Janette and the Tax Max
"Janette, are you all right?" Isis said as she came into her friend's office at the Raven.
"Go away!" Janette moaned from where she lay on the couch. It was hard to believe that everything had started only five days ago.
**********
It was going to be a bad day. Janette could tell. Things had started to go wrong that morning when she was drinking her morning glass of blood and had been rammed into from behind by Alma. The blood had went everywhere, including over her favorite dress. She had just changed when the delivery truck arrived. The men had been horribly rude to her and had tracked oil and dirt all over her nice clean floor. Then as they left, she thought to check the boxes that they had brought and and saw that they had delivered the wrong supplies. She broke a heel off of her shoe running after them and twisted her ankle. To make matters worse, they drove off just as she reached the door and she scorched herself on a beam of sunshine that had somehow crept in. As Janette limped back to the bar, wondering what she could do with three cases of pink teddy bear party napkins and a gross of flowered leis, she saw a man come into the club.
"We're closed!" she called as she hopped onto a barstool and begin to inspect the damage to her foot. It didn't seem to be too bad. It should heal in a couple of hours and until then ice would take away the pain. She had just started to call for Alma to bring her some when she saw that the man was still there.
"I told you that we're closed rigt now! Come back at sunset!" She knew that she was shouting but she couldn't help it. Her ankle was hurting and she didn't feel like dealing with a mortal just then.
"Janette DuCharme?" the man said as he walked over to her. He was a small man with dark brown uncombed hair, thick glasses, and a suit that looked like it had been slept in.
"Yes. What can I do for you, Mr......"
"John Rogers is my name. I'm from the Toronto office of the Canadian Revenue Service."
"A tax man?" Janette thought as she looked at Rogers, "He's a tax man? What's he doing here? I've paid my taxes!"
"Mr. Rogers, could I ask why you're here?" she said as she turned to face him and winced as she jarred her ankle.
"Ms. DuCharme, I'm here about some irregularities with your tax return for this year."
"What sort of irregularities?" Janette said as she sighed and prepared to hand over a large sum of money. She hated taxes!
"It's a substantial irregularity, Ms. DuCharme. The income figures you gave us were off by thirty thousand dollars.
"What? But I gave the right information to my accountant! Never mind! How much will I have to pay?"
"Ms. DuCharme, it isn't a question of money anymore. This is serious tax fraud. I'm afraid that you may be facing some jail time here. Good day, Ms. DuCharme." Mr. Rogers said as he walked out leaving Janette sitting there in shock.
"Jail?" Janette thought as she stared after him. "They want to put me in JAIL? I've got to get hold of my accountant and find out how I got into this mess!"
Janette was limping towards her office muttering under her breath when she slipped on something and fell to the floor with a shriek.
"Alma!" she yelled as she looked to see how much damage had been done by this accident.
"Sorry. I hadn't had time yet to clean up that blood that you slipped this morning. Did you get hurt?"
"No, Alma." I'm laying on the floor for my health. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to crawl into my office and call my accountant."
"What do you want me to do with all the stuff the delivery men brought?"
"Ship it to the county coroner's office. Mortals just love little surprises." Janette said as she started to crawl on hands and knees towards her office.
At around midnight, Nick dropped in at the Raven and was suprised to find Janette sitting in the back with both feet propped up, scowling at her happy customers.
"Janette, what happened to you?" he said as he moved her feet out of the way and took a seat across from her.
"An accident." Janette said as she winced and settled her feet in his lap. "Actually, several accidents. The heel on my shoe broke this morning and then there was some spilled blood. Then the ice maker went haywire tonight and I slipped on a stay cube. Those aren't the worst things to happen today, either."
"What happened?" Nick said as he observed the worried expression on her face. "Oh, by the way, Nat says thanks for the napkins and the leis. She's going to use them for the morgue luau."
"Lovely. She can use what's left for my imprisionment party."
"Imprisionment? Janette, what's going on?"
"Nichola, I'm going to jail!!"
"What? What for?"
