A/N: I have no idea where I pulled this one from but... o well. lol. it gets MAJORLY ANGSTY towards the end, i'm just warning you. :-) anywayz, enjoy. The lyrics and title are from Evanescence's "Field of Innocence." (obviously)


Field of Innocence

"I still remember the world
from the eyes of a child
slowly those feelings
were clouded by what I know now"


*******
"That wasn't funny," she established firmly, deep brown eyes flashing.

"It wasn't?" he replied with fake innocence.

"Not in the least."

Silence.

"Well?" she demanded. "Isn't there something you have to say for yourself?"

"Apwil Foos, Mommy!" the little girl giggled, grasping onto her father's wrist.

"Well, you heard her, Laura. Sydney doesn't seem too sorry that your glass of water magically mixed with vinegar while you were in the bathroom."

"Oh, Jack, what are you teaching that girl..." and she laughed, lighting up her features. "And you'd better destroy the picture you took while I sipped your little refreshment."
******

A tear drop softly touches the glossy, fading color of the photograph. I wipe it away carefully with my index finger. The memory of that day, once so bright and happy in my then four year old mind, now holds the truth and darkness that most people don't experience in a lifetime.

"What are you teaching that girl..." my mother had asked. If only I'd known then.

Today is April first. It marks the twenty-forth year after the day in that photograph. Nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing is what I've learned to expect. Nothing but betrayal, lies, pain, and emptiness.

It's as if some cosmic joke is being played on me, one where the laughter never rings out. I wait patiently for some happy little girl to grin and say "Apwil Foos!" and make all my problems and obstacles disappear in the flash of a dimple. But somehow I know that little girl will never come.

Knock, knock, knock.

I quickly replace the photo back into the box and rub the moisture from my eyes with the heel of my hand. "Come in!"

My bedroom door opens. "Hey."

If I can't get the little girl to appear, maybe there is one more person who can ease my troubles, at least for a little while.

"Hi."

He sits on my bed beside me and glances over, noticing the slightly pink tint in my eyes. "Syd, are you okay?"

I try to smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just going through some old pictures and ... thinking."

Vaughn nods and reaches for a paper bag he's brought with him. He pulls out a yellow cup and hands it to me. "I stopped for lunch on the way over ... thought you might like a Frosty. And seeing you now, you look like you're in need of a little chocolate."

The cheerful expression I hold on my face becomes more genuine. I eye him with mock suspicion. "It's not filled with vinegar, is it?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Here," he takes a plastic spork out of the bag and passes it to me. "I don't know why they give you sporks for these. Who would eat a frosty with a fork?"

He's trying to cheer me up more. It's working. Just like I knew it would. "Thanks," I say, hoping he knows I'm thanking him for more than just the Frosty.

"So ... you know what today is, right?"

"April Fools' Day?" I reply as I dig the spork into the soft, cold chocolate.

"That too."

What a perfect opportunity to take advantage of this holiday. I treat him to a confused, blank stare. His forehead creases into three deep lines and his green eyes fill with question, trying to read me. I hold my act, letting the sweet, satisfying flavor of the frozen chocolate drink explode on my taste buds. Vaughn was right. Chocolate helps.

Finally, I give in. "I'm kidding, Vaughn. April Fools, remember? Today is exactly a year and a half since the day we met.... Wow, eighteen months."

"Doesn't seem long when you look back, does it?"

I shake my head. "Felt like a lifetime while it lasted."

"But you got through it," he points out.

I put my Frosty down on the nightstand and place my now cool hand on his. "Not alone."

He leans forward to kiss me, and the meeting we have in an hour suddenly slips from my mind. I distantly hear my box of photographs knocked to the floor, and the tear stained memory slides from it and lands face up, framed by carpet.

Outside, the heavy clouds give in to the wave inside and a light drizzle begins to softly fall, droplets finding their way in through the slightly opened window.
*/*/*/*/*/


"Sorry we're late," I apologize as Vaughn and I take our seats in the meeting room.

Kendall greets us with an unpleasant glare. "Well, now that Agents Vaughn and Bristow have finally decided to show up, we can begin."

My father glances at him exasperatedly then stands. "As you are all aware, two weeks ago... Irina Derevko..." there is no denying my father's at saying this, but he tries to cover it and regains his composure. "... betrayed the Central Intelligence Agency and escaped with Arvin Sloane and Mr. Sark. In the past weeks we've been attempting to regain her trail. Marshall?"

Marshall gives my father a quick nod and scrambles to his feet. "Actually, um... Sir... I.... I forgot all about the meeting and didn't do my assignment ... which is pretty amusing when you think about it since, well, I'm in the CIA and have a photographic memory and..." he trails off and blushes at the furious expression on Kendall's stony face.

Then he smiles a little. "Sorry, Sir. April Fools! Just a little prank... a joke. I mean, I really um in the CIA and have a photographic memory, but I didn't really forget the... okay. Anyway, if you remember, the last time we saw Derevko she's just escaped with Sloane. But what she doesn't know is that we've outsmarted her once again. As you know, every bullet made is made differently. They're like the fingerprints of weaponry.

