Cho was a different person when she returned home from her fifth year at Hogwarts.
Her parents didn't know what to do with her. They'd tried to talk to her, of course - they had quite a good relationship with Cho, and she often went to them for advice. But this time, they just didn't understand what she was going through. They had experienced grief before, of course, but not the confused, mixed-up sort of grief that Cho was experiencing. Grief for what could have been, rather than what had been. And she was sure that she was feeling more guilt than grief. But she just couldn't talk to her parents about it. There was only one person who would understand. Harry. But seeing him was out of the question.
So her parents' solution was to take her off on an expensive holiday to Helsinki, in Finland, to take her mind off things. Normally, Cho found foreign countries fascinating, and loved to see the sights and experience the culture. The weather was lovely, too - before going there, Cho had always thought it was a cold country, but it was actually quite hot in summer.
But all Cho wanted that summer was a hideaway, somewhere to submit to her thoughts.
The last few days at Hogwarts were almost unbearable. People fell silent whenever she entered a room, talked in whispers around her and were always observing her, trying to check up on her without wanting to say anything in case it upset her. They didn't know how to act around her, because things like this just didn't happen to teenagers.
But it had happened. Cedric was dead, and Cho didn't know what to feel.
Really, she felt like she had no right to be upset. They had only been going out for six months, and Cho had hardly even known him before he had asked her to the Yule Ball - she just knew his face from Quidditch. Maybe six months was a long time by Hogwarts relationship standards, but she was hardly his poor, elderly widow who hadn't spent a night alone for over fifty years. She hadn't known him for all his life, like his family.
She hadn't known how to act around Mr and Mrs Diggory, either. The first time you meet your boyfriend's parents is not meant to be on the day he dies.
Both of them had been overcome with grief, of course. It was just so sudden, so unexpected. Cho had been sitting with the Diggorys in the stands watching the Third Task, necks craned in anticipation as they speculated over whether it would be Harry or Cedric who would make it out first.
She remembered her reaction when she saw both of them emerge from the maze. Guilt took over her thoughts. It felt so selfish now. She had been ecstatic, because if she was honest with herself, she had wanted Harry to win, but would have felt awkward congratulating him when she was supposed to be supporting her boyfriend. But now I won't have to do that, she had thought, beaming, as the cheers erupted through the stadium. That was before she had noticed that there was something wrong.
Mr Diggory's body shook with huge, animal sobs, while Mrs Diggory stroked his back comfortingly, her face numb and pale, beyond tears. Cho just stood awkwardly by the sidelines, waiting for the shock to register and the grief to kick in.
Of course, when she was thinking rationally, she didn't feel guilty. When asked to the ball by an extremely attractive seventh-year that everyone was after, any fifteen-year-old girl who had never been kissed would have done the same and accepted. Even though she did sort of wish it was Harry. She had got to the point where she thought he would never ask, so she had said yes to Cedric. And then when Harry did ask, she couldn't exactly go up to Cedric and tell him she'd had a better offer, could she?
She hadn't regretted saying yes to Cedric, though. He was lovely, a real gentleman, and he never let his new celebrity status get to his head. (Just like Harry.) He was very good looking, and when that first kiss had finally arrived it had been worth the wait. She had really started to grow quite fond of him.
But now, ever since his death, insomnia-ridden and isolated from the world in that little hotel room in Helsinki, all she could think about was Harry.
If she'd said yes to Harry, now she would be enjoying a normal summer with her friends. The mood would perhaps be a little subdued, as Cedric's death and the rumours about You-Know-Who shook the whole school, but Cho wouldn't have been personally involved. There would never have been the continuous analysis of her behaviour, the constant caution around her. Cho was a naturally quiet person; she didn't like the attention, and wished she could stay out of it.
Harry, from what she knew of him, seemed like he didn't like the attention either, which was unfortunate, considering who he was and what had just happened to him. She just wished she could talk to him, tell him all that. He would understand. And it must have been pretty traumatic for Harry, seeing Cedric die like that. She was sure he would want to talk about it, too.
That was another thing. What had Cedric said before he died? Would he have mentioned Cho?
