Finally, inspiration!
I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper again. It helped me write this. It is an amazing book, my top five, and I would advise every person to read it. Do NOT watch the film, it is utterly different from the book. The thing about this book is, it shows that there is a right and a wrong, but sometimes they don't apply. The world isn't black and white, as easier as it would make life. This book proves that.
It helped me write this. It inspired me.
I hope you enjoy this. I'm not sure if it turned out the way I wanted it to, but I like it.
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Vampire Diaries or any of the characters
xXx
I Lied
One day he runs out of patience. Elena doesn't deny that it's hard for him: he is there for her all the time, picking her up when she's down and helping her in her goal to save Stefan even though he loudly proclaims that it's idiotic and pointless. She understands that a part of him, a small part of him, perhaps subconsciously, is waiting for her to love him. Waiting for her to finally give up on Stefan and turn to Damon, simply because he's the one that's always been there.
But it isn't that easy for her. Sure, once upon a time she thought that the world was black and white enough for that. Now though, being with the brothers, she sees it's all grey. Every time she is with Damon she will suddenly think of something Stefan would say to make her laugh, or how when Damon walks down the hall for a split second she thinks she can see Stefan behind him. People say it's easy to see who you love better – but tell that to a mother of two children. She can't pick between them. Elena can't choose either.
They get into an argument. Elena isn't sure how it even began, but it wound up being about Stefan. "It's too late Elena!" he yells. She stubbornly shakes her head and begins to stack the books in the alphabetical order. She wants the conversation to end, but she doesn't want to leave. "Don't you get it? Even if you can somehow get Stefan away from Klaus, he will still crave the blood!"
"We did it before-"
"That was a slip Elena. He drank fresh from two humans-" here he gives her a pointed look "-and we stopped him before he could drain them. Klaus has given him a free rein to drink all summer!"
"When we defeat Klaus-"
"Which may take months, years." His mouth is in a firm line. "And even when we defeat him, it took thirty to forty years before Lexi managed to get Stefan fully off humans, get him to the broody Hemmingway writer that you know." He gives me a long look. "You shouldn't be waiting around for him Elena. You're human, you have a life, and you should live it. You should go on safari, live in New York, learn how to paint, become a ballerina. You shouldn't be waiting for someone who has no expiration date."
Elena whirls round, facing him head-on. "I want to wait Damon. Because all those things you said I can do – what does it matter, if Stefan isn't around to see me doing them?"
His blue-grey-silver eyes are hard. "It matters because then you will have lived."
She walks right opposite him. There eye-to-eye but they don't agree, not one bit. "I love him, Damon." She says the words that will hurt him worst, and she knows it. "I don't want to live without him."
Elena expects him to say that it's tough, because she's not going to kill herself. After what happened last time when she tried to sacrifice herself to Klaus, it's what fits. But instead he backs away, holding his hands up above his head. "I'm done," he says.
She stares at him. "What?"
He turns away from her, putting on his leather jacket. He fumbles in his pocket, making sure his car keys are still in there. "I'm done," he repeats. "I am done baby-sitting you Elena. I'm done watching you throw your damn life away like it means nothing. I am done listening to all the reasons why you can't give up on Stefan. I'm just done."
Elena is already shaking her head. "You don't mean that."
He whips his head round to face her. "Yes I do." With that he storms out of his own house. There are no parting words of love, no little glances of regret, not even a farewell wave. He just walks out. Elena – numb – stands there, listening to the car as it pulls away, the sound fading in the distance. She waits to hear it come back again.
It doesn't.
xXx
Whatever she expected, it wasn't this. It's been one full week and Damon still hasn't returned. Elena stays in the Boarding House at night, and on the weekend she doesn't leave in case he's sneaking in and out when she's at school. She tries calling him, but he doesn't pick up his phone.
Damon leaving doesn't just mean that they've lost him; it also means they've lost their best help in finding Stefan. Liz helps still, but Alaric flat out refuses to take her to see his kills. Elena wonders whether he's afraid of what she will see and how it will affect her. "How can we get Stefan back if you won't help me look for him?" Elena demands.
Alaric lifts a shoulder. "I guess we have to let Damon get him back."
xXx
In the end it's Alaric he calls, not Elena. Damon doesn't say much: just that he's fine. He doesn't tell them where he is. He does tell them he's with Katherine.
It's that fact that Elena holds onto. Somehow even when Katherine loses, she wins.
xXx
She holds it together for quite a while. But even when you use the best glue, the marks are going to show where the vase broke; and eventually they will come apart again.
