Hearthstone

I blink my eyes awake under the sunlamp, not quite rested, but too hot to stay asleep. It must be midday by now, and I'm not sure why I decided to use the lamp when I could have fallen asleep in front of the window. My brain buzzes, turning random thoughts over and over in my head. I'm not comfortable and it takes me a while to figure out why.

Blitz and I had spent the previous night moving his things from Nidavellir to the shop on Newbury, though rune magic made it relatively easy. I'd learned a lot in Asgard from Odin. One lesson enabled me to open a temporary door between Blitz's old apartment to the new shop. It was only a matter of carrying boxes through the space Blitz intended to use for a dressing room.

Magnus and his friend TJ helped for the first few hours until Blitz insisted we would be fine for the rest. I had accidentally witnessed them having a conversation during a break while Blitz was busy organizing boxes according to function. I didn't want to interrupt their conversation, but I also didn't stop watching because they were talking about Blitz and me.

TJ pointed out to Magnus that my face brightens whenever I see Blitz. He also said Blitz grins a lot and acts more touchy-feely when I'm around than other times. I guess Magnus had brought his friend around to hang out with Blitz a lot while I was in Asgard. I'm not sure. But then TJ said it was only a matter of time - if it hadn't happened already - that Blitz and I would be dating. At first, Magnus brushed him off as being ridiculous, but after TJ explained himself, I noticed that Magnus was paying closer attention when Blitz and I were together. I think it's because I knew what he was doing that made me stumble more than usual, and even I couldn't help notice that Blitz was there every single time to catch me, and ask if I was okay. I began to wonder if there might be something to what TJ had said. Luckily, Blitz shooed them off around then. He was probably feeling the same weird, secretive vibes that I got from them. They're nice guys, but, yeah, a bit annoying at times.

I had never really thought about it before, my attraction to Blitz. I always knew it was there, that is true, but I'd never thought about doing something about it. I've spent nearly every day of the past four years with Blitz, or at least touching base with him so we knew where to find each other again. I have noticed his body; I'm deaf, not blind. It's just, I've been so unhappy for so long, even after meeting Blitz, that didn't change. It's a physical thing, depression, being an empty cup. The concept of pleasure is plain foreign then. It's hard enough to stay present and go through the day to day actions of mere functioning.

Many times since Blitz saved my life, we've ended up in the same bed together, but it was never sexual. I had nightmares; Blitz would comfort me until I fell asleep again. We talked about it a few times; that's when we learned about each other's pasts. We had a sort of unspoken agreement to not be embarrassed with each other about our pasts. It was nice to comfort each other like brothers would.

Now, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I feel connected and wanted. I've found the family I always wanted, the one I've always needed, and it's kind of nice. So what's the big deal?

My body. Apparently along with not feeling depressed, my body feels alive for the first time in my life and along with that, I seem to have a newly awakened sex drive. It's crazy-making.

I breathe in and out, trembling, my fingers curling. My dick throbs in my pants as I resist touching it, but I want to. The only thing stopping me is that Blitz is in the next room, but that doesn't stop me thinking about what it would be like – how embarrassing, how hot – if he came out and saw me jerking off under the sun lamp.

I'm almost too hot now. I'm not sure if the lamp is growing hotter or if it's just me burning up more than ever. My face might melt off. The scene plays out in my mind: my hand slipping up and down my erection, my hips bucking forward on their own accord as I chase my orgasm and Blitz watching. I imagine him standing stock-still, his eyes wide, unable to look away. Would I stop when I noticed him watching? I don't think I would. I'd probably be so close at that point that stopping would be impossible. I'd probably meet his eyes, and that sight – knowing he's watching me would send me over the final edge. I'd come over my fist, spilling onto my stomach, and wishing my hand was his.

It happens.

I don't even touch myself. The idea alone is enough to make me come, my mouth dropping open, my chest vibrating as I come inside my pants. Relief floods my system, charging my brain, filling every cell in my body with what feels like magic.

I smile drunkenly, too dazed to care, too high to freak out until Blitz's face, twisted with concern, hovers above me. I catch the tail-end of his lips moving: "… heard you moaning, buddy. Was it a bad dream?"

Oh gods. There are so many ways this conversation could play out. I sign yes, and follow him to his bed, the possibilities guiding my steps. First thing, I think, I'll insist on taking a shower.