I am so so SO Sorry! For all the people who updates of my half-finished stories, or wanted new ones…I apologize. AP finals…Out of state vacation…summer school…summer stupor…you know how it is! I promise to upload a TON this weekend!! (Looks at Fanfiction TO WRITE list…) …Guess I should get cracking…
It was another ordinary serene afternoon at the Ouran Academy Host Club.
Well…perhaps not.
There may not be such a thing as an "ordinary" day at the Host Club, as each day almost inevitably resulted in an amount of drama equal to that of an American Soap Opera.
Nor was there often a serene afternoon, since the façade of a quiet tea and conversation did little to mask the twins raucous noise, Tamaki's pattering, the sounds of Renge's high powered machinery and the incessant, piercing shrieks and squeals of the delighted customers.
So maybe a more accurate description would be to say that it was another afternoon of the accepted amount of chaos at the Host Club, balanced by the calm clattering of Kyouya's laptop in the corner.
The theme of today's tea was focusing on the background of the hosts, with Tamaki holding a dozen girls in thrall as he tearfully spoke of his native France, Haruhi spoke dazedly about her "normal" commoner upbringing, and Hunny and Mori thrilled with professional videos of their earliest martial arts tournaments when they were five.
"But…" Haruhi mused, "…They look exactly the same." She turned to Kyouya, who stood smiling contently in the corner.
"Kyouya-senpai, you didn't bring anything?"
"While it may be gratifying for the clients to observe these materials for Tamaki and the others, I believe it is neither necessary nor profitable for me to display any materials for their viewing pleasure."
"Oh, I see." Haruhi said.
Translation: 'I don't want anyone prying into my past, lest it be detrimental to my future reputation and career.'
"Nah…" The twins popped up behind them, grinning. "He just didn't want anyone to see how many pictures of him there are cross-dressing."
'Case in point.'
Kyouya frowned and shifted his glasses higher on his nose. "You two are hardly ones to talk. Are you sure there's nothing inappropriate in that scrapbook you brought?"
"Kaoru went through it before we brought it," Hikaru yawned, inspecting the nails on the hand draped around his brother.
"Yeah," Kaoru sighed, "I figured I should take all of the fun ones out. Pity though…" He looked at his brother, "That was such a fun Halloween…"
"Mmmmhm…" Hikaru agreed, "The shackles and whip were a nice touch."
Kyouya shook his head and returned to his clipboard, but Haruhi's curiosity got the better of her and she wandered over to the gilded scrapbook surrounded by a horde of giggling and cooing girls.
After a brief struggle, she managed to obtain the album and began to thumb through it.
Devoid of their pictures, the girls swarmed the real twins, swooning over how adorable they had been. Kaoru immediately and unsurprisingly got very flushed from all the attention and compliments and clung to his brother. The conversation immediately turned to how adorable the two of them were together in the present. Hikaru launched into his protective mode, shielding his twin from the hungry gazes of their customers. This only made Kaoru blush more and whisper something undistinguishable to his brother.
One of the girls sighed, "Isn't it romantic? The older brother protecting his younger sibling and…"
"But he's not." Haruhi blurted out.
Instantly the entire group, including the twins, turned to look at her.
"What do you mean?" Hikaru asked, a little brusquely, though he looked confused as well.
Haruhi held up the scrapbook, oblivious to the fact that most of the room was now staring at her, silently demanding an explanation, Kyouya lurking behind a pillar, ready to squash any statement that could hurt sales in an instant. Haruhi pointed to the pages she had opened, containing the twins birth certificates. Everyone leaned in closer to see.
"Hikaru Hitachiin, born 3:04 pm; Kaoru Hitachiin, born 3:01 pm."
For a split second in the third music room, no one stirred. Then everyone turned, in unison to look at the twins, half expecting them to burst out laughing, telling them it was a joke.
But the sight that greeted them shocked each and every person in the club.
The twins had split apart, and were both staring blankly at the pieces of paper in front of them. They were both stark white, though Hikaru looked slightly green.
Tamaki was the first to speak. "I-is this a joke? Hikaru! Kaoru! This isn't funny!"
But every one could tell just by looking at the twins that this was no joke. However superb actors they were, there was no way to falsify the confusion apparently spinning across their faces.
Hikaru found his voice. "But…I'm older…right?"
A few minutes later the girls had been ushered from the room, quietly but firmly by Kyouya, informing them that the twins needed to be alone for a while. As he closed the door on the last of the protesting fans, he turned and looked at the sight before him.
Hikaru sat dazed on the couch, Kaoru's arm around him, trying vainly to comfort him and coax his brother out of his shock.
"We…we were just joking…weren't we Kaoru?" Hikaru asked softly.
"Of course, there's almost no way it could be true…" His brother answered soothingly.
Tamaki burst out first. "You were joking after all!! I can't believe it!"