"For tax fraud! The revenue service came to visit me today. The say that I didn't report thirty thousand dollars on my tax return. Nichola, they're going to lock me up!"
"Janette, have you called your accountant? I'm sure that this is just some sort of mistake."
"I tried to call him. I've been trying all afternoon. He wasn't in. Nichola, what am I going to do? I can't go to jail! I look horrible in stripes!"
"Janette, calm down. They can't just throw you in jail. Call your accountant in the morning and see what he has to say. If he can't get it worked out, call me and I'll see about getting you a lawyer. Oh great. There's Schanke. I've got to go. Don't worry. Everything will be fine." he said as he hurried off.
"That's easy for you to say." Janette grumbled. "You're not going to jail."
"Where is he?" Janette grumbled as she slammed down the phone. "I can't believe this. I should have known better than to hire a mortal for an accountant."
"Excuse me," Briana said as she stuck her head in, "but the guy from the revenue service is here again. He wants to talk to you."
"I'll be right there. Honestly! Tax men are worse bloodsuckers than we are. Where's Alma?"
"Across town, stuck in someone's trunk." Briana said as Janette hurried out to face the tax man.
"Mr. Rogers, what can I do for you today?" Janette said. "I was just trying to reach my accountant. I'm sure that when I get hold of him, he can explain this whole mess."
"That's what I came to tell you, Ms. DuCharme. It seems that your accountant has fled the country."
"WHAT?"
"I'm afraid he's gone, Ms. DuCharme. Such a shame it was,too. We had so many charges that we were going to indict him on. Oh, well. We still have you. If I were you, I would start packing for a looong prison stay. I'll see you later when I come back with a warrant. Good day." he said as he hurried out.
"Uh, oh. I think you're in trouble." Briana said.
"I know I'm in trouble." Janette moaned. "Briana, will you watch the club for me tonight?"
"Sure. Where are you going?"
"To the police station as soon as the sun sets. Maybe I can get Nichola to reserve a room for me in solitary if I ask early."
That evening, Donald Schanke was sitting at his desk munching a sandwich when he saw Janette come hurrying in and look around for Nick.
"Hi, Janette." he said as he dropped the sandwich and hurried over to her. "If you're looking for Nick, he isn't here yet. He had to pick Natalie up. The muffler fell out off her car.
"Well I suppose that you can help me. I'm here to se about booking a room in solitary for about the next five years."
"WHAT? Janette, this is a jail you're talking about. Not a five star hotel. You can't book a cell!"
"Why not? I'm going to be locked up for something that isn't my fault so I at least deserve to be comfortable. Now why don't you show me the cells? You do have one without windows, don't you?"
***********
Several hours later, Schanke finally came back in to find Nick sitting at his desk typing up a report. "Well, it's about time that you made it back." he said as he dropped into his chair.
"What happened, Schank?" Nick asked as he looked up.
"Your friend Janette dropped in."
"Janette? What did she want?"
"She wanted to book a cell in solitary. She made me take her on a tour of the jail so she could pick out which one she wanted! then she started crying and saying that she was going to die. She said something about starving to death and that you would have to come to feed her everyday. It took forever to calm her down! Then when I called a taxi to take her home, would you believe that he charged me fifteen bucks for one short little ride?"
"Oh, great! I guess that means that she didn't get her problem straightened out today. I better give her a call." Nick said as he picked up the phone.
"What's wrong with her anyway?"
"Tax Problems." Nick said as someone picked up on the other end. "Janette?"
"Nichola." she said wearily. "It is so good of you to call the condemned woman. Did your partner make my cell reservation for me? I'll probably need it by tomorrow. Nichola, you will come and feed me while I'm serving my sentence, won't you?"
"Janette, you aren't going to jail. What happened? Schanke told me that you had been by."
"The tax man came back this morning. Nichola, he told me that my accountant has fled the country! He said that he would be back soon with a warrant! What am I going to do?"
"Janette, calm down! I'm not letting you be locked up. Do you have a copy of your tax return somewhere?"
