Disclaimer: Dammit, no Zoids ownership for me. I own sweet diddly-squat of the company/anime (why can't Van be reeeeeeeal…? Then he would be mi~ine!)
Warnings: It will turn out to be a Van/Irvine fic, but in this chapter there is only warnings for swearing (yeah, my charas have edge… -_-;; Whatever…)
Broken ~ Part one
Disillusion
Van screamed loudly behind clenched teeth as the Liger took another five missiles, throwing it back even farther. He cried out in fury as he shoved the thrusters to full power to stop himself from plummeting over the cliff edge.
"Dammit! Where did all of these Zaber Fangs come from!?" He cried and charged past a group of five, blowing up half of them as he went. "Thomas, where's my backup!? Thomas??"
Van reeled around just in time to dodge another barrage of missiles. He cried out in shock to see the D-Bison sprawled out on the ground a few hundred metres away.
"Thomas!!" Van screamed. "Hold on, I'm coming!"
"No, you moron! Worry about the Fangs first!" Came Thomas' static-filled reply. "There are more of them than there are me! What happens if you go down!?"
Van growled in frustration and slammed a fist onto his controls. "Fine! You and Beek just stay down, alright?"
"Yeah, sure. What are you up to?"
"If those Fangs see that you're down, they won't attack you. Just keep safe and don't move, you got it?" He quickly scanned his screen. "Alright Zeek and Liger, let's finish off what we started!"
Both Zoids growled in approval as Van grinned, blasting the Liger forwards and slamming into two Fangs, shattering their legs instantly. The blue Zoid whipped around and blasted four more into oblivion with some well-aimed missiles. An explosion rocked the Liger and Van was slammed to the side of his seat.
*Shit! These guys mean business!* Van snarled and snapped the Liger's twin blades out, charging past the few in front of him and looking back to see them exploding.
"Hah! This'll teach you to mess with the Guardian Force!" Van cried and rotated the blades forward and over the Liger's head. He locked onto the remaining five and pulled the trigger, watching with glee as they fell to the ground, destroyed.
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Man, that sure was fun. Hey Thomas, you alright now?"
"I've been better…" Van laughed and trudged the battle-weary Liger over to him. "Hey Van," Thomas asked, gazing at his screen. "What's that over there?"
Van twisted the Liger around and gazed at where Thomas had pointed. "I don't see any-" the teen felt his heart clench as his eyes locked onto a limp form on the desert ground.
"God no… ZEEK!!" Van screamed and practically ripped the Liger's hatch open, leaping to the ground awkwardly and sprinting over to the fallen Organoid.
"Zeek! What happened!?" He cried, sliding to a stop and sending up a spray of sand as he fell next to his friend. "Answer me Zeek! Wake up dammit!!" Hot tears welled in his eyes, threatening to spill over his cheeks soon.
Thomas ran up next to him. "What…what happened? How did Zeek get outside of the Liger?"
"I don't know!" Van cried, shaking his head hard enough to scatter his tears. "He-he was just fine and then…" he gasped, realization dawning on him. "That last explosion…Zeek must've been blown out from the impa…" Van shook the Organoid by the side as he began to shiver. "Zeek!! Don't you dare quit on me! Not now!! Zeek!? Zeek!!"
For a painful moment, Van briefly imagined life without Zeek. *No, it'll never happen! Zeek won't die on me! He won't!* His back heaved with shaky sobs as the miniature Zoid suddenly stopped shaking.
"…Zeek…?" Van breathed. He suddenly let out an ear-piercing wail of agony.
"ZEEEEEEK!!!"
***
"Get off me!" Van snapped as Thomas laid a hand on his shoulder.
"I was only try-"
"I said get off me!!" Van shoved his hand away, barely restraining himself from leaping at the man, venom boiling behind his eyes. Thomas wisely backed off and left the room, passing Irvine as he went. The bounty hunter snagged his arm.
"Hey, how's he doing?" he asked quietly.
Thomas cast him a horrified look. "If you want to lose limbs then feel free to walk on through," Thomas jabbed a thumb towards the door. "He's been pissed ever since it happened. I tried to cheer him up but he nearly took my head off!"
Irvine hushed him down. "If he hears us talking it might upset him even more." He sighed and gazed at the door to Van's room. "I'll see if I can't cheer him up, you get some sleep."
