Tears of Fate

The bark bit into her back in some areas. Sharp like thorns, the old tree's defense against the elements and intruders that would do it harm. She leaned against the trunk, legs tucked underneath her in a squat. The muscles tightened and clenched beyond comfort as she waited patiently, years of discipline and practice keeping her in an ethereal stillness that challenged even the rocks' skill. As a gust of wind danced through the branches of her perch, she pitched herself forward, holding herself up with her hands, the bark brushing her fingertips with the strength and harshness of granite and a gentle caress of water.

The tiniest of noises finally reached her ears. A snap of a twig to the left of her gentle friend. With movements unnaturally slow giving her the gracefulness many dreamed of having, she reached for the bow slung across her back. Silence and the wind were the only things you could hear as she took ahold of her bow and brought it to bear, pulling an arrow with the same grace.

Another twig snapped, brought again by the new stranger in the woods. As it drew closer, sounds of soft thumps where it stepped reached her along with the sound of leaves crushed under a heavy weight.

The predator hiding in the trees drew her bow, the bowstring creaking softly at the tension. One more step, she thought as her prey finally made its way into a clearing small enough for her to take a shot. Almost there... and then a sudden release sent her arrow flying through the air, shattering the silence, to its mark. The sound of the arrow didn't reach the beast until the pain had already began.

She was an expert hunter, yet the arrow had brushed only lightly against a twig of a branch, deflecting it just enough to keep the arrow from killing the animal.

Its screams of both pain and terror echoed sharply through the once silent forest. Birds scattered from the peaceful perches in the trees, snapping twigs, knocking loose leaves, and adding more noise to the chaos.

"Fenedhis!" she hissed, slinging her bow across her back with carelessness as compared to the grace she had used to retrieve it. Swinging her legs off of the branch, she hung from it for a second before dropping to the ground, her companion softly scrapping her hands in a goodbye.

The hunter ran halfway to the deer that lay thrashing on the ground, kicking violently and whipping its head side to side franticly. You are only making it harder on yourself friend, she thought sadly, willing it to understand and stop moving as she finished her approach in a soft crouch, hand extended, trying to look as little and less menacing as she could.

Its breathing was labored, and blood was softly trickling from its nostrils. The arrow protruded from the neck. The hunter's guess was that she had hit the spine, keeping it from standing, yet allowing it to kick about. As she grew closer and closer, the deer began to stay still, yet its breathing grew quicker and shallower, its sides heaving and convulsing with each breath.

Terror. That was the only thing she could see in its eyes as she reached out to stroke it's pelt. She could feel the tremors of fear and pain echoing through every limb of the animal. A sadness came over the hunter. Not over the fact that it was going to die, she had been the one to loose an arrow at it with the full intent of killing it. No, she was sad over the fact that she had caused this animal suffering. She had intended to take its life quickly. It did not deserve this pain.

"Ir abelas. Ir abelas, da'len," I am sorry. I am sorry, child, she cooed softly to the deer, her hand already having a firm grip on one of the daggers sheathed to her belt. In one fluid movement, she took the blade and rammed it into the deer's skull. The pain and suffering of one of the children of this century old forest finally ended.

Pulling the dagger from the deers lifeless body, the hunter wiped it clean and sheathed it while retrieving her pack. She tied the animals legs together with the rope she carried with the rest of her supplies before trying her hand at removing the arrow intact, which she managed to successfully do. Placing the arrow once more in her quiver, an old rag wrapped around it to keep it from damaging her leather quiver, she knelt down beside the deer and hauled it onto her shoulders, holding onto its legs in either hand to keep it from sliding down her back.

If you had been any larger my friend, she thought as she slowly made the her way back home, I would not be able to carry you and you would have no doubt have been found by the wolves before I could come back with assistance.

The going was slow, as the hunter walked with carefully thought out steps, not wishing to stumble. Her prize was heavy and cumbersome and she would hate to fall and have it land on her. This should be enough food for the children, she calculated. Hopefully the other hunters claimed larger prizes than mine.

Birds once more returned to the trees, singing their songs softly, a melody for the hunter, as she made her way through the forest with confidence you could rarely find in any soul in such a place. Occasionally she would stop and readjust the deer's body on her shoulders. It was going to be a long journey for her.

~~.O.~~

"The mighty hunter returns!" exclaims a friendly voice. "And with her prey no less! I thought the point of hunting was to let your catch go," he teased, vibrant smile lighting up his features.

"One time. One time I don't come back with something and I never hear the end of it," she responds, rolling her eyes. She takes a few more steps forward before saying, "Perhaps instead of standing there dumbfounded that I was successful, Arthel," she said playfully, "you could actually assist me in carrying it back to the Clan."

"Anything for you lethallan," he smirked before coming up beside her. And rather than simply help her carry it, he plucked the deer from her shoulders and onto his own, laughing off his friend's protests and continuing with her to Clan Lavellan.

The two Dalish elves made their way home, chatting with one another. Arthel filled her in on what had happened in the Clan since she left in the morning to go hunting. Apparently the Keeper was acting strangely. "She's had a grim look on her face for a while now," he explained, "but today was even worse. She has even made the First do menial tasks just so that she could be alone with her thoughts."

"I doubt that Esholen enjoyed that," the hunter replied flatly. It was well known to her clansmen that Esholen did not care for the hunter and would often go out of her way to make things more difficult for the hunter any chance she could get. Despite her many attempts though, she could never get a response, not even harsh words or denouncement. That only infuriated Esholen more, fueling the one sided feud she carried on.

Arthel chuckled at the uncaring tone his friend had taken. "No she did not." He grunted softly as he adjusted the deer on his shoulders. "I worry about Keeper Maleenain though," he continued, "it is not like her to act this way, to carry her worry so obviously." He turned to his friend and saw her nod in agreement, but she offered no guesses as to what might have the Keeper so worried.

But she knew what was weighing so heavily on the Keepers mind. Visits with the humans they passed on their travels revealed that all of Thedas was caught in a conflict. A conflict between the mages and templars. The thought of it made her uneasy. If either side claimed victory, there would be heavy losses, she was lost in thought. There would be a loss of precious things such as life and knowledge, either if the templars are wiped out or the mages. Neither sides victory would truly be a victory, and its consequences would change everything, even for us. There was hope though, her time with the humans had revealed that, Divine Justinia, the leader of the humans' religion, was holding a conclave in the hope to broker some peace between the two warring factions, if only for a short time. That much she had informed Keeper Maleenain about. Though the Keeper was not condoning the hunter's wanderings with humans or would even mention the fact that the young elf would often make her way to villages and taverns they passed on their travels to gain information on the world outside of her clan or to learn something new, whether it was a skill, a song, cooking, or a new fighting style, the Keeper still saw the value in what her hunter was doing and would often have a private meeting so that any information that was important could be conveyed. A war between mages and templars and a conclave to make an attempt at peace was a very important piece of information.

"...Numina? Did you hear what I said?" Arthel said, finally breaking her lost-in-thought trance.

Numina blinked rapidly, lightly shaking her head as if to discard her ponderings from her mind. "Abelas, lethallin," she said. "I was lost in my thoughts." Numina offered him an apologetic smile.

"I had asked if anything you heard from the shemlen could tell us what the Keeper is worried about."

Looking ahead to their path rather than at Arthel she responded coldly, "I have no idea what you're talking about." The Keeper didn't ever openly acknowledge the fact that Numina spent time with the humans, but that was one of the conditions in order for Numina to be allowed to continue. There must be no mention of it to any others of the clan. She was not to discuss it, hint at it, or acknowledge it. These were the terms Keeper Maleenian and Numina had both agreed to.

"Don't play the fool, Numina," Arthel bit back. "You and Keeper Maleenian dance around it and claim ignorance, but none of us are fools. Everyone in the clan knows about your little adventures. There is a reason why Esholen and her followers call you heretic and halfbreeder behind your back." Numina winced at his mention of the only two insults Esholen said that truly bothered her. She had never expected Arthel to say them, even in explanation. "Mind you, only those who dote on Esholen ever usher those insults in whispers, none of the other clan members see you that. There used to be fear towards your visits with the shemlen when they first started years ago, but that has faded since there has only been evidence as to why that fear is unfounded."

Numina looked at her friend. She knew all of this already. She had seen in the clan members faces and heard the whispers. As the years went on, the fear left, and the whispers turned in to subtle jokes between her and the elders and those her age. "There is something happening Arthel, something we-" At that moment, Arthel and Numina made their way through the foliage barrier surrounding their camp. The soft laughter from the children and indistinct conversations reached them unhindered. But that isn't what interrupted Numina.

It was Esholen. "Arthel! There you are!" she said breathlessly with a toothy smile. There was no way to miss that she favored Arthel above all others. And why wouldn't she? He was a very handsome elf. Slightly tan skin, luscious black hair, and stunning blue eyes. He carried himself with the honor he had as a warrior. In fact, he was held as one of the most skilled among the Dalish. He was kind, respectful, intelligent... Arthel was sought out by all of the females in the camp. Except for Numina. If she sought out Arthel, it was for friendly conversation, to tease him from something earlier, or for support if she was having a tough time dealing with Esholen and the ones that followed her hoping to gain her attention and favor the way Arthel had.

Numina rolled her eyes at Arthel, and he had to stifle a laugh as the Keeper's First approached.

"I was not aware the greatest of the Dalish warriors had changed his profession to hunting," Esholen continued, blatantly ignoring Numina. "Though with your prowess in all things, it is not surprising that you would bear success so quickly," she motion to the deer that Arthel was still carrying on his shoulders. The First knew that the one who had killed the deer was Numina. It was her way of of being insultive without having to do so with obvious insults.

"I don't think you're laying it on thick enough,Esholen," Numina said with a snicker. "Perhaps you should try harder." Her eyes narrowed, taunting the Keeper's apprentice. Arthel couldn't help but chuckle at his friend's words, despite himself.

Esholen's cheeks burned with either embarrassment or anger, but Numina guessed it was both. A sneer turned Esholen's features harsh. "I don't believe I was talking to you, halfbreeder. Leave us so we don't have to smell the shemlen stench that clings to you from giving yourself away to them."

That hurt, Numina admitted to herself, but she has had to deal with Esholen every day. A blank face and no emotion is all it took to go on as if she hadn't said anything at all. This is what Numina did once more as she addressed Esholen, "Ma nuvenin," as you wish. She then turned to Arleth, "Would you like me to take it from here?" she asked, motioning to the deer.

"I can do it, Numina," Arleth answered, trying hard not to display his anger towards Esholen and her insults. "After all you are the only one here that could command my attention. Without you, there is nothing."

Numina wanted to sing praise at Arleth's tactful retribution, but she had to keep up her façade, "Ma serannas, lethallin," she bowed her head before both she and Arleth departed, heading for separate areas of the camp. It was difficult for Numina to remain stoic when she caught a glimpse of Esholen's furious and dumbfounded face.

~~.O.~~

The few that were even brave enough to whisper it called Numina a heretic because of one thing. A slip up on Numina's behalf. A moment of weakness. It is because of this and that she is no mage, that some believe she is not the Keeper's First "as she should be" some whisper louder than those that claim she is a heretic. But that is not the case. I am not the First because I am too valuable. Numina is an expert marksman, a skilled rogue in bow and daggers alike, and a fine swordsman when the need is great. She is graceful in words, tact, and movements. She is well accustomed to working with humans and speaking with them without stumbling over her words and looking like a fool (though it took some work to get there). Despite being Dalish, Numina is very well read. She would often trade things she had found or made in her travels for books among the humans. And she is knowledgeable in the Elvhen. Those that know her well, Arleth and Keeper Maleenain, know that she has information that surpasses most of the Keepers of the Dalish. And to gain knowledge you must be sharp, smart, and logical. These three things have also added to her "title" as heretic.

Numina is too valuable. If she were to be the Keeper's First then she wouldn't be able to do the things necessary of her that put her life in peril at times. When rumors come from other clans or from shemeln of elvish ruins, Keeper Maleenain sends Numina to investigate. Her skills and knowledge come in handy if there are malevolent beings inhabiting the ruins, allowing her to easily take care of them. If there are rituals to perform, Numina can solve them where others would be stuck at a locked door. Scouring ruins for lost information, finding it, and understanding it were her speciality. All because of a fact known only to her and the Keeper. Numina was a mage.

