Okay she giving me love
But it fuck my energy up
- "Love$ick" by Mura Masa featuring ASAP Rocky
Darcy's hips swing as she walks. Bucky doesn't have to turn his head from where he's sitting to remember what that looks like.
His eyes are glued to the TV and she slides into the seat beside him, her feet tucking under her as she watches his face.
"You good?"
"Yeah," he lies. He mumbles his answer and she knows. He knows she knows how he feels. She would know he had some therapy today, and every night after a session he curls into himself and eats his weight in pizza or something else Italian and equally heavy.
Tonight was lasagna and he ate a family size one in under ten minutes. Then he drank twelve beers, knowing he'd never get drunk. He thinks about downing an entire bottle of vodka to see what might happen. The Tower has plenty of tranquilizers for Hulk emergencies, too, so he could figure out where those were and take enough to render himself unconscious.
He doesn't want to die. He just doesn't want to be there. There's a difference.
"Hmm," Darcy murmurs. "A likely story."
He touches his head and he tenses automatically, but the way her fingers comb through his hair is enough to make his eyes close for a fraction of a second.
"You checking up on me?"
"Why wouldn't I, Buck?" she murmurs.
"Because every time it's the same story."
He feels tears well in his eyes and he lets out a shaky breath.
"And I'm pretty tired of the same story."
Darcy just strokes his hair, her face more serious. "I'm not."
The tears are hot and they fall fast, but he doesn't sob, just lets them fall down his face in long tracks. He sniffs, moving away from her touch, narrowing his eyes at the screen in front of them.
"Don't you have anyone else to play with?" he mutters.
It's cruel, but that's the point. He doesn't want her hanging around anymore, worrying about him. He knows she's got a crush and undoubtedly she'd be hoping something would happen between them by now.
Once – just once – months ago he touched her waist with his metal fingers and whispered something in her ear at a party, that she looked like a dream. He knew desire possessed him to tell her, and for a fleeting moment he was back in Brooklyn before the war, whispering to a beautiful dame whose eyes lit up at his words.
When Darcy invited him to her room that same night, he got too scared and took off.
Darcy just tuts at him now, seeming unaffected by his grumpiness.
"No, and I want to be lavished with attention from my favourite centenarian."
Bucky thinks of Steve, who long stopped isolating himself. Bucky knew he still didn't fit in. He was the one with triggers and mood swings, panic attacks and crying spells.
"Your favorite?" he mutters.
"Oh, absolutely," Darcy replies, moving closer to him again. "So what do I have to do to get a little engagement around here?"
He turns his eyes toward her and she's smiling, that gap in her front teeth showing. He just stares blankly for a whole minute, and her smile fades.
"Right."
She turns her head, and he knows it's enough. She's about to retreat. She might try again tomorrow, but the chances are significantly lower.
Her mark has been compromised.
She shifts in her seat, eyes swinging toward the screen. Bucky can't remember what he was watching. It's some movie he missed when he was in captivity.
"What is this?" Darcy murmurs, and Bucky shrugs. "I think I saw this as a kid."
They watch for a few minutes and Darcy's absorbed. Bucky's eyes fall to her profile, the way she bites her lip and blinks, the light from the screen making her skin glow.
"This has a rape scene in it," she says suddenly, and Bucky can see she's afraid.
"Why the fuck were you watching this as a kid?" Bucky says, and Darcy grabs the remote to change the channel, her face reddening.
"I dunno," she mumbles. "My dad likes this movie. I was trying to impress him by watching it."
She still seems shaken, staying on a music channel. A girl on a piano plays a pop melody but Bucky's still watching Darcy's face. She blinks rapidly, shaking her head a little.
She settles once more and Bucky's eyes finally move back to the screen.
He doesn't know what else to do. He's killing time until he's exhausted enough to sleep. Most likely that will still be a challenge.
He thinks of the vodka in the freezer and licks his lips.
"Why were you trying to impress your father?"
The question isn't something he'd normally ask, but he's trying to distract himself. Darcy looks surprised at him.
"My… father needed impressing," she says. She looks embarrassed.
Her eyes dip to her lap and she glances back at the screen as a new song begins. Bucky thinks he might have heard Sam play it once.
"That's shameful, Darce," he murmurs.
She glares at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, that's shameful of your pa," he adds, without missing a beat. "He shouldn't need impressing, having you as a daughter."
Darcy's jaw sets.
"How can you say something like that, but still think you can keep me at arm's length?"
Bucky blinks. Oh, she's actually going to talk about them out in the open.
