"Would you calm down?" Steve asked, grinning at me across the table. My knee was bouncing so fast it could keep time with the heartbeat of a hummingbird.
"Would you stress up?!" I demanded, glaring slightly at the 250 pounds of muscle I called a best friend. He laughed slightly, humor glinting in his blue eyes as he reached a hand across the table. I noticed about six phones out, one with the audacity to have the flash on as Steve smiled again, gripping my hand so I didn't go break that persons phone.
"No. Everything is going to be fine." He said for the thousandth time since we had arrived at the small cafe. I tried to pull my hand back but he wouldn't let me. "Crista. Trust me."
"I do. I don't necessarily trust him." I grimaced. A week ago everything had been fine. Steve at been on a mission to somewhere in the world, calling me to tell me that he and Natasha, the 5'2" death machine I called my other best friend, were fine and Sam had a new toy. Bucky, Steve's once upon a time best friend from the 1940's who was brained washed and now wanted to kill Steve, had been with me during the call and laughed at something Steve said.
That was when the biggest fear of my life started to play out; Bucky had said five words that had put a block of ice in my stomach the size of Rhode Island. Not the size of the state in comparison to other states, but the actual landmass size and it had yet to melt. Bucky said "I'm ready to meet him," so innocently it was like he was asking to meet my brother.
With Bucky being brainwashed, I never knew if he was serious or if I was talking to his Hydra induced Alter Ego, the Winter Soldier, who still had a mission to complete by decapitating his child hood best friend. Man I could really use a therapist. What kind of idiot gets herself thrown into this stuff.
"Wanda did apologize." Steve said, reading my thoughts. That stupid Fear Vision of Bucky standing over a dead Steve still haunted my dreams.
"Who is Wanda?" I had been so stressed out I didn't see Bucky come in, and never did his voice make me want to throw up before; I actually liked his voice it was soothing when he wasn't speaking Russian. Then he just sounded angry. Steve had stiffened slightly when Bucky spoke, and turned slowly to look up at his best friend. Bucky was still wearing his leather glove akin to Michael Jackson and a long sleeve shirt under his black leather jacket.
Steve stood, hand still clasped in mine and his eyes scanned Bucky. To me, Buck looked the same as the the day before when we grabbed coffee and discussed what happened in D.C. I was too tense to attempt to reflect on that conversation, with two super soldiers standing off in a café in the middle of Manhattan.
"Bucky." Steve said barely louder than a whisper. People were still jumpy about what happened in D.C so Steve didn't want to draw attention to a man who was HYDRA. A frown appeared between Bucky's sea green eyes.
"Who?" He asked, and Steve suddenly tensed, frozen in fear and disbelief. I huffed, tugging my hand out of Steve's even though he probably needed the support right then.
"Not funny!" I said, landing a sucker punch right in the middle of Bucky's rock solid abs; I had to stop hitting these two, my bones couldn't take it. He also didn't even flinch but it probably did tickle him. Bucky, sniper extraordinaire of the Howling Commandos turned Winter Soldier killing machine was ticklish. He also crumpled into laughter, the smiling lighting up his entire face.
"I'm sorry Stevie, you're just so easy!" He said and Steve's posture deflated before his perfect crooked smile graced his face.
"Punk." Steve muttered, causing both men to suddenly get a far off look in their eyes. Wherever they had gone, I wasn't about to follow. Not again. That fourth travel through time had almost killed me and I wasn't about to do it again. Then they embraced.
Now, I am a fully functionally, red blooded female and let me tell you; one of the hottest things I have ever seen is James Barnes and Steve Rogers hugging. Granted it would have been better if shirts were not involved but still, pretty damn sexy with all that muscle bulging under tight cloths. And metal, I added as Bucky's gloved hand caught my eye. I had also noticed that the body contact had attracted the attention of all the other female clients of the café.
"Thanks for meeting with me." Bucky said as they pulled apart. His flesh hand reached out silently and I grasped it with my left hand, squeezing gently as a reminder of who he was. Something to remember, for some reason when Bucky and I had skin to skin contact the Winter Soldier, or what remained of him, was easier for Bucky to fight off. Steve had some crazy theory about Bucky liking me as more than a confidant. The only reason I put up with Steve's theory was because I always got so mad when I thought about the first time we discussed it that I lost the ability to think. If your best friend almost dies, the least you can do is give her a wild night between the sheets Rogers! Jeez.
Steve's eyes dropped quickly to our linked fingers before smiling slightly and returning to his chair. Bucky and I followed suit and Steve's eyebrow quirked at me over the table.
"Knock it off Rogers." I muttered, reaching across the table to retake his hand as well. He laughed slightly as his attention focused on the suddenly stoic and stiff addition to our lunch.
