Travesty International
- A BtVS/HP Crossover
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, Joss Whedon owns Buffy. I am neither.
A/N R.E. Time Setting: Set seven years after Deathly Hallows, one year after Buffy the Vampire Slayer season seven. I am ignoring some of DH Epilogue, and the entire 'Season Eight' comics, as well as Season Five of Angel. Sorry to those who like those parts but it's about creative freedom plus I was facing some serious plot-bunny-problems should these be included in the 'back story'.
Harry James Potter, also known as the Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, the Deputy Head of the Auror Office and, at one unfortunate time in his second year of Hogwarts, Slytherin's Heir, was at his wit's end.
And, no, it was not because Voldemort was back. That particular episode of his life had ended a good seven years ago.
What he was so frustrated about was that - despite the fact that the head of the Ministry's new Department was scheduled to arrive in just a few hours - the people in administration still hadn't gotten around to sending out the flyers showing what the new people looked like. They could have already been here for a few hours (now there was a scary thought) without anyone realising it.
"Ron!" called Harry, spotting his best friend across the hall. "Have you got the Transfiguration group ready?"
Ron nodded. "Hermione's got them up on level four, waiting for the go-ahead. Oh, and Kingsley said he wanted to see you afterwards."
Harry sighed - another meeting probably. That or there had been a stuff-up in the training sessions again. For some reason, Kingsley had decided that it would be Harry's job to explain to parents every time a trainee Auror hurt themselves exactly what had happened. Perhaps it was because he was the guy who'd defeated You-Know-Who, and the parents would take it better from him then they would another member of the office. Still, 'parental control,' as he and Ron had nicknamed it, was almost as boring as desk work.
"Fine," said Harry. "Now, let's go build us a new Department, okay?"
"Yeah," replied Ron as the two of them stepped into the elevator. "It's not everyday this sorta thing happens. How'd you say we found this lot again?"
"Well, they were recruiting of the south of Wales, and accidentally picked up a Hogwarts graduate without realising. She sent an owl back to her parents, who passed it onto us. One of them - Gilbert or Gillespie or something like that - decided to make contact with us. They set up a couple of meetings and once they were sure we weren't some sort of Satanic cult - their words, not mine - they agreed to join. Well, that's the simple version. From what I've heard, there was a lot more paperwork involved."
The two of them shuddered - doing paperwork was almost as bad as History of Magic homework used to be, only these days they couldn't copy from Hermione.
"So now they get a whole Department?"
"Yeah," said Harry, shrugging. "Apparently Kingsley was thinking of putting them in with International Magical Co-operation cos they've got people in all different countries, or Law Enforcement with us. But there were too many sub-divisions, so in the end, brand new Department."
The elevator doors opened and the two of them stepped out onto the fifth floor of the Ministry. The entire area was a hive of activity, wizards and witches running back and forth, casting protection and stabilising charms all over the place, many staring at the roof as if they expected it to fall down on their heads. Enchanted paper planes zoomed past, carrying information from one team to another. And at the centre of it all stood Hermione, clearly in her element as she ordered people to and fro, organising everything.
She looked up from berating a junior Administration witch over something to see Harry and Ron walking towards her.
"Hi, Ron," she said, kissing him on the cheek quickly. "Are we cleared to go now?"
"Kingsley said whenever you're ready," Ron replied.
"Good then." Hermione then pointed her wand to her throat and muttered, "Sonorus." Then she turned to the assembled wizards and witches and said in a magnified voice, "Okay, people, everything in order?"
There was a mumble of responses, all adding up to yes.
"Good, then. Wands at the ready... and cast your spells."
At the same time, fifty-seven jets of pale orange light emerged from their owner's wands and spread out over the roof. Forming an intricate grid, the lines then seemed to squeeze themselves out until the walls were doubled in height, with an orange cube filling the upper half.
Then, with a small squelching noise, the bottom of the cube solidified, leaving only a plastered roof, identical to the one that had been there before, to show their efforts.