"No! My accountant keeps that and now he's gone! I'm going to be locked up forever!"
"Janette, you are not going to be locked up! I promise. Do you have your tax records somewhere? I suppose that I could try to piece things together from that. Uh, Janette? How records do you have this year anyway?"
"No more than forty or fifty pounds. Nichola, they're all at my accountant's and he's....."
"He's gone. Oh, great. Listen, Janette. Just stay calm, okay? I'm going to see what I can do about finding a lawyer for you. Relax and don't do anything stupid until I call you back."
"What if they come to take me away tomorrow? What will I do?"
"Call me or Nat if you can't get me. Don't worry, Janette. I'll get you out of this somehow." he said as he hung up the phone.
"Did Nick get your tax problem worked out for you?" Alma said as she came into the bar the next evening.
"No, he didn't." Janette said as she stared forlornly at her drink. "He's still trying to find an attorney for me. The problem is that everyone that he's talked to has said that there's no way that I'll get off the hook. I'M DOOMED!"
"It's too bad that you don't have your tax receipts." Briana said as she came to join them at the end of the bar. "If you had them then maybe you could prove that you were innocent."
"I suppose, but my receipts are at my accountant's and he's fled the country so I can't..... Wait a minute! I just had a brilliant idea! Alma, Briana, watch the club for me." she said as she headed for the back door.
"Where are you going?" Alma called.
"To get my tax receipts back!" Janette called as she hurried off into the night.
***********
A few hours later, Janette was searching through the office in her accountant's home. "Where are they?" she muttered under her breath. "They have to be here! What will I do of I can't find them?"
Just then her vampiric hearing detected footsteps in the hall.
""Oh, no! His wife! She's still here! I've got to find a place to hide!" she thoought as she searched wildly for a hiding place. "If I get caught Nichola will never forgive me!"
Just then she noticed the floor safe stuck in a corner with its door wide open. It was just big enough to hold a medium-sized vampire with no room left over to move.
"I couldn't!" she thoought as she looked at it. "But what choice do I have?"
Janette had just managed to squeeze into the save and shut the door when she heard her accountant's wife come in.
"Oh, please, go away quickly!" she whispered and a few minutes later she was relieved to hear retreating footsteps and then the sound of a car starting outside. "Oh thank goodness! Now to open this door and....."
Janette gasped with suprise as she realized that the safe was locked. "Oh, no! Now I'll have to.... Oh, no!" she cried as she saw that in the position that she was in she couldn't move enough to pry the safe open. "HELP! NICHOLA!"
"Where's Janette?" Nick asked as he came into the Raven that night. "I need to talk to her about her tax problem again."
"She went to find her....." Alma started to say when Briana grabbed her and made her shut up.
"She went out to....do....some shopping! Yes, that's where she is. She had to run to the mall for a while. Don't know when she'll be back." Briana said.
"Oh, great." Nick grumbled. "She's about to get locked up for tax fraud and she goes running off to spend more money. Well, when she gets back, tell her to call me. I may have found a lawyer that can help her out."
"Shopping?" Alma said as soon as Nick was gone. "Why'd you tell him she'd gone shopping? You know she's...."
"I know that and you know that, Alma, but Nick doesn't need to know that. She's breaking into this guy's house, remember? Nick's a cop. If he found out, he'd have to arrest her. Therefore, we have to cover up for her. Get it?"
"Yeah." Alma said. "You better be sure to tell Janette what story you used with Nick when she gets back so shell be able to go along with it."
"I will."
"I wonder what's taking her so long?" Alma said as they got glasses of blood from the bar.
"Janette has a lot of tax receipts, Alma." Briana said. "It's just taking her a while to find them all. She's fine."
**********
"HELP!" Janette cried from the safe. "Someone help me! NICHOLA!"
"Where is he?" she thought as she tried to squirm around to get a little more room but only suceeded in crushing her fingers under her legs and pulling the muscles in her back. There was no way she could escape by herself.
"Why isn't he here yet? He has to know that I'm not at the club. He has to know I'm in trouble! Where is he?"
