A/N: This is the first time I have written a tragic story. I hope I write it well enough for people to be interested.
I do warn you, this fic does deal with a character death. So, if those aren't your thing, stop reading now.
If you can read them, I hope you like it =)
There is no beta for this story, so any mistakes are mine.
Wish List
He wasn't going to stop until the list was complete. He had remained in his office chair, quietly writing all through shift that evening. He didn't attend any scenes, didn't enter any labs inquiring about any results... he just sat in his office, scribbling blue ink over several pages of a small notebook.
His team found this to be incredibly strange. Gil Grissom rarely ever stayed in his office throughout shift. So why was he now?
Sara Sidle was particularly worried. Grissom had been her friend for nearly seven years and not once in all that time had she seen him glued to his office chair. Even when he had a mountain load of paperwork to complete, he never ever dropped everything to even make a dent in it.
So she watched him. His door was open, allowing a light draft to enter the room. He looked tired, exhausted, but he was still soldiering on with whatever he was doing. She cautiously made her way to his sanctuary and propped her body on the doorframe when she had arrived. He didn't seem to notice her, and if he did he wasn't acknowledging her presence.
She continued to watch him, his hand feverishly composed word after word on the white paper. She desperately wanted to know what was wrong, and what he was writing, but didn't want to invade his privacy. Whatever it was, it was important enough to blow off visiting the most interesting crime scene they had that week.
She cleared her throat slightly and spotted his eyes rise up to glance in her direction. But, no words were said. She walked into the room and sat on the visitor's chair, waiting patiently for him to come to her. Their friendship had blossomed over the last few months; Sara felt she could tell Grissom anything. She hoped he felt the same way.
After a few minutes, he placed his pen on the desk beside the book, slipped an envelope within the pages, and looked at her. Sara had never seen the current expression on his face. It was a cross between sorrow and defeat, therefore, her worry intensified.
"What's wrong?" she whispered, afraid to raise her voice any higher.
"It's nothing you should be concerned about at the present time, Sara." he replied, "Just promise me something." Her face contorted in curiosity, "When I instruct you to do so, read this." He slid the notebook in front of her. "Read the letter before the book."
Sara was visibly frightened. She didn't like where this conversation was headed.
She tried to cover her fear by giggling nervously, "Are you going somewhere?"
He sighed, looking down at the table, "You could say that," he mumbled.
Even though his voice was muffled, she heard every word of his phrase. Her fingers toyed with the pages of the notebook, lifting the corner of a few and then flipping them back to their resting position. She gazed at her friend, wishing that she could read his mind at that moment. She was getting better and better at it, but at that moment, she couldn't.
"When do you want me to read this?" she asked tentatively. Her voice was quiet and ragged.
"Not right now," he answered. His deep, ocean blue eyes searched hers, "Come over to my townhouse for breakfast after shift. I will let you read it then, and I will explain everything." He stood and walked around the desk to stand at her side, "Please, read the letter before you're arrival however. Do not let anyone else see you reading it." He then left the room.
As soon as he had said those words, her already heightened curiosity toppled over the perilous peak it was hanging over. She stood from her seat and made her way to the locker room as fast as she could, knowing that it was really the only private place in the lab if no one was there.
She scurried down the halls, turning corners with the nimbleness of a feline. She rushed through the locker room entrance and sat on the bench at the far end of the room.
She slipped her fingers under the book cover and removed the letter. She then pulled the flap of the envelope open and pulled the paper from it. She took a deep breath while unfolding it and began reading.
Dear Sara,
If you are reading this, well, it means I worked up the courage to hand you this letter. The reason I asked you to read the letter before the notebook is that I wanted to explain what the book is about first.
The notebook is a set of instructions, a wish list of sorts, that I want you to try and complete for me. Some are designed to be completed by yourself; some are designed for you to do with me.
I not only want you to do these things for me, Sara, but I NEED you to. I would rather tell you the reason for this to your face, and not in this letter.
