So, new fandom, new fic :)
I only starting watching The Blacklist a few weeks ago; I literally binge-watched the whole first season the weekend before the second started... I fell hard and fast for these two and here's my first contribution. I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)
There's a second chapter almost ready to go too, I should be able to post it tomorrow before the next episode airs.
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
The words slip quietly from his mouth, cold and determined, and cause her to wake fitfully. Her hand clenches around the handgun that lies under her pillow and the warm metal slips against her sweaty palm. Lizzie carefully sweeps a stray lock of hair from her face with her free hand as she slowly rises to sit up. The room is quiet and she is temporarily disorientated by the lack of anyone else's presence.
Even in the waking world she can't help but immediately seek him out; her gaze drifting to the wall opposite and landing on his photo. He isn't looking at the camera, but he is dressed in a tuxedo. Lizzie feels her heart flutter and isn't entirely sure why.
As she dresses for another day at work her eyes continue to wander over to the photo and Lizzie wonders if he'll be making his presence known today.
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
Lizzie hears the echo of the question drift through the air, but she ignores it, ignores the implications, ignores the rush of want that flows through her when she remembers the look upon his face; dream or no, it's enough to make Lizzie want to turn around and hide from the world.
The dream repeats every couple of nights. Sometimes it's Tom who attacks her, sometimes it's Gina Zanetakos, sometimes even Berlin himself. But every time Red saves her, every time Red asks her the same question…
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
Xx~xX
They plague her sleep often enough to become a concern. She has no one to confide in though; the one person she can trust with most things is the one person she can't reach out to when she feels she needs him most…
It frustrates her, having to settle for his touch in her dreams and his seemingly cold indifference when she's awake; it's not how they should be – it feels wrong.
The dreams are an annoying distraction, plucking her from precious sleep and now the thoughts and disturbances are leaking into her work. She's still able to do her job, but she can't shake the feeling that everyone knows the reason why she seems distant in the meetings. Ressler knows something's up by the way he watches her when he thinks she doesn't notice. Lizzie's been around Red long enough to know when someone's keeping tabs, and her instincts are now always on high alert; afraid that her partner with discover her secret and expose it for the world to see...
Aram asks her if she's ok one morning, cup of coffee in one hand and a small pastry in the other. She accepts the items gratefully, passes off his concern with a smile and watches him retreat to carry on another conversation with Samar.
She is left alone once more, the man who plagues her thoughts out of town for the week on business.
Lizzie feels isolated in the middle of the Post Office and finds herself staring blankly at her computer screen while remembering the way Red had kissed her the night before… the dreams are seeping into reality and she finds herself wondering if she's going mad.
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
Xx~xX
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
She is still breathing heavily as the words leave his mouth. His gaze holds her own, until she blinks, shattering the moment. Red's eyes sweep over her legs and she shivers; he might not be touching her, but she feels the ghost of his touch all the same.
"What do you really want?"
She doesn't answers, finds herself incapable of the seemingly simple act of replying. Instead, she just stares at him, taking him in, reluctant to voice anything, reluctant to ruin whatever this is.
"I think I know," Red continues, his confidence in his words clear in the way he holds himself. "I think I know exactly what you want…"
Lizzie shuts her eyes at his tone; low, husky, dangerous. She's always been drawn to his voice, the elegance with which he speaks; taken in by the authority or innuendo that he throws out at will and with no apparent idea of the effect it has on those around him.
His hand moves slowly and traces up her leg, starting at her bare calf; feather light touches as his fingers sweep across her skin. Goose pimples line the path he ghosts over her thigh.
Lizzie stops breathing, just for a second, savoring the touch; it's been so long, too long, since anyone touched her like this – like she was something precious and worthy of love.
She knows it's a dream, that this is all in her mind, but she relishes the feeling of his touch nonetheless. This is Red and if anyone could love her, could treat her the way she needs, the way she maybe deserves, it's him.
He's still wearing his ever present hat and Lizzie smiles as she sits up a little straighter. He instinctively leans down; predicting her intent and her smiles broadens as she carefully takes the fedora off his head and places it on the old battered nightstand beside her.
Lizzie glances over at the far wall, but Tom's body is gone, no longer necessary in the fantasy that is playing out between them. They are completely alone, no specters loitering in the shadows to ruin the moment.
Red follows her gaze and chuckles, a smile on his face as he turns back to look at her.
"Oh come now Agent Keen, you should know you'd never need an excuse to get me into your bedroom."
He moves to sit on the bed, leaning across her body to put an arm over her hip to rest on the blankets that lay crumpled on the other side of her.
Red leans closer, breath hot on her cheek as he exhales softly. Lizzie breathes in, takes in the familiar scent of his cologne. She closes her eyes, taking in his presence as he leans in further.
His arm is still leaning across her body, providing him with the support he needs as he leans towards her. The other ghosts up her ribs, under her tank top, the touch sending another wave of shivers down her spine. Red chuckles at her obvious reaction to his fingers upon her skin, and, as quickly as he placed them there he removes them. His hand moves up her body, tracing the outline of her breasts over the itchy fabric of her top before moving to cup the back of her head, pulling her closer. His lips break into another small, devilish smile as he leans forward, finally, for a…
Lizzie wakes, heart racing, frustrated, confused and with the imaginary feeling of his lips on hers. She finds she aches for his touch.
