ESCAPE.
AN: WARNING WARNING WARNING! This is a total AU story. It is an ANGSTY story and it is from my Today is One of THOSE Days Universe. If you did not like that one shot than this one is probably not for you either. I had several people request that I continue this. The only way that I could figure out to do it was by doing an one shot every now and then between working on my other Finchel Fanfics. I had a guest reviewer tell me that this universe was unlikely and that I did badly by writing these characters this way. I was first really upset, then I thought about it; and that is exactly why I chose to write Today is One of Those Days because you can't tell by the way someone looks, how much money they may have or by how successful one may be. Part of this disease is learning how to cope with feeling this way more times than not. Part of this disease is the ability to walk pass someone and flash a smile at them as they walk by and they would never know that you are fighting a battle deep inside. So to you, dear guest I must say thank you; because of your review, I am able to honor my friends request to continue this universe. Life isn't always apple pies and rainbows nor is it always dark clouds and thunderstorms. I can't continue without thanking my amazing friends on Twitter. Our little pack is always there for each other. Stretched across thousands of miles, we know that we always have each others back. Flashbacks are in italics.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any characters from the show. I also do not own any music, person, place or thing that may pop up along the way. I do own this storyline. Now are you ready to ESCAPE?
Every place that she looks she sees his face. Why can she just let go of him? It's been almost three years now. Wow, she's already three years old. What's the date? December 17th. No wonder that cloud reminds her of his crooked smile. Today three years ago they were supposed to have become parents. Today, three years ago was their daughter, Shelby Christine's due date, as she looks down at the curly haired toddler, she wonders how he could have just up and left them both the way he did…
They were out shopping on December tenth, they both wanted to get all of their Christmas shopping done before their parents arrives on the plane from Lima this afternoon. She felt pretty good, well as well as someone who was thirty-nine weeks pregnant could feel. Truth be told, she felt liked a beach whale in the dead of winter in New York City. They have already proven their families wrong, she did make it on Broadway and he is a news anchor for the most watched local news station in Manhattan. They have just purchased the last gift, a gift for their little girl, a teddy bear dressed in a little pink polka dotted dress with her name embroidered across the front. She notices that it is snowing again. He tells her that it's perfectly fine. She has no reason not to trust him, he has always been a safe driver and since they found out about Shelby Christine if possible he is even more careful. He reminds her that he has to be more careful, as he helps her into the passenger seat; because not only does he have his beautiful wife in the car but she is carrying the most precious cargo in the world. He pulls out of the mall's parking lot after stopping at the stop sign. There isn't any cars heading their way from either direction, it is just a simple right turn. He has just pressed the accelerator when they feel it, the impact is so forceful it causes their car to skid across both lanes and only stops its spin only when the passenger side of the car came to rest against one of the trees that lines the parking lot. "Rachel! Talk to me?" he begs. He can see that she's breathing; he knows that she is alive. He searches for his cell phone to call 911 to alert them of the accident. He's in the midst of telling the dispatcher what had happen. The other car, the car that had struck into them because he was busy texting on his phone is currently stuck in the side of the bank; then he sees it, he screams for them to please hurry getting the ambulance there now. Something is horribly wrong with his wife, there's blood all over her seat, and this can't be happening what about Shelby? The ambulance arrives, they get him out of the car so they can get to her; immediately bringing in the jaws of life, they have to get her out of the car and that is the quickest way without having to move her too much, they don't know if she has a broken back, neck ,or leg. She is still unconscious she can't tell them where it hurts.
They rush Rachel and Finn to the hospital and the other driver is taken to the police station, not only was he texting when he slammed into the back of the Hudson's car, he also has a blood alcohol level of 0.9 and illegal drugs on the passenger seat. Rachel is rushed to surgery, Finn is on the phone with Kurt, telling him minimal details of the accident and asks his to please go to the airport and pick up their parents and Rachel's dads. Shelby, who lives in New York City, has actually been staying with Finn and Rachel during the last few weeks of her pregnancy. She has just joined a distraught Finn in the operation room waiting area. She takes the phone from him, gives Kurt all of the flight information and tells him that she has left a key to their penthouse apartment with the doorman if the parents wanted to go back to the Hudson's residence until they knew anything. Finn snaps. He yells he kicks chairs, he breaks down; how stupid was he, why hadn't he been paying attention to the rearview mirror. This is his fault; if he had been paying attention his beautiful wife and child wouldn't be in danger of losing their lives. Shelby continues to tell him, that this isn't his fault, he didn't do anything wrong. He slides down into the floor saying over and over again that is the problem. He wasn't looking out for his family. He failed at protecting them. He is a failure. "Mr. Hudson, come with me please. I have someone who would love to meet you." The nurse tells Finn as she leads him into Rachel's room where he sees his beautiful wife, wide awake holding the most beautiful dark haired little girl that he has ever laid his eyes on. They both were fine, but Finn, unfortunately wasn't. The damage to his spirit has already been done. All that he can think of as he holds his precious daughter in his arms is how he had failed them both; he couldn't risk losing them again. He couldn't protect them. She deserves a man who can protect them both.
