Inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky. But it's totally unrelated to it. Also inspired by a PLAN.
I am aware that it sucks.
14/09/-
Dear person,
I don't know why I'm doing this. There are so many better things I could be doing. Karupin's giving me her best death glare, so I assume she agrees with me. I bet you do, too. Whoever you are.
The psychiatrist says that I should talk to people more. Like that's going to happen. So instead, we compromised, and now I'm talking to you. I made her promise she wouldn't ask to read these letters.
I don't even know who you are. And you don't know who I am. And I doubt I'll send these stupid letters in the end, anyway, so that's not too big a problem. How this is 'talking to other people', I will never understand.
And I give up. This is boring. I have better things to do.
- Echizen Ryoma
16/09/-
Dear person,
Yes, I know I said I'd given up. Unfortunately, the creepy psychiatrist woman figured it out. If I don't do this, she'll tell my parents to ban Ponta for 'medical reasons'. That is blackmail. It's illegal. Why can psychiatrists get away with anything?
Anyway. I've written an entire paragraph. That accounts for something.
- Echizen Ryoma
19/09/-
Supposed friend,
I NEED MY PONTA.
NOW.
20/09/-
GET ME MY PONTA OR I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN.
20/09/-
PONTA. I NEED. PONTA.
21/09/-
Dear friend,
I still need Ponta. I've decided to talk to you and get this over with, so that it can suddenly become not so bad for my health after all. I hate that woman, really. I don't even know how she figures out that I haven't written to you. She's like Fuji-senpai: dangerously psychic.
(This is stupid. We don't even know each other.)
I suppose I should tell you about my day. My day was normal. It was boring. Like always.
After school, I had to meet the creepy woman. I meet her every Friday. On other days, she sometimes calls to check up on me. Here would be the right time for you to wonder, 'Why does he need to meet a psychiatrist?' That would be an excellent question. One that I don't feel like answering. What I can do, is assure you that I am not dangerously unstable or anything - people just think I have issues.
So, when I went to meet her today, the waiting room was empty. I waited for a couple of minutes, and then she poked her head out of her office and called me in. After I'd settled on the sofa (which is really comfortable), she looked me over, smirked, and said, "Ponta is still banned." Heartless, she is.
After that she asked me a bunch of the usual trivial questions. How are you, how are your friends, how is your life, have you had any episodes lately, what do you think about the world…blah blah blah. She didn't attempt to mentally scar me today. Well, except for the whole Ponta thing. Which definitely counts.
I've written more than enough today, haven't I? Karupin's getting grumpy because I'm not talking to her. I'll write again tomorrow.
-Echizen Ryoma
23/09/-
Dear friend,
I don't like homework. Do you like homework? I hope you don't. Or I may have to disown you.
I like staying home even less than I like homework. And I like school even less than I like staying at home. This proves to be a bit of a problem, seeing as my entire life more or less consists of school and home.
It was different when I played tennis. Back then I didn't mind school or home; I could play tennis in both. After I stopped, there was suddenly this horrible lack of things to do. And there was nothing I had in common with any of my friends anymore. It only occurred to me then that tennis was basically all I had in my life.
It doesn't hurt that I've stopped playing. I mean, I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. I just wasn't capable anymore, and it went to such a state that playing was what hurt. So while quitting didn't hurt me, it hurt everyone around me, because they don't know who I am anymore. My dad was exceptionally horrified. It's a bit sad when you think about it. He threw away his entire career so that he could help with mine, and in the end, I'm not going to have one.
It hurt my teammates a lot, too. Eiji-senpai wouldn't stop crying over it, and Momo-senpai sulked for ages. But that was a long time ago. High school is different. The team split up, and now a lot of my schoolmates are people who used to be part of the rival teams, like Kirihara, Kintarou, and Yukimura-senpai. Tezuka-buchou isn't even in the country anymore. All that talk of how Seigaku would never be forgotten was stupid. Nobody really cares about things like that once they're over, do they? It's all fun while it lasts, and then everything fades out, and we become used to them being over. Momo-senpai, Eiji-senpai, and Fuji-senpai all go to the same school as me, too, and I haven't spoken to them in a week at least. Everything changes, everything ends, and it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
Maybe it does.
