Final Fantasy VII:
Reflection
Author's Notes: Just something I wrote quickly. It's about Reno from Final Fantasy VII
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Reno, but you already knew that, right?
I run a hand through my long red hair. I just came back from the bars. I'm so drunk I can barely walk straight, and I've gotta start looking for a place tomorrow. Damned Avalanche destroyed everything in my life. I'm living in a freaking hotel room. Even now they won't fade from my memory. They're gonna start the new government. Damn them. They get what they want, I'm out on the streets.
I have nothing to live for. I should just end it. I glance around the streets before me. Junon isn't any better than Midgar. It smells of liquor and cigarette smoke. Of course I'm contributing to it. Hell, it doesn't mean a damn to me. I grew up in the slums of Midgar.
Sometimes, you know, I think I'm going to break down. Sometimes I think if I just pulled that trigger, I'd be happy. At least then I wouldn't remember every freaking thing that tortures me. Or would I? Would I spend eternity in Hell reliving my damned past? Most likely. Rude and Elena say they're worried about what they're going to do now. I'm not though. I know I'll probably be dead soon. I mean, I wake up every damned morning and I remember all the things I'm actually ashamed of, and I remember what a bastard I am. I remember what I've done. Sometimes I think I just can't drag my sorry ass out of bed, and other times I actually look forward to the day. I haven't had one of those in a while.
Tseng... He was like a father to me. He kicked my ass back in line everytime I let my mouth run off, and he listened to my problems. He was like the freaking father I never had. Avalanche let him die. They could've given him a potion, cast cure. Anything. But, no, they let him die. Damn them!
I look out across the road ahead of me. My legs feel so tired, and my eyes are even more so. This emptiness I feel is getting worse everyday. I remember feeling this way after my first girlfriend killed herself. It was all my uncle's fault. The bastard. He took all my happiness away. He suceeded in destroying me. I hope he's happy now. I don't want anybody, I don't want anything. I just want to crawl under a rock and die. Is that so bad? Is it?
I laugh, an empty laugh as I light a cigarette. My head's spinning, my eyes burn with sleep. I just want sleep. I'm so tired... So tired. I want death. At least in death I will be at peace. Maybe. I wouldn't have to wake up each morning with this emptiness, nor would I have to wake up every morning with the world's worst hangover. Perhaps I should do it tonight. Elena and Rude wouldn't miss me much. They have each other anyway.
I gently fondle the cool metal of my gun. I always carry a gun in case something happens to my Electro-Mag rod. It's always loaded. I've thought of it so many times. It would be so simple just to pull the trigger. So simple. I feel my throat tighten with fear at the thoughts I am thinking. I'm a coward. Nothing but some damned drunkard.
I fall to my knees, and thank the Gods that I'm in a deserted part of town. Damn everybody. Damn any living thing. I don't care anymore. Emotions are gone, and I couldn't give a damn what happens to the Planet. If Mako energy destroyed it, if Meteor destroyed it... It just doesn't matter to me. If every damned thing on the Planet was destroyed, then I'd be dead and I would be happy. I gently pull the gun from my belt. It is time to end it. Now. No more pain, no more emptiness. Just a blissful sleep. I place the cold metal in my mouth and I close my eyes. I fiddle with it a little, unlocking the safety and preparing for the pain. My heart is beating so fast, fear is creeping in fast, but something unexpected happened. Water. Water is dripping down my face. Curious, I drop the gun and slowly move my hand to my face. I wipe the liquid away and look at the fresh droplets on my finger tips. Tears. I... I'm crying.
I have done this whole thing before, I have even begun to pull the trigger, but never before have I cried. I lower my tired eyes to the ground. I'm still crying, and I can't stop. Is it the booze? Yes, it is the booze. It must be, for a cold murderer doesn't cry. I feel it coming on stronger, even though I'm trying everything in my power to stop. Soon, sobs are making my entire body shake, and I lower my head into my hands. Why can't I stop? Why won't the pain ever stop? Why won't this emptiness just leave me? Why can't I be just like everyone else? It isn't fair! Damn fate! Damn everything... Just damn it all. I'm sick of living like this.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, I will kill myself. I just know it. I don't want to do it, but I will just to stop this agonizing pain. It is worse than any bullet wound. It is that nagging pain constantly tugging at your heart, reminding you what you are. What you can do. It is that pain that's constantly telling you how worthless you really are, and how nobody cares if you live or you die. It is that nagging pain that causes so many to take their lives. I don't want to be one of those people, but I am not that strong. I'm not, and I can't be. Now I'm on the ground, shaking uncontrollably with tears. I feel so much fear, it's contributing to my shaking. It's driving me insane. Gods, stop the pain. "Somebody help me... Please... Have mercy," I whisper in a forced, choked voice. I just can't go on. But I will, just as I always do. Because I don't have the balls to pull that damned trigger.
