Title: Friendly Advice
Author: sss979 & johnlennonluvva
Rating: PG
Warnings: Very mild discussion of sex.
Summary: Set between the last two segments of "The Big Squeeze" (Season 3), wherein I found Face to be exceptionally moody in all but the very last segment. :)
Face had been irritable since before they'd even talked to the client, so it certainly wasn't the job itself that was under his skin. Besides, it was a pretty straightforward job - stop the loan shark from extorting ten percent interest weekly on money he distributed to local restaurant owners. But the uncanny amount of eye rolling, impatience, and sarcasm made it perfectly obvious that somewhere along the line, Face had simply lost his sense of humor.
It had been obvious to Hannibal, who'd pushed his buttons from the start of the gig - especially once they got to the point of the off-and-on Irish accent and witty but often nonsensical proverbs. On more than one occasion, he'd gotten that "I don't believe this" look from Face - the one that always made him smile bigger. But Murdock wasn't satisfied with an "I don't believe this." It was times like this - in the safety of a motel room where no one would ever see - when it was fun just to see how far Face could be pushed just for the sheer enjoyment of it.
Murdock smiled. It wasn't often that Face got like this, but when he did, well... he'd always had a flare for the dramatic. He was even more fun than BA when he was actually letting Murdock push his buttons. And it was such a rare treat, how could Murdock possibly pass up the opportunity?
"Hey, Face?"
He wasn't sure if he'd been expecting an answer, but he didn't get one.
"Oh, Faaaaaace..."
"What do you want, Murdock?"
"Nothing."
Face had showered. He'd changed. He'd bitched and complained about the fact that they weren't "off the case" even though all the excitement was clearly over. Hannibal had humored him enough to allow all of his concerns to be fully stated. But ultimately, Hannibal had the final say, and the matter had been settled with, "making sure there are no unforeseen repercussions." Face wasn't exactly being held prisoner here, but he didn't have the green light to run off, either. And he'd resigned himself to pouting - yes, pouting - in the chair by the motel room window.
"Face?"
No response.
"Faceyman! Face!"
Another stony silence. Now it was Murdock who was pouting.
"Aw, come on now, Facey, you're not playing right!"
Face glanced at him, brow raised, but said nothing.
"I'm supposed to say, 'Face,' and you're supposed to say 'what?' and then you're supposed to wait for me to answer until you forget you're waiting for an answer and -"
"Murdock, do you have something to say?"
Murdock beamed. "Sure, Face, I got lots of things to say."
"Anything of particular importance?"
"Well, I was kinda thinkin' that since I'm gon' have to go back to the VA soon that I might do you the honor of appointing you the next chairperson of the B-B-D-W-G-O-H."
Face sighed. "And just what, may I ask, is the B-B-D... whatever it is?"
With wide-eyed horror, Murdock gasped. "Why, don't you even know the name of the union that has so faithfully represented you in your employment at both Gino's and at the Naked Lady? I am truly shocked and appalled!"
Face's look turned to the oh-so-familiar "You've got to be kidding me" - a variation on the "I don't believe this." With a deep sigh, he stood up, pacing over to the bottle chilling in the bucket on the dresser. Murdock smiled to himself as he heard Face mumble something about cheap wine and Dixie cups. Then, in a lithe movement that someone so lanky should not have been capable of, he launched himself off of the bed, snatched up the bucket with the wine still in it, and clutched it to his chest.
"Murdock!"
"This bucket has not been approved for use outside the kitchen! It is strictly prohibited to bring kitchen utensils out of the kitchen for use in areas not designated for the use of kitchen equipment!"
With a lingering glare, Face grabbed the wine out of the bucket, twisted off the top (it didn't even have a proper cork; oh how that must have grated on Face's high-class sensibilities) and poured it into the plastic cup on the dresser. Then he closed the bottle again, set it back in the bucket of ice that Murdock was cradling, and paced back to the chair.
Murdock frowned. "Well, if you're going to pout about it..."
He held out the bucket in Face's direction. But Face, crinkling his nose at the taste of the wine, shook his head. "Oh, no, by all means keep it. As anxious as I am to drink the entire bottle of this lovely vinegar palate," he frowned at the cup in his hands, "you can have the rest. Use it for... window cleaning."
"But the windows don't need cleaning. I can see right through them; just like I can with you. You're a window!"
"Oh, thank you," Face said dryly. "I'm sure on some planet, that's a compliment."
"Besides, we have no window cleaners. And it's probably too late to hire any since the Naked Lady is about to go out of business due to the -"
Face had reached for the book of plays by J.M. Barrie that was sitting on the table. "Do you actually read these?"
Murdock gasped in mock horror. "Face, I am shocked and offended that you would insult me in such a way when all I am trying to do is hold a decent discussion!"
Face looked up at him, a brilliantly fake smile in place. "Murdock, you could have an enthralling conversation with this wall. I'm quite sure you don't need my help to carry on."
Murdock beamed. "I will take that as a compliment."
"Clearly the way it was intended."
"You realize that at the moment, the wall would be a better conversation partner."
"My point exactly."
"Nah, you're not fooling me, Face. You're a window."
Face raised a brow, waiting expectantly for the punch line.
"I see deeeeeeep into your psyche. Into the innermost parts of your hidden self!"
"And now you want me to ask what you see, right?"
"Wrong!" Murdock paused. "But now that you mentioned it..."
Face sighed. "Would you like to read my palm while you're at it?"
"Good idea!"
But Face jerked his hand away before Murdock had a chance. So instead, Murdock merely put both index fingers to his temples in deep meditation. "I see... a brunette."
"A what?"
"Which can only mean one thing!"
"And what's that?"
"Well, either you dye your hair," Murdock dropped his hands, and the act, still smiling but talking plainly, "or you need to bring your lengthy stretch of celibacy to a neat close before you drive us all crazy."
Face blinked, startled. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Murdock sighed. "Face, will you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease go have sex with the pretty girl?"
"What? Who?"
"Theresa. You know, Gino's daughter, who's been makin' pretty eyes at you since we got here. Don't tell me you didn't notice that."
"I noticed. So?"
Murdock sat down on the edge of the bed, folded his hands, and spoke with such clarity, it was as if he were talking to a small child. "Facey, if I gotta spend one more night watching you pace the floor because you haven't gotten laid in - what's it been now, a week? - I'm gon' go crazier than I already am!
Face stared at him with an utterly blank look for several long seconds, blinking occasionally.
"Don't take this the wrong way, Faceman, but you're just a little... Well, let's just say that it seems like, in your world, long stretches of celibacy - like, more than a day or two - are not a good thing. And you need to go seduce that woman, and get her to spread for you, before you go bat shit and end up in a room next to me at the VA."
Face continued to stare for a moment longer. Murdock raised an eyebrow and smirked, although he knew what was going on his friend's head. Face was realizing - albeit a bit late - just how moody he'd been over the past few days. Finally, he looked away thoughtfully.
"She is very pretty," he considered.
"Uh huh." Murdock grinned. "She's also very available."
"Yeah, she is, isn't she?"
He could see the gears turning in Face's head. It would be very easy to pass off a visit to her house as a check to make sure that all was well. She would go for it. Hannibal would go for it, too. After all, he too would reap the benefits of a less high-strung Face.
"If you leave right now, you could probably catch her before she goes to bed..."
Finally, Face set aside the plastic cup and wandered to the mirror to fix his hair. Murdock smiled at his success. Pushing buttons was fun, but there were benefits to having Face chill out - especially when the mission was coming to a close. It would be a much more enjoyable Face for the drive home.