"Well Hagrid I made it, despite the lack of notice." Mcgonagall sternly greeted.

"Ah! Headmistress McGonagall! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!" Hagrid shuffled nervously as he invited her inside his hut.

McGonanall sat primly at his cluttered table, her face making a silent moue of distaste while Hagrid bustled into the kitchen to check on the food.

"Oh, egads! My roast is ruined!" Hagrid opened the window to wave the smoke out. Hagrid contemplated his options. He knew he needed to nail this luncheon if he wanted to get off probation and keep his job.

'What if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Hagrid!' He thought to himself.

"Hagrid!" McGonagall exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen and saw the smoke.

"Headmistress! I was just… Uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! Er….exercise! Care to join me?" He asked awkwardly/

"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Hagrid?" McGonagall stared him down.

"Uh, oh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm! Steamed clams!"

"Mmhmm." McGonagall eyed the smoke doubtfully, but left the kitchen.

"Whew!" Hagrid wiped the sweat off his brow and snuck quickly out the kitchen door to make a break for madam Rosmerta's.

Several minutes later Hagrid returns to the table to find an impatient McGonagall eying her timepiece.

"Headmistress, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!"

"I thought we were having steamed clams." Mcgonagall eyed him.

"Er, no! I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers." Hagrid scratched his head nervously/

"You call hamburgers steamed hams?" Mcgonagall asked dubious.

" 's a regional dialect."

"Uh-huh. Uh, what region?" She pressed.

"Uh, northern Scotland."

"Really. I'm from Edinburgh, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'"

"Er, no not in Edinburgh. It's a Glasgow expression."

"I see." She replied, obviously unconvinced, but not pressing the issue. "You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Madam Rosmerta's."

"Oh, no, Patented Hagrid Burgers. Old family recipe!"

"For steamed hams?"

"Yes."

"And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled." McGonagall lifts the bun and brandashes the grilled meat.

"Ye… Y'know, the… One thing I should… Excuse me for a second." Hagrid scurries back into the kitchen and then immediately returns when he realizes that the kitchen is on fire.

"Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped. Well er best be off."

"Yes, I should be…. Merlin and Morgana! What is happening in there?!" McGonagall shrieked as she noticed the flames licking through the cracks of the door.

"Aurora borealis."

"The Aurora borealis at this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?"

"Er..Yes?"

"May I see it?"

"No."

Hagrid brusquely escorted her out of his hut.

"Well, Hagrid, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham."