Disclaimer: I do NOT own CSI.
Thanks to Jemma for her help on this, she came up with the title and the reason for the anger and has spurred me on all week to write it. It hasn't quite turned out like I'd hoped but it's not to bad. I wanted it to be more hot and sexy than angsty and I wanted the end to be really smutty but my smut muse vanished towards the end, so I'm afraid it is a bit rushed.
Just incase I don't write anything else before Christmas – I hope you all have a wonderful time.
Undercover Emotions
"No." barks Gil. "You're not doing it. It's too dangerous."
"Gil, I'm not too thrilled about doing it either, but if it means we catch the sick son-of-a-bitch who's doing all of this it'll be worth it."
Sara doesn't look at him, instead she continues to rifle through her closet in search of something to wear for 'Girls Night Out'. Usually she'd wear something conservative; nice trousers and top, but tonight she has to look… revealing. Sara, along with Catherine and Morgan, has been asked to go undercover in a bar on the wrong side of Vegas. Women have been going missing and then turning up dead after being brutally raped and the case has been driving LVPD crazy. Every lead has lead to a dead end and another dead body, leaving the police and criminalists without a trace of evidence. However, the most recent body was found with receipts from the night of her death, from a bar across town, giving CSI their first solid lead. Usually CSI's wouldn't be permitted to go undercover, only trained officers, but the bar is in a rough area and the female officers who could do this would be recognised within seconds of walking through the doors into the dark and dingy bars.
"Sara, you are notdoing it. Let Morgan and Catherine go, but you're not."
"Gil, you're being completely unreasonable." she says and pulls a purple, knee length dress from her closet. "Perfect." she smiles, holding the dress up against her body.
"No, I'm being smart."
"Gil…"
Anger and, if he's honest, fear bubbles through his body.
"NO!" he screams, snatching the dress from over her arm and throwing it across room. "I forbid you to do this."
Sara looks at him, shocked and slightly amused.
"You forbid me?" she asks bitterly.
"Sara, I am not going to let you leave this house. Don't you see how dangerous this is?" he asks, his voice softening a touch.
"Gil, the police will be close by, we'll all stay together and there will be eyes and ears close by. We'll be fine."
"What if something goes wrong?"
"It won't."
"It might." he growls. "Sara, the guy who's killing all these women is smart, smart enough to confuse the police."
"Gil…"
He's starting to breathe heavily, part in anger and part in desire. He can feel his muscles pulsating as his eyes burn into her, trying to make her see sense.
"Listen to me, Sara, and listen good. You are not going. I will not have you used as bait to lure out a sick and twisted killer; I will not have your life put in danger. And I will not have you parading around the seediest part of town looking like… looking like a common prostitute." he spits, pointing towards the discarded dress.
For a long moment Sara is stunned by his words.
"Excuse me?" she asks incredulously. "I look like a prostitute wearing that dress? That dress which you picked out for me?"
His eyes flash a dark sapphire as he takes a calming breath. He suddenly feels aroused at the thought of Sara wearing that dress. And she most certainly doesn't look like a prostitute wearing it. She looks beautiful in that dress and the last time she wore it for him things got really heated.
He swallows hard.
"Not when you wear it for me." he says, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "But if you wear that in front of a highly dangerous murderer/rapist, a prostitute; a woman he thinks he has a right to, is what he'll see. You're not going, Sara. That's the end of it."
She narrows her eyes at him as her anger level rises a few notches, but anger is not all she's feeling right now. Suddenly she can think of nothing else but having sex with him; his hands touching her and hers touching him, as she wears this beautiful dress.
He watches her carefully, and he can see her mind thinking of a comeback.
She leans in to him, her mouth close to his ear. "Oh yes I am." she says calmly. "I am going. And if I need to, I will parade-around-like-a-common-prostitute. I'll do anything to get this son-of-a-bitch off the streets. You're my husband, Gil, not my master; you don't control me. You don't own me."