Carole and Burt always kept in contact with Rachel, they only hear from Finn occasionally by phone. No one has seen him since he left the hospital the night that Shelby Christine was born and never returned to his family. Shelby sold her own condo and moved into Rachel's home with her. Rachel was fine after the accident, she only had a broken leg which meant that she needed help with little Shelby Christine.
She won't file for divorce; she isn't the one who left; he was. She hasn't been with a man in three years; she's a married woman…a married woman without a husband. She has received letters from him over the last three years, always asking about Shelby Christine but never putting a return address on the envelope. These envelopes always includes checks written out in large amounts and he always signs the handwritten letters the same way that he would sign his love letters to her in high school, 'I will love you always, Finn'. This always angered Rachel because he proclaims his love for her always yet he chose to leave her…her and their little girl, the little girl they both dreamt about since their wedding night. The little girl that they both agreed they were ready to have. Shelby Christine was everything but a mistake. They were ready; they could financially provide for her, they could be there emotionally for her. They really thought that they were prepared. Rachel is an amazing mother. She is always there with her daughter; when Finn left she had no choice but to give up her part of Broadway and going to work at NYADA teaching theater. With over half of their income just up and leaving; she no longer could afford the part time nanny that they had planned to have for a few hours since both she and Finn works nights in their perspective careers. She is so proud that she hasn't missed one special moment of her daughter's life; she was there for her first step, her first word and the first time that she had used the potty all by herself. She turns the corner and sees his face in the coffee shop window. She stops in her tracks; she isn't imagining his face. It is his face; his face in their special coffee shop. The place that she had told him that their lives were going to be forever changed the place where he'd shouted at the top of his lungs that he was going to be a daddy. She can't take her eyes off of his face. There he sits at the exact table where they had been sitting almost four years ago. He's aged more than the three years that he has been gone, but dear Barbra he is still so very handsome. He is sitting alone, she catches a flash from where the sun is beaming into the small coffee house, she can't believe what the sun rays uncover; Finn is still wearing the wedding band that she placed on his finger. After he left them so long ago; he sits there at the corner booth of their favorite coffee house on the day that would have been their daughter's birthday if the accident hadn't caused Rachel to go into early labor, wearing his wedding band that she had placed on his finger the week-end after their high school graduation seven years ago in Lima.
She looks down at Shelby Christine and whispers, "Come on baby girl, let's stop in here I see someone that I want you to meet."
Christy, as she is called simply tells her mommy okay.
Rachel doesn't know what she's doing; she has no idea what she is going to say. Oh there is plenty that she wants to say but not now; not in front of Christy. She storms toward the table after picking up the wobbly toddler; she stops at the edge of the table silently.
Without looking from his cup of coffee, "Rachel; I was hoping that I'd see you today. I didn't expect you to see me though."
"What does that even mean Finn?" she asks as she fights the tears; she doesn't want her daughter to see her cry.
It's when Christy speaks up that Finn finally looks at the beautiful pair, "Mommy, who that?"
Rachel, heartbroken looks between the toddler and the man that she resembles so very much, "Would you like to tell my daughter who you are?"
"Rachel, please don't not here. Please don't start this. Not now. I know I owe you…"
She doesn't give him the chance to finish his sentence. "Don't ask me anything; you lost that right when you walked out of my hospital room the night that my daughter was born. You for some reason chose to run away from this beautiful, healthy little girl."
"I was scared that I would fail you again." He tells her, he doesn't have any other reason; he wanted...he wants to be Christy's dad and he really wants to continue being Rachel's husband because if he's being honest, there would never be any other woman who could compare to her and he never felt the desire to be with another.
"You're right Finn, you did fail us; you failed us when you decided that you weren't good enough to be a part of our life. You didn't give me or her, the chance to make that decision on our own. I loved you more than anything in this world, I still do; I haven't been able to move on even though your own mother has encourage me to do so. And as far as Christy; she would have loved you over the moon." She sobs before leaning forward and staring into her 'husband's' eyes telling him that she is heading back to their home, it's time for Christy's nap and if he ever had any feelings for either one of them, he'd meet her there in thirty minutes. She doesn't give him a chance to answer, she turns and walks out the door as unceremonious and she had walked in it.
