Shots and Sobs
He threw his head back to gulp down the shot in one swift movement, throat burning from the vodka and eyes watering at the taste. He was never one for vodka, or whisky, or anything but beer if he was honest, but his brother dying and the newly uncovered information about his final moments gave him a renewed longing for the worst alcoholic drinks ever made.
And now he was starting to see why Cal enjoyed them so much when things got tough. In fact he was now starting to find a new liking for a few of Cal's well renowned coping mechanisms. Drinking until you can't see straight, running and running until you forgot what you were running from once the drinks kicked in, flirting and pleasing every woman in sight just to get some admiration and validation back… and most of all, pushing people away so they don't have to bother with you.
And when a pretty brunette sidled up next to him, his senses deserted him (with help from the vast amounts of alcohol he'd consumed) and he smiled gently.
And he'd say pretty brunette, but he didn't really have a clue. She had brown hair, that was obvious, and dark skin - but that was all Ethan could see. The alcohol and lack of contact lenses were dangerously stopping him from seeing anything clearly past 15cm in front of him.
But there, sat next to him, was a girl. A woman. And in front of him was still lots of alcohol. He'd run, he'd pushed people away, he'd drunk 'til he couldn't sit upright and now he was going to have sex and he was going to like it.
She unbuckled his belt tantalisingly slowly. He could already imagine what was going to happen next and he couldn't fucking wait. And while he didn't really know where he was and he couldn't remember the dark brunette's name - it was either Eliza, Ellie or Elisabeth… it definitely began with an 'E', or maybe that was his own name he was thinking of - he was drunk on vodka, high on happiness (and maybe she gave him a couple of - what she named - happy pills) and about to have sex.
For a minute, the preparations stopped. Ethan crashed his lips against the girl and hungrily, almost animalisticly, kissed her. And it was fair to say, she was possibly the best person he'd ever kissed. She was just as needy for it as he was.
And Ethan had forgotten why he even needed or wanted this, but he definitely did want it.
Her hands resumed at his waist, but before his belt was fully taken off him, his name was called.
He groaned when the girl stopped and pushed against her. But she didn't continue, only stepped back.
"Ethan, you're wasted!" A girl exclaimed, walking to stand right by the brunette.
"Who the hell are you?" the first one said.
Ethan shut his eyes tightly. Whoever was here could either fuck off or join in the fun. He was drunk and high and needed one last thing. This.
"I'm his… girlfriend - friend who's a girl, no, girlfriend … I think."
A sharp stinging on the left side of his face made him wince and snap open his eyes. The first girl was just stood there. "How dare you! Using me to cheat on your girlfriend? Well, fuck you."
Ethan chuckled. "That was kind of the whole point," he slurred.
Then the stinging pain intensified and he realised he'd been slapped twice before the first girl rushed off.
He stared at the second girl, though he doubted he looked quite as impressive as he wanted to be.
"Ethan, what on Earth are you playing at? Having sex here? Of all places?"
He stared at her blankly, trying to work out who she was and where he was, but his foggy brain didn't want to cooperate.
"You don't know do you?" she sighed. "Okay. How many fingers am I holding up, Ethan?"
"Um… five - no, six."
"Try again."
"It's definitely six."
"Three, Ethan. Do you even know who I am?" She paused. Ethan stared at her. "You don't, do you? You have no idea! How much did you drink, Ethan?"
He shrugged, not willing to get into a conversation with a random person.
"It's me, Ethan. Alicia? Alicia Munroe?"
"I think you've got the wrong person. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to find El- my friend, and apologise for the misunderstanding." Well, he was. But as soon as his weight lifted off the wall, his weak body fell right back onto it.
"For God's sake, Ethan! Look around you!"
Like a petulant child, he pouted and shook his head.
"This is where Cal was stabbed."
And with those few words, his entire world crashed down around him and he was left staring at the rubble. His knees hit the tarmac beneath him as he fell, but he felt no pain from that. He supposed it was the alcohol and pills, or maybe he was just constantly unfeeling now. Numb to the world and feeling all too sober now.
"Alicia?" he said quietly.
She knelt more gracefully beside him and put a warm and comforting hand on his knee.
"What's wrong with me?"
She took a few seconds to answer. "Nothing, Ethan. You lost your brother. The funeral was yesterday and your Dad turned up out-of-the-blue. The last few weeks have been horrendous for you."
"I-I took something. She said it would make me happy. I didn't even remember why I wanted to be happy. I forgot my own brother. I forgot you. I-"
"What did you take? This is important, what did you take, Ethan?"
There was an urgency to her voice that made him register that maybe he shouldn't have accepted the pills. But all he wanted was happiness.
"Ethan?" she pressed.
"I don't know," he admitted, voice still slurred from the vast quantity of alcohol he'd consumed.
"Okay, you need to be checked out in the ED to be on the safe side." She hesitated. "Everyone's worried about you. When you just walked out in the middle of your shift with no phone or keys or anything, we thought something bad was going to happen."
Ethan let a few tears fall. "It already has. My brother's… he's… dead. Cal's dead, Alicia."
"Come here, it's okay."
Ethan let himself be guided into Alicia's arms, and although it wouldn't be possible to physically draw strength from her, he still liked to think he did.
Then he finally gave into his sobs. The drink and drugs probably helped, but right now all Ethan could focus on was what a mess he made tonight and how Cal was never coming back.
Ever.