Her voice creaks at the end, hating what she's just said, because she knows it's a lie; she knows she belongs to him. And she wouldn't have it any other way.
He smiles when her voice wavers during her last statement.
"Yes. I. Do." he says calmly, his voice strong and dominant.
His gaze falls to her heavily beating chest and, although she's wearing a bra, he sees her nipples tauten beneath her blue shirt.
He swallows; he's feeling the heat too.
He steps towards her slowly, carefully watching her. "You belong to me." he says, knowing that she loves hearing him speak those words.
She opens her mouth to reply but now words come out. Her desires get the better of her. She grabs the collar of his shirt and with one strong tug she rips it open. Buttons fly everywhere as she presses her body against his and kisses him like it's the end of the world. Her hands make quick work of his pants and before he knows what's happening Sara is on her knees taking him in to her mouth. As he wraps his fingers in her hair she starts to lightly suck on the tip of him. A guttural groan rises through his chest as she sucks him further in to her hot, wet mouth. He groans loudly and thrusts his hips, so Sara increases the speed of her sensual sucking. She lifts a cool hand to the base of him as she moves back and forth over him, swirling her tongue around him and scraping her teeth along his solid length.
"Sara…" he hisses her name.
She smiles a little. She knows he's close; really close, when he attempts to pull out of her, but she won't let him go. And with one long, torturous suck and sweep of her tongue, his body stiffens. He erupts in her mouth and threads of delicious warmth splash down her throat. He leans back against the closet door as she swallows all of him and continues and lick up every last drop of him, unwilling to give up the joy of giving him so much pleasure. It's not often he allows her to do this to him. Not because he doesn't like it because he does, he really does, it's because he wants to be inside her everytime it happens, he wants her to feel everything he has; everything that's hers.
She rests her forehead head against his stomach and sighs. Heat bubbles inside her and she squeezes her legs together to ease the dull ache she's now feeling.
He smiles down at her, his eyes dangerously alight, and helps her to her feet. Once she's standing, with her arms around his neck, his fingers start to touch down her stomach.
"Gil, touch me…" she whispers desperately, pushing herself closer.
She's already on the edge of a tremendous explosion and she feel that if she has to wait much longer she just might die.
He smiles at her plea and complies. He slowly pushes her trousers and panties to floor, noting that her pink panties are already soaked through. His fingers brush against her heat, causing her to shudder in his arms. Again, he smiles. He leans in and captures her mouth in a heated kiss and at the same time he dips two fingers inside her without preamble. She cries out in euphoria but he swallows the sound, his mouth covering hers in a heavy kiss. Over and over he penetrates her, sometimes slowly, sometimes roughly, bringing her almost to climax before he pulls out. Three times she reaches the pinnacle of an earth-shattering orgasm, and three times he denies her release.
"Gil…" she whimpers, as a single tear of frustration rolls down her cheek.
He gives a nod of his head, unable to resist much longer. His fingers stroke over her and with one slower, deep movement her entire body shakes and she finally has the release she's been waiting for. Her whole body is filled with warmth as she sinks into his arms. Unable to stop herself she bites down on his shoulder, he growls in pleasurable pain and holds her throughout.
He pulls out of her and eases her backwards to the bed. He lowers her down first and then lies down beside her, propped up on his elbow so that he's leaning over her and just watches her as she fully recovers.
Sara opens her eyes and looks at him, smiling.
"Well...that was unexpected." he laughs.
"Oh, but so good."
Pursing his lips he nods his head in agreement and drops his head down on to the pillow. Lying on the bed he slips out of his shirt and discards it on the floor as Sara rolls on to her side and cuddles up to her husband, their fight seemingly forgotten.
"Thank you." he whispers into her hair.
Sara smiles. "For what? The mind-blowing blow job?"
"Well, yes. And for agreeing to stay in tonight."
Sara narrows her eyes at him. "Gil, I'm still going tonight." she states clearly.
"What? I though you'd agreed not to."
"No, you said that I wasn't going and I told you that I was."