Thirty minutes later there is a faint knock on the door; when Rachel had returned home with Christy she had filled her mother in on their afternoon visit and had asked her to leave for a little while in case Finn did show up. Determined not to give in easily and she promises herself that he would not see her cry, she stands to answer the door.
As she swings the door back to allow him space to enter, she has to remind herself to breathe…and to keep her hands to herself. She so badly wants to reach out and grab him and never let go but she also knows that she's not able to forgive him for what he did to her and their daughter so quickly. She motions to the living room, which is still decorated as it was before Finn left. The only obvious difference is the pictures of their curly haired little girl that is scattered throughout the room.
He clears his throat as he sits on the sofa, the sofa that they had stood in the middle of the furniture store arguing over. She wanted it, he didn't because with the pink and purple stripes it was way too girly for him but, as always in the end she won the argument.
"Finn…Finn, where did you go?" Rachel asks as she stands in front of him with her arm extended with a large cup of coffee for him.
"Uhm, sorry, I was thinking about when we bought this furniture. A walk down memory lane, I guess. I've had a bunch of those since I've came back to the city." He answers with a hung head.
"I didn't know that you left the city. I mean I knew that you left the station, obviously when I turned on the news and saw someone else sitting in the anchor seat. I just figured that maybe you were working behind the scenes with another station." She shrugs. She really did try to find him after he disappeared. When she found out that Carole didn't even know where her son was that there was no use for her to try to find him. She had Googled his name several times hoping to find out that he was anchoring at another station somewhere, but nothing every came up past his job in New York.
"I went to work as a writer for a small station in Maryland. I didn't feel like I was good enough to anchor anymore…I was so lost. I didn't think that I deserved anything good in my life. Every fucking time that I think that my life is going perfect I always end up doing something to screw it up." He tells her, not even trying to hide the tears that are falling down his cheek. Damn it, he had promised himself that he wasn't going to cry.
She has to know. She's never been one who is afraid of asking the hard questions or hearing the harder answers, "Why did you come back to New York? I mean if you are ready to face your life again you should have just went back to Lima…with your family?" she replies as she holds back the tears that are threatening to come.
"Honestly; I wanted to be close to my family, this family. I wanted to be close to my wife and daughter. I know that you may never forgive me but I took it as a good sign that you haven't filed for divorce. Have you moved on?" He whispers as he looks into her shiny eyes. Her eyes would never lie. He gazes into her eyes waiting on her to answer his question.
"I haven't filed for divorce because I wasn't the one who left and I can't divorce someone who I still love. As far as moving on…you have to be joking, I have spent every free moment that I have had during the last three years wondering where in the Hell the love of my life was and why did he leave me and our daughter." She stage screams, she doesn't want to wake Christy. They have a bunch of things to talk about before their daughter awakes.
"Rach, I just felt like you and Christy deserved better, I mean I couldn't even prevent you from getting hurt in a fucking parking lot." He tells her as he pulls his much shorter hair and begins to pace the floor in front of her.
"That was an accident Finn, we were the victims; all three of us. We were hit from behind because some intoxicated; high young punk wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He was too busy trying to score some more cocaine for a party that night. The one thing that I don't understand and I probably never will as long as I live; why did you leave after finding out that Christy and I both were fine?" Rachel can't hold the tears back any longer. Every time that she looks into his eyes she still sees her future. They should be the parents of two children by now. That's one of the reasons why she couldn't move on; they had made so many spectacular plans for their life and she couldn't imagine doing any of those plans with anyone else. They were their plans. They wanted at least two children fairly close to age; living in the suburbs with her white picket fence.
She doesn't even realize that he is still speaking to her until he places his hand on her arm. She quickly jerks away from him, "How could you throw all of our dreams away?" she asks much more loudly than she had anticipated.
Before Finn is able to respond to her outburst they hear the sound of tiny feet patting down the stairs into the living room, "Why momma sad? Is this man being mean? He looks like the picture in the drawer." The rambunctious toddler spews.
Rachel kneels down in front of her tiny toddler and tells her that she's not sad and that she's sorry that she woke her up from her nap. Rachel hoped that the too smart child would forget her other questions.
No such luck, Christy climbs up on the pink and purple striped sofa and repeats the other two questions to her mother as her hazel eyes never leaves the matching eyes of the unfamiliar man. Just as Rachel is about to speak, still unsure what to say to Christy; Kurt walks into the penthouse and once he spots his brother, without thinking of the little ears that has been told her father's name; blurts out "Finn, you're home!"
Christy jumps back off of the sofa and races past her mommy and Uncle Kurt and grabs onto Finn's leg, "My daddy's Finn. I'm Shelby Christine Hudson, are you daddy?"
