Dudley's Inferno

by Shenloken1

Dudley goes in to interview for his fire dog position. But will his strange past actually land him the job?

1. Chapter 1

Dudley s Inferno

By: shenloken1

"Wahahahahaha! And now I Verminious Snaptrap will knock the sun out of the solar system using my latest most diabolical invention yet!" Snapptrap was gloating as he held in his hands a tiny little golf ball.

"Um boss..that s a golf ball." Ollie pointed out.

"I know it is!" Snapptrap hollered back. "You don t have to have an extremely expendable henchman point that out!"

"How will we knock the sun out of its orbit with that tiny little thing?" Ollie asked.

"Simple logic!" Snapptrap said. "Using a tetra plated alloy made out of titanium, uranium, and a new element recently found called awesomenium.I developed a radioactive core with the strength of a billion asteroids that will knock the sun out of orbit once I hit it there! Ah ha ha ha!"

"Um..boss?" Ollie asked. "When and who discovered awesomenium?"

"Oh I read about in Science Fancy." Snaptrap said. "They were having a naming contest for the new element discovered. They never really revealed who the winner was except he was all white, didn't wear pants and bit his butt a lot."

"Um boss I believe the winner was Dud..." Ollie continued.

"Forget it!" Snaptrap snapped back. "C'mon! It s tee time!"

(Insert TUFF Puppy badge transition.)

On the nearby greens of Petropolis (Pellet Beach); Snaptrap and his henchmen (who of course were his caddies) were ready to tee off.
Snapptrap set down his diabolical golf ball on his diabolical tee.

"Hand me my diabolical 5-Iron!" Snapptrap commanded.

"Here ya go boss." Francisco responded after handing Verminious his iron.

"I would have used the diabolical 8-Iron for this shot." Larry said.

"Shut it Larry!" Snapptrap barked. "This isn't rocket science! This is a game of golf aimed at knocking the sun out of its orbit! Don t be so touchy on details!"

After lining up his shot, Verminious readied his club. All the minions stood motionless and silent as Snaptrap. All accept Ollie who was silently talking like a pro golf news caster.

"Verminious lines up his shot. It s quite a long shot literally..as it will hurl away from the greens and the planet itself aimed directly at the sun." Ollie said in hushed tones. "The world will be put into darkness, sunshine will be eliminated, and tanning salons will go bankrupt in this already struggling economy. This may be his most evil sinister shot ye.."

"HEY!" Snaptrap yelled at Ollie. "I CAN HEAR YOU! I M TRYING TO TEE..."

All the nearby golfers whispered "Shhhhhhh!" at Snaptrap.

"Oh..oh sorry." A very sheepish Snaptrap replied. "I'm supposed to be quiet (Looking at Ollie) unlike SOME people."

"Sorry boss.." Ollie apologized. "I can t help it. Every time I m at a golf course I feel like a reporter at the course in St. Andrews. I always wanted to be a..."

"You ll be reporting to my club over your head if you keep..." Snaptrap yelled. The nearby golfers once again reminded Snaptrap to be quiet. "Oh..eh heh heh.. Sorry everyone."

Snaptrap regained his focus and begin lining up his shot. But before he could hit it, a suddenly explosion erupted near him sending him flying into the sand trap.
The minions turned around and were shocked to see Agent Kitty Katswell standing proud with her hands on her hips.

"Agent Katswell!" Snaptrap exclaimed. "Can't an evil genius enjoy a little 8-holer once in a while?"

"Not if he plans on making a hole-in-one towards the sun!" Katswell replied.

"Hey that kinda rhymes." Francisco pointed out.

"Oh yeah." Kitty exclaimed. "Kind of accidental I guess. Heh heh."

"You re too late!" Snaptrap yelled. "I'll just move on to the next course and quickly hit my ball towards..."

And again the nearby golfers told him to be quiet.

"Hey Katswell." Snaptrap said at his normal tone. "Why are you here by yourself? Where's your mutt sidekick Dudley?"

"Are you blind he's..." Kitty suddenly noticed he was gone. "Hey yeah where is he?"

Kitty Katswell then saw a familiar face walking by with a bag of golf clubs and a tiny white cap on his head. It was a dog with a black shirt and a very bored expression on his face. Sure enough it was

"Dudley!" Kitty Katswell exclaimed. The other golfers then told her to be quiet.