"But, Irvine-"
Irvine held a hand up, silencing him. "I've known him longer than you have; I know what makes him tick. So I don't think I should have any troubles with cheering him up, alright?" He smiled at Thomas. "Besides," he watched the man stifle a yawn, "you are tired."
The lieutenant merely smiled at him and nodded. "I suppose, today's battle really knocked the stuffing out of me and the D-Bison. I'll need to check on the repairs anyway, so I guess I'll let you be."
Irvine chuckled and slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "See? You already have your hands full. Go find the Doc, he'll be able to help you."
"Sure, see you around Irvine, and try not to get yourself killed in there."
The bounty hunter turned and waved over his shoulder, the smile falling from his face. If Van was as angry as Thomas had said, then he'd have to tread lightly. He breathed in deeply and peeked his head around the corner, eyes going wide.
The room was completely silent for quarters containing Van. He sat in the middle of his bed, back to the wall and head down with one leg bent up to rest his arm on. The room was dim but Irvine could clearly see the tears that had begun to slowly trace their way down his face.
"Uh…Van?" Irvine said after a long moment of staring.
Van didn't move. For a second, Irvine thought him to be sleeping. "Hey Irvine, come to cheer me up like Thomas?" he raised his head to stare daggers at Irvine. "Or have you come to tell me that I screwed up royally out there today?"
Irvine bit back the instant reaction to yell back at him; it wouldn't have helped matters if Van was this upset. Instead he stepped into Van's room and smiled at him, shaking his head.
"No Van, I'm not here to tell you how to fight; you're in the Guardian Force, you don't need me telling you anything about fighting." He put his hands on his hips, still smiling. "But yeah, I'm here to try and get you smiling again."
Van held his gaze for a second longer before tearing his eyes away and narrowing his eyes. "I don't need your pity, Irvine…" he breathed. "I just want…that he…" His voice trailed off and he swallowed hard, throat protesting violently against the lump that resided there.
Irvine took a step forward. "Van?" he whispered. No response from the young pilot. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Van remained silent but nodded all the same; a small motion, almost unnoticeable if Irvine hadn't been watching. "I guess…" he breathed.
The bounty hunter moved silently across the room in two strides and sat next to Van on the small bed. He watched the young pilot for a long moment; watching how he could hide everything behind those child-like eyes; watching now, how he struggled with his pain.
"You know…" Irvine began softly. "Zeek isn't gone, Van…"
The teen felt every muscle in his body lock up, suddenly cold despite the heat of the room. He turned slowly to stare wide-eyed at Irvine, wishing to hear those words again.
"…What?" Van whispered, voice full of concern and hope all the same time.
Irvine simply nodded in response. "Doctor Dee said that the impact severely hurt him, but if he's strong, he'll pull through. They're keeping him in the sixteenth hanger so they can watch over him while he recovers."
Van kept his wide-eyed gaze on Irvine a moment longer. The mention of 'if' spoke volumes to Van: If Zeek survives, if he pulls through, if he'll be all right. Van bit his bottom lip as he turned away, staring at the ground.
Irvine raised an eyebrow at him. "Van? I'd have thought you'd be halfway there by now. What's up?"
The teen shook his head sadly. "I just…" he paused. "Out there today, when it happened, I had the most horrible thought going through my head…what would life be like without Zeek?" He narrowed his eyes in obvious agony. "I make one simple miscalculation and Zeek nearly dies because of it. Some pilot I am…in the Guardian Force and I still manage to nearly kill my best friend…"
Irvine held his hands up. "Whoa Van! Hold up!" he said, not to gently. "It wasn't your fault; there was no way of knowing that you and Thomas were going to be ambushed there and secondly-"
"Just forget about it Irvine!!" Van yelled, hands flying to cover his ears. "I don't want to hear excuses! I made a stupid mistake and it almost cost Zeek his life!" The tears that were welled in his eyes began to roll down his cheeks, staining his shirt as they dropped off his chin. "I should have known that we were going to be attacked! I should have thought about the risk! The only reason I'm in the Guardian Force in the first place is because I was too stupid to realise that I should have quit while I was ahead! Everything I do is chalked up to sheer dumb luck because I'm too stupid to know any better!" Van sobbed loudly, bring his knees up to his chest and hiding his face as his back shook with heavy breaths.
