A/N: Little bit of pre-info: this story takes place around two years before Naruto would have graduated, so Kakashi would be around 24, based on my shoddy timeline. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

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Kakashi's late arrival was what really screwed him over, in the end.

In another world, Kakashi arrived only an hour late to pick up his latest cannon fodder- sorry, genin- after his obligatory rest by the memorial stone. The three tykes were upset, but not overly so, and that resulted in them still abiding the rules he laid out upon arrival. Though they each showed potential, they did not overcome Kakashi's enormous standards, and Kakashi went on his way, porn in hand as he walked majestically into the sunset sans annoying genin.

This was not that world.

In this world, Kakashi decided to lurk around the memorial stone for an extra fifteen minutes, just enough time for Gai to catch him as he left. The impromptu game of ultimate Frisbee arranged knocked him back another three hours, and then the highly necessary after game drinks to celebrate his victory knocked him back another two.

By the time Kakashi bothered to arrive at the academy after scrubbing most of the egg yolks from his hair (the after party had gotten really intense), he was nearly seven hours late.

The normally rule abiding genin he had been dealt had snapped three hours ago. What Kakashi received instead were three genin who had had surplus time to get to know and like each other, but most importantly, learn to hate their new sensei.

The introductions were a complete joke, what with the genin's refusal to respond, and confronted by the three's hostility (and was that killing intent?!) Kakashi forwent his usual plans to wait till the next day to carry out the bell test. After all, what was the point of prolonging their inevitable failure when this bunch seemed especially homicidal? They probably weren't that skilled, anyways… Kakashi had stopped receiving the cream of the crop four genin teams ago, after all, when he made it clear he would fail any team that fell even slightly short of his unrealistic goals; his not-so-subtle finger to the bureaucrats that wished Kakashi would pass on his techniques...

If his hidden goals set the bar at containing a rather rambunctious, orange wearing jinchuriki, well… That was his own business. It wasn't his fault if none of the teams he had received so far could pass the dreaded bell test!

Kakashi was sure that this team would fail as well.

However, Kakashi was missing key facts- he hadn't bothered to even glance at their academy profiles, after all. The three civilian born students had been shunted to Kakashi's guaranteed failure of a team for various reasons, but lack of skill had, for once, not been one of them.

Which resulted in Kakashi staring in horror at the genin wearing sun glasses that held his most sacred possession in his disgusting little hands. The other two demons, who had helped to capture the perfect hostage and also were wearing the shaded glasses, were flanking their companion. Their postures were rather intimidating considering they should have been about as frightening as new born lambs to Kakashi.

The ingenuity in their assault as Kakashi commenced the bell test… Was honestly terrifying. They had immediately ignored the implication to divide themselves. The girl had used some variation of a mist jutsu (where had she learned that?!) to hide the three of them, while the shorter boy had used a metal pole to start inscribing strange seals into the ground as his buzz-cut brown hair faded into the mist.

The final boy had leapt from the mist's cloak to engage Kakashi. Initially, Kakashi had considered taking him easy, but that notion soon flew out the window. The boy was absolutely vicious, and each of his punches was packed with incredible force despite the unnatural lankiness of his limbs. Most surprising of all was the killing intent- Kakashi had faced worse before, but never from a young, just out of the academy genin. The distinct, red tinge of it was also very off putting, and actually unsettled Kakashi.

Kakashi had attempted to send the male genin into a violent genjutsu (the hell-viewing technique, actually) once he realized that taijutsu was the boy's strongest field, but the illusion seemed ineffective. It was almost like the boy was immune to genjutsu…

It didn't help that the girl was always flittering along the peripherals, hidden within the mist easily due to the dark green of her long sleeved top. (Weren't kunoichi supposed to dress impractically? He thought Kurenai's get up had set a precedent, but apparently not!)

Periodically, the female genin emerged from the mist, sometimes just throwing long range weapons like kunai and senbon, but also at times using a clever application of an E-rank earth jutsu to soften the ground to form potholes that nearly sent Kakashi tripping numerous times.

Kakashi didn't fail to note that the girl's emergences were always timed to aid her companion, her interferences ensuring that Kakashi was unable to get the drop on the boy's minor mistakes as they fought.

Individually, they weren't weak, but they clearly lacked in certain areas. The boy hadn't used a single jutsu or weapon, relying solely on his fists to fight. The girl, on the other hand, was the exact opposite, and seemed incapable of engaging in taijutsu. But together... They covered each other's' weaknesses, and despite only being thrown together mere hours before, made an exceptional team.

Kakashi had discarded their teamwork as truly acceptable of a pass, however. After all, the third genin with the metal pole was not involved!

In a real battle, Kakashi would have beaten them- not necessarily easily, but certainly without breaking a sweat. However, held back by his inability to harm them severely, Kakashi was limited in how he could respond to their attacks.

Regardless, he still comfortably held his own, and though the girl and boy were performing admirably, they still had no hope of getting the bells tied at Kakashi's waist. They were getting tired, and Kakashi knew it was only a matter of time until they succumbed.