The twins looked up from their huddle, seeming almost stunned by the unexpected interruption.
"What?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You were joking! You just said it! That whole scene was an act!" Tamaki sputtered, waving his hand wildly.
Hikaru simply continued to look confused, but Kaoru seemed to orient himself and take control of their half of the conversation.
"No, we weren't talking about that. Ever since we were little we've always played the "Which One is Hikaru" game, and in the beginning we once spent a week pretending that we were switched at birth, and that each of us was really the other. …Neither of us really believed it…until now."
Haruhi decided to play the voice of reason. "Isn't it just more likely that Kaoru is simply older?"
Kaoru started to answer, but Hikaru burst in, shaking his head vehemently.
"No…no…That can't be right."
"And why not?" Haruhi asked logically. "You can't simply assume that because that's the way it's always been."
"Yes we can," Kaoru answered smoothly. "Ever since we were born I've always known Hikaru was older. We can't explain it…we just know."
"So the only answer," Hikaru said slowly, sitting up and obviously trying to pull himself together long enough to figure out this puzzle. "Is that I'm older…but I was really Kaoru at birth. And therefore my brother's name is Hikaru…"
There was silence in the club room for a few minutes as everyone tried to process the new information.
Hunny spoke for the first time that day.
"So…what do I call Hika-chan and Kao-chan?"
No one had an answer for him.
The next day between shifts Kaoru joined Haruhi to help her make tea for the next round of customers.
"You're adjusting to this very well," Haruhi remarked casually.
Kaoru smiled, although it seemed a little strained. "Everyone assumed Hikaru's the mature one because he's older and acts more self-assured, when in reality when a crisis hits, I'm usually the one that holds up well. Mom says I'm the emotionally developed one."
"Did she tell you anything about…it?"
He shook his head. "She's out of town for a month. We can't reach her on her cell, she's always in meetings."
"Will you two be alright?" Haruhi asked bluntly. Everyone had been dancing around the question all day.
"He-…-We'll adjust. It'll just take time." The stood together in amicable silence for a minute.
Haruhi looked at the group of customers, many of them Hunny's, surrounding Hikaru, trying desperately to comfort him.
"Well, at least somebody's happy about this."
In the background from the glow of his laptop, Kyouya smiled.
Two weeks later the novelty of the situation had completely worn off.
Everyone in the club, including the customers were sick of watching a grim Kaoru lead a dazed Hikaru through a bland and unfamiliar life. Even Tamaki had admitted he missed their pranks, even though he was usually on the receiving end of them.
Tamaki had launched three 'Great Plans' to help the twins: One to uncover their past, one to help them cope, and one that had never gotten past his announcement of its existence. Without the twins to play main catalysts in his plans, his only followers were Hunny, Mori, and a very reluctant and unhelpful Haruhi.
The situation was approaching dire proportions, and something had to be to either reverse the situation or…who knew what would happen.
The final straw came on the third Friday of the month, when Kyouya announced that profits for the twins were down over 60 percent.
There was dead silence at the announcement, as if everyone in the room was terrified that if they breathed too loudly the vice president would unleash his formidable fury on them.
Kyouya placed the numbers he had just read from in a neat pile in front of him, and took off his glasses to begin cleaning them. Nobody moved.
When he had replaced his glasses and adjusted them Kyouya began to speak.
"Now I have put up with this charade for as long as I have because it was, in the beginning profitable, and I did not want to encourage such childish behavior as you two have been exhibited by recognizing it, but you now leave me no choice."
He looked up, flashing a look of pure fury at the twins, who were both doing their bests not to cower in their seats.
"If you do not cease this act immediately I shall be forced to take drastic measures."
"But we're not!" The twins found their voices as one, bursting out a denial at Kyouya.
"We're not acting!" Hikaru said. It was probably intended to have been shouted, but it came out as a hoarse whimper.
"Honest!" Kaoru added for effect.
Kyouya examined them for a minute, before looking back down to his papers. "I see."
He slid a pair of papers across the table towards the twins, who both winced lightly, before picking up their respective documents.
Certificate of Birth: Hikaru Hitachiin
June 6th, 3:15 pm
Certificate of Birth: Kaoru Hitachiin
June 6th, 3:27 pm
Hikaru went into a state of blank shock that had become all too common for him these days, disturbingly paralleling that of Tamaki across from him.
Kaoru once more took the lead. "But…but that can't be! Our mother gave us that scrapbook!"
In the shadows of the hallway outside the third music room, a woman was doubled over trying to stifle her laughter, wearing a suspiciously familiar grin.
For the twins' mom, 'cuz she's awesome. Also for anyone who read the manga (Specifically Vol. 6), and knows that she's awesome. Written because I was sick of her being portrayed as an uptight homophobic conservative btch.
Reviews make me warm inside.