"Greetings, brothers and sisters," Keeper Maleenain said. She stood in the front of the clan, all of whom were seated. Keeper Maleenain was an elderly woman with hair aged so much that it had turned white. Her robes were old, nearly ancient, and hung to her skin tightly. She had a commanding voice that deserved respect, yet it was always soft and gentle. "Thank you for taking time out of your evening for this meeting. I know that some of you are very busy preparing for the coming planting season, but this is an important matter." The hushed whispers between the clan members were suddenly silenced. Numina glanced around the gathering, taking in some of the faces of her friends and elders. She took notice that Esholen was seated as close to the Keeper as could be. She then turned to Arleth seated next to her and motioned to Esholen. He let out a soft snort before rolling his eyes and shaking his head humorously. Numina smiled, and returned her attention to Keeper Maleenain. "...there is something that the People cannot ignore, even if it does not involve us directly." The Keepers soft brown eyes scanned the silenced group. They settled on Numina briefly before she finally continued. "The mages of the Circles are rebelling against the Templars. It is a war that could affect all of us and so we cannot ignore it." Oh no, Numina thought quietly, she could already see the disbelief and restlessness among her clanmates. "The Divine Justinia is holding a conclave in Haven with the leaders of the two factions. What happens there will effect all of us, so I propose that we send one of our own to see the outcome of these negotiations." Silence fell on the rest of the clan.

Finally, one of the elders said something. "You mean as a spy for the Dalish."

"Yes," Keeper Maleenain answered. "That is what they would be, but not what they are. They would be one of us representing the concern that the Dalish have."

"But why should we be concerned!" One of the young hunters exclaimed, and that set off an avalanche of exclamations, questions, and arguments. The small gathering of elves quickly became a roar most deafening. Numina looked to Arleth for some idea as to what to do, but he shook his head once he met her eyes. He was as confused as she was.

The voices of her friends and family were overlapping one on top of the other. The main consensus was: why should we care, let shemlen take care of it, it is none of our business, how do we even know if that's what is happening, and Esholen's you can't trust what the heretic tells you Keeper.

Something came over Numina. She felt nervous at first, a tightening in her stomach that moved it's way to her heart, causing it to race. Finally it forced her to act. She rose to her feet, almost in slow motion, with a grace not even another Dalish could match.

"I will go."

Voices began hushing one another as all eyes began to turn towards Numina. Those that were standing slowly seated themselves once more, as if shrinking away from her. And she was a sight to behold. She had soft features and unusually pale skin for a Dalish. She was slight in build, like most Dalish, yet she carried herself as though she had the strength of a great warrior (and she did). Her light blond hair cascaded down past her back. It looked like starlight as the suns dying light of the evening light touched it and even more so beneath the moon. Her eyes burned with fierce determination. Her eyes were near white ice in her center iris growing a light blue before merging into a pale green. Some considered her to be the picture of what all Elvhen looked like. She had a fairness you only heard in the old legends of what the People used to be before their fall and before the Quickening.

"I will go," she said louder, her determination echoing across the once more silenced group. All stared at her in awe and shock. Esholen more so than most. Arleth looked at her differently though. Pain and sorrow were etched in his features and in his eyes. No, no, no, no, NO... he thought to himself. There was a pain in his heart as he looked at his friend. It was no secret that all the female elves in Clan Lavellan vied for his attention and favor. But the only one he ever wanted to gain attention of was Numina.

"I will go to the conclave," Numina repeated once more, and before any voice of disagreement could raise, "I mean no offense, but no one else here has my level of skill, tact, and experience in dealing with shemlen." She surveyed the crowd, noticing that almost everyone was nodding in agreement with what she had said. Her eyes finally meet Arleth's, and she could see and feel his pain and sorrow. Oh my dear, sweet Arleth... Ir abelas, lethaliln... "Of course, I won't leave without your permission...or your blessing Keeper Maleenain," she finished with a bow of her head.

"And you will have da'len. Along with any aid we can offer you." The keeper returned her bow with a slight bow of her own. "May the Creators watch over you Numina."

The next few days of preparing were a blur for Numina. Goodbyes were numerous and all of the elders wanted to give her some final pieces of advice. Time seemed to speed up for her. Before she knew it, it was time for her to depart.

Numina's clan members lined themselves on either side of a old, well worn path that ultimately headed in the direction she needed to go to reach Kirkwall to take a ship. As she walked, well wishes on saddened faces were given to her. Soft hands brushed against her arms, shoulders, and the pack she wore as her clan softly reached out to her, saying a final goodbye with their fingers and honoring her as someone who belonged with them. No, my family, that is what this clan is to me. My family is what all these faces have become Numina thought calmly. Esholen was there, towards the middle of the procession, and surprisingly enough, she offered a small nod in respect, saying "Mythal watch over you, lethallan," as many others in the clan were. Such prayers were offered on her behalf, invoking Mythal for protection and Andruil to guide her arrows. Some even invoked Fen'Harel, the Dread Wolf, praying that he would not hear Numina's steps. Such is our view of Fen'Harel, Numina thought coldly. After all, we only have one view on our Creators. No interpretation other than face value.

