Elizabeth sat on the bed in their room and watched as he neatly, calmly packed up his life into the black leather bag. He didn't say much. Jason would just walk from the dresser, a pile of clothes in hand, back to the bed where his bag sits. All of the times that people had told her Jason Morgan was a cold-hearted son of a bitch she had never believed them. She had defended him in the way a lion defends her cub. She would continue to defend him until her dying breath. As much as she didn't want him to leave, she understood why he felt he needed to. Elizabeth could respect that. Accept it even—because she loved him.
They'd been living like this for a year now. One year ago today they had buried their little girl. Joseph Sorel saw her as his last attempt to guarantee his freedom. They'd made a deal—if he returned baby Abigail unharmed, Corinthos and Morgan would let him live. As Sonny had always told Jason, when it gets personal you make mistakes. Sorel knew that he was walking into a trap. But they hadn't planned on the C-4 Sorel strapped to his chest beforehand. Jason was getting out of the car when the warehouse went up. Joseph Sorel died that night, but he took Morgan's daughter with him. He had the last laugh. And if he could see them from hell he was still laughing.
He must have laughed at all the times Jason would drink himself into a stupor. At all the nights Elizabeth would lay in the bed alone and cry herself to sleep. The day Caroline finally left Sonny he laughed some more. It seemed that with the death of Sorel they all went straight to hell.
Elizabeth felt numb. She wanted to plead with him, beg him to not leave her. But she couldn't. Her hand went to her stomach and she impulsively pressed her palm into her womb. The child she was carrying was the reason she wouldn't break down in tears. A child that must have been created the last time they'd made love. It had been two and a half months since then. That was the last time that Jason had openly touched her. The night of their wedding anniversary. Both she and Jason had too much to drink and must have forgotten to use a condom. But for that one night all was forgotten. All the pain, tears, emptiness, and loneliness. They had loved each other again. It had been wonderful and for just a few hours Jason had come back to her. When morning came he was gone again; replaced by the guy who was counting the minutes to his first beer.
"I guess that's it," he said. He placed the last of his belongings—including a picture from their wedding day—and zipped up the bag.
She looked away as he sat down beside her, pulled to him, and kissed her forehead. He'd done that very thing the last time he told her he was leaving. They'd been on the docks and he was telling her he had to leave town, that it was safer for her if he left town. On impulse, she offered to go with him and for some strange reason he accepted her. She didn't know that cold January day when she returned to Port Charles they would be married, but she wouldn't have changed anything about the time they had together. Elizabeth wondered if her Jason Morgan was really gone. Was he so dead inside he could accept leaving her as the most natural thing in the world?
When she didn't respond to his kiss he sighed and dropped his arm. When was the last time they had touched because they wanted to? He couldn't remember. Even if he knew it was his fault; he was the one who shut down on her, he was the one who started sleeping on the couch, and he had been the one who pulled away from her. He broke their wedding vows—he'd left this marriage long ago.
"I understand, you know." She turned to look at him, tears pooling in her blue eyes. "I understand why you think you have to leave."
"I know." He pulled her close and she settled her head against his shoulder. "That's what makes leaving so hard."
Her eyes met his and they sparked for a brief moment. "I could go with you. We could leave together; ride off into the sunset, never to be heard from again."
No matter how much the idea still appealed to him, he knew it wasn't the solution he was looking for. He didn't want to leave her, but he knew he couldn't stay. He couldn't continue to live like this. "That won't work this time, Elizabeth." He saw the heartbreak in her eyes. Did she know how much he wanted to gather her in his arms and make love to her? The way that they used to; long and slow, all during the night.
"I know Jason."
She watched as he pulled from her and stood. Elizabeth couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. Tired and old.
"Elizabeth," Jason started. The tears flooded his eyes and he turned away from her.
She stood and crossed the room to him. Her hand found its way to his back and she tried to soothe him with a touch. Immediately she felt the familiar jolt from whenever they touched. Even though it had been small, it told her they still made magic. Her hand moved down to his waist and around to the front of his body. Her other arm snaked around him and she tightened her grip on him. How many times had they been in this position? Every time he took her on a bike ride, it was exactly like this. Except when he let her drive, he held her then. "Jason, look at me." He didn't turn around. "Look at me, Jason."
