"I loved you first," I whispered, my voice trembled and I could barely stand, " I loved you first, I loved first, I loved first" I repeated over and over again, I didn't care that I sounded like a child, that I talked of Emma as if she was a toy some kid stole from me. I didn't care, because I was there first, I kissed her first, touched her first, made her cry first, broke her heart first.
"Regina.." she whispered and palmed my cheek, "Please," she closed her eyes as the word left her pink soft lips and I knew how hard it was for her to say that. How hard it was for her to ask me for anything after all I put her through.
"I'm sorry," I knew the words meant nothing to her. I used these words so many times before, spilled them out at her so often that she was immune to them by now.
Once they were comfort then they were poison and now, now Emma just smiled shyly at me and nodded, as if I asked her about the weather.
"I do, Emma, I do" my body betrayed me and the tears I fought against all day slid down my cheek, leaving me exposed and weak in front of her.
"It doesn't.." I saw how she fought herself, how her eyes got clouded and her fists were clasped so hard, that I was sure her nails left crescent-shaped marks on her skin. And yet she couldn't say it, she couldn't stand in front of me and say it didn't matter.
And somehow the knowledge didn't give me any comfort, my body still ached, my skin still burned and my cheeks still got wetter and wetter with every beat of my heart.
"Surrender," I said and she chuckled humorlessly at me, a small tear escaped her eye and left a wet trail down her cheek. "Emma.." I breathed and she sighed.
"No," she shook her head, "I'm done,"
"No," I refused to accept it, refused to give up, I loved her first, I was here first, and she was my first, my first love, my first downfall, my first addiction, and I couldn't give up, couldn't accept it. "Please, let's just not do this tonight,"
"Regina-" she started again and I just lunged forward and swallowed her words, I kissed her hard, bit her lower lip until she whimpered, I wanted to own her at that moment, I wanted to be own by her, I wanted to remind her how sweet denial can be, how we don't need reality when we have each other.
"Just for tonight," I whispered against her lips. "Please don't let the truth come between us," she nodded before she kissed me again.