Disclaimer: this is a horrible and wrong way to deal with it, you should never kill yourself even if you feel as though your life isn't worth living, live is a gift and you shouldn't end it early because of a maybe major bump in the road its not worth it. The people who made you come to this aren't worth it, they never were and your life is to important to have them be the cause of you giving up. Don't because I can honestly say that there are others out there who feel like you, abandoned and alone as though everyone would be happier if you were gone, don't fool yourself. Don't let them treat as such, your more important to the world as a whole than to those people, they are the ones who are sick little asses who can go jump and get stuck in a ditch those are the people who still matter but not as much. The little people are always stronger than the bigger and don't let them think other wise. OH AND I DON'T OWN GLEE
Warning: Character Death, there maybe slight almost vague spoiler for NBK
Rating: T for a damn reason!
Summary: ...alutimatly he got what he wanted. The feeling to never feel again. The reason he went and did it, the reason for ending it, and the impact it has. Takes place after NBK!
His back slowly slid down the sickingly yellow walls of the small bathroom until he reached the floor, the cool tile should have been felt through his jeans but that wasn't anything he could do, feel. He was numb, frozen maybe. It was as though the sense of feel was no longer something he was capable of doing, as though he was walking through a world in which he didn't belong, a world with unforgiving lies, heartless shoves, and deadened looks of true interest. He thought he could handle the broken and floating feeling of never belonging, he could have done that for the rest of his life if things hadn't changed so wrongly weeks ago. He was able to feel for a split second and then he knew that this feeling wasn't something he should feel. He shouldn't wish for those soft lips on his, to look into those bright eyes, to feel the others silken hands in his, he shouldn't feel these things for another, especially another male.
He let his head fall back as the memory of that mesmerizing and thought after memory caused him the most soul shattering of pain. Maybe it was the sense of being rejected, or the fact that the kid outted him, the fact his dad beat him because of it, or the fact he could no longer go a day without coming home broken and bloodied. He was fine with numbness, fine with being someone who didn't fit the puzzle but somehow made it work. He was fine with maybe never feeling, but that one moment when his world finally let him know why he didn't belong, why he wasn't suppose to feel, why he was meant for a life of endless nothingness, why he was now in a place of complete isolation. This was because he wasn't suppose to feel. He shouldn't love, he shouldn't care, he shouldn't be weak. But all of those things are what drove him to this point, the hard plastic was the small container that was held in his tight fist. He crushed his eyes closed trying not to let the emotions come back, to not let him show weakness one last time. But it happened, the tear fell from his closed eyes and the small sob escaped his throat.
Oh how he would give anything to take back that moment back to show eveyone that he wasn't gay that he was one of them, but no there was no way he could take it back, but as he thought more and more about it he knew if he got the chance he would never take it back for anything. That was his first and final kiss he would share, the one that would lead him to a rollar coaster of the stupid feelings that would lead to this moment to this point where things would start to look up for him. This was the moment when things would turn for the better, the kid that got him to this place and almost sicking low would get the man who had made his life worse than hell, out of his own. His friends would be happy to say that the fag they called a friend was gone. His parents would be happy to say that they only had one daughter that mattered, and the other wouldn't be a problem any longer. The town would be able to rest easier knowing that one less fag graced its unwanting arms.
So as he took one last breath he twisted the cap of the orange bottle till it came off and without hesitantion downed the 16 pills inside, alutimatly Dave Karofsky got what he wanted. The feeling to never feel again.
I have to say this has been something I have always wondered about. What would happen if people found out, what would it do to him? I KILLED KAROFSKY HOW THE HELL COULD I! Grr but don't wait up, I need reviews and feed back on how I should keep this going, if its worth it or not. Please I really wanted to know. OH and this is just my take on how tormented and confused he is, how things could go if people found out, how his entire world flip and the things would just become more and more painful for him. He's not Kurt and he never will be. He can't be expected to do the things he does.