Mr Midnight, a jag fanfic

Mr. Midnight

Spoilers: It's after Paraguay and Harm never joined the CIA, but is nevertheless not in the Navy. References to Goodbyes and Adrift Part II. Read to find out more.

Authors Notes: This story is based on the song by Garth Brooks 'Mr. Midnight'. If you haven't heard it, its a good song. Tell me what you think of the story. I am still not completely pleased with the end result.

Washington DC
Monday
0001 EST

"Good evening DC. This is Mr. Midnight signing in." His voice echoed through the empty studio. The overhead lights were dim and he sat alone in front of the single microphone. The atmosphere completely set the mood for the job that he did, like it did every endless night. He sat in the small equipment room that was just about half of the size of the office that he once had and talked into the black of night, into the static of radio land.

Tonight was especially quiet. The only noise in the room was the steady drum of the rain outside against the window pane and the incessant hum of the computer in front of him that was currently mixing the songs he sent into the radio waves of the District of Columbia. He waited patiently for one of those desperate callers to call in. Any one of those souls that needed that perfect song to say that they were sorry or to drown their sorrows in. Their desperation was a comfort, really. Something for him to get lost in. Something that could somehow take the bitter edge off of their goodbye. Something to take his mind off the ever-growing ache that filled his lonely soul. Something that, ironically, took his mind off of her. In reality he was just an equal. He was identical to those lonely souls that called into his show. He, too, was lost and confused.

"Do you need to let off a little steam? Just cry a little? Maybe you are all alone and you just want to reach out and connect with that person. The only person that can make you complete. The one that's absence can crush you so completely. Whatever you need, whatever you want, I am here to listen and to play you any song that your heart desires. I'm Mr. Midnight, can I play a song for you?"

He hated the quiet nights, when the quiet phone lines allowed his mind time to drift off to that harrowing night a short eight months ago. The night after he had risked his life, had given up his career and everything that he had ever worked for to barge through terrorists and a foreign country to make her believe that he was ready. That he couldn't live his life without her. Then there was that damn kiss that he so innocently walked upon. The kiss that still burned through his dreams every night. Then the word that haunted him. NEVER. They would never be an us. It would never work out between us.

Now he was haunted by those memories day in and day out. Haunted by the life that they never had. By the words that they never said. By the life that he gave up and the one that they could have had, together. He never regretted for a single moment giving up his career. He could live forever without her or the Navy, just as long as she was safe. No, what he regretted was never giving her the words that she had sought and waited for, for so many years.

I'm Mr. Midnight alone and blue
The brokenhearted call me up
When they don't know what else to do
Every song is a reminder of the love that they once knew
I'm Mr. Midnight, Can I play a song for you?

Standing up, he walked quickly to the door, needing a cup of coffee to overcome this crazy silence that consumed the station. He swung the door open just in time to hear the phone ring. "Dammit. There hasn't been one damn call all night." He slammed the door behind him and walked quickly to the phone, "Mr. Midnight. Could you please hold on?" He slurred into the phone, wanting to fill his coffee mug before this song was over and before he gave any of his time to the caller on the phone.

"Yeah, sure." Her voice was so clear, so filled with sorrow. His breath caught in his throat and he grasped for the chair to catch him, when his legs felt so unsteady he was sure that he would fall. He would recognize her voice, that soft lullaby anywhere. He tried desperately to find his voice. Tried to control his longing for her. To control that rage of emotions that filled him. Consumed him.

No matter how angry he was about what happened, he could never hate her. He had tried to hate her. Tried to despise everything about her, hoping that it would make the pain disappear. That it would replace the emptiness that he felt. But he could never hate her. She was his world. She always had been and if she was happy then that would have to be enough.

Sighing he tried to find a molecule of control. This was his job, he would put the same amount of effort and passion into it that he did with everything else. And regardless, he wasn't Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. anymore, he was...

Punching the button on the phone, he connected with her for the first time in eight months. "Hi, you are on with Mr. Midnight. What can I do for you tonight?"

Her voice was soft as silk as it floated over the airway into his heart. It caressed places in him that died the day she said 'never'. "Mr. Midnight." She took a deep, jagged breath and tried to hold in the tears. "I made a terrible mistake and lost my best friend... About eight months ago I said something horrible to the most important person in my life, something that I am afraid that I may never get the chance to take back." She took a deep breath into the receiver. "Could you just tell Harm that I love him, I mean that I really love him and that I wish we could be us again?" Her voice broke into a silent sob.