Dudley was busy setting up his ball and getting his club out. Kitty Katswell then stormed over to him.

"Dudley!" She said angrily. "What do you think you're doing? We've got bad guys to stop!"

"You handle it." Dudley responded sounded rather uninterested. "I'm just gonna ease my ol head a while with a game of Gorf."

"You mean golf?" Kitty Katswell asked.

"What I said." Dudley Responded. "Garf!"

Dudley then took his golf ball and threw it in the air. He then whacked at it with his golf club, narrowly hitting Kitty. It appeared Dudley was playing baseball more than he was golf. The ball flew towards the lake.

"Ok..." Dudley said. He then took out another golf ball. "Tiny 3 ball corner tree near sand trap."

Dudley then swung at the ball again and hit it. It didn't go where he wanted it. It landed instead on the fairway.

"Aw I scratched." Dudley grumbled.

"Dudley.." Kitty said in a low angry tone. "You can't play golf right now for two reasons. One: You shouldn t be playing during your job! And two: you don t know how!"

"Yes I do!" Dudley said. "Now quiet! If I miss this next shot I m in Sudden Death and bases are loaded!"

"C mon!" Kitty exclaimed. "We're gonna catch bad guys!"

"I don t feel like it." Dudley said.

"What!" Kitty screamed. "Dudley! It s your job! Besides...you love catching bad guys!"

"Got bored." Dudley said.

"This isn t the time to be like this Dudley!" Kitty said. She then noticed Verminious had teed off his diabolical golf ball. "GASP! Oh no!"

"Wah ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Verminious gloated. "Soon the sun will be shot out of orbit! And I...Verminious Snaptrap will take away any rays of hope or happiness as the world is turned into a dark ice cube."

He then took out his Telescope Binoculars to check the progress of his golf ball. After a few moments he took them away and looked disgusted.

"Aw rats!" Snaptrap exclaimed. "I sliced it!"

He then looked at his minions.

"Men!" Snaptrap exclaimed. "Get to my super cool space ship. We re going after my golf ball and try it again!"

"Um find a golf ball in space sir?" Larry asked.

"Don't be such a damp rag!" Snaptrap whined. "I got a tracking device on it! We'll find it and tee off again!"

"No you won't!" Kitty Katswell yelled pulling out her gun. "You guys aren't going to try anything like that again as long as I am here!"

And once again, the golfers whispered "Shhh!" at Agent Katswell.

"Oh..." Kitty replied looking embarrassed. "Right sorry."

At that moment one of Dudley s golf balls whizzed over Kitty s head and hit a nearby golf cart.

"Alright!" Dudley yelled. "Double Boogie!"

"Bogey..." Kitty grumbled. "And it wasn't even."

"For that I will give myself 450 points." Dudley said.

"Dudley the lowest score in golf wins." Kitty grumbled again. "Aw wait...why am I discussing golf right now! Help me catch these bad guys!"

"Soon as I hit my 7 ball in that nearby ash tray for a Field Goal." Dudley replied.

"Dudley you little..." Kitty started screaming. But before she reached him, Snaptrap and his minions already took off in their space ship. "Oh no! They got away! C'mon Dudley! We gotta get after them!"

Dudley hit his golf ball but it bounced right off the ash tray and into the exhaust pipe of Kitty s car just as she was starting it up. The jam in the exhaust caused her car to explode in black smoke.

"Hmmm..." Dudley stared. "Aw I ll just count that as a turdy."

"Birdie..." Kitty coughed.

(Insert TUFF Badge transition.)

In space, the lost golf ball was located by Snaptrap and his men after they landed their ship on the moon.
Ironically the ball had fallen right near where Neil Armstrong played golf on the moon.

"Oh my boss..." Ollie said looking at the Earth over the moon s horizon. "Have you ever seen something so beautiful?"

"Yeah yeah..." Snaptrap responded. "Remember this...one: I want a better shot at hitting the sun this time. Two: Make sure those TUFF agents don t get here. And three I want that video of my hitting this golf ball at the sun on ZooTube by 8 pm tonight!"

As Verminious readied his shot, Agents Kitty Katswell and Dudley were in hot pursuit once again, driving in their TUFF space ship built for two.

"I got their location." Kitty said. "They are on the moon and ready to tee off again. Dudley, you and I will..."