As my tears subside, I slowly push myself up from the filthy ground, and rest my head in my hands. I silently pray for a truck or car to come rushing by, not seeing me, and running me over. But, of course, that won't happen. Nothing ever comes through here. I know deep in my soul that I have no fight left in me, and I know Fate is laughing at me, and casting her cruel glare at me. She knows I've lost and she's won. I slowly push myself up and begin walking away. I will go back to the inn and I will go to sleep, and I will wake up. I will pretend nothing's wrong, and no one will ever know my dark secrets. No one shall ever know the real me. No one will ever know my pain.
I arrive finally at the inn after about ten minutes. I step inside and walk to my room, I pull my key out of my pocket and open the door. Rude and Elena glance up as I step in and begin removing unecessary clothing. "Hey, Reno, where have you been? Out drinking again? Or with some little whore?" Elena asked, just tempting me to insult her.
"What do you care, Elena? If I was out with 'some little whore' as you put it, would you be jealous?" I smirked toward the blonde as she cast a dirty glare toward me.
"Jerk-off," She growled as she returned to reading her magazine. I smirk again. "No thanks... Unless, of course, you wanna join in." I laugh as Elena blushes and throws her magazine at me. I quickly knock it away and walk into the bathroom where I look at my scarred face in the mirror and frown. My face was still stained from the tears, and my eyes were red and slightly swollen. Had they noticed? It didn't matter, if they ask I'll just say I got into some fight and the guy threw something in my eyes or something. I wash my face and quickly exit the bathroom and collapse on the bed, and prepare myself for the same dull pain and emptiness I always feel when I awaken in the morning. I also prepare myself for what I may do to escape the pain. Will it be liquor, women, or my pistol?
~The End~
Reflection
Author's Notes: Just something I wrote quickly. It's about Reno from Final Fantasy VII
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Reno, but you already knew that, right?
I run a hand through my long red hair. I just came back from the bars. I'm so drunk I can barely walk straight, and I've gotta start looking for a place tomorrow. Damned Avalanche destroyed everything in my life. I'm living in a freaking hotel room. Even now they won't fade from my memory. They're gonna start the new government. Damn them. They get what they want, I'm out on the streets.
I have nothing to live for. I should just end it. I glance around the streets before me. Junon isn't any better than Midgar. It smells of liquor and cigarette smoke. Of course I'm contributing to it. Hell, it doesn't mean a damn to me. I grew up in the slums of Midgar.
Sometimes, you know, I think I'm going to break down. Sometimes I think if I just pulled that trigger, I'd be happy. At least then I wouldn't remember every freaking thing that tortures me. Or would I? Would I spend eternity in Hell reliving my damned past? Most likely. Rude and Elena say they're worried about what they're going to do now. I'm not though. I know I'll probably be dead soon. I mean, I wake up every damned morning and I remember all the things I'm actually ashamed of, and I remember what a bastard I am. I remember what I've done. Sometimes I think I just can't drag my sorry ass out of bed, and other times I actually look forward to the day. I haven't had one of those in a while.
Tseng... He was like a father to me. He kicked my ass back in line everytime I let my mouth run off, and he listened to my problems. He was like the freaking father I never had. Avalanche let him die. They could've given him a potion, cast cure. Anything. But, no, they let him die. Damn them!
I look out across the road ahead of me. My legs feel so tired, and my eyes are even more so. This emptiness I feel is getting worse everyday. I remember feeling this way after my first girlfriend killed herself. It was all my uncle's fault. The bastard. He took all my happiness away. He suceeded in destroying me. I hope he's happy now. I don't want anybody, I don't want anything. I just want to crawl under a rock and die. Is that so bad? Is it?
I laugh, an empty laugh as I light a cigarette. My head's spinning, my eyes burn with sleep. I just want sleep. I'm so tired... So tired. I want death. At least in death I will be at peace. Maybe. I wouldn't have to wake up each morning with this emptiness, nor would I have to wake up every morning with the world's worst hangover. Perhaps I should do it tonight. Elena and Rude wouldn't miss me much. They have each other anyway.