**********
"How's Janette?" Schanke said as Nick came into the station.
"Fine. She's at the mall looking for a new pair of shoes. Can you believe it? She's out shopping when she could be thrown in jail any minute! I swear that I will never understand women if I live to be a thousand!"
"Well, that's what they do, Nick. When women get upset, they head for the stores. I remember once when Myra....." Schanke said as he begin another of his never-ending, guaranteed to put your partner to sleep, stories.
"Briana, don't you think that we should tell Nick what's going on now? I mean, it has been two days and there's no sign of Janette." Alma said.
"She'll turn up soon," Briana said, "and if we tell Nick what she's doing, she'll kill us."
"What if she's in trouble? She could need help. I think we ought to tell. She can't get THAT mad."
"Oh, yes, she can. Oh, great. Here comes the tax man again. Act natural." Briana said as Mr. Rogers came in the door.
"Hello, ladies." he said as he walked over to them. is suit was brown this time and as rumpled as his gray one. A large pair of handcuffs was dangling from his fingers and he had a big grin plastered across his face.
"I need to speak to Ms. DuCharme." he said as he looked around for Janette. "I have a warrant here with her name on it and a pair of handcuffs to slap on those pretty little white wrists. I put them in the freezer overnight so they would be nice and cold for her. So, where is she?"
"Janette isn't here right now." Alma said. "She went to...the.... Briana, help me out here!"
"Don't tell me that Ms. DuCharme was so sill as to try to flee. That would just be another charge against her and I've made escape quiet impossible. All the exits from the city are being watched and I've alerted all of the bus stations and airports. There is no way that she could get out of this city. So, where is she?"
"She's at....her uncle's house! Yes! That's where she is! It just took me a minute to remember it." Briana said.
"Yeah!" Alma said. "That's where she is. His name's Lucien LaCroix. If you want to talk to Janette you'll have to go over there."
"So that's where she is. Well, she'll soon be cooling her heels in jail and her uncle will be too if he tries to protect her. Good day, ladies." he said as he hurried out.
"Alma, that was awful! Now he's going to go over ther and wake LaCroix up and...."
"LaCroix will solve Janette's tax problem for her!" Alma said. "Janett's going to be so happy with us when she finds out! Hi, Isis."
"Hi, guys." Isis said as she came over to them. "Who was that weird guy I passed on the way in? He asked if I was related to Janette."
"What did you tell him?" Briana asked.
"I said that she was my sister and he started askiing me if I paid my taxes regularly. Weird! Who is he?"
"His name's Mr. Rogers. He's a tax man. He wants to arrest Janette for tax fraud." Alma said.
"What? Well, where is Janette?"
"That's the problem." Alma said. "We don't really know. The last time that we saw her, she was heading over to her accountant's house to try to get her tax receipts back. That was two days ago and we haven't seen her since."
"Does Nick know she's missing?"
"No." Briana said. "If he knew, Janette would be in big trouble. She was going to have to break into this guy's house after all."
"I can see your point there." Isis said. "Well go and find her accountant's adress for me. I'll see if I can hunt her down."
"Honestly!" Isis said as she peered at the accountant's house. ""How does Janette get herself in these messes? It reminds me of that time in Florance. Oh, well. At least there's a mail slot. There wasn't the last time."
A few minutes later, Isis was searching through the house for Janette. "Now where can she be? I know she's in here somewhere but where? Janette! Maybe she's in the basement. That would be a good place for a vampire to hide."
"Nearly two hours later, Isis was in the office sitting on top of the safe. "Janette, where are you?" she cried. "I know you're in here somewhere. I can smell you but I can't find you! Where haven't I looked? I checked te basement and nearly go knocked senseless when I rammed into that pile of boxes. I checked the attic and nearly suffocated from the dust. I checked in the closets and under the beds. What other palce is there where it would be dark enough for a vampire to hide that I haven't thought of to look? I wonder if she could squeeze into on of the kitchen cupboards? Well, I better look anyway. There's certainly nowhere else she could be."