I don't want a word of this mentioned to the team, at least not yet. I don't want them to know before they have to.
You however, I wanted you to be the first person to know.
I know that I've probably piqued your highly inquisitive nature and have not given you an answer yet. You will find out soon enough.
I am going to finish this letter with something I found to be rather moving. I think it sums up our relationship rather well,
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend." Albert Camus.
Gil
Sara's eyes had filled with tears. She knew why she didn't like where their conversation had begun to lead them, and the letter proved it. It sounded too much like a goodbye.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Grissom manoeuvred around his kitchen getting things ready for his breakfast with Sara. He was making her favourite omelette, and desperately trying to think of a way to break his news to her.
A knock at his door shook him from his reverie. He answered it quickly and motioned for her to enter his home. She stepped inside and made her way to the sofa, hanging up her shoulder bag and jacket on the coat rack as she did so. He instantly knew she had read the letter; there was just something sad in her appearance.
He placed the plates filled with the omelette on the dining table and watched as she took a seat. He copied her action and they ate in an odd, but comfortable silence. He didn't exactly understand why she was silent; he thought that she would have rushed in asking a barrage of questions as to the letter's meaning.
So he was the first to break the silence with a question he already had the answer to, "So, did you read the letter?" He cleared the plates after they had finished eating, waiting for Sara's reply.
She seemed upset, "Yes, I did." Her answer was short and to the point.
He was nervous, "And?"
"Well," she started, "You said you would explain so, I'm waiting."
"Ahh, yes." She had moved to sit on the sofa, so he did the same. "Firstly, will you complete the wish list for me?"
"Depends on the reason," she snapped in retort. She didn't sound mean, but her frustration was clear.
He sighed heavily. Now was as good a time as it was ever going to be, "Sara, the reason why I wrote the wish list, the reason why asked you to complete it is that I am never going to be able to finish it."
She chuckled incredulously, "Huh, come on, Gris. Be serious with me. What is this about?"
"Sara..." He really didn't know how to break it to her, "Sara, I...I—I uh... I'm ill. I have an illness that can't be cured, it's... its terminal, and advanced."
Sara was speechless. No, no this couldn't be happening, "Terminal?" she questioned. "Advanced? Grissom, what...what do you..." She couldn't finish her question.
"Cancer, Sara. I have a brain tumour. It's in a position that can't be operated on, it would be too dangerous. If they did try to remove it, it would kill me anyway."
She was shaken. Speechless and shaken. She couldn't move... her entire body was frozen. She begged herself to wake up from the terrible nightmare that had befallen her.
But she never did.
Because she wasn't asleep.
This was real.
Grissom was dying.
"You can read the book now, if you like," he whispered. He walked towards the handbag and removed the book, returning to place it on her lap.
She gazed at it like it was something that was burning her, but didn't move to shift it from its position. She just stared at it blankly.
"Please, Sara honey. Read it." He again picked it up, opening it to the first page and held it in front of her, "Read it out loud."
She did as he asked. She read the words from the page:
My Wish List
I didn't think I would be writing one of these, as I never imagined myself as the type of person to do so. However, when I learned of my condition and knew there was so many things I still wanted to do before I death, I felt I had to.
Sara felt, and Grissom saw, hot, salty tears flood her eyes. She stopped reading at the moment and flung her arms around her friend, her grief overwhelming her. Grissom was a little shocked by her action, but understood it and hugged her close to him. He pulled her to sit on his lap, her legs straddling his thighs. They held each other and cried together, Grissom could no longer hold in his emotion.
"I'm so scared," he murmured into her silky hair. "I don't want to die, Sara, not yet."
She sobbed violently, holding him tighter.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Number One — Quit work at the Crime Lab.
Sara had decided that she was going to do everything in her power to help Grissom complete his final wishes. No matter what it took, she was going to help him realize his dreams.