"Darce –"
"Don't do the whole 'I'm broken' bullshit with me. Who here isn't broken?"
His turn to glare at her.
"I've done unspeakable things –"
"Then speak about them!" she retorts, rising in her seat. "Talk to me."
He juts his head slightly toward the screen in front of them.
"That movie, the one I was watching before you came in? Probably light compared to what I've done repeatedly. And not things people just stomach because they want to get to know me."
"But you were brainwashed!"
"I still have to live with them, okay?" he hisses, and he's leaning closer to her, and her eyes widen slightly. "And I can't be the guy you want me to be. Nothing would be normal between us."
She blinks.
"I can't go out to places without being on edge, I can't meet your parents without them learning about my past… I have a metal arm, have you noticed?"
"Why would you think I'd care about you having a disability?" Darcy mutters under her breath, looking toward the ceiling.
"And I don't even know how I'm meant to have sex, when I don't like being touched at all."
The last part makes him blush and Darcy's face changes.
"Did you -?" she begins, then bites her lip. "Do you remember being touched, or -?"
"I dunno," Bucky interjects, avoiding her gaze. "I just get these flashes and it's like I'm back there again and I can't breathe."
Darcy begins to cry, and that just about breaks his heart. Her shoulders shake and she covers her face with her hands.
Bucky's stomach twists as he watches. He raises a hand to hover above her shoulder and he hesitates.
"Darcy – I'm sorry. I took that too far, doll," he whispers.
He finally lets his hand fall to her shoulder and she moves toward him, and he's suddenly cradling her in his arms and he feels his heartrate pick up.
He pictures putting his left wrist on her neck and snapping her vertebrae. His eyes go wide and he swallows.
"Please don't cry."
"I just see you all by yourself, baby," she whispers, and he feels his chest tighten. "I just see you all alone and I want to hug you, that's all."
"That can't be all," he murmurs, trying to say something teasing. It feels wrong.
She pulls back, wiping her face. She sniffles, his arm still resting on one shoulder. He pulls her toward him and he presses a kiss to her forehead.
He's trying to do something to change how she feels, but he's so scared. He never thought he'd be this nervous around a dame ever again.
"No, I wish we could make out," she whispers, still sounding choked up.
Bucky gives a chuckle and he's surprised by the sound. She tilts her head up at him and he wipes more tears away with his thumb, just waiting for some signal to let her go but she seems to comfortable there despite everything.
Her eyes shine up at him and he glances at her mouth.
"Can we… can we go to your place?" he murmurs, and Darcy swallows.
"Yeah."
He nods, as if she's asking him. He's so grateful suddenly and he feels overwhelmed by her. She takes his metal hand and they get up, switching off the TV and moving toward the elevator.
He rests with the back of his head on the wall of the elevator as they ride up. Darcy mirrors him as they stare at one another.
He knows he's too worked up for his heartrate to go back to normal any time soon. His eyes travel down to the shape of her, the way her sweater hugs each curve. She's wearing her beat up sneakers and her worn leggings with the tiny gash on the knee.
Darcy's eyes fall to his waistline. She doesn't say a word before she finally moves toward him. Her hands rests on his belt and she pulls him toward her until their hips bump.
He wonders how long they can both hold back. He's terrified, but excited. He hasn't felt this way in the longest time.
"What are you lookin' at?" he mutters, his voice a low rumble.
Darcy just meets his gaze.
"I'm looking at you."
The elevator reaches her floor and she moves back ever so slightly. Bucky moves toward her like it's a reflex, and she reverses out the elevator doors until she hits the wall beside her front door.
His fingers itch to touch her, to reach her skin, and he joins her once more. Their hips bump and Darcy is pressed into the wall, and Bucky tilts his head toward her.
Their noses brush. He can feel her breath on his lips, and he licks them, almost managing to touch her with his tongue.
"Darcy," he murmurs, and he doesn't know why he says her name. Perhaps to make it seem more real. He hopes he's not about to screw this up, or wake up alone in his bed, the entire night a dream.
"Bucky, kiss me," she whispers, and his hand goes to her waist, feeling the warmth of her side.
"I-"
"You can stop if you want to stop, I won't mind."
"I… find that hard to believe," he murmurs, and Darcy smiles.
"I will probably be frustrated, but I can look after myself."
The admission that she'd play with herself has Bucky's cock stir to life in his jeans and his throat bobs.
"I'd do the same."
"Really?" Darcy says. She seems so touched by that, and Bucky lets out a breath of a laugh.
Their foreheads press together and Bucky shakes his head.
"How… how is this happening?" he whispers, and Darcy smiles.
"It's happening because I'm in love with you, Bucky Barnes," she says, her fingers tugging at his belt loop, bumping their bodies together. "And I want to touch you."
He finally kisses her, his hands cupping her face and he wants to devour her, their kisses turning desperate in a matter of seconds.
Darcy whimpers and Bucky shoved his leg between her thighs, pulling her closer than ever. He sucks her tongue into his mouth and he just wants to make her a mess. He knows he's as hard as a rock as he rocks against her over clothes.
He could come if he wasn't careful, but he wants to be inside her when that happens, if she'd let him. The idea of seeing her naked hasn't kicked in until just then and he groans, biting her lip.
"Jesus," she gasps, and he feels whole. She makes him feel like a man again.
His hands skim across her chest and his flesh hand goes under her sweater, exploring the feel of her skin. He squeezes the cup of her bra and Darcy bites back a moan.
"Hey, bud, let's go inside – o-okay? Buck?"
He cuts her off with another kiss, just to see what happens. She rides the wave of him, and he feels her rock against her thigh.
She would absolutely be frustrated if he stops this. He pulls back finally, and she's panting a little.
He missed this more than he realized – the feel of a woman. So soft and beautiful he can barely take it, and he nods.
They only separate so that she can unlock her front door and then he's pressing against her back, arm wrapping around her middle to whisk her inside.
The door shuts and they kiss again, hands everywhere. She brushes his crotch with her hand and pulls back.
"Whoa – holy shit! How'd you keep that a secret?" she blurts. He can see her eyes are blown in the low light of her apartment, her cheeks pink. "You're big."
Before he can say anything she kisses him again, her hand pressing against his dick again until he's panting, grabbing her wrist.
"Doll, I'll come too fast."
"Really?"
"You know damn well," he says, and she grins up at him with mischief in her eyes. He licks his lips and then lowers himself and her eyes go wide.
His hands pull at her waistband and her leggings are tugged down with her underwear. Once the smell of her musk between her legs hits his nose Bucky reels back, fingers pressing against her hips.
"Bucky?"
"Yeah, I just –" he blinks a couple times. He feels the trickle of dread, of something sinister inside him and he shakes his head to try to be free of it. "I need a sec."
"Take your time."
Her hands are on his shoulders. He tries to think of the floor beneath him, the sound of her pants to remember where he is.
"We can stop," she adds. "Bucky, hey – hey."
She joins him on the floor, wrapping her arms around him. He finds it hard to swallow for half a minute, the room starting to spin.
"Breathe. Bucky, breathe," she whispers, and he finally does, gasping for air. "Breathe, baby."
Her fingers thread through his hair and he turns his head and kisses her again. It catches her off-guard and she makes a surprised sound against his mouth.
He probably should stop, but his mind is in several different places. He's too selfish. He doesn't stop kissing her, instead unbuckles his belt and shucks off his pants enough to release his cock.
He gathers her into his lap and they gasp together when he sinks into her. Her cunt could only be described as the perfect fit, and he whimpers as they begin to move.
"You okay?" she murmurs.
"Fuck, you feel amazing," he babbles, and she laughs breathlessly.
"I'll take that as a yes."
She constricts around him and he gulps, bucking up into her with barely suppressed moans. His balls already feel tight.
"Fuck, I'm coming, I'm coming – I'm coming!"
His vision turns white and he tenses, spilling into her with a long, low moan into her chest. That barely lasted a minute and he can't help but feel like they're not done.
He kisses her when he can make out the shapes of reality once more, his thumb going between them.
Darcy's eyes widen.
"Bucky."
"Please. Please, doll."
"I – " Darcy moans, tightening around him once more. "Just – up-"
"Whatever you need, doll, whatever you need."
He knows he's softening inside her but he might have enough time to make her come. He wants it more than anything, and she's becoming more desperate with each rub of his thumb against her swollen clit.
He bucks into her and she comes apart, clamping down on him. If he hadn't just come, that would have made him a wreck. Her nails dig into his scalp and flesh arm and he watches the pleasure wash over her, and then she's spent, loose-limbed and sweaty.
"I thought we meant to take it slow," she pants.
"Maybe some… other time?" Bucky says, and she laughs.
He pulls her into another kiss, and she relaxes against him. She looks down when they break apart.
"Did you keep your shoes on the entire time?"
He ducks his head, nipping her shoulder.
"I was… frustrated."
"Hmm, I bet," she replies.
Her eyes rove him and Bucky feels his spent cock twitch in interest.
She smirks.
"Since I've never asked Steve, what's the refractory period like for you serum fellas?"