The Question
It was a day like many others - at least Christian thought it was. He'd left the flat fairly early and was warming up in the Square, waiting for his client to arrive. The winter sun was peeping over the roof tops and he had a warm glow in his heart - ever since he and Syed had been back together, things were going better than ever. Somehow that painful time apart had brought them both a new appreciation of each other and of their relationship. And just as he was musing all this, there he was, the man of his dreams, Syed Masood, walking across Albert Square, taking Christian's breath away and lighting up his face with a beaming grin.
"Hey there gorgeous. Can't get enough of me, eh? If you want a snog you're gonna have to make it quick - Hayley'll be here any minute."
But Christian's smile faded when he saw the look of worried concentration on Syed's face.
"Christian, when you've finished with your last client today, can you come straight home, please? No pub, no Caf, no chatting to Roxy. I need to talk to you about something."
"Sure, babe. Sounds serious. Everything OK?"
"Everything's fine. Really." But his eyes said otherwise. "It's just that there's something I want to talk to you about so I just wanted to make sure you didn't come home too late, or too drunk. Is that OK?"
Now Christian's forehead contracted into a frown. "Course. Straight home, no stopping, no problem."
"Great. Thanks. See ya later then."
As Syed turned and walked off towards the salon, Christian watched him go, puzzled. But he was shaken out of his reverie by Hayley's arrival. Whatever was bothering Syed would have to wait. But Christian didn't like it one bit - alarm bells were ringing.
When Christian finally arrived home, he chucked his bag on the floor, his keys into the bowl and gave Syed a loud "Hiya!". Syed, who had been sitting on the sofa biting his nails, worry lines still clouding his face, managed a weak smile and came over, planting a quick kiss on Christian's lips.
"Hey. How'd it go today?"
"Good. Except all day I've been wondering what it is you want to talk to me about. Why the serious face. Come on, spill."
Syed took Christian's hand and led him over to the sofa, where they both sat, facing each other. Syed let go of Christian's hand and instead started nervously picking at his own fingers. He look Christian straight in the eyes and took a deep breath. Christian braced himself for whatever might be coming.
"OK, here goes. I'm going to ask you a question, and I need to you give me an honest answer."
"Sy, you know I wouldn't lie to you."
"I know. I don't mean that. I mean, be honest. Brutally honest. Say exactly what you really think. Don't try and be tactful or worry about how I'll feel. Even if you think it's going to upset me or make me angry or scare me or hurt me, you still have to say it. Exactly what you really, honestly think. Promise?"
Now Christian's own face was etched with confusion. What the hell was all this about?
"OK. I promise. Cold, hard truth."
"Right, here it is. How long do you really think we're gonna last?"
"Sorry?"
"Us. Me and you. Together. How long do you honestly give us? Would you be surprised if we're still together in ten years? Or do you see us sharing a zimmer frame in the nursing home? Or do you reckon it'll probably fizzle out in, say, I dunno, two years? Remember, brutal honesty. Forget what you think I want to hear. It's really important that you tell me truthfully how much milage you think we really have."
"Blimey, Sy. Where's this coming from? Why are you asking this now? Has something happened?"
"Yes, but I'll tell you about that afterwards. Please. Just answer the question."
Christian was totally non-plussed, and responded rather more flippantly than he intended.
"Honestly? With my track record, and the age gap, and our religious and cultural differences, and the problems with your family and community, and the fact that we drive each other mad because I jump into everything without thinking while you have to think everything through for weeks before doing anything, and then change your mind ten times. And the fact that we've only been properly together about two years and have already had two pretty serious rucks and who knows how many smaller ones. Given all that, how long can it possibly last?"
Christian felt a pang of guilt as tears starting to form in Syed's beautiful eyes. He gently cupped Syed's cheek with his hand, stroking the stubble with his thumb. All flippancy gone, he now spoke quietly and deliberately.
"Do you know the thing in his world that scares me the most? Not cancer, not dying, not losing a leg. Not even losing my looks."
The tension was momentarily broken as they shared a sarcastic look. But only for a second. Serious again, Christian continued purposefully.
"The thing that scares me so much I can hardly bear to think of it is that there could ever be a time where I wake up in the morning and have to get through another day without you. Since coming back I've never thought about when we might end, because I just assumed we wouldn't. As far as I'm concerned, this is it. For keeps. That's what I realised while I was away. I thought you knew that. I thought you felt the same. If there's something wrong, Sy..."
As Christian spoke the frown had slowly lifted from Syed's brow and his eyes began to sparkle. This time it was him raising a reassuring hand to Christian's cheek.
"I do. I do feel the same. Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect. I hoped that's how you felt, but I just needed to hear it. To make sure."
They both smiled, hands still softly caressing each other's faces. Christian was the first to speak as he pulled Syed into his arms and relaxed on the sofa, their hands entwined.
"So why the question? Why now?"
"Because I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of, made so many promises that I've broken - to you, to my parents, to myself. But the promises I've felt most ashamed about are those I made to Amira. I promised in front of my friends, my family, the whole community and in front of God, to be honest, to be faithful to her, to protect her - and I broke every single one."
"I know. I let her down too, and I feel bad about it. But she's OK now, and I don't see what that's got to do with..."
Syed picked up a letter from the coffee table and handed it to Christian.
"This came in the post this morning."
Christian scanned it quickly.
"Your decree absolute!"
"All those lies, those broken promises. All summed up in one piece of paper. Syed Masood failed. Syed Masood lied. Syed Masood broke his word."
"Oh, Sy. You know it's not like that. You tried so hard..."
"I know, and I was messed up and confused, and there were reasons for all of it. But don't you see? All those promises I made and broke. I've still got to put it right. To prove to Allah, and to myself, that I CAN keep my word, that I CAN commit to something. To do more than just SAY I believe in truth and honesty and commitment and faithfulness, but to show it through my actions."
"Right. OK. I'm still not sure where this is going..."
"Christian, you say that you and me, it's for keeps."
"It is."
"And I feel the same, you know I do. And this, this piece of paper, gives me, gives us, the chance prove it. It gives me the chance to make amends for all those broken promises, to prove to God, and to myself, that I mean what I say. To make a binding, lifetime commitment that I will never, ever break."
"Syed Masood, are you saying what I think you're saying?"
Syed sat up and turned to face Christian.
"Christian Clarke, I love you with all my heart, and I want to spend every day of the rest of my life driving you mad. Will you marry me?"
Christian could barely get the words out.
"Yes. Yes I will." He sat, misty eyed, gulped, and sniffed.
Syed laughed. A laugh of pure joy and love.
"Oh my god. Have I actually managed to render you speechless?"
Christian nodded as a tear of happiness rolled down his cheek.
"Well that's a first. Perfect start to married life!"
"Oi! Careful - there's still plenty of time for me to change my mind."
"But you won't though, will you?"
"Never."
Their lips came together slowly, tenderly.
"A lifetime of that?" said Christian, "I can think of worse things."
"Me too. Like starving to death. I was so nervous I haven't been able to eat all day. Dinner?"
"Or bed?"
"Ah, well, when you put it like that..."
"I want to make sure my FIANCEE knows exactly how to keep his husband happy."
"I think I have a pretty good idea."
"Prove it."
Syed leapt up and ran to the bedroom, followed swiftly by a laughing Christian. Kissing passionately, hands tearing at clothes, they fell onto the bed and began as they meant to go on for the rest of their lives.