"Sara..." he says, frustration in his voice. "I won't let you..."
He feels his anger bubble up and surge through him again as their earlier argument starts up again. Heated words are thrown back and forth in attempt to make one another see reason; words of hate and distaste.
"You're unbelievable, Gil. We've been through this. You can't stop me." she shouts.
She quickly gets out of bed, Gil following right behind her.
"I can and I will." he growls.
Gritting her teeth, she shakes her head in frustration and turns to walk away.
A mixture of fear and anger floods through him, again. Why can't she see that her going under cover is completely crazy and dangerous? He reaches out and grabs hold of her left wrist, gripping tightly and turning her back towards him.
"Don't you fucking dare walk away when I'm talking to you!" he snarls; his voice deep and angry, shocking himself by his violence towards her.
For a long moment Sara stands frozen; startled by his voice and actions. She hesitates, only for a second, before looking into his eyes. A wave of nausea hits her when she finds them dark with anger, so dark they almost look black. She can see his jaw clenched shut and his nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily through his nose, but she can't tell if he's trying to calm himself down or if his anger is on the rise.
"Gil…" she says calmly. "Let go of me."
He just stands watching her, giving no attempt to release her.
"Let. Go. Of me." she repeats slowly, her voice stern but wavering slightly.
Unaware of his actions he grasps tighter.
She gasps.
The tension in the room is thick, but not in a good way. It feels heavy and fear ridden like a smoke filled room.
She's never seen him this angry and for the first time she's afraid of him; she's afraid of her husband. She can see something in his eyes which she's never seen before and she feels a knot twisting in the pit of her stomach; a horrible, gut-wrenching knot. Her left hand is starting to go numb- tingling- as his death grip on her stops the flow of blood to her fingers. Tears prickle her fearful brown eyes as the pain quickly becomes unbearable.
"Gil, you're hurting me…" she cries softly, a few tears starting to spill over.
She takes hold of his wrist and tries to pry it off of hers but he's to strong. Her body starts to tremble a little as she struggles to pull herself free.
He doesn't know what's gotten into him. He knows that he's hurting Sara – scaring her- but he can't let her go. His head feels foggy and he can't make much sense of what's happening. The signal from his brain is making him grip her tighter instead of release her. He tries to let her go; he really does, but the sudden fear he's feeling is too overpowering. He can see the fear in her eyes, and he hates himself for it, but he still can't seem to let her go. Images are flying through his mind; bombarding him and making him hold her so tightly that his knuckles turn white – Sara lying motionless on the ground or Sara lying in the morgue with her slender body broken, bruised and violated.
"Gil, please stop. You're… you're hurting me." Her voice breaks and a quiet sob escapes her lips.
His eyes burn into hers as he wills himself to let her go; to end this horrible moment. And finally, after what feels like a lifetime, his hold slackens but he doesn't release her completely. His heart is still held tightly in the grasp of fear for his wife but he's starting to think clearly again, and he finally realises what's he's just done.
"Sara…" he whispers, terrified and ashamed.
Without being conscious of her actions, the palm of her right hand cracks against his cheek. She feels the shock of her blow vibrate right through her body, right through to her bones.
Shock crosses his face but he doesn't react to the hit, he accepts it and his eyes plead with her to hit him again because he knows he deserves it.
She grits her teeth as her hand stings. She's never hit her husband before, or he her, but that felt good after what he's just put her through.
Never taking her eyes off him, Sara manages to pull the rest of her wrist from his loose hold. She flexes her fingers to help ease the throbbing ache as the blood starts to flow freely again and slowly takes a step away from him.
"I'm so sorry." he says softly, his eyes filled with guilty tears.
A few more tears spill from Sara's eyes; tears of hurt, relief and fear.
"Sara…"
He takes a small step towards her but she retreats backwards; moving further away from him.
He feels the breath leave his body, his heart shattering into a million pieces as she takes another step backwards. She's never backed away from him before; not once since they met.
Her back collides with wall on her last step and she whimpers.