"I'm sorry." Bucky blurted out, fingers tightening subconsciously around my own. Steve looked to him, suddenly on alert as if HYDRA was going to burst through the door and try and kill him again. "I'm sorry Steve. About D.C. About Malibu, I just…" Bucky was struggling and it tore me apart. I would have to put a pin in that Malibu comment. I didn't know what that meant. As far as I knew, Steve had only been to California during the USO Tour in 1941. "I wasn't me." He said quietly, looking up at his best friend pleadingly.
"I know Buck." Steve said, slapping a hand onto Bucky's metal shoulder. Well didn't we make an awkward human triangle. "If I thought you had been yourself I would have let you be crushed." A teasing smirk pulled at Steve's lips, right where Bucky's knife had sliced into him two years previously.
"Ha." Bucky said, attempting to take the tease the way he would have. I knew, from the confessions Bucky had told me, that what he had done didn't sit well with him now that he was in full control of his brain again. I had helped to the best of my ability. I knew Bucky both in the 1940's and as the Winter Soldier and had tried to tell him how different he was.
How different he is. While Bucky Barnes was in control on the body, the happy go lucky man I had known for 4 days in the 1940's, the one who could charm the pants of a dame with a single smirk, was no longer the man that sat beside me. Same body, same ability to show that smirk, but he was darker, edgier and more depressed. I could catch glimpses of the heart-breaker, the fun loving guy who used to stand up for his best friend no matter what, but mostly he was wrestling with what he had been forced to do over the last five decades.
"I'm going to pee, why don't you guys get reacquainted." I said, giving Steve a pointed look. Steve had this dream that Bucky was going to come back be the same person he had been, the same guy Steve remembered. I had been trying for weeks to get Steve to understand that Bucky was different, even though he was back in control.
"I know. Go before you pee on the chair." He said, making me laugh and Bucky blink in confusion.
So I didn't really have to pee. I just knew that things needed to be said man to man, not man to man and weird random female third wheel best friend fuck buddy. Ex-fuck buddy, damn it Steve. I stared into the mirror, willing myself to be calm. I could put on a brave face for Bucky but I was terrified leaving he and Steve alone together for fear of that stupid fearscape vision coming true. Kind of wished I was divergent so I could just change the damn scene. Yes I have read Divergent. I'm a high school history teacher, I have to stay connected to the kids somehow don't judge me.
When I returned to the table five minutes later, Steve and Bucky were laughing.
"I order you shrimp salad." Steve said as I sat down.
"You really know how to treat a dame, ordering for her and everything." I said, throwing a wink at him.
"How much time do you two spend together?" Bucky asked, drawing our attention to him.
"Oh, um…" I started, unsure how to answer the question. It wasn't really all that much lately. But it had been just after I returned from my first trip through that stupid tree. Through? Around? Over? Whatever, screw that tree.
"Not as much as we used to with my work and all." Steve said. The last actual time I had seen Steve was when he had refused to have sex with me after a near death experience. Can you tell I am not particularly happy about this event? He had put me on a quinjet just as a call had come in and the Avenger's had to fly off somewhere and deal that crackpot Rumlow.
"But enough that you know what she wants for lunch and can joke about bodily fluids?" Bucky asked, and I saw the calculating look spread over his handsome face. Bucky now had moments of intense internal thoughts that I had come to call "Math times". It was when Bucky had to struggle to connect the dots of something and didn't want to ask questions.
"We spend a lot of time on the phone." I added, reaching my hand over to grasp his wrist, letting my fingertips dance over the thin skin on his wrist. He twitched underneath my hand and glanced at me.
"The Steve I knew could barely talk to women, let alone about something so private." He said, smiling slightly.
"Yeah, that was the first thing I beat out of him." I said, smiling slightly as both men laughed at me.
The lunch went very well, with Steve and Bucky doing most of the talking and me only popping in to explain things the other didn't quite understand. Which was less than one would think with two old geezers. Just as we were finishing, Steve's phone buzzed. Bucky stiffened at the sound and I reached out to grasp his wrist again, before realizing he was stiffened because of who was calling. Steve glanced at Bucky sideways before hitting the talk button.
"Nat." He said. "Yes." He laughed slightly. "No he didn't. Yes. She is fine." He said, throwing a smirk my way. But I knew enough to be silent; Nat only called him when something was wrong. Usually he got a snarky text message. Steve stiffened just as Bucky had. "Where?" He asked, his Captain America voice lacing through the word, and I deflated resignedly. "I need evac, ten minutes." He said and then hung up. Placing the phone on the table he looked up at me, and I smiled at him sadly.
Every time we had had any time to spend together lately Steve got called away, which was why I hadn't really seen him in two and a half months. Three weeks ago he was supposed to stay the whole weekend and left four hours in.
"Go save the world you pain in my ass." I said, getting the napkin off my lap and tossing it on the table like a child. Steve sighed as Bucky watched the exchange in his silent brooding manner.
"I wouldn't go if it wasn't Rumlow." He said.