However, at the same time, on all the elevators in the Ministry, a new button was added. The elevators now read:
Level One, Minister for Magic Offices (Department of Magical Law Enforcement)
Level Two, Department of Magical Law Enforcement
Level Three, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Level Four, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Level Five, Department of Slayers and Demonologists
Level Six, Department of International Magical Co-operation
Level Seven, Department of Magical Transportation
Level Eight, Department of Magical Games and Sports
Level Nine, The Atrium
Level Ten, Department of Mysteries
Level Eleven, Courtrooms
In the Streets of London...
"Okay," said Buffy, looking around the overcrowded car in apprehension, "lets go over this one more time. Andrew, you first."
It was a cold, typical London morning, and Buffy and her friends were on their way for their first day at the Ministry for Magic. Giles was driving the car, a weird stretch-limo-cross-Hummer type. It had taken several hours to convince him to drive, and then it was only the threat that if he didn't, Xander would, that had convinced him.
They were all there, well, almost. Xander and Willow were sitting next to Buffy, with Andrew, Dawn, and a few potential Slayers... well, they weren't potentials now, but it was hard to break the habit of calling them that, even after a year. Faith wasn't there - she was training a bunch of newbies in South America, and Spike and Anya... they had both been casualties of the final battle in Sunnydale.
Without looking up from the video game he was playing, Andrew said, "My name is Andrew Wells. I have never summoned a demon or tried to take over a town and bend people to my will."
"Good," said Buffy. "Xander?"
It had been his idea of course, a nonchalant suggestion over one of their get-together's that, when they arrived at the Ministry they: 'keep our various ex-villanies under wraps... at least till we know they aren't gonna burn us at the stake.' He'd said it in a general way, but they all knew he was refering in particular to Willow. Xander's usual protectiveness had only increased after her messy breakup with Kennedy.
Besides, thought Giles as he glanced at the group again in the rearview mirror, their alliance with the 'Wizarding World' was fragile enough without revealing that several of their party had dabled in dark magic of some form and that one of them had tried to destroy the world, and only failed because of a yellow crayon.
"I'm Xander Harris. I lost this eye playing golf," said Xander deadpan. There was a moment of silence and then everyone started laughing. Trust Xander to break the tension that was swirling around them.
"Okay, I don't think we need to cover up that much. Giles, you next."
They had reached a red light, so Giles turned around to face her. "Is this absolutely necessary?" he began. "These people have offered us a constant base, a myriad of facilities and, erm--" He faltered under Buffy's glare and began to rub his glasses furiously.
"And I would prefer them not to learn our big, bad secrets straight off."
He sighed, and gave in. "My name is Rupert Giles, not Ripper."
Buffy smiled at him again. "See? Mr Tweed even knows his own name now. Good boy." She took a deep breath and then turned to the girl with red hair who was sitting to her left. "Willow?" There was something far more cautious in her voice.
Willow stared at her friends, for a moment saying nothing. The silence was far more awkward than anything before. "My name is Willow Rosenberg," she said quietly, "and I can control my magic."
Buffy reached over and hugged her friend. She was spared the need to say anything by Giles, who chose that moment to pull over.
"We're here," he said.
With a great deal of bumping, jostling and cries of 'oi! watch your elbow' the group exited from the car. They looked around with some excitement, expecting a grand building or an elaborate secret entrance.
It was no wonder that there were groans of disappointment when Giles pointed to a small, unobtrusive phonebooth.
"That's it?" asked Buffy. "For god's sake, the Watcher's Council was more fancy... load of tightarses that they were."
"Indeed," coughed Giles. He had long since abandoned any allegiance to the Council, but it still affronted his good old Englishness (for lack of a better word) to hear his former employer slandered so blatantly. Then he remembered the Cruiamentum that they had forced Buffy to go through, and any annoyance vanished. Served them right, he thought bluntly.