Kakashi had absentmindedly noted that they had looped back into the clearing they had started at when the unthinkable happened- the forest exploded.

Among the confusion as the entire training ground shook and erupted with disorientating bright lights, the two genin managed to close in for the kill. Kakashi was able to easily defend against the girl's pursuit for the bell, and he put space between them, cursing their lucky break. Luckily- or to be honest, thanks to Kakashi's skill- they hadn't acquired the bells, which Kakashi had turned his attention to upon their assault.

It was as the lights faded that Kakashi realized that the bells had never been their true target.

Which brought him back to the present. Kakashi stared in horror at the smirking, tall boy that held his precious Icha Icha Paradise in his filthy hands.

"M-mah, mah, little genin are scary! But you got me- I'll give you the bells in exchange for the book. How does that sound?"

The boy holding his book actually growled in response. The girl gave a dismissive flip of her long black hair, while the smaller boy that still held the odd, metal pole in the beginning gave what must have been an eyeroll (it was somewhat hard to tell because he was still wearing those shaded glasses).

Those glasses… The little bastards had planned that lightshow! The eyewear was probably tinted so they wouldn't be disorientated by the sudden explosion. The tall boy and the girl had led Kakashi away from the area so that the kid with the buzz cut could lay the trap, which constituted the clever placement of several explosive tags and some light generating seals. And what a trap it was. The seals the boy had created and used were at least fourth class material- the equivalent of a low-chuunin skill…

Kakashi's musings on their trap were interrupted as the female demon began to speak.

"Yeah, that's sooo not going to happen," she drawled. "We decided we don't really want the bells- after all, there's only two of them. One of us wouldn't pass. So yeah- you can keep those scraps of metal."

"What we want is a promise," the smaller boy continued. "You pass us, all of us, or we set your porn on fire."

Kakashi internally blanched, but maintained a façade of calm. "Mah, go ahead- see if I care. A single book isn't worth the hassle of taking on an annoying genin team."

Contrary to what Kakashi expected, the three genin didn't panic- instead, three identical, manic smiles emerged on their faces.

"We thought you'd say that." The girl said with a smirk. "Kensuke and I were just the distraction- while we were leading you on a merry chase, Ryuu wasn't just laying out our trap- he was also setting up a very special seal…"

Without further ado, the short boy reached across his companion to slap a piece of paper onto the cover of Icha Icha Paradise. A glowing blue seal emerged… That was matched by the seal that came into existence on the ground that Kakashi was standing on.

Ingenius, Kakashi mused with dawning horror, drawing the seals directly on the ground… The boy found a way with that pole to surmount one of the biggest problems of being a seal master- the need for paper, and the paper's fragility. But… What does this seal do?!

Damn you, shinobi curiosity! Despite the seal's activation, Kakashi couldn't force himself to flee. He probably would have been able to escape its effects before it could do whatever it had been programmed to do, but Kakashi was unable to resist finding out what it did…

In Kakashi's defence, he didn't expect the three genin to have come up with anything truly noteworthy or dangerous. In fact, just as Kakashi was admiring the pretty glowing blueness of the seal, it faded back into nonexistence, once more nothing but lines in the dirt.

The boy smiled and casually leaned against his pole, which he had impaled in the ground. "Did you know people who handle the same objects, again and again, can leave chakra imprints on them? A print specific to the user, in fact. By momentarily harmonising this chakra imprint with that of the user at a very particular frequency, a minor surge in the imprint can be created, even from rather large distances away… It's the principle that distance-activated exploding tags work on, actually. Normally, this surge is too small to be of any use without a spark matrix, but when it involves highly flammable literature…"

The boy smirked, the expression pulling at the light burn scars that criss-crossed his face. "Well. It's a good thing we were able to get the chakra print off this book to get the extremely specific frequency, while also siphoning off a small portion of your chakra to fuel the next seal. By keying in your chakra to specifically find, and target, anything with this type of chakra print…"

The girl smirked, and pulled off her tinted glasses with a flourish. "A single book isn't worth the hassle of making us genin… But is it worth your entire Icha Icha collection?"

And that's when Kakashi realized the children in front of him were really soul crushing demons sent to draw him into eternal torment, and probably the most evil beings he had ever encountered in all his nearly twenty-four years of existence.

"H-how, what, you-"

"It's thanks to Kensuke, here, that we were able to identify your greatest weakness, actually," the short boy continued with a sadistic grin. "His mom apparently owns the store you buy all your trashy literature from."

The girl's brown eyes lit up with unholy glee. "Seven Hours, Hatake- but our revenge has finally come. And if you don't do as we say…"

"Boom," The last genin, Kensuke, rumbled. It was the only word Kakashi had ever heard him say, and in accordance with the doom and gloom of Kakashi's current predicament, his voice was terrifying and chilling enough to be the stuff of nightmares. His eyes were still hidden behind those ominous, tinted glasses as well, which only added to the mad rebel-vibe he had going on, what with the lopsided spikiness of his hair, his strangely stretched looking limbs, and the thick- was that leather?!- jacket he wore.