There was one face she didn't see amongst her clan members: Arleth. A sudden pain tore at her heart. Of all the people in her clan, he was the one she had wanted to see one last time and say goodbye to. Her sadness was buried for the moment, as she had finally made it to the Keeper, the last of her clan to say goodbye.

"It isn't much," the old woman said with a small smile, "but hopefully it will be enough." Keeper Maleenain handed her a small pouch. Numina could tell by the sounds it made when it moved that it was filled with coin, perhaps all the coin the clan had from trading with shemlen on rare accounts.

"I cannot accept this," Numina exclaimed breathlessly.

"You can and you will," The Keeper said commandingly. "You will need it." Numina nodded her head in consent, tucking the pouch away safely in her Dalish leather armor. "We are very proud of you, Numina," the Keeper continued. "A final piece of advice, if I may: do not fall to pride in your journeys, for the Dalish have already done so."

Numina nodded in agreement Tel garas solasan in na vhenan. Come not to a prideful place in your heart, she silently translated in her head before continuing. "Ma serannas. I will not Keeper Maleenain."

Keeper Maleenain smiled softly. "Dareth shiral, da'len. May the Dread Wolf take interest in the path you walk." She added the last portion of her goodbye much quieter. She knew of Numina's different view on the Elvhen Pantheon, and though part of saw the logic in her view, the Dalish would never change. They were too prideful.

Numina bowed once more to the Keeper, her mentor, friend, and family before finally leaving Clan Lavellan. She had not made it very far into the woods before a voice nearly startled her. "Thought you were going to be able to sneak away before saying goodbye to me, did you?" came Arleth's teasing voice. Numina turned to her friend who was leaning against a tree, clearly he had been waiting for her. "I know, I know. It must be heartbreaking, the thought of me no longer being by your side to pick up you slack." He smiled, but he was trying too hard. Even his playful voice had the sharp edge of sadness in it.

"Arleth..." Numina said quietly, begging him to drop the act.

Arleth sighed, his smile and playful demeanor dropping. "I know. I am going to miss you," he said, closing the distance between them. He stopped just inches away from her, or at least that's what Numina felt like it was.

He has never been so close to me...Arleth... I am sorry. "I will miss you too, Arleth."

Bowing his head in silence, he quickly decided he was going to do what he never had the courage for. He pulled Numina closer and kissed her, roughly at first because of the rush, but then his kiss grew gentle, and to his surprise, Numina, kissed him back.

"I love you, Numina," he whispered as they pulled apart.

"I know."

"I wish you didn't have to go."

"I know," this time Numina's voice cracked slightly.

"But you will not change your mind," Arleth said, chuckling softly. "You are too stubborn." Numina nodded, giving him a small smile. "Just come back safely to me. You are too important to me. You are...you are..."

Numina finished his sentence with and elvish phrase she had learned, but had been saving for herself to use for the one it applied to. Arleth wasn't that person, no matter how much she wished it, but she knew he could use it. That it might help. "...ma vhenan," she finished melodically.

"Ma vhenan," he repeated breathlessly, looking at her quizzically.

"It means 'my heart.'"

Arleth nodded thoughtfully before pulling Numina into an embrace. "Dareth shiral, ma vhenan."

After a time Numina pulled herself from his embrace, gave a final nod of goodbye and left, walking through the trees quietly and with an ease only the Dalish could muster. Arleth watched her go, her slim figure almost dancing as she walked with unmatchable grace. Her dark forest green and brown leather robes, matching her surroundings. Numina...how accurate your name is. Numin is the elvish for tears or crying. He wiped his eyes roughly. How cruel fate and the Creators are to have it be determined that Numina was going to be your name.

She didn't look back. She knew it would be some time before she returned to her clan. Looking back wouldn't help, it wouldn't solve anything. So, she continued on, adjusting the pack on her shoulders and double checking that the old, elvish text she used to practice her grasp at the elvish language was bound securely to her belt. With her head held high, Numina, the daughter of tears, made her way through the forest, unaware of what fate had in store for her.