Xander stared at the phone box, hands in pockets. "So... Are we supposed to fit into that?"
"I think so," said Giles. "The instructions said 'enter the phonebox' so that seems like the thing to do."
"All of us? At the same time?"
Giles paused, as if noting the potential problem for the first time. "Oh dear."
Ten minutes later, the group had managed to fit into the phone booth. It was the strangest thing - no matter how many people they crowded in, there always seemed to be enough room for one more.
"We all in?" asked Buffy. There was an assortment of yes's. Giles reached over the head of one of the potentials and pressed the following keys:
6-2-4-4-2
Willow, who could see the keypad, laughed suddenly.
"What is it?" asked Giles, his eyebrows creasing into a frown simply on reflex.
"The numbers," she said. "They're the same as if you type MAGIC. See?"
"Oh, yes. Right."
A moment later, a voice rang through the phone booth, as if someone was standing right there.
"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business," said the voice.
"Rupert Giles, employee of the new Department."
"Buffy Summers, head of the new Department."
"Xander Harris, employee the of new Department."
"Willow Rosenberg, employee the of new Department."
"Andrew Wells, employee of the new Department."
"Dawn Summers, employee of the new Department."
"Samantha Dorian, employee of new Department."
"Melinda Bobbin, employee of new Department and graduate of Hogwarts."
A few more new Slayers listed their names. After they had finished there was a slight pause, before the voice in the phone booth said, "Is that all?"
Giles nodded, then, realising the person couldn't see, said, "Yes, that's it."
"Phew," the voice lost its mechanical edge as the phone booth began to descend downwards. "Well, I guess all that's left is to say: Welcome, to the Ministry of Magic."
"Yeah," said Giles, his voice betraying how much his brain was screaming that - despite the many assurances the wizards had given him - this was all a very bad idea. Those thoughts vanished from his mind as soon as the elevator stopped, however. This was not because of a sudden ephiphany, but because of the stunning scene that had just revealed itself before then.
The elevator slid to a stop, and the group squeezed their way out onto what was known as the Atrium.
The golden fountain was the first thing they noticed. Looming far above their heads, it depicted a wizard, a witch, a centaur, as well as some small creature with orb-sized eyes and rather large ears, not to mention a few other creatures. The walls echoed with the sounds of green flames suddenly exploding from fire grates on both sides.
"Oh my goddess," said Willow, echoing what all of them were thinking in one form or another.
Andrew looked up suddenly, having still been immersed into his game until now. In the ten seconds before he registered his surroundings, he had time to say, "What the hell? My game's frozen - and I almost beat Xander's --" His sentence was cut off as he became as slack-jawed as the rest of them.
"This is so better than the Watcher's Council HQ," said Buffy quietly.
Just then, a Welcome Witch came rushing up to them. "Welcome to the Ministry," she said quickly. "Are you the new Department? Oh good, you'd all better come with me. The Minister wants to see you immediately." She began to bustle the group towards the security desk at the other end of the hall.
Willow sidled over to Buffy. "Um, Buffy..."
"Yeah, Will?"
"You won't need me straight away, will you? Because, it's not like I'm head of an office or anything..." Willow trailed off. The Atrium was so magnicent to her that she couldn't bear to be rushed on just yet.
Buffy took one look at the longing on her best friend's face and nodded. "Go on, Will - I'll cover for you."
Smiling, Willow separated from the group, and made her way over to the Fountain. She stood there for a while, quickly becoming oblivious to the activity around her, staring at every detail. Looking down at the base of the fountain, she noticed some writing on it. She bent down and began to read:
To the Fallen. Forever will we value their sacrifice. Albus Dumbledore, Lily Potter, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Fred Weasley, Colin Creevey, Cedric Diggory, Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody, Severus Snape, Emmeline Vance, Amanda Bones, Edgar Bones, Caradoc Dearborn, Benjy Fenwick, Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadows, Fabian Prewett, Gideon Prewett, Regulus Black...