Finn doesn't want to upset Rachel; he hasn't had the chance to find out if she is going to give him the chance to be Christy's daddy. God he hopes as he wraps his fingers through her tiny brunette curls on the top of her head. He looks at Rachel, helpless he needs her to answer that question the way that she wants it answered. It will kill him but he will accept whatever decision that she makes. He gave up the right to any of those decisions the night that this beautiful little girl, one who is a perfect mix of both of her parents was born.
Rachel walks over to Finn and Christy and kneels down once again so that she is at Christy's eye level, she places her hand on Finn's leg to support herself and she feels that magical spark that she has always felt when they would touch. She wasn't sure what she was going to say as she was walking over to the duo but now she has never been more certain of anything in her life except maybe her love for the father and daughter that she finds herself holding onto. She clears her throat and asks her daughter to look at her. "Christy, baby this is your daddy. He is the man in the pictures in the drawer; what do you think about that?"
Christy doesn't say anything for a few minutes, which scares the shit out of Finn what if his own daughter; one of only three years old already hates him and doesn't want anything to do with him? Christy tilts her head up and looks up at Finn and then she looks back at her mom before answering the question, "My daddy came back for us. My daddy is home so mommy won't cry no more at bedtime." She squeezes her daddy's leg and looks back up to him before adding, "You're daddy to me, right?"
"Yes baby, I am your daddy and I would love for you to call me daddy but that's totally up to you." He tells his little girl while bending down to wrap his arms around her, when Rachel doesn't move away from him; he wraps one arm around her tiny body and pulls her in as close to his body as he could before continuing, "Mommy and I have a lot to talk about, okay? I'm not going to be staying here with you at night; but I am just around the corner in the hotel." A heartbroken Finn tells his daughter.
"Daddy you have shirts and pants in mommy's closet so why can't you just stay here so mommy doesn't cry anymore?" The pouting child asks.
Rachel decides it's time for her to come to the rescue, Christy already has the flair for dramatics so she instructs her daughter that maybe some day soon her daddy can come back and live in the house but not yet. She reminds her that her daddy has been gone for her whole life and that she and her daddy needs to have a whole lot of grown up talk before that can happen.
"Princess Christy, may I escort you to your castle at my house for the night?" Kurt asks, never taking his eyes off of his tender sister-in-law. He knows that the pair who are currently still wrapped in each others arms has a lot of things to discuss and he for one hopes that they can find themselves back to one another. The love between the two is as evident as it was the day before the accident.
Christy looks at her Uncle Kurt, "Is Uncle Blaine going to be my prince tonight?" Everyone in the room burst out laughing at the silly little girl before Kurt informs her that it is indeed Uncle Blaine's turn to be her prince. "Is it alright if I take her tonight, you know so you two can have some time to talk before Shelby comes home? Where is she anyway, she's always in the kitchen by now." Kurt quizzes.
"I asked her to run out for a bit because I had invited Finn here to talk. She should be back soon though; yes Christy Bell you may go spend the night with Uncle Kurt. Let us go get your overnight bag packed okay?" Rachel asks her daughter as she pries her off of Finn's leg. Christy releases his leg and promptly asks Finn if she would see him tomorrow. Rachel once again answers for Finn and tells her that she will get to see him again soon.
As soon as Rachel and Christy ascends the stairs; Kurt reaches up and smacks his brother on the top of his head before bellowing, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why in the Hell did you leave my best friend shattered to raise my precious niece alone?"
"Look Kurt, you wouldn't understand; I had my reasons…well I thought I had them. I couldn't let her down again like I did over Quinn in high school. I thought of the accident as a sign that our family was facing hard times if we stayed together, in my mind I left to protect Rachel and Christy. I don't expect you to understand my reasons; but I have been seeing a therapist over my problems." Finn tells his brother, speaking barely over a whisper.
"You're right I don't understand and I hope that one day I am able to but I'm not the one that you need to open up to. You need to tell her everything, Finn. Hold nothing back. Your family depends on it. I know that Rachel loves you just as much as she ever has and by the look in your eyes when you steal a glance at her, I know that your feelings haven't changed either." Kurt tells him matter-of-factly.