A few minutes later Isis was through with searching the last few places tat she could think of. She walked back into the office and sat down on the safe again.
"I can't believe this. I know that she's still in here but where could she be? I'm going to have to get Nick. He's a cop. Maybe he can get a warrant so we can tear the house apart until we find her. She could be hurt or something! I wonder how much longer it is until sunset. Oh, well. I'll just go on over to the police station and wait for him." she said as she hurried out.
Schanke looked up when he heard the first whistles to see shat was going on. He thought that the woman that just about every man in the station was eyeing was Janette at first but when he got a closer look at her he realized that it couldn't be. It was an easy mistake to make though. Her hair was the same jet black color, although it was just a bit longer than Janette's. Her skin was only a touch darker and her pure black, but almost transluscent, dress looked exactly like something Janette might wear. The only major difference between the two was that Janette's eyes were a pale blue while this girl's eyes were a shining emerald green.
"She isn't Janette, but looking the way she does, they've got to be related." Schanke thought as he went over to her.
"Can I help you, Miss? Go away guys. Don't you have some work to do?" Schanke said as he shooed the officers away from her. "I'm sorry if they bothered you."
"They were no bother. Is Nick Knight in by any chance?"
"Not yet. I'm his partner, Detective Don Schanke. Why don't you come over here and you can wait on him." he said as he led her over to Nick's desk. Now that he was close to her, he could smell the perfume that she was wearing. It smelled of honey and some sort of herb and for some reason made him think of Egypt.
"Thank you, Detective. she said as she sat down. "My name is Isis. I'm an old friend of Nick's and I really need to speak to him."
"Well, he should be in soon. Say, are you any kin if Janette's? You two look so much alike."
"Well....."
"Don't tell me. Sisters, right? Am I right?"
"Sure. Sisters." Isis said wih a smile. "That's right. So tell me, Detective Schanke, ho do you like working with Nick?"
***********
"Nick, you've got a visitor." Schanke said as he hurried over to Nick. "It's Janette's sister. She seems like a really sweet girl. Why haven't I met her before now. She says that she really needs to talk to you."
"Who? Oh, wait a minute. You mean Isis. What is she doing here?" he said as he hurried over to her.
"Well, you're finally here." Isis said as she stood up. "I really need to talk to you, Nick. In private."
"Sure." Nick said as he led her out. "Be right back, Schank."
They walked out to the parking lot and over to Nick's car, where he was sure that they would have total privacy.
"What are you up to, Isis? Janette's sister? What was that about?" he said as they got into the car.
"Well, your partner tought that we were so I decided to go along with him. We look enough alike. Everyone thinks we are."
"Isis, what do you need?"
"Nick, Janette's in trouble. She's missing!"
"What?"
"About two days ago, she went over to her accountant's to try to find her tax receipts. No one has seen her since. When I got into town this afternoon, Alma and Briana told me what happened and I went to look for her. Nick, I searched that whole house and couldn't find her. She's definately still in there but I have no idea where. You've got to help her!"
"So that's where she's been. Every time I've called the Raven they've claimed she was out shopping! I should have known that something was wrong! Blast! I told her not to do anything stupid!"
"You expected Janette to listen to you? Be serious! Nick, you've got to help me find her. I'm afraid that she may be hurt or something and....."
"Stay here. I'll go tell Schanke something and then I'll help you find her." "What did you tell your partner?" Isis asked Nick as he drove towards the accountant's house.
"I said that I was suddenly not feeling well. Now when we get there you be quiet and let me do the talking."
"As long as you don't do to badly I will."
**********
"Yes? Can I help you?" the accountant's wife said as she opened the door. "Hello, ma'am." Nick said. "I'm from the police department and I would like permission to search your house."
"What for?"
"Well....."
"It's for crime prevention week." Isis said as she broke in. "All this week, police officers will be coming around and visiting houses at random to check them out and point out potential ways that burglars could get in. I see at least one already. You see this mail slot right here? Well, an enterprising burglar could squeeze them..... I mean a coathanger through it and open your latch. Do you have a fireplace? I hope you keep it locked. There's this one girl who sees an open fireplace the way most people see open doors. You better let me check that. Come along, Nick."
