A shitty fanfic joke
By: Keelan
"Mute." Keelan said, "Mute ...Mute","What Keelan, what do you want" Hansel responded telepathically (he was mute), "Mute, get your shit together mateyeight." Keelan prodded. Panda looked to Keelan with a salty face, as did Mute, Keelan was a douche and even he knew it. "Big day today euh?" Fridgy said to the dank gang. Fridgy was their leader. The leader of a shitty super hero squad. Keelan could turn into a brogre (an ogre with bro qualities, namley the popped collar), Panda could turn into a massive blue panda. Hansel was the only one with a useful power. Hansel could control things with his mind using telepathy, plus he can take over the minds of weak minded people when he plays his doucheflute "Is you ready to hit the road yet?" Keelan yelled from the door. Mute and Panda looked for the keys to the Dankmobile, and in agony, realised that Keelan already had them. They looked to eachother with faces of pure pain, they knew what the ride would be like, and they didn't like it. Hansel took the back seat, he had to sit in a car seat, he was incredibly short. Panda rode shotgun with a literal shotgun mounted to the window. Their liscense plate "SN4TCH3R P1MP" was long as fuck and it was used as a shield for the mounted guns in the back. The Dankmobile was dangerous. especially with the couch teathered to the top of it, that shit was a nightmare. When everyone was buckled in Keelan floored it, speeding off, squealing down the road. Keelan was squealing, not the tires.
When the shitty heroes arrived at the scene they immediatley laughed. There was a young kid on the shoulder of a giant. As soon as the kid saw us he introduced himself. "I AM JUICY, DOCTOR JUICY AND I HAVE COME TO TAKE OVER THIS CITY WITH MY PARTNER NINES!" The large man waved when Doctor juicy said 'Nines'. Keelan looked up with his smug, douchey face and shouted "WHY IS YOUR NAME NINES?" Nines looked down with a kappa face. He set juicy down on the tall building next to his shoulder. Nines stared at the gang and slowly shrank into 9 diferent people. Each had the same body but a diferent face. One, Kappa, two, DansGame, three, BCWarrior, four, Kreygasm, five, PogChamp, six, OMGScoots, seven, FUNgineer, eight, 4Head, and 9, ResidentSleeper. Keelan instantly Brogred out, and took the shotgun off the Dankmobile. Mute said nothing, and Panda went to park the car after Keelan took the gun. Mute picked up PogChamp and threw him at ResidentSleeper and Kreygasm, knocking all three down, Keelan was kicking them and shooting them in the face, after each shot, he'd yell "REKT" like a total bro.
There was only 5 left when panda got back, and Juicy had enough. "NINES, GET BACK INTO YOUR GIANT FORM" He screeched with his tiny voice. Nines liked the idea, so he followed orders. Only problem was since half of Nines' forms were dead, when he turned into a giant, half of his face and one of his arms were dead and didn't work. Nines screamed in an unbridled rage. Panda turned into her giant form aswell, throwing Hansel at juicy and just throwing Keelan in a random direction. You couldn't hear but Hansel was screaming. Panda took out her barrels of salt she kept hidden in herself. Nobody knew where she hid them, but she did. She poured the salt into Nines' eyes, getting some in her own somehow. The two giants were extremely salty now, they were just swinging and throwing punches. eventually panda caught him in the adam's apple. Nines gurgled and fell back, choking and spitting everywhere. Panda lumbered over, tired of the stupid battle and went to stomp on Nines' neck but he had vanished. She looked over to Mute but he was on te building next to where Juicy had been. Juicy had somehow escaped with Nines. Keelan made his way over from the building he'd been thrown into. "Awwwwwwwwwww, shucks!" he mumbled. Panda looked down the street and saw juicy pulling Nines on a floating platform with jets. It looked like a big grey thing with parts. She didn't mention it. "Maybe the art posse will get them" she said. as she took Hansel down from the building who was at the time yelling at her, nobody could hear him though.
Everyone loaded into the Dankmobile and sped down the street blasting some song from spotify. Hans played his doucheflute all the way back to the HQ and Keelan just insulted Panda like a dick because that's what he does. Eventually the three heroes ran into Shrek but that's for another time.