I flew out of there so fast; I was a blur of pale blue and soft red. My hair, which had taken so long to fix, was ruined by the time I made it home. The dress Hanabi and I had meticulously picked out was damp from the slight shower outside. And my pride . . . hell, who was I joking? I had no pride. Everything was over, it didn't matter anymore. I could have died in a trashcan and not have cared. My life was over.
The designer chiffon strapless dress clung to every curve of my body. It was tea-length and such a pretty pale blue. There was red ribbon wrapped around my thin waist and in a sagging bow that actually looked cute in the back. My red satin slides were in my hands because they were too precious to get muddied. Not my recently pedicured feet though. Oh no.
All the way home, I sobbed, I screamed, I howled. I could have bled to death, but that didn't happen, although it would have made my life a little easier. My heart was pounding blood and rage through my body. I was pissed, outraged but most of all . . . I was so broken I didn't know where to start picking up the pieces.
The twenty minutes it takes from Konoha Academy to my home was very short lived and the minute I walked through the door, I was greeted by silence. I sank to my knees the minute the door to my room was closed. I wanted to die. I wanted to bash someone's face into the wall. I wanted to do something that would help me release this pent up energy.
I wanted so badly . . . to know he had been lying.
I wrapped my arms around myself, sobbing and wailing as loudly as I wanted. I didn't care if father said I was pathetic. I didn't care if Hanabi came in here and told me to grow up and get over it. I wanted so much to just lie down and die right now. Not like anyone would notice . . .
I was some pathetically weak girl, who cried at the first signs of rejection. I should have been shunned from the rich socialites of Konoha Academy. But it's the only school in my district. I wanted so badly to quit school, cut classes, forget I ever went there. I couldn't stand it.
It was slowly killing me.
Crawling over to my bed, I found refuge underneath the layers of mauve sheets and duvet. The down-filled pillows gave my head the feeling of being on a cloud and I slowly began retreating into my thoughts. Only, that could have been the worst possibly thing to ever do.
I feel asleep like that, re-playing and re-winding the parts of my day. He had dumped, at the annual dance, for Sakura. And she doesn't even like him! And yet . . . and yet this happens!
So much courage had been wasted. From asking him out myself to buying the dress with Hanabi as my guide to even getting the thirteen hundred away from Hiashi for the funds. Naruto had said yes, Hanabi had smirked the whole time we were shopping; my father had a proud look in his eyes. And now . . .
And now it's all ruined.
Because Sakura has snatched the heart of the man I love. I wanted so badly to run away. Forget that tonight had even happened. If I thought hard enough, I could probably make myself believe it hadn't. I could walk into school with some dignity and style.
Oh, who was I kidding?
They would know. They would point and laugh and call my pathetic. They knew I was the weird shy girl who had given a strangled cry and ran from the dance. I was the girl who didn't have a chance in this world. I was a failure. The word chanted itself through the recesses of my head, through my body. It was a word that described me perfectly, to a fault.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Can't you hear it?
-
I jerked out of sleep and groaned as a pounding began at the base of my skull. It worked its way through my body and I didn't move, just sat there, enduring it. I knew I looked a wreck. Hanabi's stylist would be pissed when he found out I had ruined the gorgeous long curls he had put in my hair. My makeup was smeared. My lavender eyes looked like a raccoon's.
The sound of my alarm clock woke me again and I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep again. Father was going to be upset. Never had I skipped a day of school before. I had a perfect attendance, why stop know? Besides, only people who ran away skipped school.
Carefully, I stood from the bed and trudged towards my bathroom. These days, there were few things I fought for. Exhibit A; my own bathroom. I got tired of Hanabi using my shampoo and Neji somehow always using my towel off the heated rack. And surprisingly, Hiashi complied. Now, I'm really glad I stood up and spoke for the bathroom.
-
Everything was the way I left.
The mirror was spotless. The makeup case I had left open in a rush to get out the door was still on the marble countertop. The air was scented with the cheap body mist I had spritzed on myself before running out the door. The many pieces of jewelry I had tried on and deemed unfit were still scattered around.
Tears blurred my vision as I faced the mirror. I had been right. I looked like I had been licked up, chewed on, spit out and stepped on, with two cycles of repeat. My hair was a tangled mess of inky black/blue. My mascara had run and now my eyes were lined with big rings of eyeliner and mascara. My lip-gloss had disappeared along with my pride.
I sank to my knees and began promptly sobbing again. I couldn't do this anymore. I was tired, I needed to get away. But Hiashi would only berate me and say "school is a commitment. You can't quit a commitment". Besides, I had a science project due today . . .
"W-who c-c-cares!" I wailed, screaming at no one because no one was there. "It's not like anyone would notice! I'm a pathetic excuse of a person! I can't even keep the love of my life from running like a damn dog to Sakura!"
I stood up and faced myself in the mirror, growling and cursing.
"Do you see this face? Do you see it? It's not even worth the effort! Why do I bother! Why do I try even! If I died, no one would care! They would all "aww" and say "that didn't deserve to happen" but they wouldn't care! My life was over the minute I came out the womb!"
I shrank away and collapsed on the floor, breathing heavily. I hated myself. I was turning into a weak excuse for a monster. My tears had yet to stop. I was a like a stream. Eventually I would run dry.
I don't know how long I stayed there on the bathroom floor, hiccupping and whimpering to myself. I no longer had to the strength to continue my rant, to kick or beat someone in the face. I didn't have the energy to get up and face the day. I was shriveling up, but it's not like anyone would notice.
I dropped my head into my knees, shoulders heaving to the steady beat of my heart. I could hear Neji leaving and Hanabi shifting around. I could hear it all. But I wasn't apart of it. If I could help it, I would stay in my room forever, never come out. I'd be a hermit. One that lived in the basement of their parent's house because they were too damn lazy to get up and get a job.
-
They must have realized I hadn't left yet because the door to my room burst open. Hanabi came into the room, wrinkling her delicate nose, hands on her hips. Her ebony hair was blown out and in her white and green sailor suit, she looked somehow mature and ready for anything that came her way.
I hated her too.
Not bothering to look up, I prepared for the rant coming my way. I stiffened my body, tried to gather as much dignity as I could and looked her right in the eyes. Before I could do anything, she turned and walked out of the room, her nose high in the air. And I felt my heart shatter for the second time that day.
It was better to be screamed at then just left lying there in cold hurt.
"Fine!" I shouted, before I could stop myself. She stopped in the doorway, looking over her shoulder at me.
"I-I don't care anymore!" I hiccupped, tears still rolling down my cheeks. "E-everything I've w-worked for is g-gone anyways! W-why bother these d-days? W-why do I try? It's n-not like anyone c-cared in the first place! Y-you can all go to hell!" I narrowed my eyes and with a steely edge to my voice, I pointed towards the door. "Don't dare to come through that door again unless you have a goddamn reason!"
Her eyes widened in fear and she shot out of the room, calling my father's name. Now I hated myself. I was going through an endless cycle. Get mad and throw a bunch of words at an unsuspecting victim before sinking to the ground in shame and disgrace. How deliciously fun sounding. Not.
The sounds of Hiashi's footsteps against the polished wood floors were no surprise to me. I was expecting him to come in here and slap me silly for talking to his daughter/my sister like that.
Instead, he shook his head at my pitiful state. "Get dressed. I'm taking you to school."
There were no other words. That was it. No protest. No verbal insults. No abuse to take place.
I did as I was told.
Did you like that? I think I made her a little too OOC . . . If I did, please tell me. In a nice way.
(P.S. I'm a sensitive person) ~CocoaAngle95