***********
A little while later, they were alone in the office. Isis sat on the safe while Nick pretended to inspect for potential entries for burglars.
"Those windoows are another hazard." Isis said. "They need bars on them. Any halfway decent burglar could get in."
"Isis, how do you know so much about burglars?" Nick said suspiciously as he came over to her.
"I know a thief. She gave me a crash course in breaking and entering one night. Do you see any sign of Janette?"
"No, and we've looked all over this house. Isis, I'm about to give up. We've looked everywhere!"
"Nick, she's in here somewhere! We just can't leave her here!"
"Where haven't we looked? Isis, did you just hear a thump?"
"Yeah. It came from.....inside.....the safe!"
"JANETTE!" they both cried as they peered down at the safe.
"Nick, we've got to get her out of there!" Isis said as she stared down at the safe. "Janette, are you okay?"
"Isis, get out of the way and I'll get her out. How did she get in there anyway?" Nick said as he grabbed the safe door and started to rip it off.
Just then they heard a scream from the doorway. They spun around to find the accountant's wife standing there staring at them.
"What in the world are you doing to that safe? It looked like you were trying to rip the door off!"
"He was just testing it." Isis said as she smiled and nudged Nick. "He was making sure that burglars couldn't open it. That's a strong safe that you've got there. Anything that's locked in that thing isn't coming out easily. I can tell you that right now."
Just then, Janette, sensing that rescue was near, begin to scream for help.
"What is that?" the accountant's wife said. "It sounds like there's something in that safe!"
"It's probably just a cat or something outside." Isis said as she sat down on the safe and begin to swing her legs against the sides to cover up the noises Janette was making. "I really like this safe. Don't you, Nick? You know, I think that you ought to buy it."
"What? Oh! Right! You know, I do think that I could use this safe. What would you take for this, ma'am?"
"You want to buy my husband's safe? Why?"
"Nick collects them." Isis said. "Some people collect baseball cards. Some people collect stamps. Nick here collects safes. This would be the perfect addition to his collection. What would you take for it?"
"I've never heard of somene collecting safes before."
"Nick's a little wierd. He'll pay plenty for it though. Just name a price."
"I really can't sell it. It's my husband's. He'd be very upset with me if I sold it without asking him."
"How about a hundred thousand? You could buy your husband a bunch of new safes."
"I don't know. I don't think he'd like it."
"How about two hundred thousand? You could buy him a bank vault."
"I really don't think so. It is his safe and I shouldn't sell it without his permission."
"How about three hundred thousand? You could get him a gold plated safe."
"I don't know."
"Isis!" Nick hissed. "I can't...."
"How about four hundred thousand? You could have it encrusted with rubies."
"Well, ....."
"Isis!" Nick hissed again.
"How about five hundred thousand? You could have a solid gold safe with rubies AND diamonds. I'll bet that your husband would really like that. He would be the envy of the community."
"Do you have five hundred thousand dollars?"
"Nick does. A relative left it to him. Nick, give this nice lady here her money."
"Isis, I don't have that kind of money with me!"
"Well, you'll just have to go to the bank and get some then, won't you? I'll wait right here for you. Hurry back." Isis said as she pushed him out the door and slammed it behind him.
"Isis, how could you?" Nick said as they lagged the safe out of the house nearly any hour later. "Five hundred thousand? For a safe? Now I know why LaCroix said you were dangerous."
"Stick someone with a six hundred dollar restaurant bill and they never forget it. Don't you think Janette's worth five hundred thousand? Be careful. Don't jar her."
"Isis, if you don't like the way I'm carrying this safe then you take it!"
"No thank you. Just watch what you're doing. Are we going to take it to your place to open it?" Isis said as Nick pushed the safe into the back seat.
"We'll be guaranteed privacy there." Nick said as Isis squeezed in next to the safe and Nick started the car.