He can clearly see the fear in her eyes, the fear which he's responsible for.
For a long time they stand in silence, Sara's eyes are trained on him whilst his are staring at the red mark he's made around her wrist.
He's never hated himself more than he does right now.
Cautiously, he reaches out to touch her hand but without warning she lunges forward and starts to hit him fiercely. Her fists beat of his chest again and again in attempt to make him realise how much he's just hurt her; how much he scared her. Tears are streaming down her cheeks as each blow she gives is harder than the last.
"Bastard. You bastard. You promised me that you'd never hurt me. You promised me that you'd… that you'd never make me relive my childhood." she cries. "You are NOT the man I married."
With each word she screams at him she drives an invisible stake deeper into his heart and he's worried about the outcome to this awful fight. He doesn't move, he doesn't even flinch, as each pound to his chest causes a bolt of pain to run through him, but it's an emotional pain he feels, not physical. He deserves this. He never should have scared her like that; he never should have grabbed her wrist. He's not a violent man and he never meant to get violent towards her.
"Come on, Gil, fight back." she barks, her voice deep with all traces of hurt and fear completely banished only to be replaced by absolute anger. "Hit me, you coward." She starts shoving him, her palms slapping and pushing against his chest inbetween forceful blows. "What, because I'm fighting back you back down?" Both fists are now clenched into tight balls, again. "You're a coward! Hit me, Gil. Fight back. Don't just stand there. HIT ME!" she screams at him, angry tears now rolling down her cheeks.
She feels her breathing speed up as her emotions run high. She's furious with him, but deep down she knows that he would never hurt her beyond what he's just done. In his own way this was his way of trying to protect her; to make her see sense, but the anger she's feeling towards him is too strong for her to retreat.
She raises her right fist to sock him across the jaw. "HIT ME! she screams again.
He snaps. Just as her balled up hand is about to collide with his cheek his left hand comes up and captures it, only inches from his face.
She gasps and halts her movements.
With his hand holding her fist by his face he guides her backwards so that she's up against the wall. But this time she's not scared.
"I am NOT going to hit you, Sara." he says roughly.
She just looks him, her eyes wide and watery.
"When I married you, I also promised you that I'd keep you safe; that I'd keep you out of harms way. Yes, I grabbed your wrist, and I'm really sorry that I hurt you, but that was in order to make you see sense. I would never hit you. Never in my life would I raise a hand to you."
She lets out the breath she's been holding, relieved that this fight is almost over. She's confused; she's never hated him more than she hates him right now, but she knows he only acted out of love. If something did go wrong tonight; if something did happen to her, he'd never forgive himself for allowing her to go ahead with it. She watches his face carefully and her heart aches when she sees a tear fall from his eyes. Their eyes meet and for a long time they don't move, they just look at eachother and try to process what's just happened. Somewhere in the distance Sara hears her phone signal a message but she ignores it as she builds up the courage to speak.
"I know." she whispers, dropping her eyes to the floor.
He lowers her hand and releases it. "You know, what?" he asks softly.
She swallows the lump in her throat.
"I know that you would never hit me or purposely hurt me."
"I wouldn't."
"I know." she nods and tries to smile reassuringly.
There's a long moment of silence, shock, hate, regret and, strangely enough, love can be felt in the air between them.
"Sara, I know I scared you, I'm sorry. If you want me to go, I will."
His voice breaks, scared incase she does tell him to leave. But when she stays quiet the pain he feels is unreal, her silence means that she's thinking about his statement. He slowly turns around and steps away, his heart about to break in to a million pieces.
"Gil..." she cries.
She reaches out and grabs hold of his right hand and turns him back towards her. "You're not going anywhere."
A cry escapes her mouth as she closes the space between them and lifts her arms around his neck. She can feel him shaking slightly as his body relaxes against hers.
Wrapping his arms around her waist he holds her tightly against him.
"I am so sorry, Sara."
"I know." she whispers softly against his ear.
She eases herself away from his shoulder and lifts her left hand to his cheek.