He'd seemed a little distant, lately. Cho wasn't sure if it was only nerves about the tasks. She wondered if he'd noticed her obsessing over Harry, taking every chance she got to talk to him. Harry's name had always seemed to come up in conversation, too - she had tried hard to avoid the subject, but it seemed to come up more and more frequently, and she always felt self-conscious about it. Cho wondered if Cedric had ever picked up on this; he was very perceptive. She hoped she hadn't been hurting him. She would never know.
She couldn't face the thought of going back to Hogwarts. Not with all the people, all the questions, all the memories. She'd rather stay there, hidden away in Helsinki, forever. But then she'd never be able to move on. She needed to talk to someone. Someone who understood.
An idea struck her. Harry. She would write him a letter.
She leapt out of bed, motivated to do something for the first time in weeks. After rummaging in her trunk, she managed to find a quill and a slightly screwed up, yellowing piece of parchment. It didn't matter. It would probably have tear-stains all over it by the time she had finished anyway.
Dear Harry, she began.
I know you're very busy, but
She scratched that out hastily. Of course he wasn't busy. It was the summer holidays. She was sure he would be experiencing exactly what he was. Endless time dwindling away, the choice between insomnia or nightmares, the constant dwelling on what had happened. Harry would be experiencing guilt, of course, too. If he had just taken the cup like Cedric had offered, Cedric would still be alive. Harry could never have known. It would be ludicrous to blame him. But Cho knew from experience that blaming yourself was an easy thing to do.
She tried again.
I hope you don't mind me writing to you, but I wanted to talk to you about Cedric. How do you think he was feeling before he died? Did he mention me? Do you think he hated me?
She screwed up the ruined parchment. You can't say that sort of thing in a letter! Cho was horrified at what shutting herself away was doing to her. It was destroying her sensitivity. Something that Cedric had loved about her.
She got out a fresh leaf of parchment and began her third attempt.
Dear Harry,
Sorry to bother you, but I'm sure we're feeling some similar emotions at the moment and I wondered if you wanted to have a chat sometime and get it out of your system.
Tears of frustration stinging her eyes, Cho ripped up the letter completely. She was being stupid. Of course Harry didn't want to talk about his feelings. He didn't strike Cho as the sort of person who would go for that. He was too noble. Did feeling like she needed to talk to someone make Cho weak? Harry had almost been killed that night, and had the world's most dangerous Dark wizard after him. He had a bit more to worry about than Cho. She was just overreacting, being over-emotional.
She had so much admiration for Harry. He never put himself first; risked so much to help others when it was usually him who was in the most danger. She loved to watch him on a broom; he just looked so natural, like it was where he belonged, his home. He had achieved so much and had all that fame, and yet he wasn't at all arrogant: he was modest, humble, and he could always spare a smile and a few words of greeting for Cho.
The tears came faster then as Cho remembered the last thing Cedric said to her.
"If I don't come out of there -" he began.
"Cedric!" Cho exclaimed, shocked. "Don't say things like that! It's safe, you know it is. You're not going to..." Even then, she couldn't say the word.
"Even so," Cedric insisted, "you can never be sure. I just want you to know that... I would want you to move on with your life. Don't live in the past. Look forward; don't look back."
Looking back, Cho thought that maybe Cedric did notice her talking about Harry all the time. He wasn't stupid, and he knew that Cho had a mind of her own. Maybe those words were intended to make her think about whether she really wanted to be with Cedric. Cedric was the most selfless person that Cho had ever met; maybe he would have preferred for her to be honest with him, to tell him that she loved Harry. He would have preferred for her to be honest with him and herself. She should have told him how she really felt.
But none of that mattered now. Deciding that she was in no fit state to talk to Harry even if she did write him a letter, Cho determined to speak to him once they were back at school. Yes, she was going back to Hogwarts. She was no help to anyone shut away in her shell like this; in fact, she was probably even more of a worry like that. She resolved to perk up a bit, maybe join her parents and see some of the sights of Helsinki. They didn't need to be worrying about her, not when she was about to go back to Hogwarts, where they couldn't keep an eye on her. She needed to stop hiding, to be transparent with them. She had to honour Cedric's last request and move on.
To that day, Cho still didn't know if it was her imagination, but when he'd told her not to live in the past, she could have sworn she saw him look towards Harry.
A/N: This is for the C-I-T-I-E-S Competition on HPFC.
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise.
Thank you so much to the wonderful kci47 for betaing this for me :D