Kitty then noticed Dudley was busy playing on his Game Pup.

"Ergh!" Kitty grumbled. "The fate of the world hangs in the balance and you re playing video games!"

"Told you..." Dudley said. "I'm not into the secret agent thingamijiggy today."

"Well whether or not you are having a bad day isn't important!" Kitty snapped. "It s your job and we re partners! So put that thing away and lend me a paw here!"

"I m not having a bad day." Dudley responded. "It's just the magic is gone!"

"Magic?" Kitty responded icily.

"Yeah you know." Dudley explained. "The magic! The zip! The spring in my step! The ham in my pocket. Oh that reminds me!"

Dudley then pulled out a ham out of his pocket and began eating it.

"You keep meat in your pocket?" Kitty asked.

"You should see where I keep the donuts!" Dudley responded.

"Ewwwwww..." Kitty shuddered.

(Insert TUFF Badge Transition.)

Snaptrap was busy taking practice swings with his club.

"C mon snaptrap." He kept telling himself. "You can do this. You got the highest score on 'Wii Golf A Lot' so you know you're ready for the big leagues! Just hit this sucker home! Just hit it home! Hit it home!"

Just as he was ready to swing, the space ship Kitty and Dudley came in landed. Dressed in their TUFF space suits they floated towards Snaptrap.

"Snaptrap!" Kitty exclaimed. "You're foul plan has come to an end!"

"Not so fast agent Katswell!" Snaptrap said. "I'm gonna send this little ball home!"

"Like halibut you will!" Kitty responded aiming her laser gun at them. She then fired it knocking Snaptrap's club out of his hand.

"Yeowch!" Snaptrap screamed.

"C'mon Dudley..let's.." Kitty then noticed Dudley was floating away from her. "Argh! What now?"

"My ham is floating away!" Dudley cried.

Sure enough, the not entirely eaten ham was floating out of Dudley s reach. He was busy going after it losing interest in Snaptrap and his minions.

"Dudley gosh darn it!" Kitty screamed. "Think you bonehead! What s more important right now! Catching bad guys planning to take away our sun? Or going after your stupid smelly ham?"

"The ham!" Dudley cried. "The haaaaammmm!"

"UGH!" Kitty screeched.

"D'uh look at that vein in her forehead." Francisco exclaimed.

"It's like a bloody worm is in her head." Ollie said.

At that moment Verminious Snaptrap hit his golf ball towards the sun.

"Wa ha ha ha ha! That s it!" He yelled. "Go all the way home! Wah ha ha ha ha!"

His henchmen then looked at the progress of the ball flying towards the sun through their telescope binoculars. Larry regretfully looked up at Verminious.

"Sorry boss." Larry said. "You missed again."

"ARGH!" verminious screamed. He then looked angrily towards the sun where the golf ball was supposed to go. "How..hard is it..to..hit the sun..with..a golf ball! That was your home Mr. Ball! That was your home! Are you not good enough for your home!"

"Well it's back to your home behind bars for you!" Kitty yelled. She then fired her net and caught Verminious and all his henchmen at once. "Phew! I got em all."

She then wrapped the net up and dragged them towards the ship she and Dudley came in. But as she approached it, she noticed Dudley was already inside getting ready to take off. The doors were also closed.

"Open the pod bay doors please Dudley." Kitty said. No response.

So she tried again. "Open the pod bay doors Dudley!...Dudley! Open the pod bay doors!"

"Kitty..." Dudley said in a deep voice. "I'm afraid I can't do that!"

"Why not?" Kitty said gritting her teeth with extreme frustration.

"Kitty..." Dudley said. "Although catching snaptrap is important to you, I got something more important to do. And I am afraid I can t allow you to come between me and my ham which is being hurled into space!"

Kitty was really really mad now. "Dudley..." She said angrily. "Open the pod bay doors NOW!"

"Kitty I must go now." Dudley said. "My ham awaits me!"

He then took off and flew after the ham which was floating away from him. This left Kitty stranded with Verminious. While Kitty was arguing with Dudley, this gave Verminious and his men time to escape out of her trap. She then saw them fly away again in their spaceship.

Kitty then knelt to the ground of the moon pounding it in frustration.

"Dudley you rotten no-good lame-brained idiotic son of a..." She started screaming.