I gently fondle the cool metal of my gun. I always carry a gun in case something happens to my Electro-Mag rod. It's always loaded. I've thought of it so many times. It would be so simple just to pull the trigger. So simple. I feel my throat tighten with fear at the thoughts I am thinking. I'm a coward. Nothing but some damned drunkard.
I fall to my knees, and thank the Gods that I'm in a deserted part of town. Damn everybody. Damn any living thing. I don't care anymore. Emotions are gone, and I couldn't give a damn what happens to the Planet. If Mako energy destroyed it, if Meteor destroyed it... It just doesn't matter to me. If every damned thing on the Planet was destroyed, then I'd be dead and I would be happy. I gently pull the gun from my belt. It is time to end it. Now. No more pain, no more emptiness. Just a blissful sleep. I place the cold metal in my mouth and I close my eyes. I fiddle with it a little, unlocking the safety and preparing for the pain. My heart is beating so fast, fear is creeping in fast, but something unexpected happened. Water. Water is dripping down my face. Curious, I drop the gun and slowly move my hand to my face. I wipe the liquid away and look at the fresh droplets on my finger tips. Tears. I... I'm crying.
I have done this whole thing before, I have even begun to pull the trigger, but never before have I cried. I lower my tired eyes to the ground. I'm still crying, and I can't stop. Is it the booze? Yes, it is the booze. It must be, for a cold murderer doesn't cry. I feel it coming on stronger, even though I'm trying everything in my power to stop. Soon, sobs are making my entire body shake, and I lower my head into my hands. Why can't I stop? Why won't the pain ever stop? Why won't this emptiness just leave me? Why can't I be just like everyone else? It isn't fair! Damn fate! Damn everything... Just damn it all. I'm sick of living like this.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, I will kill myself. I just know it. I don't want to do it, but I will just to stop this agonizing pain. It is worse than any bullet wound. It is that nagging pain constantly tugging at your heart, reminding you what you are. What you can do. It is that pain that's constantly telling you how worthless you really are, and how nobody cares if you live or you die. It is that nagging pain that causes so many to take their lives. I don't want to be one of those people, but I am not that strong. I'm not, and I can't be. Now I'm on the ground, shaking uncontrollably with tears. I feel so much fear, it's contributing to my shaking. It's driving me insane. Gods, stop the pain. "Somebody help me... Please... Have mercy," I whisper in a forced, choked voice. I just can't go on. But I will, just as I always do. Because I don't have the balls to pull that damned trigger.
As my tears subside, I slowly push myself up from the filthy ground, and rest my head in my hands. I silently pray for a truck or car to come rushing by, not seeing me, and running me over. But, of course, that won't happen. Nothing ever comes through here. I know deep in my soul that I have no fight left in me, and I know Fate is laughing at me, and casting her cruel glare at me. She knows I've lost and she's won. I slowly push myself up and begin walking away. I will go back to the inn and I will go to sleep, and I will wake up. I will pretend nothing's wrong, and no one will ever know my dark secrets. No one shall ever know the real me. No one will ever know my pain.
I arrive finally at the inn after about ten minutes. I step inside and walk to my room, I pull my key out of my pocket and open the door. Rude and Elena glance up as I step in and begin removing unecessary clothing. "Hey, Reno, where have you been? Out drinking again? Or with some little whore?" Elena asked, just tempting me to insult her.
"What do you care, Elena? If I was out with 'some little whore' as you put it, would you be jealous?" I smirked toward the blonde as she cast a dirty glare toward me.
"Jerk-off," She growled as she returned to reading her magazine. I smirk again. "No thanks... Unless, of course, you wanna join in." I laugh as Elena blushes and throws her magazine at me. I quickly knock it away and walk into the bathroom where I look at my scarred face in the mirror and frown. My face was still stained from the tears, and my eyes were red and slightly swollen. Had they noticed? It didn't matter, if they ask I'll just say I got into some fight and the guy threw something in my eyes or something. I wash my face and quickly exit the bathroom and collapse on the bed, and prepare myself for the same dull pain and emptiness I always feel when I awaken in the morning. I also prepare myself for what I may do to escape the pain. Will it be liquor, women, or my pistol?
~The End~