He sat there and starred at the phone, praying that he heard her correctly. Praying that there was still hope. Praying that it was his name that had rolled off her lips. He longed to take her into his arms. Longed to wipe away her tears. Longed to weep in her solid embrace. Life without her was hell. He went to tell her so and that other voice that haunted his dreams came over the line. "Sarah, honey? Who are you talking to?"

Her voice came over the line. The sadness still filled her voice, but he knew that he was the only one who could read through the charade she had perfected to cover up the pains in her life. "I'm sorry, I have to go. Thank you, Mr. Midnight. Goodbye."

He tried to find something, anything to prevent her from severing the connection. "Hey, why goodbye and not good luck?" He whispered quickly, knowing that she would immediately pick up on the desperation in his voice. Knowing that she would be the only one to see the hidden message. Knowing that she would see the desperation and longing that always came with that simple phrase. The phrase that had almost been the end of them twice before, the phrase that was opening up a closed door that had been lost to them for such a long time.

"I'm sorry." She said in complete surprise. Not sure if she heard him right. If he was really the guy that once was her best friend. His words came as a complete surprise. She never imagined to find him on the other end of this phone call to the radio station.

"Sarah," He spoke gently. Calling her by her given name hoping that she would recognize the seriousness and the longing in his voice, like the sadness he heard in hers. "Come to me..."

She sighed a gentle laugh. Happy that even though they had spent months avoiding each other, that they could fall back into that one place that they felt comfort that they could fall back into the dance that they had shared. "I need more than that." She whispered. Hoping that she would get him to admit it. To finally say the words that she knew that he longed to say. The words that she needed to hear.

He smiled into the receiver, praying that she would just take the hand that he was extending and come back to him, to give him the opportunity to admit what was in his heart. To make things right. Or at least be the friend that she had always been. "Please... Just come to me. I will be waiting." He quickly hung up the phone and starred at it endlessly while a new track started on the radio.

Harm's Apartment
Wednesday
2231 EST

It had been a long three days since he had asked her to come to him. The longest seventy odd hours of his life. He laughed affectionately knowing that she would know the exact time that had passed. But still his heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. She never came. She never came.

He leaned back into the cushions of the sofa, wishing that he still had the ability to drown his sorrows in a drink. But that was the thing about Sarah Mackenzie, she had touched and changed every part of his life. He could barely remember what life was like before her. She gave him life. She made him who he was. And he was truly pleased with the changes. Even though his heart hurt like hell.

A soft muffled knock came from the door. He turned his head into the cushions and groaned. Trying to wish it away. Wanting to evict the intruder out of his sorrow. He just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to scream, cry and throw a tantrum if he felt like it. He definitely didn't feel like having company. The gentle knock grew louder and he pushed himself to his feet, walking quickly to the door. Wanting to get rid of whoever was here so that he could go back to feeling sorry for himself.

Without bothering to look through the peephole, Harm swung the door open. His irritation quickly faded as he gazed into the chocolate eyes of his soul mate. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. Trying again he forced out a raspy version of her name. "Mac."

He watched her eyes fill with tears and not wanting words to fail them again, he pulled her into his arms. Holding her as close as possible, he finally let his tears fall down his face and before long he was weeping like a baby in her arms. Her sobs echoed his and they tried desperately to pull each other closer, wanting to completely absorb the other in themselves.

"I am so sorry I made you wait so long. But there were things that I had to take care of. I didn't…." She trailed off as another sob escaped her lips. "Oh Harm, can you forgive me? Please forgive me." She pleaded into his shoulder.

"I love you, Sarah." He whispered against her ear. "I love you so much."

She pulled gently away, still keeping her arms around him, but allowing enough room to look into his eyes. The sweetest smile he had ever seen took over her face. "So you can say it?" She teased.

They both laughed out loud, quickly pulling each other back into another crushing embrace. "If you let me, I will say it you so much that you will get so tired of it."

She smiled up at him, "I could never tire of it. I will never get tired of it. Tell me again?" She begged.

"I love you. I love you so damn much that it's the only thing I have been able to see for years." He whispered huskily. His voice raspy with the emotion that he had thought he would never feel again.

"I love you so much, Harm." She leaned up and pressed her lips to his.