Is That a Tentacle Or Are You Happy to See Me?
By: Me
Pairings: Puck/Finn friendship, Brittana, miscellaneous
Summary: Before they knew it, they'd cleaned every pool in Allen County. And fucked them all up.
Author's Note: There are probably so many things I should've written instead of this. It's definitely cracky so... be warned.
If anyone were to ask, it was totally Finn's fault they were in this predicament. Not Puck's. Puck was not to blame. At all. Sure, it was his idea to go into business together, but Finn managed to screw everything up just by being… well, Finn. Which wasn't Puck's fault. Repeat: Not. Puck's. Fault.
It all started when Puck offered his best bro the chance of a lifetime and after Finn stopped pussyfooting around, their pool cleaning service skyrocketed. By Lima standards, at least. They didn't have enough money to move to California quite yet, so Puck spent most of his free time with Beth.
Before they knew it, though, they'd cleaned every pool in Allen County.
And fucked them all up.
Maybe Puck wasn't entirely clear when he explained pH levels. Maybe Finn was only half-listening. Anyway, somewhere down the line, something went awry.
But it wasn't all bad.
At first Puck thought it was kind of cool that Pony, the twerpy kid whose job it was to clean the bottom of the pools, could hold his breath underwater for thirty minutes at a time. It got a little weirder when his toes and fingers started to web, but whatever. It just made the job more efficient.
The next day, after the duo refilled the Fabrays' hot tub, a positively livid Quinn called Puck about her new set of wings.
"Maybe Jesus Joe's the key to your salvation," Puck told her. "As for me, I'm not really sold on the idea."
"He can't see because his dreadlocks have been replaced with tentacles, you idiot!" Quinn hissed before hanging up the phone.
And Puck certainly doesn't remember putting anything in Sandy Ryerson's koi pond that would cause the fish to grow to twelve times the normal size. Finn was supposed to feed them while Sandy was on vacation, but apparently the dude couldn't even do that right. Which, for the record, was not Puck's fault.
And if Puck thought regular Santana was scary, he certainly didn't want to mess with the new, mutated Santana. The one who could literally spit fire.
Brittany's ability to communicate with animals telepathically did come in handy when Tickles the Clown's balloon creatures came to life, but otherwise, the rest of New Directions ended up with relatively lame powers.
As for Puck, a quick dip gave him the greatest gift he could ever want: the ability to teleport wherever his daughter was.
And that was nobody's fault at all.