"I know, and I know that she loves me I just don't know if she can forgive me. And Christy, what about my beautiful angel, will she ever be able to love me or will I be the man named Finn who she has been told is her daddy that just popped back into her life after running away?" Finn sobs because he knows every time that he has snuck into New York to see her he has always felt that pull on his heart strings. There is no doubt, even so far away how strong that his love was for his little girl. He cried and ached each night that he couldn't kiss her good night. He would find himself shaking his bed from the sobs that he shed longing to feel his tiny wife back in his arms. The nightmares, heartache and the drinking is what finally encouraged him to seek help for this imaginative problem that he has. His therapist has told him that he has a chemical imbalance in his mind. He is currently taken medication to keep the chemical that causes him to fear the worse about every thing under control. The nightmares and terror has been stopped for several weeks. This is why he made the decision to come to New York to see his family. He didn't have a plan as to how he was going to speak to Rachel. He knew her morning routine, which was how he had been able to watch his girls from afar without ever being detected by Rachel. Yet, he didn't have any idea how to approach her; he wasn't really sure that he'd have the strength to approach her if given the chance. Finn, never a religious person is starting to believe that a higher power had forced Rachel to look into their special coffee shop this morning.
Finn shakes himself out of his stupor as he hears the beautiful sound of Shelby Christine laughing as she skips down the winding staircase to meet her Uncle Kurt at the bottom of the stairs.
"Are you ready my lady?" Kurt asks with a curtsey for his princess.
"No is daddy here?" Never waiting on an answer to her question she flies into the living room and jumps on the now sitting Finn's lap and wraps her tiny arms around his neck before placing the very first kiss that he has every received from his daughter on his lips. Finn hugs his daughter tightly in his arms as he promises her that she'd see him tomorrow sometime and for her to have fun with Uncle Blaine and Kurt.
With a sassy "I will" she pecks his lips one more time before jumping off of his lap and runs into the foyer where her uncle and mom had just witnessed the tender moment between Christy and her father. Rachel quickly wipes the happy tears from her eyes before placing a tender kiss on the top of the toddler's head and reminds her to be a good girl for Uncle Kurt and Blaine.
"I will mommy, I promised daddy I would." Christy calls over her shoulder as she heads to the massive front door of their penthouse only stopping to wait for Kurt to grab her overnight luggage.
Rachel and Finn can't help to laugh at their perky baby, the last thing they hear her telling Kurt is to be careful because her tiara and royal jewelry were packed in her luggage for security. As on cue, as soon as they heard the click of the door closing Rachel's cell phone starts ringing, "Hello?" she answers followed by "He is still here, Kurt took Christy so we can talk some more…no just worry about getting your own dinner…mom you can come home there is no need for you to get a hotel room…we will just go upstairs to talk…yes I'm positive that will be fine…love you mom; see you in a little bit." A red faced Rachel hangs up her cell phone before turning to Finn.
"Are you ready to get this conversation started?" Finn whispers, wishing to himself that he could take his beautiful wife upstairs to their bedroom and make love to her, but he knows that is not the right thing to do. They have several long conversations to have before they can get back to that place.
"Yes I am; we still have a while before mom gets here so let's go back into the living room. I love seeing you sitting on the girly furniture." She smiles before asking him if he'd like something else to drink before they get started.
He tells her that a glass of water is fine as he walks in the opposite direction to 'their' living room. He's running his monologue in his head as he waits for her to come back into the room. He has decided that he is going to tell her about his therapy and medication. He's scared as Hell that once she finds out that he is on medication to alter his brain that she will choose not to give him another change. His fear of her thinking that he is weak or that he won't be able to function in their family unit or be able to work to provide for her and Christy. He knows that these fears are irrational because he has worked the whole time that he has been away and Rachel isn't a shallow woman. She knows that he would do anything to protect her and their little girl.
Rachel returns to the living room with Finn's glass of water and a glass of wine for herself. "Are you sure that you wouldn't like something a little stronger? I have a few bottles of beer in the refrigerator that Blaine left over here last weekend."
"No thanks, I can't drink anymore." He simply states before thanking her for the glass of water that she is handing him. He knows what her next question is going to be without her even asking. So he raises his hand up preventing her from asking it, takes a drink of his water and he asks her to please have a seat.
Rachel sits down beside him on their girly sofa with a confused look on her face but she finds the strength to not utter a word as he has requested.
Finn clears his throat and places his glass on one of the coasters that they had purchased when they were on their honeymoon begins, "I can't drink any alcohol while I'm in treatment. I have been seeing a therapist as you already know; I would like to let you know why if that's alright?" Finn pauses long enough to give Rachel an opportunity to answer. After she makes it very clear that she wants to know everything about the last three years that he feels comfortable sharing.
Finn nods his head before continuing, "I was so lost without you and the baby and I would cry myself to sleep longing for both of you. The only way that I could sleep without having the nightmares or terror attacks in my mind was for me to drink as much as sixteen beers or a few shots of Tequila. This became a problem; it got to the point that I couldn't wait to get off work and head home to my tiny one bedroom apartment to start 'relaxing'. I knew that I needed help when I opened my refrigerator one night and all that was in it was beer and mixes for my freezer full of liquor."