Slowly, she felt him shift and his arms came around her, pulling her closer to him. He felt as her tears soaked through his shirt and all he could do was hold her as she cried. When she finally stopped he didn't let her go. Not yet. It was too soon.
"I love you."
"Then why are you leaving?"
Jason sighed. He pulled back from her and felt the contact fall away. He knew this was coming. He'd been waiting for it since he told her that he was going. "I can't live like this anymore, Elizabeth."
"Like what? With me? You can't live with me anymore Jason?" her tone was harsh, her voice rose. If she noticed, she didn't seem to care.
"I can't live with the memories!" he shouted. He regretted it when he saw her flinch. Jason swore to himself and crossed to where she stood. "I'm sorry."
Elizabeth shook her head. "Just drop it Jason."
He reached out and touched her hair. "I don't want to drop it." He bent so they were at eye level and took her face in his hands. "I can't drop it. I'm in love with you. I always will be."
"So leaving is your solution? You leave someone that you'll always be in love with?"
"You know this has nothing to do with being in love. But even I know being in love isn't supposed to be this hard."
Her temper spiked and she jerked away from her. "You're leaving because this is hard? Newsflash Jason, it isn't supposed to be easy! But you promised—you promised to love, honor, and cherish me till death do us part! This will be the first promise you've ever broken to me. Screw being late for dinner or forgetting to pick up the dry-cleaning. No, you go for the big one. 'I don't want to be with you anymore, I don't want to be in this marriage anymore!'"
He watched as the words tumbled out of her mouth. He knew she wasn't trying to hurt him, she was just trying to understand. They'd built so many walls to block the other out they had a hard time reaching each other anymore.
"Elizabeth, I never said I wanted out of this marriage."
She whirled around and looked at him with wide eyes. "You don't? Last time I checked, leaving your wife was a really good indication that you did!"
"Elizabeth, come here." He wasn't surprised when she didn't budge. "Please honey, come here."
"Why Jason? So you can hold me and pretend you don't feel it? That it doesn't feel like a bolt of lightening when we touch? So you can lie to me? No, I don't think so."
"Damn it woman." He sighed and looks at her and for the first time in a year, he saw his wife. The woman he fell in love with was standing in front of him, shaking from anger. He couldn't remember the last time she had looked so beautiful. "I've never lied to you. I wouldn't even know how."
"I bet." The words were spit out with venom. "What about when you told me you'd get her back? When you told me that Sorel couldn't touch us? All of those times…" A sob came from deep inside of her and he watched as she folded like cardboard onto the carpet.
He stood and watched as she cried. When was the last time she had done that? He felt as his body gravitated towards her and he sat down beside her on the floor. Effortlessly he pulled her to him. She took the comfort his arms offered and reveled in the caress of his hand on her back. The nonsensical words that he whispered offered her support when she didn't think it was possible.
Elizabeth cried until she had no more tears left in her. The dry sobs racked her body and shook both of them. Long after she stopped crying they both sat there just holding each other. Another thing that hadn't happened in a long time.
Finally, Jason spoke. "I'm sorry."
She shifted to her knees and turned to face him. The contact wasn't lost and she clung to him. "Don't be sorry. I know you did everything you could to get her back."
"I did, but it still wasn't enough. She still died. That hurts and I'll always miss her, but at the same time I'm glad that it wasn't you." He lifted a hand to her face and stroked her cheek. "Do you know how selfish that makes me? My daughter died and all I could think was that I was glad it wasn't you."
The tears flood her eyes again and her face turned into his palm. "I used to be terrified when you'd leave me to do business for Sonny. Even the times you took me with you, I was so afraid someone would come and tell me that you were dead. Jason, if you're selfish then I am too. As much as I miss her, as much as I love her, I am so thankful it wasn't you. Because I don't think I could live without you."