His first wish was to retire from work. He had told her that soon he would not be fit enough to leave his house, much less work, so it was a logical desire.
He had filed his resignation the next night. He didn't feel strong enough to battle the questions from their colleagues, so Sara told them why. Everyone was shocked, and devastated.
Nick Stokes, Catherine Willows, Warrick Brown and Greg Sanders listened intently to what Sara told them. Gil Grissom, their fearless leader, mentor, but most of all friend, was dying and there was nothing they could do to stop it.
All of them cried shamelessly. Not one of them said anything.
They all didn't know how to say goodbye, but Sara told them that Grissom would let them know when the time for goodbyes had arrived.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Number Two — Ask Sara Sidle out to dinner.
One thing Grissom wanted to do more than anything was let Sara know of his feelings before the inevitable happened.
He knew now that he had wasted his life. He had waited and waited and waited and waited, allowing Sara to be completely oblivious to his love for her. And now, he was dying. He wanted to spend every waking moment he had left with her.
So, he instructed her to read the next wish on his list when she popped into his office while he was clearing it out.
"Gris, I..." She was astounded. She had written off ever going on a date with her supervisor, the love of her life. "I don't know what to say."
"Say yes," he whispered close to her ear. She shivered in response and nodded her head gently.
He took her to a small, quiet little restaurant in the outskirts of the city. He made a point of telling her that they had quite an extensive vegetarian menu. She smiled.
They enjoyed their meal, chatting about work and his illness further. She asked him how much longer the doctors thought he had.
"They said it was hard to say, as I told them that if it was diagnosed as terminal I wanted no more drugs or treatments. Six months maximum, I think he said."
Sara didn't want to spoil them mood, but she had to know. She had to prepare too.
After their meal was over, he invited her back to his townhouse for coffee. Both knew that coffee was never going to be on the agenda.
He unlocked his townhouse door and guided her into his home. They soon began the age old dance. Kisses were shared, clothes were removed. They made love into the wee hours of the morning.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Number Three — Visit the Rainforest
He told Sara one place he really wanted to visit before his death was the Amazon Rainforest. Sara booked tickets for the both of them; their relationship had made the transition from awkward friends to faultless lovers effortlessly since their date. She knew Grissom didn't want her to leave his side.
The trip was everything Grissom had wanted. They travelled the Amazon River in a canoe, discovering that not all canoes were easily sinkable in the process, he searched for rare insects deep in the jungle, Sara researched the local wildlife and aided with projects to do with their protection. It was a trip of a lifetime for two dedicated scientists.
They landed back on Vegas soil a week later.
Grissom's health was deteriorating.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
A month had passed; Grissom's health was getting worse with each passing day. Hospital visits couldn't help them. All they found out from doctors and oncologists was that six months was a very optimistic life expectancy.
One oncologist took them aside in a private room. They told them what they needed to hear. Grissom didn't have five more months; he would be incredibly lucky to have two more.
Sara by this time had moved in with Grissom, and became his lover and carer. He was frail; his weight was dropping off of him. She searched the internet and several archives about how to keep his strength up, nothing seemed to be working.
She couldn't sleep that night and wandered to sit outside on his deck. She watched the stars, she didn't believe that there was any higher power in this universe, yet she prayed. She prayed to whomever was listening, pleaded for them to give her strength, begged for them to lower Grissom's pain and suffering.
Grissom woke when he couldn't feel her warm, soft body lying next to him. He knew where she was, so he swiftly shifted over to her bedside table and grabbed the wish list.
He scored out every wish he had...apart from one.
He tossed the book on the bed and stood shakily, making his way outside. He spotted her curled up on the deck chair, swiping away tears every other second.
He sighed. He couldn't help his own pain, but it hurt him deeper to know that he couldn't help her with her own.
He sat beside her and wrapped her in his arms. They remained like that until the sun was high in the sky.