Jeremy breaks the door down after twenty minutes of yelling for Elena. Bonnie is right behind her, as is Alaric. They all stare at her, and she stares at each one of them in turn. She knows her face is red and puffy with tears. She had the shower running so they wouldn't suspect that she was crying. It failed anyway.
Bonnie kneels down next to her. "Oh Lena," she whispers. She squeezes Elena's knee.
Jeremy works his jaw until he finally asks: "Is it Damon or Stefan you're crying over?"
Elena is afraid to answer him. The truth is, it's both of them.
xXx
She is thinking about him so much that she's becoming his ghost. She sleeps in his bed (sleeping in Stefan's bed is too hard); she goes to the bar and orders scotch, even though she doesn't particularly like it; she even starts dressing in black.
One night she can barely stay on the stool. She knows Matt is lingering, ready to be the white knight and take her home – or at the very least, cut her off. Sure enough she hears his footsteps coming towards. She expects him to gather her in his arms and carry her out. Instead she feels a rough hand on her shoulder and she is yanked off the stool she is precariously sitting on.
She stumbles as she stands. She hears a voice mutter, "For fuck's sake."
When she hears that voice she cannot breathe. She slowly lifts her head. Sure enough it's Damon Salvatore. His is glowering at her, his blue eyes a storm. His entire body is electrified with fury. She briefly wonders whether this is a dream – she won't admit how many times she's dreamt this – but he roughly pulls her out the bar and she knows it's real.
She manages to pull away from him when they're outside. He glowers at her. "Get in the car," he commands.
Elena manages to balance in her heels. "I'm walking," she says. It's as if nothing has happened; as if he hasn't been away for two months and seven days. As if she's a foolish damsel and he's the suffering hero.
Damon glances up at the sky. "It's beginning to rain. Get in the car."
But she has already turned away, walking down the road. "I'm walking!" she calls out drunkenly.
She hears Damon swear loudly behind her. "Well, I GUESS I'M WALKING TOO!" He sounds mad, and for a moment Elena feels angry too; what gives him the right to be mad at her?
They begin to walk down the road, eventually getting onto a country road that will take them to the Boarding House. By now the rain is coming down hard, and Elena is soaked. Her feet have blisters and it kills her to take another step but she does; she has pride for God's sake.
She feels him grab her shoulder. She stumbles, leaning against him. It feels good for a second and Elena pushes away from him, because she can't bear to allow it to feel good if it's going to hurt again.
"Elena, just let me take you home," he says.
"I don't need you," she snaps. She meant to say I don't need you to take me home, but she doesn't finish the sentence. Either way she's lying.
"Yes you do."
"You're so full of it Damon. You told me that you were done with me. That you didn't want anything more to do with me. So go." She can barely get the words out, but she manages. "You said you were done, so be done!"
Damon just stares at her. But it's a sympathetic look, one full of pity and pain. Not just for her either. "I lied," he says simply. "When I said I was done with you... I didn't mean it.
"I tried Elena. I tried to walk away from you. I spent all my time with Katherine, hoping that she would grow on me again; that she could somehow block you out. But Alaric called me. He said you were in pretty bad shape. He said that I needed to sort out the mess I made." Damon opens his mouth and closes it again, before finally saying, "He was right."
It's an almost painful sight, watching him wilt; watching him come apart. "I can't walk away from you. And it hurts Elena. It's killing me from the inside out." He shakes his head. He looks as if he's crying. Maybe it's the rain. "'Cause I love you, Elena."
For some reason it doesn't surprise her. Maybe it's the alcohol.
"I love you Elena, but I love Stefan too. And it's killing me because I can't choose between the two of you. I want you both to be happy – but I want to be happy too. And I'm only happy when I'm with you. So I can't win. I can't make them all happen."
The rain is pelting down on them like bullets. But it doesn't hurt. In fact it feels good. It feels as if all the lies are being washed off of them, and all that's left is the truth. She steps forward. With tired eyes he watches her. Carefully she cups his chin in her hands. "Take me home Damon," she says softly.
xXx
He uses a big white towel to dry her. He wraps her up like she is a child. He turns away as she changes and she crawls into his bed – the one that she's slept in since he's been gone. Only this time he's lying beside her.
He wraps an arm round her waist. "Just so you know," he whispers, "I'm not going to let you waste your life."
She lifts her head. "Just so you know," she says, "if I'm with you, I'm not wasting my life."