"Oh Finn…" Rachel starts before being cut off by Finn once again raising his hand up in the stop position.
"Don't feel sorry for me; this mess…this disaster that has became my life, I created. The terror attacks that my mind would play on me when I closed my eyes scared me the most; if a few beers or a few shots of liquor would make them stop then I felt like it was worth it. I started seeing Dr. Allstone my psychologist and Carrie Ann, my therapist shortly after I noticed that my life revolved around alcohol. I didn't want to fall back into that, I didn't want to depend on a substance to live again." Finn tells her before taking a large gulp of his water.
Rachel takes the opportunity of Finn's mouth being full of water to ask the question that keeps replaying in her mind, "What where the terror attacks that you were having? I'm not sure that I've heard that term before this way. To me terror attacks are what happens when a large group of people are attacked for having different beliefs." She asks puzzled.
Finn sits silently thinking about the easiest way to explain to Rachel what 'terror attacks' meant to him, he carefully chose his words because he certainly doesn't want to upset her, "Carrie told me that for people like me terror attacks from their own mind can come in different forms but usually they are all triggered by at least one of two emotions, fear and anger. In my case I suffered with both triggers. Fear, because I had failed you and knew I would continue to fail you which was how I was able to convince myself that my leaving you was the best option. I also had major anger issues with myself because I tucked my tail and ran. I had a hard time believing that I was both fearful and angry since my 'anger' stemmed by my leaving you which I did out of fear of not being able to protect you and give you two the things that you so much deserved. In my mind, at the time I thought that you and Christy deserved a stronger man than me."
"See that is where I am so confused Finn, you had never let me down and you did protect and provide a wonderful life for me. Finn up until that night that you walked away from our family I had never been disappointed in you." Rachel says making eye contact with her eyes full of tears.
"Rachel, my mind plays tricks on me. It always has; I don't mean to bring up painful memories from our past but I think this will help you understand more of this disease that I have. Remember in our sophomore year, you and I had been dating for several months. Quinn had just come back to school from having Beth and she and Puck had broken up because he had wanted them to keep her?"
"I remember you breaking my heart to be back with her, yes." Rachel answers bitterly.
"Please listen to what I have to say. Anyway, after less than two days I realized that I had made a huge mistake and ended things with her, remember? Do you remember how you wouldn't be mine again instead you started to date that punk Jesse until he hurt you and then you started dating Puck. Remember how I kept begging you to come back to me? Those four months killed me. I wanted; no I needed you back with me." Finn pauses to take another sip of his water, one of the many manageable side effects of his medication.
"Finn, I am still confused what does that have to do with us now? How does that tie in to this situation or how you are feeling now? Please don't tell me that you having feelings for someone else when you left?" She panics as she realizes that he may have thought that he was in love with someone else while she had been carrying his child.
"Oh Hell no, I didn't have feelings for Quinn then either; she kept coming up to me telling me how much she loved me and how the school expected us to be together since I was the quarterback and she was the head cheerio again. I figured with how competitive you were in Glee and everything else that you ever were involved with that you would understand but the whole school wouldn't understand how I could let them down." His embarrassment is totally all over his face.
"Again, what does any of that have to do with you leaving Shelby Christine and me after she was born?" Rachel asks trying to keep the anger out of her voice. His mentioning of that horrible time in high school was not helping with his case at all.
"Part of my disease is the fear of letting people down; I had already let you down because I couldn't prevent that accident. Then when you had to deliver her early; it only made my fear that much stronger. I knew that you both were alright, but I was so scared that I would fail again. I spent an hour after she was born sitting in the lobby just wondering how long it would take before I dropped her. Then the anger set in; I was angry at the driver who did this to our family but I found myself angrier at myself. We had no business out in that weather that day. We should have been sitting inside our warm home decorating her nursery. We still had plenty of time to go buy those damn present. It was my responsibility to tell you that we weren't going while snow was being forecasted." He places his head in his hands as he begins to cry.
Rachel begins to understand that Finn doesn't have the ability to control the feelings that he has. He truly felt that he was doing both her and Christy a favor by leaving them. She knows that he has so much more to say and she can sense the fear that he has of telling her everything. She lightly places her hand on his right knee and whispers for him to continue.
He takes another long sip of his water before continuing, "Once Carrie convinces me that the fear is a very large and nature part of my condition; I find myself pissed off. I was pissed off at the world, my family; yeah I even went two months without talking to mom but most of all I was so fucking pissed at myself because I couldn't control this fear and in my heart all that I wanted was to be home with you and our baby. When I would think about the cowardly way that I left you and her I would hate myself even more."