He dozed and Sara moved to let him have some room. He needed sleep, he needed to rest. She sauntered into the bedroom and saw the book ling on the bed.
She picked it up and observed the lines and lines of ink used to score out several wishes.
She then caught a glimpse of the only legible words left.
Marry Sara.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Another month had passed, Grissom and Sara were now living their days as husband and wife. The ceremony was small, but no less wonderful and no less elegant. Sara wore a simple, but beautiful, white gown, Gil wore the black suit that Sara said she adored him in. All of the team were in attendance, as well as many of the lab techs, Jim Brass and Al Robbins. The sheriff and even Conrad Ecklie were also there.
Grissom was now severely weak. He could barely do anything without pain and exhaustion overwhelming him. Sara was worked off her feet, but she didn't care. She was his wife, his lover, his carer and his protector. No matter how much she had disliked the notion of marriage before hand, she found that she loved it... even if it did mean extra work.
Several days passed, Grissom had noticed Sara looked run down and poorly. He requested that she see a doctor for once. She obeyed his wish and made and attended her appointment. Her doctor was the same one that initialled diagnosed her husband.
He diagnosed her condition too.
When the window of the life of a loved one closes, another one opens.
She was astonished and heartbroken all that the same time.
She was pregnant, two months pregnant, and Grissom was never going to see the birth.
She broke the news to him gently. He took it rather well.
"Pregnant? But how..."
"The doctor told me it must have been the first night we made love. You said you had refused chemotherapy and other such treatments, so it was possible for you to impregnate me," she explained.
He hugged her close...they cried and celebrated.
Another few days had passed. Sara shared their news with the team, who congratulated them both. Grissom had no strength that morning so he said he would wait at home.
"I don't feel up to making the trip, sweetheart," he murmured in her ear when they had woken up, "You go."
"Mm," she hummed, "Alright. I love you babe." She pecked his mouth in a quick kiss. He returned it, adding a little more passion.
"I love you too." He stroked her growing belly, "And I love the little ladybug."
Sara giggled and left for the lab.
When she returned, she called out his name but received no answer.
She searched the house for her husband. She found him sitting in their deck chair.
"Gil, there you are. Geez, I was looking all over for you." She walked over to him, but still received no answer.
Grissom wouldn't ignore her.
So why wasn't he answering her?
"Gil?" She jogged over and kneeled down in front of him.
His eyes were closed, he looked peaceful.
There was no rise and fall of his chest.
He was gone.
"Gil...Gil...no please... Gil, please wake up. Please, please." She shook him, but still no reply. She screamed. It was a high pitched wail that would forever haunt her neighbours.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
The funeral was much like their wedding; it was small and a full celebration of Grissom's extraordinary life. Sara was heavily pregnant and was staying with Catherine while she controlled her grief.
Catherine supported her adopted "sister in law" throughout the woman's pregnancy. She was there during the birth.
Sara screamed loudly during the last push, a baby's first breath and screechy cries filled the room.
And then there was another.
"Congratulations, Mrs Grissom. You have fraternal twins. A boy and a girl," yelled the midwife.
Catherine cried, Sara cried. Twins, now that was unexpected.
Grissom was a father of two.
Sara held them both, one in each arm. Her son had her amber eyes, while her daughter had her daddy's eyes. Both had Grissom's curls, but Sara's hair shade. Sara sobbed in delight.
Grissom was still alive in their children.
Sara named her son after her husband; Gil Jnr was in every way like his father. He loved bugs, he loved science and he was just as enigmatic.
She named her daughter Faith, as throughout their entire relationship, Sara had always had faith in Grissom. She had always believed that good things will happen if you had faith in the things you believed in.
Her children grew up knowing about their father, and how precious little time their mother and father had together before his death. They grew believing that life was worth living. Don't ever let things come in between you and your dreams, because if you did, you would regret it severely.
Grissom knew his children were going to be alright. They had Sara as a mother, and that was his biggest wish of all.