TheEmperor'sEmpress»
» Something that came up to me when I waa listening to some sentimental music while writing new chapters for A Crimson Oath, Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari, and The Runaway Empress.
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Again, I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.
* How A Heart Breaks *
•• I haven't said anything wrong in my life... ••
How wrong was I, Akashi thought as he gazed down at the bouquet of red roses that he had thrown into the river that passes through this little bridge in the park somewhere in Tokyo. He clenched his hands tightly, his knuckles turning white, his nails cutting crescent marks into the soft skin of his palms that would surely bleed crimson if he press them harder. It is painful, but the wound in his heart is far more painful than the pain in his hands right now.
This is the second time that you've made me feel like this, Tetsuya. Are you aware of that fact?
The roses were now drifting farther and farther downstream, yet Akashi stood there looking into the clear waters running with a quiet rushing noise as they flowed through the rocks that dotted the entire course of the river.
Maybe if I had gone sooner, maybe straight after the Winter Cup, he mused with a bitter smile. But Akashi knows that it won't be right for him to finally declare his feelings to his dear phantom, not after what his other self had just told him moments earlier. He had seen it all while he is trapped in his own mind, how his other self had caused his beloved Tetsuya so much pain that it was almost a miracle that Kuroko had managed to push through with the game. Even though he knows, and Kuroko knows this too, that he is not exactly the one who did all that, Akashi knows that it will be up to him to shoulder the burden of the mistakes that his other self had created when he had been the one in control. He knows why his other self was created in the first place — his own weaknesses and insecurities were the ones that gave birth to that monster, to that disgusting creature who had dared to hurt the kindhearted bluenette.
And that monster is right inside his person.
A faraway look came into his eyes. He was looking at the water, yet it is not their crystal fluid that he sees but memories of days long gone, back when his demons were still quiet and everyone still had that air of innocence around them.
Will you smile like that for me, Tetsuya? Will you blush when I hold your hand? Will I make you laugh in pure happiness with just a word I'll say?
His eyes narrowed as a bitter smile graced his lips. Remembering the events earlier that day, he added one more line to that those thoughts of his.
Will you cry out my name in ecstasy if when I do that to you, Tetsuya?
He closed his eyes, and the scene replayed in his mind as if to torture him further. Once was enough, a second time might as well kill him.
But Akashi allowed himself to feel the pain, as if in mockery of his own self for failing yet once again.
"Tetsuya?"
Akashi stood outside the door of Kuroko's apartment. In one hand he held an exquisite bouquet of red roses, and the other he raised to press the doorbell once again.
"Tetsuya, are you home?" There was no answer, yet the redhead knows for a fact that the phantom was home. Don't ask why — Akashi just know it. But what irks the redhead is why the hell Kuroko is not answering the door.
Is he still asleep? he thought, pressing the doorbell yet again. Nah, impossible. It's almost ten o'clock in the morning, and Kuroko is not one to sleep in. Akashi, on a whim, tried turning the doorknob, and was surprised and alarmed when he found that the door was unlocked.
What the hell is Tetsuya thinking? He should know better than to leave his door unlocked. Who knows when someone might try to enter his apartment all of a sudden? Akashi ranted in his head. And then he stopped. Kuroko is not a careless one. For him to leave the door unlocked —
Akashi, who was taught manners and etiquette as early as he could understand the meaning of those words, knows full well that to enter one's home without permission is a very rude thing to do. But, to hell with those manners — what if something bad happened to Tetsuya? He pushed the door open, calling Kuroko's name as he did so. Still no answer. He looked straight through the short hallway that leads to the living room, and noticing that there was no sign of the bluenette there, he decided to invite himself in.
As he placed his shoes on the shoe rack, he noticed another pair of shoes that was clearly to large to be owned by Kuroko. A guest? Where are they then? The kitchen?
He headed there immediately, but there was not a single soul in sight. As he moved back to the living room, his sharp hearing caught something that suspiciously sounding like a —
"Aaah!"
It came from the bedroom.
Something in Akashi was telling him to go away, and to just come back again another day. But the redhead's curiousity got the better of him, and before he knew it, his feet had already brought him outside Kuroko's bedroom.
It was then that Akashi realized that he really shouldn't have entered Kuroko's residence in the first place.
"Ah — Ka-Kagami-kun!"
"Kuroko...!"
"Ha, ha, Kagami-kun, f-faster, onegai—! Hngh!"
"If that's what you want, Kuroko.."
A series of moans and groans and cries of pleasure echoed from inside the closed room. Akashi couldn't believe his ears. His eyes went wide in shock, and the flowers almost fell from his hands.
Ah, so that's why, his logical part thought calmly, Tetsuya was too busy to answer the door.
But Akashi's emotional side was another story. He was a mess of emotions — anger, disappointment, frustration, and sadness all rolled up in one, and Akashi was unsure of how much of those was directed to himself, to Kuroko, or to Kagami.
He stood rooted to that spot for God knows how long, when the rational thing to do was for him to leave once he learned that Kuroko is occupied for the moment. But no, he just has to hang around, and thus hurt himself even further.
"I love you, Kagami-kun."
"I love you, too, Kuroko."
That was the last straw. Nothing hurts more than to hear the person you love to declare their love to another, and even more to hear that other person to say the thing that you should have been the one telling that to your beloved. Akashi quietly turned on his heel and left the apartment silently. Not even Nigou, who was lying curled up in the couch, barked at him. To the little pup, the redhead was clearly no intruder, and so had let him be.
Akashi found himself feeling lost, and ended up wandering on the streets of Tokyo, and finally coming to a stop in an unknown park, where he tossed the flowers in the river. In the fading afternoon glow, the roses almost seemed to turn black.
It was already dark when Akashi opened his eyes. How long was he standing there? Something warm and wet trailed down his cheeks.
So this is how things should be.
He looked around him, but there was no one in the vicinity aside from himself. His eyes flitted to the skies above him. A lone star flickered in the darkening heavens.
It's time for him to leave.
Meanwhile, in another part of Tokyo, a certain bluenette lay in bed with another redhead. Both were exhausted. He watched as the taller male took slow, measured breaths, deep in slumber. He chuckled, amused at seeing him so peaceful and calm, in contrast with his loud and brash nature when he was awake.
One of the reasons why he loved this huge idiot.
The bluenette left the bed, as quietly as he can to not wake the redhead up. He picked up the carelessly strewn shirts and pants on the bedroom floor, and dressed himself in a set of fresh clothing, before ambling out the door.
A joyous bark greeted him, and his finger came to his lips, shushing his dear little pup who had come running to his feet. He closed the door behind him, then bent over to pat the dog's head, when his eyes caught sight of a red petal on the floor. With his fingers, he picked the thing up gingerly, and held it up to his face.
It was a rose petal.
He wondered where it came from. His lover did not have any flowers with him when he came over earlier, so definitely this was not from him.
But if this is not something from his lover, then who was it from?
He was still holding the petal in his hand when he went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Laying it on the immaculate white of his kitchen counter, it's color reminded him of someone he once loved long ago. But as sudden as the thought came to him, it vanished as sudden as well. He went back to the bedroom, gazing up at the clock on the wall in the living room as he passes by, and went inside to where his lover was still fast asleep.
The rose petal, the color of crimson, was now forgotten.