Irvine scowled at him. "Then you really are pathetic…"
Van raised his now red eyes to meet Irvine's blue ones. "What?" he sniffled in shock.
"If you can't see all the good things you've done for people and all you do is concentrate on your bad points, then you're nothing but a pathetic person. Shit Van, how many people out there are grateful to have met someone as wonderful as you?" He held his tongue from adding another ending to his last sentence. "Think of all the people you've saved because of your piloting talent! That is not 'sheer dumb luck' Van; you have a real knack for piloting Zoids and that's what got you into the Guardian Force!" He glared angrily at Van. "What the hell would Maria or Zeek think about the way you're acting now? You're being nothing more than a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum!"
Van's shocked face had slowly merged into one of pure horror through Irvine's rant. *No, that's not true…* The teen knew his sister would never do or say anything the way Irvine was now.
"You're wrong Irvine…" he breathed. "You are so wrong…"
"Am I?" Irvine snapped back instantly.
"My sister would never talk down to me like you are now," Van ignored him, anger flaring. "She would sit with me and hold me and talk to me until I felt like being sociable again. I don't have her anymore, so all I can do is sit here and pray to whatever merciful god is out there to leave me be!" Van didn't care what he was saying as the tears rolled his cheeks again. "I swallow down my fear and my pride and I keep going; every time getting weaker and weaker because of it until one day when it's going to snap." He glared back at Irvine with an equal temper. "So don't put words into my sister's mouth, Irvine! I know perfectly well what she would do in this situation, and it's nothing like what you're-"
Van was abruptly cut off as Irvine hugged him awkwardly around the shoulders; Van's face pressed against his chest.
"So, is this what your sister would do Van?" Irvine asked, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Van was stunned for a moment, too dumbfounded to do anything. He snapped to his senses and began to stammer vehemently, "Uh, w-wha…hu- I mean, um… Uh, y-yeah…"
Irvine's smirk grew to a tiny smile. "So what do you want to talk about?"
Van snapped further back into reality. "Huh?"
The bounty hunter shook his head. "You said your sister would sit and hold you while she was talking to you, right?" Irvine felt him nod his head. "Well, I've fulfilled two of those requirements… So what do you want to talk about?"
The black-haired youth felt a warm feeling creeping to his face as Irvine held him. He swallowed and blinked a few times as he thought about what Irvine had said.
"Um… w-well…I don't know really…" he whispered. "Er…how did you become a bounty hunter?"
Irvine was taken aback by the strange and sudden question. "Well, I've been one for about six years now," he answered as he remembered his past. "I started out as just a petty thief; stealing this and that just to get by. It took some doing before my skills were recognised in the underground."
"Underground?" Van asked dumbly.
Irvine smiled at him. "A name for the society of thieves," he quickly explained. "As it turned out, I was getting close to being one of the best and that made the heads very nervous. So they set up a little challenge for me; if I passed, I'd have to run for my ass for the rest of my life, if I failed, I'd die in the test anyway." He chuckled despite the severity of the memory. "It all sounds really stupid now that I think about it; I was just some punk kid that a bunch of thieves and peeping toms were afraid of."
Van smiled on Irvine's chest. "Sounds like fun. So what was the test anyway?"
The bounty hunter smirked down at him. "I had to swipe a Zoid from a heavily guarded Imperial base."
Van sat bolt up and stared Irvine straight in the eye. "Say what!?"
Irvine laughed at him. "Yeah Van, and I passed too. That's also how the Command Wolf and I met." Van smirked in surprise as he rubbed the back of his head. "So hey, how did you and Zeek meet?"
Van smiled at him. "About a year and a half ago, I was being chased through the desert by some of Rosso's thugs all the way into these ancient ruins. I was pretty much under siege there so I decided to start nosing around." His expression softened and he leant back against the wall, eyes tracing the faint lines of the ceiling. "I found this secret room and it had two Organoid pods inside; the first one was Zeek and the other one was Fiona. When Zeek first came out he nearly took my head off with that tail of his." He laughed at the memory. "And that's basically it; that's how Zeek…and I met…" Van trailed off; his smile fading as he suddenly remembered where Zeek was.
The black-haired youth lowered his eyes to the floor and sighed deeply. Irvine watched him intently for a moment.
