Nobody's home 1
I couldn't tell you why he felt that way,
he felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help him,
I just watched him make the same mistakes again.
As Castiel sat with the Winchester boys he could feel all these unknown emotions flowing through him and yet he had been in his vessel long enough to understand hate, sadness and dissapointment. These he could find in himself and felt so strongly it scared him
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where he belongs, where he belongs.
He wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where he lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry his eyes.
Broken inside.
Castiel remebers how heaven was before the apocalypse began and he misses it but what of heaven now? Does he really want to go back to the place his father created? That same father that has declared that he isn't going to lift a damn finger to stop the end of the world and its people. He looks up at Sam and Dean talking quietly over dinner and feels some small sense of the happiness that he felt in heven. Is this where he's supposed to be? Without a goodbye Castiel flies away to an empty meddow not far form the motel he just vacated. He falls to his knees and weeps. He weeps for the loss of his father, his home, but most of all he weeps at how broken and torn he feels inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reason why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where he belongs, where he belongs.
He wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where he lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry his eyes.
Broken inside.
Castiel had never felt so alone, so cut off from his brothers and sisters. Why did they have to leave him here on this planet all alone? Why? As Castiel had another drink from the bottle of alcohol he found in Dean's bag he felt a tear roll down his face. So alone, no one to even offer a sholder to cry on or to wipe the tears from his face. Dean walks in to the motel room to find the Angel getting drunk again and silently crying. He takes the now empty bottle from Castiel while telling him that drinking isn't helping him to keep what little grace he has left and wipes the tears that have fallen from the Angels eyes. Once again Castiel thinks 'is this home?' before passing out.
His feelings he hides.
His dreams he can't find.
He's losing his mind.
He's fallen behind.
He can't find his place.
He's losing his faith.
He's fallen from grace.
He's all over the place.
Castiel has his first deram. It scares him but he doesn't tell Sam or Dean. He can't. How could they even try to comprehend that what he dreams of is heaven, with his brothers and sisters always with him and their father smiling down on them. He knows that he will never have that but he supposes that is why humans dream, to belive for the shortest time that they are completly happy. Castiel knows that his grace is leaving him, and very soon he will be human. He fears that when this happenes he will lose his mind. All the emotions these humans feel, how do they cope? He has alredy lost his faith in his father and that he is very close to becoming the next fallen Angel but how could he not when he has no idea where he belongs any more. Is it in heaven even though he cannot enter any more? Or is it with these humans and their emotions? His mind was all over the place and he had no idea how cope. He cries, and prays it's the last time.
He wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where he lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry his eyes.
Broken inside.
He's lost inside, lost inside. He's lost inside, lost inside