Author's Note: This latest of my one-shot kick is a Tony/Michelle songfic set after season 3. The song is It's Been A While by Staind...I thought it was appropriate. I hate TM stuff that's angsty all the way through so don't worry, this has a happy ending! Please review!
The means change of time
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or lyrics.
It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I first saw you
It's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile since I could call you
One year since he gave everything to rescue her.
Six months since she got him out of prison with tireless press conferences and calls to Washington, DC.
Two months since she told him she couldn't watch him destroy himself.
Settled on the couch in his apartment, if you could call it that, Tony reached for another beer. Did she think this was easy? After everything he went through for her, she just left when he had to deal with it? There was no way she could understand the things he saw in prison, the despair of thinking he'd spend the next twenty years there. She expected him to just find a job - nevermind that 'convicted traitor' wasn't great on a resume - and pick up where he left off.
He sighed and shook his head. He could try to talk himself into being mad at her, but deep down he knew she was right. After being pardoned, he'd sank into a depression that sucked away his desire to live.He didn't like feeling helpless - no job, no money, no car. Michelle assured him it was fine, together they'd get him back on his feet, but after a few failed job searches he began to think that wasn't going to happen. So he slipped into a cycle: drink, argue with Michelle, wake up hungover, apologize, and repeat. At first after particularly bad fights, he'd stay sober for a couple days before going back to drinking, but as time went on those days grew fewer. He knew he was losing her and killing himself in the process, but that just made him want another beer to help forget about everything.
This went on for nearly four months, their communication reduced to arguments that ended in him asleep on the couch and her crying in their bedroom, alone. Finally she told him she couldn't do this, watch him throw his life away. That day, she'd -
Tony's thoughts were interrupted by a insistent knock - more like banging - on the door. Now who would be visiting me here? he thought, finding it almost amusing. The pounding continued. "Tony!"
He groaned and rubbed his face in his hands. This visitor wouldn't be pleased to see how he was living. "Go away!"
"Not a chance." Jack walked into the apartment.
And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been awhile since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile since I could say I loved myself as well
It's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do
And it's been awhile, but all that shit seems to disappear with thoughts of you
Sixteen months since he gave up everything to rescue her.
Ten months since she got him out of prison with tireless press conferences and calls to Washington, DC.
Six months since she told him she couldn't watch him destroy himself.
Four months since he found his reason to live again.
That day Jack came straight to his apartment after seeing Michelle at a CTU Division meeting. Making it his mission to drag his friend kicking and screaming out of the hell he'd put himself into, he told Tony how miserable she'd been. After a long, heated discussion, consisting of raised voices and a few shattered beer bottles, Tony realized it was possible to pull himself out of this - Jack had done it after Teri died, and again to beat his heroin addiction. More importantly, it hit him that if he could stop this, he might have a chance of getting herback. The two men made a pact that day - Jack would stay off the drug, Tony would stay sober, and they'd keep tabs on each other because they both knew they couldn't do it alone.
Before Jack left that day, Tony asked him to help pour all the alcohol in the house down the drain. As the got rid of every drop together, he thought for the first time that his life might still be worth something, there could still be a chance. That day Tony went out for a jog for the first time in almost a year and a half, and realized the pain of being out of shape could still help keep him sane over thing hard road ahead. Running became one of his escapes when he thought he didn't have the willpower to go another day - running and thoughts of Michelle. No matter how dark these days were, he knew he could do anything if it meant even a chance of just getting to see her again. He doubted she'd ever forgive him for the way he acted last time they were together, and he certainly couldn't blame her, but maybe they could at least be friends? It would kill him to be near her without being able to hold her, but anything would be better than this separation. And after all, he'd brought this on himself. He kept her face in his mind and pushed himself to run another mile.
And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again
It's been awhile since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry
It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste
Eighteen months since he gave up everything to rescue her.
One year since she got him out of prison with tireless press conferences and calls to Washington, DC.
Eight months since she told him she couldn't watch him destroy himself.
Six months since he found his reason to live again.
He stopped breathing when he saw her open the coffeeshop door. She looked good, like she always had, but as she drew closer he read the exhaustion in her face. She looked like she'd been through hell. As her eyes met his, he could have sworn he saw something like hope flicker there in the moment before she wiped them blank. That sent a knife slicing through him - she'd always been good at hiding her feelings from people, but she used to let him see straight into her heart. Now she slid that mask on around him too.
"Michelle," he almost whispered as she reached the corner table he'd claimed. This moment had filled his every thought and dream for the week since he'd called and asked her to meet him. She agreed, as Jack assured him she would, and they settled on a place near her house - their old house.
"Hello, Tony," she said softly, and the quiver in her voice gave away the emotions she tried to hide. His heart broke as the tears welled up in her eyes, and for a moment he hesitated. Then he reached for her and drew her into his arms, his own eyes burning with relief as she went willingly. "I miss you," she gasped into his chest.
"I'm so sorry, Chelle. So sorry."
It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry