It was one of those nights, When Integra; try as she might, just can't sleep. And a good night's rest is becoming less frequent as of late.
And It is at nights like this, when sleep proved to be elusive, that she finds herself ruminating or at times, brooding over certain matters. She was knighted more than a year ago and as a consequence, she started to sit at the round table conventions as a full-fledged member. It is also around this time that Integra, though she hadn't notice it herself- took to wearing men's suits.
Integra sat on the gatherings with an imposing presence; unyielding to some of the other older members blatant dislike of her. With the exception of Hugh Islands and Shelby Penwood, Integra was singled-out for her youth, inexperience and gender by the other members in a number of subtle ways.
The beginning was the hardest; she was either obviously ignored in her suggestions or if not, her proposals no matter how feasible they be, for some obscure reason were always shot down by general consensus.
She also experienced being openly censured for her ideas. Nevertheless, Integra was impervious to it all. She is unshakeable in her belief of Hellsing's sacred duty and of her organization's vital role in national security. As the leader, Integra knows she'll be damned if she let their antagonism get to her, Opposition which in the first place, is purposely intended to intimidate and send her running out of her office.
Integra is firm in her conviction that she is more than capable in fulfilling her responsibilities as director of Hellsing, more competent even, than the way some members of the round table perform their jobs.
I won't let them walk all over me, Integra vowed this to herself. With this in mind, She attended meetings without fail; forceful in asserting the needs of the organization and resolute in delineating the parameters of Hellsing's duties.
That afternoon, she attended a round table conference concerning budget renegotiations of some government agencies such as Hellsing. This time, unlike the others: the queen was present at the conference; and it is in this kind of situation that Integra had unavoidably gotten into an argument with an official.
"Sir Hellsing, if I may point out, an additional stipend of two-hundred thousand pounds is simply too much, considering the fact that the missions your organization carry out does not occur on a regular basis."
The minister of the department of defence said to her and to everybody in the room in that effect, a middle-aged man with a hooked nose and balding brown hair. He superciliously emphasized the word missions by scratching quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
Integra pointedly ignored the minister and spoke up addressing the queen directly.
"Your majesty, the proposed additional funds is for the upkeep of the soldiers and the maintenance of the organization's arms and equipment." She said steadily.
"Although vampiric activity is low as of late, as pointed out By Sir Harris, Hellsing still commands a troop of soldiers in employment, and other personnel and staff deemed necessary for the organization's efficient functioning and as such, our management answers for their basic living expenses like food and shelter. And they cost." She clarified.
"The Department of Defence takes a more active role in protecting the country against tangible threats and still manages with the monthly stipend granted by the crown, I can't see why Hellsing can't do the same." The minister said to the people in the room.
Integra bristled with the comment, the implication of Hellsing not doing enough not lost to her. Would he rather have the country attacked by vampires frequently to justify Hellsing's budget demands? It's as if the bastard was wishing for an increase in midian activity just so the agency has work to do.
She didn't let the comment pass this time; Integra knew the man was being a sour grape because of his not being granted the amount he was requesting for some vague project moments ago. She could have ignored him for that, but it simply unfair of him to openly insinuate Hellsing's incompetence in front of a lot people, the queen included.
"That comparison is uncalled for Sir Harris. First and foremost, the nature of Hellsing's duties is very different from that of your office. We deal with the extermination ghouls and vampires and all sorts of the undead." Some people visibly flinched at the mention of ghouls, vampires and undead.
"And the amount of monthly funds granted by the crown to your department is substantially higher than that of Hellsing, if we were given the same monthly amount, unlike you, I would not be renegotiating budgets all the time." Integra added with barb.
"And what exactly do you mean by that?" The minister asked, face purple.
Integra looked at him. This man is a fool; I can't believe he was given such an important office. She thought to herself. The bureaucrat's balding hair and hooked nose reminded her of a vulture. She knew of the man's lifestyle; pictures of lavish parties thrown in his residence are frequently posted on the society pages, of luxury cars, mistresses and illegitimate children. It was an open secret.
"I'm simply saying that the money we receive from the crown is used wisely in ensuring that Hellsing carries out its functions efficiently, and that not a cent of it is wasted on other things, and in keeping certain persons and special staff." Integra calmly replied, referring to the man's mistresses.
"Why you…!" The man practically bellowed on Integra, and at that moment an ugly row could have erupted if not for Hugh Islands' intervention.
"My esteemed colleagues, we've been discussing business for nearly two hours straight, don't you think it's time for a short break?" The old gentleman suggested in a firm but polite tone. The entire room agreed with him.
In the end of the conference, Integra was able to renegotiate an additional two-hundred pounds to the Hellsing's monthly budget effective this coming month. The official, flanked by two body guards shot her hostile glances while she, escorted by Walter was walking at the lobby towards the building's exit.
She got what she wanted but Integra found it distasteful to have bickered like a peasant because of money with the man; within the queen's earshot. Though it was her majesty's approval that made her succeed in the renegotiations. She found the whole thing vulgar. She took a long drag from her Winterman, savouring the earthy and slightly bitter smoke, letting it calm her. Integra felt a shift in the cold night air where she stood in the balcony of her bedroom. She sensed the slight tension in the atmosphere that comes with his appearance.
Oh no, not now. I'm just too tired. Integra thought wearily.
The vampire materialized in the air with his dark shadows a few steps behind her.
"Thinking too much will ruin your looks Master" the vampire purred silkily.
"I have more important things to think about than my looks, Alucard." She replied in a toneless voice.
"I never thought you loved the moonlight so much master, perhaps we could watch the moon together this time?"
"Cut it out." She said in a threatening whisper.
"It's already past midnight-You should go to bed master" Alucard said in a placating low voice.
"I can't sleep "She replied bluntly.
"Then would you like me to tuck you in bed, master? " The vampire suggested with a smirk.
Integra shot him a withering look.
"Thanks, but no thanks. Though if you wanted so much to be of help, you could do me a big favour by leaving me alone"
Integra remained where she stood, smoking her cigar in silence for a few moments.
"I can't believe you're straining yourself that much over those petty old prunes- you are way above them Integra." He said seriously.
" And I thought I made it clear to you a hundred of times of the fact that I do not want to reading my thoughts, Alucard" She said with a sigh.
"You stop it vampire, else I would once again, have those seals burn like crazy if you as so much try to guess what goes on inside my head."
"I can't completely leave your thoughts alone Master- it is one way that I can be assured of your safety." The vampire explained calmly.
"Just leave me alone Alucard, I'm not in the mood for your baiting and pestering. I am tired and I can't sleep." Integra quietly said to the vampire.
A sleeping pill might be just what she needs. She thought of asking a prescription from Dr. Trevelyan even though find the notion of drugging herself to sleep pathetic. Integra wondered what time it is. It was half-past one in the morning when she decided to get up from her bed after an hour and half of tossing and turning in the sheets, an unsuccessful attempt to lull herself to dreamland. She went to her balcony with an ash tray on one hand and a cigar case and lighter on the other; determined to chain smoke her way to drowsiness. It must be around two thirty in the morning already. She mused absent-mindedly.
The cool night breeze made a mess out of her already tangled long hair and made her shiver in her flannel pyjamas. Integra's breasts felt sore and tender and she felt slight stabbing pains in her lower back. She stubbed her half-finished cigar into the ashtray by the ledge in front of her and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She felt her nipples strain by the pressure of her arms under the flannel fabric. She suddenly had a ridiculous feeling of wanting to cry.
I must be nearing my period. She almost laughed out loud at the idea of her hormones are turning her into an emotional puddle, if not for the fact that she really does feel like shit at the moment, and is now coming close to being an insomniac. She let her thoughts ran in this course, almost forgetting about the vampire, which is now standing beside her.
She knows all too well that it's just stress. The stress of running the organization, of doing paperwork till late at night; of reading reports about bloody massacres made by ghouls and cheap vampires. Of her, having to thumb through compiled pictures of dismembered bodies and bloody corpses mutilated beyond recognition on a regular basis; as if she was just leafing through a clothes catalogue or brochure.
Stress brought by dealing with male chauvinism; for having occupied a position traditionally reserved for men. The leer she oftentimes receives from her own soldiers when they thought she weren't looking, as they eye her from head to foot like a piece of meat. The tension caused by planning raids and launching attacks on the undead. The strain of identifying the casualties of these missions– of who and how many among her soldiers, had been hurt or had just lost their lives.
Stress caused by having to sit amongst men who had every intention of trampling on her in conventions held on a regular basis. And the stress brought about by the pressure exerted to her by these same men and their expectation of her marrying then producing a son, for Hellsing to have a proper leader for good.
Integra almost snorted at that last thought. Would they rather have Richard Hellsing as the director - as greedy and unscrupulous a character he was, just because he's male? After many years, she remembered her usurping and treacherous uncle; her father's brother who cold-bloodedly planned and attempted to kill her, who she shot to death with his own gun.
They could suck it all up, because I'm not budging an inch. Integra said to herself defiantly.
"You're worth a million times more than anyone of them or of all them combined-in that matter." The vampire told her in the softly.
She said nothing to this.
They stood side by side for a while in silence.
She felt the vampire's eyes on her.
"You intrigue me" He said in a seductively low voice.
"Give it a break will you? My patience is at its limits. It's almost dawn and I'm still unable to go to sleep." She said with a sigh.
"I'm perfectly serious this time master, Do you really want to know the reason why I can't keep off your mind?"
Integra knows. She was able to make it out by the time she was sixteen. She discerned the lying undercurrent beneath all his antics, taunting, teasing, stupid pranks and innuendos. He is particularly unbearable when she is menstruating, the vampire literally trailing behind her like a hound. He was never subtle about it. Integra does not want to acknowledge any of it either. Because what then? Integra is perfectly aware of the dynamics between them. A subtle shift in the delicate balance of their relationship will completely upset the current status quo.
"You look ethereal under the moonlight "He faced her, lifting a thin lock of her hair between his fingers.
"It made your hair seem like a heavy cascade of tinsel." He whispered.
"Thank you" it was all she managed to say. In her sleep deprived mind-state, she was unable to come with any other appropriate reply for the unexpected compliment. Her senses felt dull, her limbs heavy with fatigue.
"Master, if you will allow me, I know of a way to put you at ease." He went behind her and slid his palms upwards in her back, gently massaging the tense muscles of her delicate back and shoulder blades.
Integra knees nearly buckled as she felt his hands expertly knead the tiredness from her muscles. She almost moaned out loud as he sensuously massaged her back; stroking and squeezing her back over her pyjama top. She was bewildered on how he managed to make the simple back rub feel so good, though she shove this question in the back of her mind as she let him continue with his ministrations. A soft sigh of pleasure escape her lips. She idly wondered how his hands would feel against her bare skin, and was embarrassed with the realization that she wanted more of his touch. She heard him chuckle behind her.
"Shall I take that as yes master?" Integra felt his arms slid around her tiny waist, pressing the back of her body against his. Strangely enough, she found an odd sort of assurance from this contact-a feeling akin to safety. Because of this reason, Integra let herself be held. She leaned her head to his chest, feeling the marble-like solidity of his body.
"Command me to do whatever you wish, say to me what you need and tell me what you desire or need…I am completely at your disposal-I am your servant after all…The vampire said with words laden with innuendo.
" So tell me Master, how I can be of service to you at this very moment." He continued, whispering seductively on her ear.
Those words, dripping with suggestion sent desire pooling down her belly. Anticipation heightened her senses amidst her strung out nerves. Integra felt a delicious jolt of shock between her legs at the mere suggestion of service. No matter how she look at it, given the situation they're in, it could only mean one thing.
Integra disliked to be touched. It is due to this reason she didn't employ personal maids to attend to her. But at this singular instance, under the spell cast by the moonlight, amidst the web of sleeplessness and fatigue. She felt the desperate need to be held, to find solace in feeling someone's physical presence in an intimate and purely physical manner.
Integra knew it was a childish thing to wish for and is very much aware of the fact that she is no longer a little girl, but she wanted someone to hold her and assure her that she's things right. To make her feel, though not in words that everything is going to be alright, despite the fact that she knows too well it is all but an illusion. She found this promise of comfort very tempting- an empty promise it may be.
Solace, assurance, desire and want are an irresistible and heady cocktail that can make even the most sensible woman in earth discard reason at its intoxication.
It was this brew of that made Integra abandon her hesitations and inhibitions. She knows that she might regret it and that there might be hell to pay for, due to her decision, but the die is cast.
She slowly disentangled herself from his arms, took a couple of steps back; her eyes on his face, never tearing her gaze from his. She took in the details of that visage; the patrician features, clear alabaster skin, high cheekbones, aquiline nose, well-shaped lips and the gleaming redness of his eyes.
Those eyes that shone like rubies, betrayed the fact of his inhumanity for all his beauty. Integra is perfectly aware of the fact that he is a predator- a monster even, that shape and form held no meaning for him. She knows she should not let him see her vulnerable, much more trust him, tamed as he may be. But she also knows, from the deepest recesses of her being that he will not hurt her; he is after all her vampire.
"If you don't want me to be here or if you have the slightest suspicion about my loyalty to you and of your safety amidst my presence, by all rights master, you can seal me in dungeons until such time you find it in yourself to trust me." He said in the gentlest of voice.
And it is under this circumstance that she heard herself utter those four words she never imagined she will be giving as a command to her vampire.
"In my bedroom then, servant."
"