"Van?" The teen in question looked up. "Come on, let's go see how Zeek's doing. It might cheer you up some more, even though I already got you smiling."
Irvine stood up and took a step forward before Van's hand shot out and snagged his arm. The bounty hunter turned to stare at him in wonder.
"Van?" he asked quietly.
"Irvine, could…" he paused for a moment, unsure of how to voice his question. "Could you promise me something?" he asked, biting his bottom lip.
Irvine raised an eyebrow. "That depends; is it life threatening?"
Van shook his head quickly; Irvine guessed that he was serious about it, whatever it was.
"What…what you did just now…the way you held me and talked to me…" he wished Irvine would turn his gaze away. "Could you…" he sighed and shook his head quickly, blurting it out. "If I'm feeling down, could you maybe do that again?"
Irvine's features set in mild surprise. He knew Van wasn't just asking for a casual hug every now and then; the teen was asking for genuine emotional support from him. He blinked and looked away, realising suddenly, that Van's hand was still gripping his arm.
The bounty hunter smiled; why shouldn't he help him? He was his friend after all, and even after all the jokes and smiles, they'd still be good friends. He'd known Van long enough to grant him this much.
"Sure Van, anytime you want," he watched as Van raised his hopeful smile up to meet Irvine's eyes. Even as one of the strongest members of the Guardian Force, and nearly eighteen years of age, Van was still a child behind those eyes.
"Now come on, don't get all sugary sappy on me. I've got enough problems without having to worry about a bloody toothache from all this," Irvine grinned.
Van laughed at him and released his arm. He stopped and stood up tall, still over a full head height shorter than Irvine, smiling up at him.
"Thanks a lot Irvine, really…" Van said in complete sincerity. His face lit up in happiness. "So hey, let's go and see how Zeek is doing!" He walked quickly to the door before stopping and turning to Irvine, face set in worry. "Um, Irvine? Could we maybe not tell anyone about this? I mean, I'd hate to have any of the others knowing how…" he struggled for a word, "…weak…I was."
Irvine frowned at him. "Idiot. Showing someone what you're feeling inside doesn't make you weak; if anything it makes you a better person," he sighed at Van's expression. "Confronting what's inside of you will ultimately lead you to understanding yourself better."
Van raised an eyebrow. "Wow Irvine, that's pretty deep…"
Irvine's graceful summation was a shrug and, "Yeah, I read it in a fortune cookie." The black haired youth laughed at him and grinned.
"Come on then, I really want to see Zeek," Van said with a small chuckle.
Irvine nodded and followed him out, walking silently together through the many hallways and passages of the base until they stood outside of hanger sixteen. Van entered his access code and the two walked in. He smiled as he saw Fiona, Moonbei, Thomas and Doctor Dee standing around an Organoid pod. The doctor turned around and smiled at him.
"Van! Irvine! Glad you two could make it!" Van ignored him as he walked past them all and pressed his hands to the green glass that held Zeek.
He smiled sadly up at the miniature Zoid and chuckled. "Hey Zeek… Don't worry buddy, you'll be out of here in no time flat…"
Thomas sidled up to Irvine, leaning over to him and whispering, "Whatever the hell you said sure has cheered him up. What was it?"
Irvine smirked at the lieutenant. "Trade secret."
Van turned to Doctor Dee. "So Doc, how long will it be before Zeek is out of here?"
The old man 'hmm-ed' in thought and rubbed his chin. "Well given the fact that Zeek has a high tolerance of battle damage and he's been forcefully ejected from the Liger more than once, meaning he's got a higher resistance to it. That and also that he-"
"The point, Doctor Dee…" Van interrupted.
"Three weeks, four at the absolute most," the old man finished quickly, sensing the teen's temper flaring. "He'll have to stay in this Organoid pod for the duration of that time though. Utilising the pod this way, Zeek will be able to recover much faster."
Van felt awful; a month? He smiled his thanks at the doctor however. Fiona smiled at her friend.
"Now Van, you know how tough Zeek is. He'll be just fine; everything's going to be alright, you'll see." Fiona said sweetly.
Van smiled at her. "Yeah, I know he will be," he turned back to the doctor. "Hey Doc, take care of him, you got that?"
The old man nodded. "And when have I ever let you down? Zeek's in the best of hands with me!"
