Hello! Welcome to another strange story of mine. I actually know what's going to happen in this one, sort of. Forgive the short chapters. I love this story to bits, so all comments are welcome. Positives will be welcomed, flames will roast my marshmallows quite nicely, thank you, and booze is always appreciated.
Disclaimer: All I own is the idea. Everything else is Fox's. Some of the announcements were real ones, some I made up. I'll leave it to you to figure out which ones.
Chapter 1 (They're short chapters, mind.)
"Attention, all personnel. Due to conditions beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served."
"You call this lunch?" Hawkeye muttered under his breath, as he and the others lined up for their serving of 'food.' Igor had really outdone himself; that day's meal had consisted of a strange, brown slab on a plate no one could quite identify and a helping of 'mashed potatoes.' Everyone agreed that it was universally "disgusting," even Frank and Margaret, who usually could find no fault with the Army.
"Hey, Igor!"
Igor looked up, searching for the source of the voice.
"What the hell is this stuff?"
Igor couldn't identify who was shouting at him or what the food was. "I don't know. It's what I'm given by the Army. Ask them." He continued spooning up serves of "potatoes" and was greeted by boos from the crowd.
Trapper and Hawkeye found a space and sat down. Trapper immediately began picking at the brown slab.
"Any idea what it is, Trapper?" asked Hawkeye as he took a bite.
Trapper stared at it from all angles, then shook his head. "Nope. I've got no idea. How does it taste?"
"Like unidentifiable brown slab. What about yours?" he asked, as Trapper piled some 'mashed potato' onto his slab, then onto his fork.
"Tastes like crap," Trapper offered, through a mouthful of slab and 'potato.' "I wish we could get sauce or flavouring, something to make it remotely taste like something."
"That would be an excellent idea," agreed Hawkeye.
They continued eating in silence, save for the odd grimace at the 'taste,' until their plates were clean.
Radar suddenly shouted "Choppers!" and ran out the door. Everyone knew what was coming next.
"Attention all personnel! Incoming wounded! Both shifts to O.R. on the double! Incoming wounded!"
By the time the announcement had finished, the mess tent all but was empty.
It was 5pm. The incoming wounded had all been taken care of. It had actually been a good day for the 4077th, because they lost no patients that day and everything was running smoothly. There had even been time for a throw of the football in the compound. Trapper and Hawkeye decided to have a few "celebratory martinis."
"What are we celebrating, exactly?" asked Trapper, who for a man only on his second drink sounded remarkably like a man on his sixth.
"We," began an already-stonkered Hawkeye, "are celebrating a Good Day. No one died, Klinger wore a funny dress and Frank wasn't an arsehole."
"I'll drink to that," declared Trapper. The two clinked glasses and drained their martinis in one gulp.
After a pause, Hawkeye regained his senses enough to ask a question. "Hey, Trap. Do you know where Frank is?"
"Who cares where he is? He's probably at Margaret's. Let's have another drink."
"All right then."
Hawkeye managed to get up and pour himself and Trapper another drink. The two continued happily drinking away, without a care in the world.
There we go. It's nothing spectacular as we start out, but I promise, things will start to happen in future chapters! (It'd be a boring story if they didn't… :D) It's sort of like the first Harry Potter book, starts out crap but gets better… Please read and review! Don't forget, you gotta write 'em to get 'em.