Or maybe it doesn't.
-Echizen Ryoma
24/09/-
Dear friend,
I talked to Fuji-senpai today. We were both skipping classes on the roof. He's quit the tennis team, too, so now that's at least one thing we have in common. Actually, there's two. We both also skip classes on the roof.
Fuji-senpai is really easy to talk to, but at the same time, so difficult. He's like the psychiatrist woman. He knows everything that's going on in your head, and is always calculating your every move. It's kind of unnerving. He already knows the answer to every question he asks, and only asks to see if you'll tell him or not.
Recently, there's been something wrong with him. He's been kind of out of it. His eyes are always open, and he seems too tired to smile. I almost asked him what was wrong today, but I decided against it. It's not my business.
He didn't even notice that I'd come up to the rooftop for a very long time. I just sat by the door, watching him, and he stood at the railing, frowning to himself. After ten minutes, he noticed me, and he only frowned deeper.
Another minute passed like that.
When he finally spoke, he said, "I don't see you much anymore."
"Yeah."
"How are you?"
"Good."
"That's nice. Classes are fine?"
"Yeah."
The conversation was by now very pointless, and he seemed to notice that as well, so he fell silent and continued looking over the railing. When the bell rang, he smiled at me, ruffled my hair, and left.
Maybe I should have asked him what was wrong. But he wouldn't have given me a straight answer. I don't even know if we can call ourselves friends anymore. Why would he want to tell me?
- Echizen Ryoma
25/09/-
Dear friend,
Kirihara and Fuji-senpai fought in the corridors today. It ended badly. I'd tell you what happened, but Kirihara's banging on the door right now, so I have to go and let him in.
- Ryoma
(later)
It's past midnight now. Kirihara just left - It took him this long to calm down. I'm actually surprised my mother didn't kick him out sooner. He cursed Fuji in every way he knew how, threw a few things across the room, and then sat in a corner and sulked.
It wasn't just a normal fight - it was an all out brawl. I thought they'd end up killing each other. If it wasn't for Yukimura senpai and my history teacher, they probably would have.
The entire situation is very awkward. Apparently, Kirihara noticed Fuji in the corridors, realized he was upset, and decided to get on his nerves, so he followed him around a while asking questions, like, "Did you fail a test?" and "Did your girlfriend dump you?" and "Do you miss Tezuka?" Fuji had been ignoring him initially, but then he flared up and flung his textbook at him, hitting him in the face. Kirihara, useless as he is, retaliated, and things simply proceeded from there.
Fuji-senpai's usually better at handling his irritation. Anyone would have expected Kirihara to have started the fight.
Those two have never liked each other from the beginning. People at school call them the 'Angel' and the 'Demon'. If you ask me, they're both demons. But one has a mask, and the other doesn't. That's probably why I trust Kirihara more.
- Echizen Ryoma
27/09/-
Dear friend,
No one has killed anyone yet. As in, no one I know has killed anyone I know yet. The rest of the world is still more or less on a killing spree. Apparently around one thousand three hundred people are murdered per day. Creepy, isn't it? It's kind of weird how we hear about so many people who've died, but we never do. Logically, I could die in the middle of a sentence. What's to say my house won't explode? Or burn up? Or I go completely mental like people expect me to and burn things down myself?
The psychiatrist woman called today. She's finally established that I'm actually writing to you and am not just pretending. This Friday, she'll talk to my parents and remove the Ponta-ban. If I ever stop writing to you without her permission, it'll suddenly become 'bad for my health' again.
That woman.
The point I was trying to make, was that Kirihara and Fuji-senpai haven't killed each other yet. They've been avoiding each other, of course, but it's not like they usually don't, so no harm is done per say. Fuji-senpai's still been pretty out of it, though.
Oh, cool, Karupin just learnt how to open the window latch.
Wait a minute. That's not good.
Excuse me for a moment.
- Ryoma
The letters are short, yes. That's because he isn't used to the idea of writing letters yet. He will, eventually.