The names continued for a long while - as far as Willow could tell they extended all around the base. Written on the rim itself, however, was another phrase, repeated over and over again in the same spindly text.
It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
"Interesting fountain, isn't it?" came a voice from behind Willow. She started and stood up.
Turning around, she saw a man, dressed in black wizarding robes. He had a stick in one hand, and a selection of papers in another. He had red hair, and blue eyes, and might have been quite handsome if not for the scar which disfugured half his face. Nevertheless, looking at him, Willow thought he seemed rather easy-going and nice. She could just tell these sort of things - at least, when she wanted to.
"I'm Bill Weasley," said the man, tucking the stick in his pocket and offering his hand for her to shake. "I haven't seen around you before - are you new?"
"Yeah," said Willow, shaking his hand slightly nervously. "Willow Rosenberg."
"Which department are you in?"
"Oh, um, it's the... er..."
Taking pity on her, Bill asked, "What floor?" However Willow only cringed more - she didn't know that either. She stood mumbling for a while more and when she failed to answer his question, Bill turned to face the fountain again.
"There are so many of them..." he said, almost to himself. Bill sighed.
"What happened?" asked Willow, going to stand next to him.
Bill looked at her with a raised eyebrow, as if asking how she could possible not know this - an effect somewhat spoiled by the fact that the other eyebrow was almost non-existant. Willow couldn't say his scars didn't throw her slightly, but after Xander lost his eye, she'd gotten used to ignoring certain... strange elements of people's appearance.
"There was a war," he said. "An evil person - and I mean completely evil - decided to take over. He got followers, Death Eaters, and they moved through the country, killing any who stood in their way, and torturing others just for fun. Then one day, the evil person - we call him You-Know-Who but his real name is Voldemort - lost his powers - tried to kill a baby, something happened, he couldn't. We thought he was dead. But he came back, ten or so years ago. By the time he was defeated - by the person who had been the baby he tried to kill incidentally - so many more had died."
"We fought something like that," said Willow quietly.
Bill looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Utter evil - wanting power. Except it wasn't killing just anyone, it was trying to rob us of our only defence against it," she said hurridly. Willow wasn't quite sure where Buffy's policy of keeping their secrets began, and so cut down on the details of what had happened.
"Wait a sec," said Bill, realisation dawning in his eyes. "You're the new Department! Slayers and Demonologists, right?"
"Um, yeah, sure," said Willow, who honestly had no idea what their department was called. "Unless there are a thousand other departments popping up against here and there in this place. For all I know, this is a totally normal thing."
Bill laughed slightly."So that'swhy you don't know about Voldemort," Bill continued. "I bet you don't know much about magic either - Harry said you'd mostly be Muggles."
"Erm..." Willow blinked. "Well, I know what magic is.Not a lot about how you use it." There was a slight stress on the 'you,' just so she could say to herself that she wasn't lying. "I mean, there's incantations and stuff - not to mention potions and things. But Muggles... no idea. I've met Wiccans, and demons, and magical creatures. Not so much the whole wizard thing."
Bill smiled - obviously her slight ranting amused him."Come on," he said. "I'll take you to the new floor - the other's in your group would probably be there by now. I'll tell you about magic on the way."
Nodding happily, Willow followed the wizard away from the fountain and towards a row of grey elevators that stood at the other end. As they passed the security desk, Bill lent over and said something to the witch in charge, and they passed through without further hassle. At last an elevator arrived.
As they stepped into it, Willow said:
"So, what are Muggles? I hope it's not a fungus."
A/N: So there we have the super long chapter one. Well, not super long - just pretty big is all. I hope you like it - and I'm not going to know if you do unless you click that little button and review.
Go on, please? Make my day.
p.s. Yes, I do know that Buffy didn't end season seven on very good terms with the others, but an explanation on how they're all back to 'Scooby Gang' mode will be included eventually. But for an opening chapter, I think this is enough, don't you?