Van laughed. "I suppose I can give you that much; you are damn good when it comes to Zoids." He smiled at all of them. "Well, I have to go check the damage on the Blade Liger. See you all later." He waved at them and walked off quickly, not waiting for a response.
Van strode outside and headed straight for the hanger where his Liger was. He took a deep breath as he gazed up at his Zoid.
"Not too much damage, at least, not on the surface…" he mused as he walked over to it and began climbing up to the cockpit.
He lifted the hatch and climbed in, closing it swiftly behind him as he sat down in the pilot's seat. Van quickly started the self-diagnostic on Liger and sat back with a loud sigh.
"A month…a month without Zeek…" he whispered.
Van clenched his eyes tight as he felt a lump rise to his throat. He swallowed and drew in a strangled breath, forcing it to go away. He felt his cheeks heat up as he bent forward and wrapped his arms around himself.
"I'm not weak…" he breathed shakily. "I'm not weak… I won't cry… Boys don't cry…"
His body apparently, was not listening to his voice as tears welled in his eyes and began to blur his vision. He choked out a sob.
"Boys don't…cry…" he stammered through his sobs.
Van's breathing was fast and strangled as he sat up and swallowed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Dry your eyes you baby…" he whispered to himself as he finally bit back the last of his tears.
"All this pain…I hate it so much… I just want it all to go away…" Van opened his eyes, a sudden thought buzzing through him like adrenaline. "I can end it… I know how to make the pain stop…"
He sat bolt up and cancelled the self-diagnostic, sparking the Liger to life and charging it from the open hanger.
***
"Sir? I think you'll want to see this," a soldier in the control room said.
The general walked over to him. "What is it Buler?"
The soldier pointed to a blip on the radar. "I ran a scan on it sir; it's Van Fleihight's Blade Liger. It left here at top speed around twenty seconds ago, bearing two-twenty-three; towards the Geno-Breaker's last known position."
The general's eyes went wide. "Is that boy insane!? Patch me through to him immediately!"
"Sir!" Buler replied and pulled up a com window. Van's face appeared on-screen, ticked off at the disturbance.
"I'm on personal business here, sir. Please don't mind me," Van said before the general had a chance to speak. "I'll be back before long. Just tell the others I went off for supplies." The black haired youth cut the connection.
The general stared dumbfounded at the screen for a moment. Buler looked up at him.
"Sir…?"
The general stared down at him. "Run a tracer on him at once! He may be a freelance pilot but he's still in Republican territory!"
Buler began to sweat; the general had never been this angered and surprised all at once. He thought it best if he did what he wanted, and quickly. "Um, sir…I can't…"
"And why not?" The general asked sternly.
"He's activated his cloaking device, sir. We can't find him on any sort of frequency or scan!" he tapped a few more buttons at lightning speed. "And he's sealed off all communications to his Zoid. We've lost him completely!"
The general sighed in frustration and turned away. "When he gets back, he'll pay for this, I swear it."
Buler swallowed and went back to work; silently praying to whatever god there was that the general would be merciful to Van's poor soul when he returned.
***
Van's face set to a scowl as he cut off the connection, turning the device off completely. He flicked a series of switches under a hidden panel, smirking faintly to himself.
"At least that will stop them from trying to interfere." He mumbled. "With the Liger now completely hidden from all frequencies and scans, I can finally get on with it."
He glared venom at the horizon. "No more pain; I'll end it all right now…" The Liger blasted past a few rocky outcroppings.
"You're mine Raven…" he breathed.
TBC
Chan: Yes, I am perfectly aware that Van is psycho to take Raven on in a one on one battle. Bah! If he loses, we shall point and laugh at his pain!!
Van: Why's it always me...?
Chan: Erm...well, where would we be without a touch of angst, ne?
Irvine: Whatever...
Van: *teary eyes* How can you be so cruel?
Chan: Easy. I'm a fic writer. *gains an evil smirk and somehow begins to levitate in a cloud of spooky darkness* And you have not yet BEGUN to feel pain my little black haired cutie!!
Van: *whispering to Irvine* For the love of all things sacred, please swap places with me...
Irvine: *walking off* Not a chance! *is violently glomped by Chan* ACK!! GEDOFF!!!
Chan: *grinning maniacally* NEVER!! Your sexy butt is mine!!
Van: Now I'm really scared...
Chan: *from the background* Read and review pleeeeease!!