"Please... don't ever make me feel like that again."
"I won't…" he breathes, leaning into her touch. "I promise. Sara, I love you so much, I was just scared about you doing this job tonight. I know that I overreacted but... if something did go wrong... Sara, I can't ever lose you. And I couldn't bear to see you hurt."
Hesitantly she brushes her lips against his and she feels the tension in her shoulders melt away when he softly returns the kiss.
"I love you, too." she mumbles against his mouth.
They hold eachother for a long time before Sara pulls away from him, smiling.
"I guess you'd better go and get ready for tonight." he says.
"Yeah."
"Please be careful, Sara. All stick together. And don't go playing the hero."
A smile pulls at the corners of her mouth, he knows her so well.
"I'll be careful, I promise."
As Sara turns and starts to walk away he catches a glimpse of her left wrist. He feels sick. He can clearly see a red mark where he had hold of her. He watches her move around the room as she collects the discarded dress and their scattered clothes.
"Sara..." he gasps, still looking at her wrist.
"Mm..." she asks, frowning as she reads something on her phone.
She turns around and her face falls when she realises what he's looking at. Self-consciously she rubs her wrist and keeps her hand over the mark.
"It's okay. It doesn't hurt."
"I did that?" he asks, his eyes now full of sorrow and regret. "Sara, I swear I never meant to hurt you."
"Gil, it's only a small bruise, it's fine. I've come out of the bedroom with worse bruises than that." she smiles, trying to lighten the mood.
He nods his head but he's still looking at the red mark.
"Gil," says Sara. "Come here. Look." she pulls him over to the full length mirror and points to his chest. "We're even on the bruise making."
He looks down and sees several fist-size bruises appearing across his chest and shoulders.
"I deserve them."
"No, you don't." says Sara. "I shouldn't have attacked you like I did. I was just so hurt and angry, you we're only trying to keep me safe. I'm sorry."
Sara lifts both hands to his chest and delicately runs her fingers across the bruises which she's caused, then she leans down and places tender kisses over his body.
"I know something which will make you feel better." she smiles, lifting her eyes back to his.
He raises an eyebrow in question.
Sara smiles. "I've just had a message from Catherine. You'll be glad to know that tonight has been cancelled. Brass has a suspect in custody and I now have the night off."
"Oh, thank goodness." he sighs, his voice full of relief.
Sara giggles and he pulls her in for another kiss.
One thing leads to another and they eventually fall onto the bed. But they take their time, still weary after their heated fight. Their mouths touch softly in sweet and tender kisses as their hands feel around eachothers bare skin, exploring gently with a new-found passion. He stokes a finger down between her legs and she gasps as he lightly grazes over her. She moves her hips into his touch but he pulls his hand away and looks deep into her brown eyes to make sure that she's definitely okay with him.
"Sara, I really am sorry..."
"Sshh..." she whispers, lifting a finger to his lips. "Let's never mention this again, okay."
He smiles. "Deal. I love you, Sara Grissom." he says, stroking her cheek.
"I love you, too."
She reaches up and kisses him, catching his bottom lip between her teeth. She's already highly aroused and as he aligns and enters her, she thinks that she won't even last two minutes, she's already so close to rapture. She can feel him starting to move inside her slowly. Her intimate muscles clench him deep inside her; capturing him in the midst of her heat. Their bodies dance together; the same as always yet feeling like something new. Then suddenly, without warning, it happens - wave after wave of incredible bliss racks her body and she gives in to the ecstasy. Gil follows within seconds, a powerful orgasm which reignites Sara's again and again until they've both lost all sense of feeling and time.
They stay together, connected and spent for a long time, their damp skin hot against eachothers as they pant and try to catch their breath.
When he finally finds the strength to pull out of her he lies beside her and laces his fingers through hers. Sara entwines her body with his and folds herself into him.
Without words they fall asleep, knowing that everything will be okay in the morning.
THE END
I know the end was rushed. Sorry.
Lynne xo