"So, I've created a program that will track the specific bullet used when Sydney... um... shot her mother. Chances are, the bullet was removed and discarded, but traces of the lead are still floating around in her blood. So, we just look for the moving target. Once I get the signal in, we'll have a location."

"Thank you, Marshall. Take your seat," Kendall instructs, and Marshall drops back down in his chair, grinning sheepishly. "Bristow, this is your op. Vaughn, you'll be assisting. We'll make contact when we have the location."
/*/*/*/*/*/*/

The rain is still falling, harder than before. I listen to it rhythmically splatter on my roof, ptt..ptt..ptt..ptt.. and try to relax. But I can't sleep.

"Vaughn?"

"Hmm?"

I sit up in bed and turn to face him. "Do you feel right about this whole thing?"

"About what?"

"Going after my mother again. Something just feels ... off," I say as I pick at a loose thread on the white tank top I'm wearing to bed.

"Syd, if you think it's a mistake, just tell your father. He's supposed to have task force control anyway ... if you feel wrong about doing this again..."

"No, it's not that," I interrupt, knowing he's going to say I feel guilty. "I just... I've got a bad feeling about it. Like something's going to happen."

"Don't worry, Syd. You'll be fine," he assures me softly, lightly kissing my forehead.

I nod and lie back down, sinking into my pillow. I find his hand in the dark and grasp it. "I know," I whisper.
/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Ring...ring...ring...

God damn phone. I groan and roll on my side, grabbing it from my nightstand.

"Hel..." my voice answers groggily. I clear my throat and try again. "Hello?"

"Agent Bristow, we have a location."

"I'll be right in."

"Contact Agent Vaughn and inform him as well."

"Okay," I answer, and snap the phone shut. I yawn and turn to where Vaughn lays peacefully asleep. I poke him gently. "Vaughn, we have to go in."

He slowly blinks awake. "Tell me this is an April Fools joke," he mumbles into the pillow.

My silence is his answer. He lifts himself up as I swing my legs over the side of the bed. "What time is it, anyway?" he asks.

I rub my eyes and glance at my clock. "12:47."

I then change out of my tank and flannel pants and into a pair of jeans and a gray sweater. Screw professional.

When I step out of my closet, Vaughn has already replaced his white t-shirt and sweatpants with a suit he must have left here a week ago.

Exhausted, we both head out the door into the rain that has quickened to a downpour.
/*/*/*/*/*/*/

"Samara."

"Samara, Russia?"

"Right. You're going there tonight. Your plane leaves in two hours."

"That soon?" I ask in surprise.

Kendall nods. "As you once said, if we lose her now we could lose her for good."

Vaughn and I glance at each other, unsure of what the other is feeling. He speaks. "All right."

"Good luck," Kendall says, then hands us both a manila folder holding the mission details. He walks away.
/*/*/*/*/*/*/

"Please fasten your seatbelts. The plane will begin its landing in approximately thirty minutes," the pilot announces, seeming far off.

"Syd," Vaughn places a hand on my arm softly.

I take my gaze off the window and turn to face him. "Hmm?"

"You really don't want to do this, do you?"

"Like I have a choice."

"You always do. You don't have to do this, Syd."

I laugh sadly. "Right. That would go over really well, telling Kendall I refuse to complete a mission because I'm afraid-" I stop myself before finishing my thought.

"Afraid of what, Syd?" he asks as he places his hand on mine.

"Nothing," I lie, lacing his fingers through my own. "Never mind.
/*/*/*/*/*/*/

"Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all"

"Mountaineer, come in. Do you read?"

"I read you, Boy Scout," I say softly, crouching deeper into the shadows of the alleyway.

"Good. Okay, it's 3:00 PM. According to the tracker, she's passing by on foot and should be here by about... 3:15. Be ready."

"Copy. So ... good April Fool's Day yesterday?"

"It didn't start out great. Weiss slipped Tabasco sauce into my coffee and when I took a sip, my first reaction was to fling the cup out of my hand. I think the burn's still there, and my pants will be stained for a while."

I smile. "Want me to kick his ass for you?"

"That's okay," he chuckles softly. "I got him back."

"How?"

"The old fashioned way. He'll be scratching himself for at least the next twenty-four hours."

I grin widely, almost forgetting where I am and what I'm doing. "Where are you, anyway?"

"Two buildings to your left, watching you from a camera at the end of the alleyway."

"My guardian angel."

I can almost sense him smiling as we remember that day a year and a half ago. Suddenly, our reminiscent moment is interrupted by a dark figure passing quickly by the buildings I'm hiding beside. "Boy Scout, she's here," I whisper, moving slowly to the gap she'd passed by.

"All right. Move in, Mountaineer."

As I grasp the gun at my side and carefully move out of the alleyway, my heart begins to pound. I watch her until she reaches a bend on the quiet, abandoned street, then I follow. I begin to quicken my pace until she is in my sight again. I stay on her tail until she reaches a building.

Two to the left of where I'd been hiding.

I wait until she enters. "Vaughn!" I whisper urgently. "She's coming into your building!"

"All right. Follow her in, and corner her before she gets to the upper level, where we are. This building's abandoned and no one's ever here except, well, people like us. So don't worry about scaring anyone. All right, go."