A few minutes later Nick heard a shriek as he turned a corner.
"Hey! Watch it, Knight!" Isis yelled as she wiggled out from under the safe. "Don't make such sharp turns! The safe fell on me!"
"What's the problem? It can't hurt you, you know."
"It startled me and it bumped Janette." Isis said as she heard a whimper from in the safe. "Poor Janette. Poor little Janette. Don't you worry. We'll get you out of there."
"Isis stop talking to the safe. People are looking at you." Nick said as he pulled up to a red light and the safe slid again.
"So what? Let them look. You bumped her again." Isis said accusingly as she heard another whimper.
"Janette, please be quiet!" Nick said as he turned around. "You know being bumped a little won't hurt you. Oh, great. Are you crying? Look, Janette. Just be quiet until we get to my place and I'll have you out of there in five seconds. I promise. Just be good until then and....."
"Knight, what are you doing? Are you talking to that safe? Have you been drinking?" a traffic officer asked as he pulled up to the car.
"Hello, Oficer Donnely." Nick said as he spun around. "No, I wasn't talking to the safe. I was.... Uh...."
"Why don't you just step out of the car, Knight?" Officer Donelly said. "I have a little tast for you to take. It involves a walking straight line."
"Nick?" Isis said as they carried the safe into Nick's loft. "Nick, are you going to unclinch your jaw now? You really ought to. Your fangs are cutting into your lip. Nick, it wasn't like he arrested you."
"No, he didn't arrest me. He just made me walk in a straight line for twenty minutes in full view of all of the passing cars. I was expecting Schanke to show up any minute and.... I am never going to live this down at the station!" he cried as he dropped the safe.
"Well, just because you're upset is no reason to take it out on Janette." Isis said as she heard a loud whimper from the safe. "You dropped her! Oh, poor Janette. Did nasty old Nick hurt you?"
"Janette was part of the problem." Nick yelled. "If she had been quiet, then maybe Officer Donelly wouldn't have held me so long. She had to keep making noise though and then you started talking to her! It's a wonder he didn't call the men in little white coats to come and take us away!"
"Well, at least I wasn't seriously considering having him for dinner before everything was over and done with. Nick, calm down. It's all over now. You weren't arrested. Why are you so upset?"
"I'm going to be laughed out of the station tomorrow night!"
"Nick, if the worst thing to happen to you in eight hundred years is being laughed at, consider yourself lucky. Give them a few days and they'll forget about it. Humans have notoriously short memories. It's a wonder they even remember their way home each night."
"Never mind, Isis. I guess you're right. I supose I can stand being laughed at for a few days."
"Of course you can, dear. Now let's Janette out of that safe."
"I'll have her free in a second." Nick said as he grabbed the safe door. "What are you looking for?"
"Some blood." Isis said as she dug in Nick's refrigerator. "The poor dear has been trapped in there for two days after all. She must be starving! Where do you keep your blood anyway?"
"Check in the very back. I think I have a bottle that Janette gave me for Christmas. I was saving it for company."
"I found it." Isis said as she pulled the bottle out. "Nick, there someone coming up in your elevator."
"Oh, great. Who could that be?" Nick said as the elevator came to a stop and the door slid open.
"Hi, partner." Schanke said as he came in. "Cohen has reports that she needs you to sign. You won't believe what Officer Donelly is saying about you down at the station. Where'd you get that safe?"
"He just bought it." Isis said as she came in with the bottle of blood and a glass. "He's trying to open it. Something important's locked in it."
"That's too bad. I know how that is, Nick. I'm locking things in my car all the time. I remember once when I locked my keys in the car and I had to get Myra to come down with my spare set. You won't believe how mad she was! Nick, you know, I'll bet you I could get this open for you."
"That's okay, Schanke. Don't put yourself to any trouble. I can....."
"No trouble at all. Where do you keep your hammer?"
*************
"Isis," Nick yelled over the pounding nearly an hour later, "if I ever let Schanke near a hammer again...."
