It was a rather quiet day at Hogwarts for Snape- the school year was over. Harry bloody Potter and the rest of the Golden Trio were gone. So was Ferret Boy, Longbottom, and all the rest of those bloody idiots. But Severus was lonely. He and Hermione Granger had called off their "arrangement" because she was going off to college and he was in it just for the sex. And his heart belonged to someone else, granted that person had no idea. Bugger. What was he going to do without the sex? There were a few others here, though. Rolanda: Yuck, I swear she has crabs. Sybill: Oh, God no. Minerva: Old enough to be my mother. Pomona: Weighs more than me and would probably try to involve plants. And the males… Severus shuddered to think. Filch: Need I say more? Hagrid: I definitely need not say more. Filius: A little on the short side. Binns: Insubstantial, he's a ghost. Plus he'd jabber on about the Goblin Wars the entire time.
It was hopeless: Snape was never ever going to get shagged again. He sighed, and headed up to see Minerva to ask about a resignation; another bloody year at Hogwarts fucking School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he'd lose his marbles. "Bippity Boppity Boo," Severus snapped at the gargoyle, who moved to allow him entrance.
However, when Snape entered the room Minerva was not in. He sighed. He'd have to wait for that dozy cow. Dumbledore smiled at him from his portrait. Blood hell. That sod had planned for this.
"Severus, m'boy," the meddlesome old painting exclaimed, twinkling even from within his portrait. "Fancy meeting you here!"
"What is it Albus," Severus asked wearily.
"I have been meaning to talk to you for a while about this. You see… Severus… I have had these… feelings… for you for years and I wanted to tell you…" the wrinkly old painted wizard trailed off here.
"What do you want to tell me?" Snape inquired excitedly, leaning forward till his greasy hair was touching Dumbledore's frame, and his large nose was not far behind.
"Severus, my boy… I… I… I love you goddammit!"
"Oh Dumbley-Dore… My love… I have these feeling for you too. Miss Granger was just a façade to cover up my randy hormonal feeling for you! Kiss me, my bearded lover!"
Well. Disturbing pairing I know. I couldn't possibly continue this story though, at least not without throwing up on my computer desk. Reviews are always appreciated.