Spoilers: Requiem
Authors Notes: This is my first fic, and I'd really appreciate it if you give me feedback. Tell me it's crap but please tell me why it's crap! Takes place immediately after Requiem and is Scully's thoughts at that time.
Resolution
I've come to not expect resolution in many things anymore. The very nature of our work often makes resolution an unreasonable demand yet never have I sought it so desperately as now. I pray for stillness so I may perhaps reach some moments of clarity and I fear that words from any other and I might shatter into a million brilliant pieces. Recent events envelope me, the notion of this loss threatening my sanity. Can it really be true? As I lay here still but ever in motion, I feel a sense of guilt. I rejoice at the life swelling inside me but pray it is not at the expense of another. You. Can this truly be the end? The loss of you, the idea of it, cuts deeper than I might ever have imagined and panics me. Without you, I am alone. No one else could possibly hope to understand. No one else has seen what we have seen or been through that which we have, together. The journey has been long and the road at times cold and hard but travelling it with you, I was never fearful. I might have died a thousand times yet I was secure; I belonged. This could never be communicated to another for not only can understanding not simply be imparted, as a gift, I don't believe any other has the capacity that you and I shared, and share still. An arrogant claim, yet its truth resounds in my whole being.
The sharp focus of time lies blurred behind a wall I cannot scale, yet must. I don't cry, for grief is an acknowledgement of death and without it I may still allow myself hope. The doctors and nurses dust me with sympathy I don't want but they do their best though there is one symptom they can do nothing to ease. The world carries on, its voices dimly echo in my thoughts, and that others feel not this loss is the gravest of injustices. The residual hole is raw, jagged, yet I will be strong, I must be, for a faint light blinking in the haze tells me that all is not yet lost. There is still hope and it is because of this that I will carry on. My heart lies empty yet it still beats, urging me on the journey I must make to find my resolution, find you. I will do what I must, I know I can for the bright white flame of the goal is ever visible and shall speed me on when I am weary. When reunited we stand, may we gain understanding from each other in the barest of exchanges, for I know everything has its reason, and you are mine.
Authors Notes: This is my first fic, and I'd really appreciate it if you give me feedback. Tell me it's crap but please tell me why it's crap! Takes place immediately after Requiem and is Scully's thoughts at that time.
Resolution
I've come to not expect resolution in many things anymore. The very nature of our work often makes resolution an unreasonable demand yet never have I sought it so desperately as now. I pray for stillness so I may perhaps reach some moments of clarity and I fear that words from any other and I might shatter into a million brilliant pieces. Recent events envelope me, the notion of this loss threatening my sanity. Can it really be true? As I lay here still but ever in motion, I feel a sense of guilt. I rejoice at the life swelling inside me but pray it is not at the expense of another. You. Can this truly be the end? The loss of you, the idea of it, cuts deeper than I might ever have imagined and panics me. Without you, I am alone. No one else could possibly hope to understand. No one else has seen what we have seen or been through that which we have, together. The journey has been long and the road at times cold and hard but travelling it with you, I was never fearful. I might have died a thousand times yet I was secure; I belonged. This could never be communicated to another for not only can understanding not simply be imparted, as a gift, I don't believe any other has the capacity that you and I shared, and share still. An arrogant claim, yet its truth resounds in my whole being.
The sharp focus of time lies blurred behind a wall I cannot scale, yet must. I don't cry, for grief is an acknowledgement of death and without it I may still allow myself hope. The doctors and nurses dust me with sympathy I don't want but they do their best though there is one symptom they can do nothing to ease. The world carries on, its voices dimly echo in my thoughts, and that others feel not this loss is the gravest of injustices. The residual hole is raw, jagged, yet I will be strong, I must be, for a faint light blinking in the haze tells me that all is not yet lost. There is still hope and it is because of this that I will carry on. My heart lies empty yet it still beats, urging me on the journey I must make to find my resolution, find you. I will do what I must, I know I can for the bright white flame of the goal is ever visible and shall speed me on when I am weary. When reunited we stand, may we gain understanding from each other in the barest of exchanges, for I know everything has its reason, and you are mine.