It then showed the moon far away as Kitty appeared as a dark spec on the moon. Little did she realize there was a satellite nearby.
The satellite was feeding transmissions back to a group studying alien languages at NASA.

"Gentlemen! I think we have signals coming from the moon!" The head of the project said excitedly.

Everyone gathered around the radio. The head of the project then continued.

"Alright everyone! We all wanted to know if intelligent life did indeed exist on our moon!" He said. "Once we get a clear signal, we'll find out for sure if there are indeed alien life forms trying to communicate with us, and what valuable and miraculous knowledge we can gain from them."

The voice then came in clear. It was Kitty still yelling out streams of obscenities at Dudley.

"Dim-witted, dirt-eating, butt biting, toilet water drinking lame brained, nose picking, flea bagged moronic pile of..." Kitty screamed.

The head of the project then turned off the radio signal to the moon.

"Eh heh...well" he said sheepishly. "We may have to decipher it to see what exactly they meant."

"They sounded pretty cheesed." One team member said.

"Well maybe those strings of obscenities mean something else to them...maybe they're compliments." The head of the project said. "...I hope."

(The TUFF Badge transition again.)

A few days later, with Kitty and Dudley back on Earth at TUFF Headquarters, the two sat down in front of the Chief s desk.

"Well Agent Puppy." the Chief said gruffly. "Agent Katswell's report here said you were inactive in the line of duty and seemed to have gotten easily distracted by things unrelated to the current situation."

"She said what now?" Dudley asked, while he was busy figuring out a rubix cube.

"This is exactly what I am talking about!" Kitty Katswell exclaimed. "Dudley shows no interest in his work these days. I mean he gave up stopping Snatrap's evil plot to hit the sun so he could chase a ham instead."

"Well yes that was irresponsible." The Chief responded. "But in Dudley's defense, it was a darn good ham!"

"Chief!" Kitty Katswell said trying to calm herself. "I'm beginning to think Dudley no longer cares for the secret agent business anymore. He shows absolutely no interest in it! I mean even now he doesn't know what we're talking about!"

"Yippee!" Dudley exclaimed. "I got all the...aw man. There's three yellow squares on the green side."

At that moment Kitty smacked the Rubix cube from Dudley s hand.

"Dudley!" Kitty shouted. "Do you even know what me and the Chief are talking about right now?"

"I heard something about lunch and possibly a trip to Hawaii..." Dudley said. "Or maybe that was my mind talking out loud."

"We're talking about YOUR future with TUFF!" Kitty shouted. "Do you even care about your job as a secret agent? You want to get fired?"

"Ummm..." Dudley began. "Ummmmm...well there is the sleeping in part."

"Great Scott!" The Chief exclaimed. "He's got Bum-A-Lum Syndrome! He s becoming a slacking moocher!"

"Is that bad boss?" Dudley asked.

"What?" The Chief said. "No not really. My brother is a certified moocher!"

"Does it pay well?" Dudley asked.

"Free checks from the government 24-7!" The Chief said proudly. "And free soup too!"

"Awesome!" Dudley yelped.

"Chief!" Kitty shrieked. "We already have done a lot for Dudley! We even convinced his mom he could stay here! Are we going to let that go all to waste?"

"That s OK." Dudley said. "My mom said there's work for me out there anyway if I get fired."

Dudley then flashed back to a prior memory of his a few weeks ago when he was asking his mother Peg an important question.

"Hey mom!" Dudley said. "I blew up another warhead in the TUFF storage facility. Chief said if I ever do it again, it's a written warning."

"Then don't do it again sweetie." Peg responded.

"But mom. I m kinda concerned." Dudley said. "What if I lose my job at TUFF? Where would I go?"

"Well deary..." Peg responded. "If you can't make it out there in the world, there's always plenty of Chinese restaurants looking for dogs! So you better..."

"Oh great!" Dudley said. "Thanks mom!"

"But I didn't mean full-time Dudley I meant..." Peg started, but Dudley was already gone. "Oh dear..."

As Dudley's flashback ended, he sat proudly in his chair.

"So I always got a job in the Chinese food business if I don t make it here." Dudley said.

"Dudley I think that s a day job." Kitty said. A "One Day" job!"

"Oh yeah?" Dudley said. "What makes you say that?"

