Almost a love song
Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin. I wish!
Author's note: So, first time posting- in any fandom- and would really appreciate feedback!
Loneliness is my only friend I wish that I could bring you back to me As the wind keeps gently sighing,
Faithful and constant to the end
when I look back at happiness
I will remember you…
We were almost a love song, hey...
you're my missing melody…
I wish my words could move your heart to see-
That you belong here next to me…
With every breath your name I'm crying…
-Almost a love song
Ricky Martin
This is what dying feels like, you think, as you watch a golden head rest against a dark head. You clench your fists, too tired, too jaded to even feel the familiar spark of angerjealousywant that looking at them always brings thrumming to the surface. You don't think you can do this anymore. The pain is too much to bear.
You continue to look at them- the so-in-fucking-love couple- and you're suddenly forced to push your magic back inside, back to where it can never harm the one person it was always supposed to protect.
Arthur.
Even the name causes shivers to run down your spine. You watch (in a masochist way), hidden behind a pillar (always hidden, always unnoticed) as Arthur raises his hand to brush the dark curls away from Gwen's forehead. You close your eyes, not wanting to see anymore, as Arthur leans in- but the image is burned behind your eyelids and plays out in vivid Technicolor anyway.
For a moment, you hate them. Both of them, supposed to be your best friends (but ironically, neither ever notices the pain behind your eyes, or your forced smiles). What good friends they were!
You swallow audibly, and when you open your eyes, Gwaine is there beside you, looking at you with such pity in his eyes that you turn away, curling into yourself instinctively, not wanting to see such a look directed towards you.
"Merlin," he whispers gently, "I'm sorry".
You choke out a laugh, or try to at least. You know you don't fool anyone as the sound issued from your mouth was the farthest thing from a laugh.
"Me too," you whisper, leaning your forehead against the cool stone of the pillar, eyes tracing every line of the King's form as he dances with his new Queen, never knowing his man-servant would give anything, anything to be in her place. "Me too," you whisper again, throat constricting tightly, and don't say anything else. Gwaine puts his hand on your shoulder in a comforting gesture, but even that makes the reality more real and a little more part of you dies inside.
"Let's go," he says then, gently tugging, and you let him pull you away- away from the most painful night of your miserable life. You leave Arthur behind (but know that, fuckinggoddamn destiny will never let that become true.)