Kakashi's thoughts raced a mile a minute. The trigger was clearly the seal on the book, which had already been infused with his chakra. He could try and steal it back- but no, the demon child wasn't moving more than he had to; the seal must be temperamental. Moving it would probably cause an automatic activation.

He could take a hostage, blackmail them back- but they were still technically academy students, and he could be court marshalled for overt threatening.

Even though they weren't genin, they were technically his responsibility to keep safe until he officially failed them. And once failed, they would be civilians, which he wasn't allowed to harm. If Kakashi did try and take one of them hostage… Well, Kakashi knew from experience that hostage situations could turn messy; one hair out of place on their terrible little heads and Hiruzen would finally have an excuse to make him do another psych eval, oh Kami-

For a single deluded instant, Kakashi wondered- okay, wished- that it was all a bluff; maybe the seal didn't actually work. Or maybe, even if the seal did work, they weren't actually psychotic enough to piss off a high class jounin just to pass a test they could take another shot at in six months…

But in the three gazes he saw staring back, Kakashi did not see academy students. He saw three determined shinobi, each with a fire burning in their eyes, linked together with a common goal that they had used the powers of teamwork to overcome. They refused to give up, or abandon one another in the face of an impossible task.

…Well, shit.

"So, sensei, what's it going to be?" the girl asked as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. The boys next to her echoed her smirk in an oddly synchronised manner. Together, despite the odds stacked against them, from both Kakashi and the outside forces that had schemed to place them on his team, they presented a unified front.

Together- they were the new Team Seven.

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Xxx

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The Sandaime stared back at Kakashi with grim eyes, and the one-eyed jounin found himself awkwardly shifting under the attention.

"Let me get this straight," Hiruzen asked, voice devoid of any and all emotion. "After failing seven other teams, and assuring me you would take no team but the one that held Naruto… You changed your mind? And decided that three no-name civilian born students, who you have no connection to, were worthy of passing your test?"

"…To be fair, they played dirtier than Anko, and put me into a tight spot- I had to pass them. However, due to the fact that Naruto isn't a member, and due to this team hating me just as much as I hate them, I recommend putting them with another jounin-sensei, one able to fully commit-"

"You're not weaselling your way out of this one, Kakashi!" Hiruzen interrupted. "For better or worse, you need to take responsibility for the genin that finally outwitted you, and actually used teamwork. So Naruto's not on your team- big whoop! The paperwork was filed the moment you passed them, and it takes nearly eighty forms to revoke a genin team. Do I look like I have the time?!"

Kakashi side eyed the enormous stacks of teetering paperwork on the Hokage's desk. "Mah, Hokage-sama, I'm sure you could make an exception-"

"Suck it up, Kakashi! Do you see me complaining about the tax returns I have to file because three of my four secretaries went home sick? Or about having to deal with a suddenly enraged merchant counselor, who seems to be staging a freaking revolution?! Don't even get me started on how Danzo's lurking around the edges of the tower like some wronged mistress, and how I have the Hyuuga trying to pull some petty revenge on one of my office workers that played a prank on their bleach supplies four years ago. I don't have time to deal with your bullshit, Kakashi!"

The Sandaime's rant was broken as a frazzled looking women opened the door to the Hokage's office and peeked her head through the door.

"S-sir, Shimura-sama demands an audience, he's in the lobby right now, and, and- I can't get anything done with him breathing down my neck! He keeps ranting about trees needing to be watered with righteous blood, he started interrogating me on whether I was trying to get my fellow secretaries out of the way in a bid for power, and I think he tried to induct me into a cult! Oh Kami , Ren was right, I never should have gotten into bureaucracy-" The young woman, without further ado, began to hyperventilate, and fell against the door with a moan of abject despair.

Kakashi stared with wide eyes at her fallen form. He may have demon genin, but at least he didn't have to be a paper pusher…

Hiruzen sighed, and motioned towards Kakashi. "Please get Kyoko back to her desk before she tries to quit again, and tell Danzo to come in- he'll only get antsier the longer he's kept waiting… And Kakashi? Those three are your genin now. You will train them to the best of your ability, and get them to at least chuunin level, or so help me, I will put you on permanent mission desk duty with Umino Iruka."

Kakashi froze in abject horror before vigorously nodding his head. With a deadened look in his eye, he dragged the twitching and frothing woman from the Hokage's office, out into the terrible world where ex-academy students blackmailed their teachers so that they could become genin.

He'd take the psycho genin over Umino Iruka any day, though.

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Xxx

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And so Kakashi's ultimate failsafe fell apart into a million little pieces, for better or for worse…

Team Seven- along with the rest of the world- would never be the same again.

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A/N: This is a bit of a tester chapter- I'm not sure whether I'll continue it, but feedback would definately be great encouragement. Even if I decide not to though, I will post the remainder of what I have written and put this story up for adoption. I can already promise that if this story is continued, it'll be a fairly long ride- some time will be taken to flesh out the characters, the new relationships- but then it'll be a rollercoaster as I completely demolish canon. So... If you're into that kind of story, let me know what you think : )