"Um..." Kitty said, and then looking down at the floor sadly. "I'll tell you the story of my Uncle Hubert and what happened to him later."

"In any case..." The Chief continued. "You take some time off Dudley and think what's important for you and for all of us here at TUFF. And if you think this place isn't for you, then don t bother coming back to work at all!"

"Chief's right Dudley." Kitty responded. "I suggest you take some time off and think this through thoroughly."

"Well..." Dudley said.

Kitty then knelt down and put her hands on Dudley's shoulders.

"Dudley look..." She started. "At TUFF we're more than just agents. We're like family. And you and I did some amazing stuff together. If you were to leave it would hurt. So please...think it over carefully...for you and for me." Dudley looked into Kitty's sad eyes and suddenly he looked pretty sad too.

"OK Kitty." Dudley said. "I'll think this over carefully about what I really want to do. I promise."

Kitty then smiled. "Aw great Dudley. And I m sure once you realize how important this is, you'll..."

Suddenly Dudley s cel phone rang. He took it out and answered.

"Hello?" Dudley asked.

"Sup bro! This is Roger!" The voice on the phone responded. "Hey you wanna go throw hub caps at passing trains?"

"Do I ever!" Dudley shouted excitedly! He then ran out of the office and TUFF headquarters to go join Roger.

"Kitty..." the Chief said silently. "Do you think Dudley will really find his calling?"

"I don t know" Kitty said solemnly. "Frankly I m worried."

"I am too." The Chief said. "He's like a second very hairy son to me."

"And he's like a dim-witted slobbering brother to me." Kitty said. "I hope he realizes how many people he'd let down if he left."

At that moment Keswick walked in.

"Well I-I-I for one don t care either way." Keswick responded.

"How can you say that?" Kitty asked.

"Well ever since Du-Du-Dudley exchanged my form for the Name the Element contest in Science Fancy." Keswick responded. "And the fact that he won re-re-really made me mad."

"Oh you mean awesomenium?" The Chief asked. "I thought it was pretty clever."

"N-n-not me!" Keswick responded. "It was nowhere near as good as my original entry!"

"What was yours?" Kitty asked.

"Mine was: Epiphnauselildiotusmorandus Imperiosis Dynamoluxus!" Keswick responded. Both The Chief and Kitty stared at him silently.

"I liked Dudley's entry better." The Chief exclaimed.

"Me too." Kitty said. "That's a plus for him."

"Ooohhh..s-s-some people." Keswick grumbled.

"And besides one good thing came out of all this." Kitty continued. "Snaptrap never did find his golf ball. He and his henchmen got locked out of their rocket in space."

Back in space, Snaptrap trying to open the rocket door with a clothes hanger while his henchmen float in space next to him.

"Darn it!" Snaptrap snarled. "One of you go get me a rock!"

"Um you mean a meteorite boss?" Ollie asked.

"I don't care what!" Snaptrap responded. "Just as long as it's lumpy and rock like and breaks stuff when you use it!"

"Sure thing." Larry responded holding out his hand. At that moment his hand latched onto a passing comet that flung Larry far into space with it. "Waaahhh!"

"Larry!" Snaptrap yelled. You better be back with that thing in five minutes or so help me it's going where you don t want it to go!"

End of Part 1 of Dudley's Inferno. Next time; find out what Dudley's true calling is and if he will really leave TUFF for good.

Pop Culture References:

- The title 'Dudley's Inferno' is a reference to 'Dante's Inferno.' This is derived from the famous work entitled 'Dante's Divine Comedy.' It is also the name of a God-of-War inspired game that came out in 2010.

- 'Pellet Beach' is a parody of the famous golf course 'Pebble Beach.'

- Kitty's demands for Dudley to "Open the Pod Bay Doors" is taken from the lines from the movie '2001: A Space Odyssey'; where the supercomputer HAL refuses to open the pod bay doors to let the human astronauts back in.

- Ollie mentions 'St. Andrews'; a famous golf course from Scotland.

- The part where NASA scientists are trying to receive intelligent signals from the moon also seems to be from '2001' and it's sequel '2010.'

- Dudley's mom Peg telling him that "Chinese restaurants always need dogs" is based off the rumors that Chinese restaurants serve dog. While in China dog is considered a delicacy, it's hardly likely that any restaurants here serve it. this is also true of cats as Kitty suggests.