"I'll hit you over the head with a large brick!" Isis said as she covered her ears. "Nick, Janette's going to kill you when she gets out of there. If this is giving us a headache and we're outside the safe then just imagine what it must be like for her to be trapped inside!"
"I know!" Nick said as he went over to Schanke and tapped him on the shoulder. "Listen, Schanke. I know you're trying to help but....."
"Listen, Nick. I've got something in my car that'll open this thing right up. I'll run and get it. Be right back." he said as he hurried out.
"Nick, he's probably going to get a sledge hammer! You can't let him use a sledge hammer on the safe! He might hurt Janette!"
"I'm back! I got this for my Uncle Bob's birthday but I can refill the tank and he'll never know I used it." Schanke said as he fired up the blowtorch and attacked the safe.
"Schanke, no!" Nick screamed. "You'll hurt her!"
"Calm down, Knight. Look. I've almost got a hole cut through. Another minute and I'll have this baby open. Do you hear something funny?" Schanke said as he punched a hole in the safe and started to cut the lock off.
"HELP! NICHOLA! HE'S GOING TO BURN ME TO ASHES! HELP! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"Schanke, I think I can open it now!" Nick said as he pushed him away from the safe. "Turn off the blowtorch!"
"Nick what do you have in that safe?" Schanke said as Nick started to open it.
"Well, I hope you're happy, Detective!" Isis said as Nick finally got the safe open and Janette came tumbling out and lay on the floor twitching. "You nearly scared the poor dear to death!"
"Janette, are you okay?" Nick said as they came into the Raven with Janette leaning heavily on him. "Schanke was very sorry for what happened. He didn't know that you were in there!"
"Nichola, my entire life flashed in front of me when that flame came bursting through! I thought I was about to die!" Janette moaned as she collapsed onto a stool at the bar.
"Janette, it's all over now. You're safe." Isis said as she reached over the bar to get a bottle of blood for her friend.
"Don't mention the word 'safe' around me!" Janette cried.
"Janette, calm down. Everything's okay." Nick said. We got you out and we got rid of Shanke. Who knows what he's saying about me down at the station right now. Does anyone remember what I told him anyway? I just know that it wasn't the clearest story in the world and...."
"You said that you were practicing a magic trick and things got a little out of hand." Isis said. "Janette, why are you crying?"
"I just remembered that I didn't find my tax receipts and that horrible tax man will be over soon to take me away. Oh, no! Here he comes now! Nichola, is that LaCroix with him?"
"Janette!" LaCroix yelled as he came over to the bar dragging Mr. Rogers. "Is this yours?"
"In a way." Janette said. "Where did you find him?"
"He showed up at my door at an indecent hour of the morning looking for you. He said something about wanting to arrest you."
"You didn't kill him?" Nick said with disbelief.
"Nicholas, do you know how horrible tax men taste? I settled for locking him in the basement for the day. What is going on here?"
"I'm about to go to prison." Janette said. "Go ahead and put the cuffs on me, Mr. Rogers. My day couldn't possibly get any worse."
"Oh, there you are, Mr. Rogers." a short plump blond woman of about thirty said as she came hurrying over. "I hope you know you've given us quiet a chase!"
"Excuse me," Nick said, "but who are you?"
"I'm Ms. Hinkle from the Revenue Service. We've been looking all over for Mr. Rogers for a week! He's been running around accusing people of tax fraud and threatening to throw them in jail!"
"You mean he isn't real tax man?" Isis asked.
"Well, he was until he had that breakdown last week. I hope he hasn't caused you any trouble."
That was when Janette started screming.
*************
"Janette, let's go to your room." Isis said as she helped her friend up from the couch. "LaCroix and Nick left hours ago and Alma and Briana are going to close up. Come with me and I'll show you the sketches that I did while I was on my trip. I have some of Paris. You like Paris. And there's this lovely one of the Nile. Come on, Janette."
"Isis...."
"Come along, Janette." Isis said as she led her friend out. "It's going to be okay. The nasty tax man will never bother you again."