"I'm so tired of being angry, Elizabeth." Jason leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the mouth before he stood. Automatically, he extended a hand to help her up. Once she was on her feet, he pulled her to him in a fierce hug. "I'm angry at you, Sonny, and Carly; but mostly I'm angry at myself. What makes it even harder is that you're angry too. We're both so angry all the time."
When he released her she wrapped her arms around her torso. "So that's why you're leaving?"
"That plays into it. We're destroying our relationship and we're destroying each other."
"I don't know if I can live without you. I don't even know if I want to try."
"You, Elizabeth Morgan, are stronger than you think. You're the strongest person I've ever met."
Her smile was sad. "Are you coming back?"
Jason exhaled, pushing the air from his lungs. "I don't know. Who knows, you may find someone who will sweep you off your feet."
She turned to look at him, doubt written on her face. "Not likely. You see, I already know this guy and he takes my breath away." She locked her eyes with his and she, for the first time, felt what he was really going through. His eyes couldn't lie to her, even if he wanted them too. She broke their gaze and looked down at her left hand. Slowly she started to remove the rings that rested there.
"Elizabeth, what are you doing? You keep those." Jason narrowed his eyes as she continued to remove the platinum rings.
After she was finished, she put the engagement ring he'd bought her in Italy back on her finger. She studied the platinum wedding band for a minute before she walked over to him. "Hold out your palm."
He didn't. "Elizabeth…"
"Jason, hold out your palm."
"That's yours. I don't want it back."
"Hold out your palm." She watched as he finally extended his hand and uncurled his fingers. Elizabeth placed her band in his palm and curled his fingers around it. "When you gave me that it was to remind me that you'd always love me. I'm giving it back to you in the same sentiment. All I want is your promise to always remember me."
A fist formed and the band cut into his skin. He focused on that so he wouldn't have to deal with the pain in his soul. "I could never forget you. Don't you know? Everything good inside of me comes from you. As long as I have that, I'll have you."
She nodded her head and smiled up at him. "And you'll always know where home is." She lifted the hand that held her ring and kissed his knuckles. "You should know the Elizabeth standing in front of you was born the day that you kissed her. You're where I begin. Everything that happened to me before then was just leading up to the day that you and I would meet."
He studied her face for a minute and he knew in his heart that one day he would return to her. She was his home and he'd always come back to her. He just had to find a way to live with himself in the process. He looked past her and saw the bag sitting on the bed. Reality crashed around him and he knew that he should leave before it got any harder. "I should go."
"Okay."
"You don't have to worry about anything. It's taken care of. And you know if you need anything, Sonny will be more than willing to help."
"I know." The bile started to rise from her stomach. She hoped she could hold it back until he was gone.
"Take care of yourself." He walked to the bed and picked up his bag. He glanced at his wife once more and dropped it again.
"What's wrong?" She saw his movement and turned to look at him. He was walking towards her.
"Come here, baby."
She walked into his open arms and his mouth met hers. The kiss was soft, but strong. Her mouth moved under his and she felt her knees go weak. This was the reason she loved him so much. Whenever he walked into the room, she got butterflies. When he touched her, he set her skin on fire. And when he kissed her, she felt like the whole world was spinning out of control around her. He asked for entrance by tracing his tongue over her bottom lip and she opened to him. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, their tongues met, dueled, and then danced. It felt like they kissed for decades, but she knew that it couldn't have been more than just a few moments in time. But it was enough to remind her of why she would never give up on him. Enough to remind him why he knew that he'd come back to her one day. Finally, because of lack of air, they pulled away.
"I love you." His voice was low and husky.
"I know. I love you so much, Jason." She reached up and touched his face. "Come home to me soon."
"Goodbye, sweetheart."
She stood in the room and watched as he walked out of it, bag in hand. She heard him descend the stairs, walk across the hardwood floors of the downstairs and heard the front door open then shut. After a minute, she heard the motorcycle's engine rev and pull out of their gravel driveway. She stood in that same spot until she could no longer hear the faint rumble of the motor. Then she fell.
He was gone.