that takes up a fair bit of time. And my living arrangements changes, so it's not as easy to just sit down at the computer and write. Then I discovered the bluetooth, wireless keyboard and got one for my i-pad and PRESTO! Unfortunately, it's not so easy to post to from the i-pad but it is doable, so do I will. LoL This will be complete in three chapters, all written and ready to be posted.

Please R&R... my absence has resulted in my being a little nervous about posting again. :-( Thanks. Now, on with the story! ~Kelcor

Ruin - Chapter One

Ryan was numb.

A large part of him was relieved. He didn't want to feel anything, right now. Marissa was being flown back to Newport; while he, Seth, and Summer were driving back. Ryan had wanted to stay with Marissa, to never leave her side, but there hadn't been enough room for him and the doctors and crew. So, he'd reluctantly agreed to let go of her hand.

Even now, his hand flexed open and closed, as if a part of him were missing. And, really, it kinda was.

So, yeah, numb was good. But somewhere, deep in the back of his mind, he worried about whether or not this emptiness, the feeling of being just on the other side of the veil between reality and fantasy, was permanent. Then again, he was even more frightened about actually feeling again. What if he fell apart completely? What if that break was something he just couldn't come back from?

He looked up at his two usually bickering friends occupying the front seat, praying they would start fighting again. Anything to distract him from his thoughts, right now. If only he could turn off his brain as easily as he could his emotions.

Once they were ready to head back home, poor Seth had clearly felt torn, wanting to comfort everyone but knowing he would have to choose, at least for the time being. Ryan made the choice for him.

He had no desire to drive shotgun and have Seth constantly trying to get him to talk, or 'open up', anyway. He'd had enough of that inside the hospital. And, to be honest, his not being able to express any kind of emotion even to Seth, a guy he loved like a brother, just scared him even more that he'd be in this numb state forever.

So, needless to say, he'd been quick to take the back seat for himself, leaving the front seat for Summer. Which was as it should be. Summer needed to be close to Seth a lot more than Ryan did. At least she was able to feel something, which was exhibited clearly by the tear tracks on her cheeks, barely able to dry before being replaced by new ones. The sobbing seemed to have tapered off for the most part but the tears continued in an almost steady stream.

Ryan could remember crying as a kid when his dad had been sent to prison for armed robbery, and a few times after that during some drunken beatings from his mother's first boyfriend. But he hadn't allowed himself that comfort. Tears were a sign of weakness, and weakness was a magnet for the creeps that his mother felt herself drawn to. True, the punching and the kicking and the cruel remarks only lasted longer when Ryan remained stoic, but even as a boy, he'd refused to give them the satisfaction of his tears.

There had been so many statements made, nasty statements, in an effort to break him - "You'll never amount to anything"; "No wonder your dad got himself arrested, he was probably trying to get away from you"; "You're nothing but a piece of garbage that your mother feels obligated to lug around with her".

But there was one thing one particular boyfriend had said that had stuck with him more than the rest, and seemed to ring especially true in this situation... "You ruin everything you touch!"

TBC?