What do you get when you combine 12 crazy and potentially dangerous 17-year-old people on a island living in the same house, having to fight their hormones and each other for everything they need? Another crappy Reality Show with a ton of swearing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Vandread, or boys vs. girls, or any other of the things you recognize in this story.
#1: The Introduction
"Hello and welcome to the new reality series, Vans vs. Dreads. This is the Bastard child of shows like Survivor, and boys vs. girls. In a not very shocking or unexpected way, We have picked two teams, one of boys, and one of girls, (go figure) to live on small island, where they must compete to win a grand prize of a bunch of crappy stuff they would never need or want! I am your host, Derik Snowe, and I'm not being paid very much. We are being shown on one of the Movie channels, because of foul language so bad, and so often, that even though those stupid bastards who by these reality crap things, wouldn't go for it. Now, let me introduce the pawns…I mean contestants that have been chosen for this show. First off, we have three of the boy's Hibiki, Duero, and Bart. For the girls, Dita, Meia, and… uh… and… HOLY SHIT! How can a 17-year-old wear a thing like… uh… I mean, Jura. And for filler, we just grabbed a couple of others, we got Jack, John and Vinn, form another Fanfiction by the same stupid Bastard who is righting this thing. Let's just say, he couldn't write anything to save his life. As for the filler girls, we have Barnette, Celtic, and… er… and… Hey! Who the hell else did we get?"
"Just a minute!… Oh yeah, we grabbed Some chick name parfait!"
"Ok, finishing out the girls team with be Parfait! (What the hell kind of name is that?) We abducted all of these 17-year-olds at the middle of the night, shoved them in the cheapest plane we could find, and dumped them on this small island in the Caribbean. After an extensive screening process, (more like 5 minutes while on the toilet) our producer coughwritercough chose who would be the counselor for each side. For the girls, we chose Magno Vivan, who will hence forth, be referred to as the captain. For the boys, some cross dressing fruit with a whip. (Good lord! Who comes up with this Shit!) So, let's go and meet the people when they are dumped out of cargo hold… I mean, offloaded on the beach." The man walked down the beach, to a pile of stuff. As he drew closer, several pieces of it started to move. 12 separate pieces moved and stared at the man as he approced.
"Who the hell are you?" Hibiki shouted.
"I the guy who has to do this introductory episode, and maybe some narration later on. Now introduce yourself to the camera." Hibiki turned and faced the camera, a puzzled look on his face.
"Where the hell are we?" Hibiki asked, his voice still offensive.
"(Why the hell did I take this job?) You are on an island in the Caribbean, for a new reality show. Now introduce yourselves!"
"What if we refuse?" Hibiki said, challenging the man. The man pulled out a long metal poll from behind his back, and poked Hibiki with it. Hibiki got electrocuted and fell to the ground.
"Now I remember why I took this job! I have been given this cattle prod, so, you best do what I say, cause I find this incredibly fun!"
"Hi! My name is Dita!"
"And I'm Jura!"
"I'm Meia!"
"And I'm Bart!"
"I'm Duero!"
"Hi-cough, Hi-cough, Hibiki." He said from the ground raising a hand and giving it a slight wave.
"I'm Celtic!"
"I'm Parfait!"
"Jack!"
"John!"
"Vinn!"
"Barnette!" She finished of the roster.
"Good, now grab all your shit, and let me show where you will be living!" Derik said, brandishing the cattle prod. The all grabbed their stuff, and walked to the house, decorated like a hut, situated just off the beach.
"Were living in that crap shack?" Jack asked
"Yes, the girls will be sleeping on one half of the house, the boy's on the other. In the morning you'll have to do some stuff to get some crap, and so on, till we decide you've all suffered enough, and then we'll send you home."
"Are you staying here, to?" John asked, eyeing the shitty looking house.
"Fuck no! The two counselors and me have a cruise ship out in the ocean. Ok, we got cameras all throughout the house so at the end of each day, we throw some tape together and air it on whatever channel felt like airing us. See you in the showe… I mean, later." He rushed off, leaving a key in Vinn, the most responsible looking guy.
"Showe? What does that mean?" Jack said, as Vinn opened the door.
"It means that they got cameras in the bathroom. I'll take care of it." John said, cracking his knuckles threateningly. He dropped his stuff in the boy's room, and headed for the bathroom. Over the next hour, they all unpacked their things. Unsurprising Hibiki and Jack went to raid the fridge.
"What the hell, this is more torturous than anything else I can think of!" Jack shouted, and everyone rushed in to see what was wrong. "There's nothing but fucking tofu! NOOOOOO!" Everyone else just sighed and filed back out of the room. After another hour of working everyone sat in the living room, which was a big area, with enough couches and chairs to comfortably fit 12 people.
"What! No T.V! Well thank god I brought a couple with me." Jack said, as he plopped down next to John and Vinn.
"You brought a couple of TVs?" Meia asked.
"Yeah, back at home, I'm what you would call rich. I just grabbed a couple of small, 45" inchers" everyone gapped, except John and Vinn, who were obviously his friends. "I got to ask you a question, Blondie." Jack said, pointing at Jura.
"What?" She said.
"Are you a total slut, or do you just dress that way?" He said calmly. It took a full five seconds for her to actually interpret what he had said.
"WHAT! Fuck you!"
"(I'll take that as a yes she is!) Name the time and place, and I'm there!" He said, a perverted smile spreading across his face. Her face turned red, and she walked over and slapped him. All the guys, including Jack, burst into laughter. Once they stopped laughing, John asked the girls a question, as the red in Jura's face receded.
"So, any of you lovely ladies have a boyfriend?" Most of the girl answered no, but Barnette said yeah.
"His name is Bob."
Jack stifled some laughter and then whispered in John's ear, and he to held back laughter. What ever he said, was spread through the line of men, and they were all laughing now.
"What's so funny?" Celtic asked, and Jack answered.
"You don't know? Bob isn't a name, it's an acronym." Barnette blushed, because he was right.
"A what?" Celtic asked.
"An acronym, like M.A.D.D. means Mothers against Drunk Drivers.
"Oh, than what's Bob mean." Barnette turned a brighter shade of red.
"Don't you say a god damn thing!" she yelled at him, Jack just gave her a very perverted smile, and said it anyway.
"It stands for battery operated boyfriend." Barnette turned even redder, but Celtic, being a naïve little cutie, didn't know what that meant.
"And that is?" She said, giving the hurry-it-up twirl hand motion.
"It's a vibra…" He was cut off as Barnette flew forward, putting all her force behind a fist that she buried into his stomach.
"SON OF A BITCH!" she said. But it was too late, Celtic managed to grasp what it was and joined the rest in laughing at Barnette, who was now sitting on top of Jack, beating the shit out of him.
"Hey…Ow, so you... Ow like it on top…Ow." He managed to get out, between fist impacting his face. Besides everyone laughing harder, Barnette managed to turn even redder, and continued her barrage with renewed vigor.
After Jack had managed to get Barnette off of him, (You can use your imagination to figure out how he did it) they all went to bed. Jack crawled through the window, because after what he did, he wasn't going through the house just then.
"Well, that is the end of the first night, I'm Derik Snowe, saying, when you mix a poodle with a steamroller, you get some top notch comedy!"
Well, I wrote that, and really enjoyed it. Just to clear some stuff up, all the characters are in their normal clothes, Jack too.(From The Next Experiment) he just dosen't have the Purple energy! Plus I made everyone of them 17 (Except B.C, and the Captain) because it would be odd for them to be anywhere from 14 through 20. Hope you liked it (Even though I'm a bastard who couldn't write to save his life!)