My heart begins to pound for some reason as I push open the heavy oak door. A wave of nausea overtakes me. And I realize. This, right here, this is the moment that has been plaguing my thoughts. This is the dark, unsettling feeling that's been hovering over me. These are the moments it's been leading up to.

I step silently throughout the huge, bronze colored room, the scent of too many years untouched hanging in the air above me. I don't see my mother.

I don't see her. She's not here. Where is she? Wherewherewherewhere?

I grip my gun harder and my knuckles turn white. I feel a tickle running slowly down my thumb, and I see that a trickle of blood has escaped from my flesh where I'm holding the gun too tight. I don't feel the pain.

Blood rushes through my ears. My heart is screaming and beating widely, alarms going off loudly n my head. DANGER, DANGER!

Danger.

Danger!!

DANGER!!!!!

Still. Don't. See. Her.

"Sydney!" I hear the yells in my ear, I hear them from miles away, from galaxies and universes away...

"SYDNEY!"

And I hear the words; they ring in my ears through my earpiece. They haunt me. Her voice. Floating, fleeting. "Truth takes time..."

I hear the BANG! That will repeat and echo forever in my nightmares. The gun falls from my fingers and crashes to the ground.

Then, static.

The quiet crackle of static.

"Vaughn!" I cry. "Michael!"

No sound comes from my earpiece but the static.

SSSSssssTTTTTTTTtttTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzz.

I hit the ground and all goes black.
/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

"I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now"

My eyes open. Sunlight. Warmth. These are the first things I notice. A familiar room. Mine.

A breeze flutters through the room and gently caresses my cheek. For a moment I feel at peace, and I reach my hand instinctively to the other side of my bed, trying to find him.

He's not there.

And everything comes rushing back like a tidal wave.

People walk in and out throughout the day as the hours drag by. I still feel as though I can't bring myself out of bed. But as they visit, they show concern. They speak softly, slowly, tenderly. It's as though I'm a child, as though I don't understand the situation.

I want to scream. I am not a child. If I were, it wouldn't hurt so much.

I ask Weiss if they got my mother. No, no I'm sorry they didn't. She got away. I shut my eyes tightly and ask another question, fearing the answer. I ask if Vaughn survived. I open my eyes again. He looks at me with sorrow in his eyes, and answers sympathetically that they couldn't find him. I say I have to. I know he is alive. I know it.

He survived. He did. He had to!

Finally, when everyone is gone and all is silent, I slowly drag my heavy body out of bed. The sunlight has disappeared in early afternoon. The rain clouds are back.

I step outside into the cool, moist air. Cold liquid hits my lash. I blink. Another connects with my hand, and two more on my arm. It quickens, then begins to pour. At first I feel refreshed. It washes away the dirt, the sweat, the now mixed in tears.

I tilt my head back and open my mouth wide, catching some on my tongue.

***
"It's just water, see Sydney? It won't hurt you," Laura laughs and takes her daughter's hand.

"Oh, I see, Mommy. Water like the kind I drink?"

"Exactly." And she tilts back her head and swallows a few drops to demonstrate. Her hair is soaked and clings to her face and her eyes redden from being hit with the rain, but Sydney thinks she looks beautiful.

"Can I try, Mommy?"

"Sure, Honey."

And Sydney does the same, savoring the sweet liquid rolling around her tongue.
***
"Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything"

I pull myself out of the memory and choke. Suddenly, the rain tastes like vinegar. And the tears come harder.

My hands clench into fists. "So this is it?!" I yell into the menacing gray skies above. "This is my punishment? For what? WHY ME?"

My voice is drowned out by the pounding drops, but I don't care. I scream louder.

"This has to be a joke!" I cry. "A fucking April Fools Joke! Please, tell me it is! Please..."

I collapse onto the cold wet ground, cradling my head in my arms and sobbing. Where's the little girl? Where? WHEREWHEREWHERE???

A distant voice in the back of my head sings softly. Tauntingly.

April showers bring May flowers....

"What did I do to deserve this..." I demand more quietly into my now numbing arms.

April showers bring May flowers....

"What did he do to deserve this?"

And finally, I lean against my stoop and my eyes begin to droop, heavy and swollen with tears and exhaustion. Sleep begins to overtake me, undisturbed by the hammering downpour.

April showers...

I begin to drift. Images of him fill my head, happy times. Loving times. Times that may never be again.

Bring...

I'll find him, I know it... I never said 'I love you.'

May...

*"Apwil Foos..."*

I almost think I hear her, if only I strain enough.

And after an unknown amount of time, I feel myself back in a bed. And I feel his presence... I can feel it.

*"Apwil Foos..."*

"Syd? Syd, are you all right? It's okay, Syd. I'm here...I love you..."

"...I love you too..."

...Flowers....

*END*

Lyrics and title~ "Field of Innocence"~ Evanescence
*******

A/N: told u it was weird. lol. sorry if it was confusing... I seriously don't know where it came from. lol. I wanna thank my beta Elektra sooo much... sorry I made u stay up, hun! Thanks so much though, you rock! lol.

kk um... review. Thanx!

~Dani