Xx~xX
When she sees Red one day as he enters her office, wearing the exact same outfit that plagues her in her dreams she loses the plot…
("Good morning Lizzie, it's a beautiful day don't you think? I brought some of those donuts you federal types seem to crave to stave off your inevitable morning hunger. So, what do you want Agent Keen? Strawberry, rasp…"
His tone is jovial, teasing, but it's too much, too soon, she's not prepared for this, to hear the words slip from his actual lips, haunting her like the dangerous temptation she knows he is…
"Damn it Red, just leave me alone!"
He's visibly startled for once in his life, but she ignores him and storms out of the room…)
When he finds her sitting on the metal staircase half a building away, he doesn't say a word, just offers her a cup of coffee, a sugary donut and his company. Lizzie sighs, smiles and is thankful for the fact that he doesn't push for answers to her odd behavior. It seems that out of everyone, Red is the person least likely to demands answers and reasons. He just accepts what she's willing to give.
Xx~xX
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
She really doesn't know, not really. Lizzie thinks she wants peace, or at least the semblance of it; just enough to get a full night's rest or some time to recover. Cooper was right; she hasn't grieved, but there's been no time, the relentless pursuit of Berlin and Tom enough to keep her focused but awake most nights.
And then, when she does sleep, her dreams are taken up with thoughts of her and Red and all the confusing feelings that go with him.
Xx~xX
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
She's glad he never uses her first name in her dreams, is thankful that at least when he calls her Lizzie she knows she's in the waking world. It doesn't stop her pausing every time she sees him though, wondering if this time he's going to ask her, tempt her…
The fantasy of his kisses leave her wanting and more confused in waking than she ever realized was possible. Her confusion causes her to make simple mistakes; not enough to jeopardize her career, but enough to get Cooper's attention. Lizzie glares at Red when she next sees him, but he merely ignores her furious look and smiles instead. She instantly dismisses the flutter that rushes through her stomach at the sight...
Xx~xX
The dreams continue, but the scenes change, slowly but surely. Red no longer merely rescues her in her motel, but the Post Office, her old home, his jet… all the locations she's been with him come into play. The result is always the same though. He saves her (every time, always) and then the inevitable…
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
Xx~xX
She manages to keep a clear head from time to time, the nature of her work forcing her to compartmentalize and ignore the feeling low in her gut that everything in her life is about to spiral out of control again.
But she can't keep seeing him in her dreams as well as during the day. And seeing as the dreams refuse to stop, refuse to let her rest, well then it is the waking version of Red that must be sacrificed for the sake of her sanity.
Her relationship with Red is off kilter as a result – it's all her own doing, she knows this – but for a pair who have become more and more in sync over the last months, the missteps and awkwardness are more telling than the loud arguments she wishes they'd had…
He notices; of course he does. But he continues much as he ever did, demanding her attention and leading on so many wild goose chases that her head spins from the constant toing and froing. When she needs some space, some time away from him, he inevitably appears, ready to escort her to some far off party or local restaurant in the name of the list. And yet, and yet, when he isn't present, just when she thinks she should be thankful for his absence, she misses him, and suddenly the version of Red that haunts her dreams seems like a poor substitute after all.
Xx~xX
When Red takes her arm one day, as they walk casually through the throngs of weekend shoppers, Lizzie holds back a breath, the warmth of his hand seeping through his suit and her sleeve. The touch burns, transporting her back to her dream the previous night when he teased and touched, fingers trailing over every part of exposed skin.
She closes her eyes, focuses on the sensation of his touch and immediately regrets it; this is dangerous territory she knows, but somehow the pull of this man by her side is too great, too overpowering to ignore.
If he notices the flush that sweeps across her cheeks, he doesn't comment. But then, he rarely does.
Xx~xX
Her feelings seem to sneak up on her. At least, that's what Lizzie tells herself. She's good enough of a profiler to know she's in denial, that the dreams have been leading her towards an inevitable conclusion for weeks; she's just refused to face the facts. But then, denial has always been easier than the truth so why change the habit of a life time?
Lizzie slowly accepts it, accepts how her view of him has shifted, transformed and grown. She wants him, she knows this, understands. But knowing and dealing are two different things and Lizzie fights hard to separate her feelings from her thoughts, to detach herself from them in a bid to hide her secret from the world and from the man involved especially.
She fails, miserably.
Xx~xX
"What do you want Agent Keen?"
In her dream she breathes, slow and steady, trying to contain her rushing pulse. His eyes glance over her again, tracing up her legs before his eyes snap to hers. He doesn't say anything else, just raises an eyebrow, tilts his head and waits. She knows now is the moment, the time to face her fear, her desire, her wish. If she can voice it here, maybe she can move on… Lizzie takes another deep breath in, exhales slowly and maintains the eye contact with Red, eyes steady. She whispers, quiet so as not to break the precious illusion…
For the first time in all of the dreams she's had that involve the two of them, she answers his question, eyes snapping to his in sincerity as she speaks.
"You…"