"But your therapist, Carrie; is it? She told you that you were unable to control that on your own." Rachel tells him, she never removes her hand from his thigh.
"She did, she helped me believe that but since that was the case then I gave up on our life for fucking nothing. I wasted three years of my time with our daughter for absolutely nothing." Finn tells her while he wipes the tears from his eyes.
"But you are here now. You're back in New York; you've met your daughter. Finn you are home now and better." Rachel tries to be optimistic. She really does hope that he is better. She has read a lot of literature on different types of depression and bipolar disorders; she knows with the proper care and medication that most people affected by it can maintain a normal life. She needs her husband and Christy needs her dad. She takes a deep breath before asking him the one question that she fears the most to ask, "Finn, will you come home? Let's find you a psychiatrist and therapist here in New York and maybe we can schedule some family sessions; they would help Christy and I understand your disease better." She smiles through her teary eyes.
"You want me to move back here? Rach, you don't even know this me. I've changed…" he's cut off by Rachel placing her lips over his and taking him into her arms. Once she finally let's go of him, she glances into his eyes before telling him that he hasn't change at all. The man that he sees right now is the same man that she fell in love with back in high school. He is the same man that she so desperately wanted more than to carry his children. He is the very same man from her past, present and future. She knows that they have a battle to fight, but she also knows that she will fight this battle with him until the very end. "So what do you say? Are you going to come home and share your life with us again?" She can't help to smile when she sees that gorgeous crooked smile that she has missed so much creep up on his face.
TWO YEARS LATER
"Daddy; daddy are they here?" The rowdy kindergartner asks as she wraps her tiny arms around his neck when he bends down to catch her.
Pretending that he has no idea who his princess is talking about, he gives her a look of confusion before grabbing her hand to escort her to their awaiting car. He straps the antsy five years old into her booster seat, still not mentioning a world that would answer her question. He closes her rear passenger door before walking around the front of the car to climb into the driver's seat.
Shelby Christine has ever once of dramatic flare of her mother, one if not both parents have already been summons to the school on more than one occasion in regards to Christy's antics; and right now it's her father who is about two seconds is going to catch the 'Berry Wrath' has it has been dubbed in the Hudson's new home out in the suburbs just as Rachel has always wanted. She is ready to explode on her dad until she notices where he is pulling the car in to park, there is only one reason that they would be stopping here instead of going straight home. Christy knows it, they are here. She begins jumping up and down in her booster seat asking her daddy to please hurry because she just must see them now. It never dawned on her that inside the tall white building, the waiting room could still be filled with relatives still waiting on the their arrival. But, would have daddy picked her up from school is the very special people that they were waiting on hasn't arrived yet. Christy is so lost in her little head she doesn't realize until she hears the ding of the elevator that she and her daddy have reached their destination.
Finn places his finger over his mouth as a reminder that they both need to be extra quiet in this building. She nods her head in understanding as she reaches out for his large hand and slowly begins walking to the large room that they had just toured a few days ago.
Christy walks into the large waiting area and sees her grandpa Berrys, Nana Carole, Paw Paw Burt, Uncle Kurt and Blaine and a sleuth of other aunts and uncles from Lima. She runs to her favorite uncle of them all, Puck and jumps into his lap. She totally bypasses all of her grandparents and 'real' uncles to get to him. As her tiny bottom touches his lap, she realizes that her Nana Shelby isn't in the room; that can't be right because Nana Shelby even moved to their new house out of the city so she could help with Christy while Rachel and Finn still continued to work in the city.
"Where's Nana Shelby?" She asks the room full of family. Just as her Grandpa Leroy is about to give away the secret, Shelby walks back into the waiting room to see her favorite little girl.
"How was school today little bug?" Shelby asks as she lifts Christy off of Puck's lap.
"It took extra long today, Nana I still don't understand why I have to go. What does math have to do with being a Broadway star." She asks as she shakes her head, really why do you need to know that two plus two equals four when you learn how to count the time to music so differently?
"Because baby girl, you need to be able to balance your checkbook when you get rich and famous so you can keep an eye on your money and not have to worry about anyone taking it." Her Aunt Tana tells her to a room full of laughs.
The laughs die down before Finn looks at his precious first born; he bends down to her eye level before stating, "Well Tinkerbell, would you like to go see mommy and your new brothers?"
Christy begins jumping up and down, clapping her hands together every time her feet hit the floor, she knew it; they are here. "Yes, yes please daddy take me to see my new brothers… oh and mommy too." She answers embarrassed when the family starts to laugh once more.