"You said that last time." He sighed again and he seemed to deflate a little and he brought his hands up to his face. "Hey, hey." I said, getting up and walking around the Bucky Statute we had apparently acquired. I pushed Steve up into a straighter sitting position and motioned for him to move his hands so I could crawl into his lap. He smiled slightly as his arm went around my waist with his hand landing on my hip. "I knew what I was getting into with the whole 'best friends with Captain America' thing." His blue eyes looked over at me with stress, worry and disappointment. "I didn't necessarily sign on for Black Widow, but I'm afraid of her so, I guess she is sticking around." He smiled a little at that, knowing that Nat and I were almost closer than he and I were these days.
"And it really doesn't matter, because I am just going to replace you with Bucky anyway…" I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward Bucky. "and he doesn't go anywhere." That got enough of a laugh that I could feel it rumble through his chest. I grabbed his face, forcing him to look at me. "So go get that son of a bitch so you can stop bailing on me." I said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He smiled at me and I knew that he didn't feel too overly guilty for leaving again. "Now let go of me, it's awkward to have people on your lap in public." In his response, his hands raised and he allowed me to crawl off his lap. I stood to the side just slightly, noticing people hastily tucking away their phones again; not often did "Captain America" get a "lap dance" in public, (or ever for those of us who knew him).
"I'm sorry Buck." He said standing. Bucky stood and nodded, but didn't really say anything. The two friends embraced and I heard Bucky mutter something that made Steve stiffen slightly. "You got it." Steve said, a fierceness in his eyes that I had rarely seen.
As they let go he turned toward me, and sighed again. He reached forward and his thumb tugged my bottom lip from between my teeth ala Christian Grey. He knew that all of my brave words and acceptance were just a front for worry. I hated when he and Nat went out on missions. I was surprised I wasn't completely gray haired yet.
"You're taking Nat right?" I asked, knowing the answer.
"Yes."
"And Wanda."
"And Sam with his new toy." He said. "And possibly Rhodey." I know he had meant for it to comfort me but it didn't.
"Why Rhodey? Why would you need Rhodey? You only need Rhodey when there is heavy fire. Is there going to be heavy fire?" I asked in one breath, and watched as Bucky's eyebrows raised.
"It would just be a precaution."
"Don't lie to me Steve." He took a deep breath in and let it out, his shoulders falling. I knew he wasn't lying. Steve didn't lie to me. But he was omitting truths to protect me from my own brain and I hated that just as much. My brain conjured up worse things than reality most of the time and just made me worry more.
"There is intelligence that Rumlow got his hands on an RPG. So Rhodey is just in case that rumor is true." I swallowed my anxiety, knowing that they had gone after more than Rumlow on multiple occasions and been fine.
"God I miss Bruce." I said quietly, causing Steve to laugh.
"We will be fine, and I will call you when we are back." He said, wrapping me in his arms tightly. I always felt like a child when Steve held me because he was so big and warm, but that never helped when he actually left. It wasn't something that I could hold onto while I waited. I breathed in, pulling in the scent of his old spice and the detergent they used at the facility and felt his lips press against my hair. "We'll be fine doll." He muttered before we heard the chirp of his phone and the engine of a low flying plane. "That's my ride." And then he was gone, money dropped on the table and out the door before I could threaten to tie him up in my closet.
I glanced over at Bucky and smiled but I could tell it didn't reach my eyes.
"You worry about him every time?" He asked, taking a step toward me. I nodded in response.
"You're a good friend." He reached out, his flesh hand brushing the hair off my neck.
Since Natasha's brilliant observation in the hospital about Bucky having the same effect on me as I did him, Bucky's touch felt different. It was calming. There had been one day when I was in complete agitation having been yelled at by a parent whose child thought that George Washington discovered apples and I had failed his paper, and Bucky had simply held my hand. It was weird to feel the tension completely drain, and while it wasn't a complete drain now, the contact of his skin calmed the anxiety a little.
"I'm just afraid that he is going to end up in the hospital again." I said, before remembered who was touching me. "Oh god, Bucky I'm sorry." I said, but when I looked into his eyes, he was smiling.
"If the punk had fought back he never would have been there." He answered, and I let out a breath of tension. "How about a lazy movie afternoon." He suggested, trailing his hand down to link with mine.
"Sounds good." It was going to be a long afternoon.
A/N: Welcome to "The Crista Chronicles." These installments are not going to be as regulated as every chapter and are going to be more like one shots that can be compiled. I haven't even decided if I want to keep them in order or just write what comes to mind at the time so it will be an adventure for everyone! Because there isn't really going to be a page to page plot line like the previous Crista journeys, I will be attempting these to be longer installments, and for the first time in a long time, I am posting chapters before the story is completed. There are other stories that will be updated or created during this one so look out for those as well!
Welcome back and I hope you enjoy!