WARNING: This is a song fic, and a rather emotional one, so if this does not appeal to you, then bite me and read it anyway.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Highlander character appearing in this story, nor do I own the Cranberries song appearing in this story. The name of the song escapes me at the moment but I do know that it can be found as #8 on the album Everyone Else Is Doing It So Why Can't We? Also, I might've gotten a few words of the song incorrect, but you get the general idea. My apologies to all parties involved with the creation and production of this song if my rendering has offended any of you.
Author's Note: This is my first Romance fic, and I hope you like it. It is written in Duncan's POV and is basically the way I think Duncan feels about Amanda. Please be a responsible reader type person and review. Also, you need to listen to the song if you can get a hold of it. Flames are allowed, but be gentle. I burn easily.
I Didn't Understand
Sitting in an armchair,
My head between my hands.
I wouldn't have to feel like this
If you'd only understand.
Amanda, you've gone and done it again. And I let you. I know damned well exactly the kind of person you are, and I still let you back into my life. I wait for you every single time you leave me, every single time. Sometimes it takes a few decades, but you always come back to me. I'm such a few. I should've known you were too good to last. Or too bad. I was always so sure you'd come back, because you always do. Before now, at least...But I'm not so sure this time. You've been gone so long. It's like a piece of me is missing, and I hate that you can do this to me, that you can manipulate me even when you aren't here! Damn it, I refuse to worry about you! You're older than me; you can damned well take care of yourself! Why can't you see how much it ears me apart every time you come waltzing back into my life expecting me to be waiting for you?
Too many misunderstandings
Causing such delay.
And if it doesn't work like this
I'll try another way.
I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on with our relationship. I don't know how the hell I've lasted as long as I have. I want some answers. I want to know how you feel about me, how you really feel. I love you. I love you in a way I've never loved anyone, not even Tessa. Yes, Tessa was special, and when I think of her it still brings tears to my eyes, but...She wasn't you. No one is, except you. There is only one you, and that's the problem. You're never here. Amanda, if we don't settle this soon, I'm going to have to end us. Permanently.
Oh, if this is the way you wanted it,
Oh, I didn't understand.
Oh, if this is the way you wanted it,
Oh, I didn't understand.
I know our relationship seems to work for you just the way it is, very convenient. I just don't understand you. I used to think I did. I used to think I knew you so well. I used to think a lot of things that I don't think anymore. I even used to think that you loved me, but now...Now I'm not so sure. It almost feels like you only come to see me when you want something or when you're in trouble. I used to think you loved me.
You knew that all I wanted
Was to be there by your side.
And if you didn't want it,
Well you shouldn't have to lie.
You know how I feel; you've known it since the first time we met. You knew it before I did. I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the first time you robbed me. And then the first time you left me, I died. It killed me to wake up and find you gone. I kept thinking, "Why didn't you take me with you? Why did you have to leave me? Did I do something, say something? Is it my fault?" Amanda, why did you say you would love me? Why did you promise to stay? You said you would stay, and you didn't. You never have, and you never will. If you don't want me, then tell me. I promise I can take it. I just can't handle the lies anymore.
You knew that you were someone special
Right from the start,
But if you treat me badly,
We'd be better off apart.
You always come back and expect everything to be exactly the way it was. The same routine, over and over. You get us both into a huge, dangerous mess, and I get us out. Then you bat those beautiful eyes of yours at me and expect me to forgive you. And I do, damn it! I always do. Then you leave me again, ripping my heart out every single time. You assume that I'll be there waiting for you, and, God help me, I am. And I'm sick of it. Amanda, this is it. Either we're together, or we're not. Either you're here, or you aren't. Either there is an "us" or there isn't. I'm tired, Amanda. I'm tired of waiting for you, tired of worrying about you, tired of loving you. I'm just tired. You've killed my heart, killed me, for the last time.
Oh, if this is the way you wanted it,
Oh, I didn't understand.
Oh, if this is the way you wanted it,
Oh, I didn't understand.