Finn chuckles as he lifts his beautiful little girl up and tells the rest of the room that they won't be gone long. He takes long slow strides down to the private room at the end of the hall. He lightly taps on the door before walking into the room to see the most beautiful image that he has every experienced in his life; laying in her bed, his beautiful wife has a baby in each arm and that perfect Rachel Berry smile spread across her face.
"Hi there big sister; are you ready to meet you baby brothers?" Rachel asks as she watches her daughter slowly creep closer to the side of the bed. Christy only nods her head when she finally reaches her destination of the side of the bed that her mommy has a free arm since Finn has taken one of the babies out of her arms so Christy can climb up in bed with Rachel. Rachel tells Christy to climb on up as she tenderly slides over to allow her daughter more room. When Christy settles, Rachel raises the baby that she is holding in the opposite arm where Christy can see him, "This is Michael Jacob Hudson; MJ. Can you say hi to MJ, I mean you did pick out his name after all?"
Christy slowly takes one of MJ's hands and he immediately wraps his hand around her finger before she whispers hello to her baby brother. The baby brother whose name she picked out, that's an honor for five years old. Rachel and Finn told her that it was because she was going to be an awesome big sister.
As Christy coos and gently explores MJ's little arms and legs and counts his fingers and toes; Finn walks over next to the side of the bed that Christy is laying on with the other bundle of joy. He waits until Christy is finished checking out her first brother before introducing her to MJ's identical twin Christopher Wayne, who would be called CW. Rachel had picked out the second twins name after Finn had flat out vetoed naming one of them Finn Christopher Hudson Jr. He said that he wanted his children to have their own identity. Rachel respected his wishes and asked about naming one of them Christopher Wayne, after both Finn and Puck; who since Finn has came back home two years ago has relocated his family, Quinn, Beth and Finn to New York to help with Finn's treatments. The Puckerman family had even purchased an apartment in the same building that the Hudson's penthouse was in. Now they are living in a home that is in the very back of the lot that Finn and Rachel's new home sits.
Their support team has been wonderful. Both feel very fortunate to have them in their lives. Neither are sure that they would have made it the last two years without Shelby, Puck or even Quinn. The other grandparents and 'aunts and uncles' all came to New York as often as they could. Kurt and Blaine, who maintained their residence in New York City was sitting around the Hudson's massive dining room table every Sunday afternoon. Finn knows that he would most likely would have fallen into that deep hole again if he hadn't came back home to the love of his life. Thanks to Rachel's love, their supportive family and friends, massive amounts of therapy; both alone and with his family with his medication Finn finally feels like he is definitely living a normal life. Much more than normal, he is back at the same New York television station as the eleven o'clock anchor; his beautiful wife had just won a Tony award for her role in "West Side Story" as Maria before leaving for maternity leave. He has the best inner circle that anyone could ever ask for. He is for the very first time in his life truly happy because he has lost the fear of failure; he has learned that it is okay to make a mistake. Once he was able to come to grasp with that all of the puzzle pieces finally fell into place. He no longer felt the need to become angry because he wasn't perfect; he learned that it was okay to have a bad day. It did take him a little longer to finally start telling Rachel when he was having a day where he needed time alone; or felt like breaking down, he is a man after all but when he realized that Rachel wouldn't judge him; instead she would escort him back up to their massive room and tell him to take it easy for the day since he never had to be at the station before eight o'clock at night. She'd give him his medicine with his trusty glass of water and promise to be right downstairs if he needed anything. When Rachel started rehearsals for her play, he learned very quickly that Shelby was more than happy to step in Rachel's shoes to help him feel better. Finn knows that this fight is one that he will always have to fight; he has already conquered many battles. There are many more that he knows that he will encounter with his three beautiful children. As he looks at his completed family, he feels at peace because he knows with their support that even when he hits the bumps in the road that he will make it through them; because with the crowd in the waiting room who jumped on a commercial flight at four o'clock in the morning so they could be here for the two thirty delivery of these beautiful miracles and this tiny family sitting on this hospital bed that there isn't a battle that he can't win.
AN: Just a reminder that this is part of the Today is One of Those Days Universe. I hope that you enjoyed this installment. I wanted to show that depression and anxiety can affect both men and women. I am in no way a doctor. I have experienced other people (or myself) experience some of these behaviors. As I stated before I had no intention of visiting this universe again after a particular hurtful review but, I was asked by several people to please continue writing these. I don't know how often I will write for this universe. It can sometimes be hard for me to tap into these feelings but, when I do these one shots are definitely for my friends on twitter who have asked me to continue. Since I didn't plan on writing anymore for the TiOoTD universe anymore I completed that story. So I am going to start this under another name: Living through Those Days. As always reviews are loved. Thanks, Mel