Author's Notes: I wrote this story while I was listening the Maroon 5 album, therefore the title of one of my favorite songs. This story is the chapter after Anders leaves Solana Amell and him and Justice became one. I wanted to portray Anders agony is not only by Justice but from his memories with Solona. I hoped I achieved it. I tried to add Justice voice on it I hoped I succeeded. if not please let me know and I will try and re- write that element.

R&R please. Be critical and judgmental but nice about it. Love you all

Anders was busy in his clinic. He was extra busy today and he was exhausted. Justice was not really helping with his constant talking. How his life became so complicated? All he wanted was to live freely with the woman he loves... no! He shouldn't think about her anymore. She is long gone; the last news she heard about her is that she took Mr Pow and disappeared in the wilderness. How he missed her, how he ached for her. Her small delicate figure, fragile in his arms, her silver white hair streaming on his mothers pillow like a blanket of snow, her breathing soft and quite, calm, her eyelids flicker like butterfly wings while she dreamed. Bliss! Anders, snap out of it! Anders!

"Wha..." he turned and so Tomas holding a boy in his arm. The little boy's body was limp and lifeless into his father's arms. Maker help me!

"Anders, please, my son was run over by a horse on our way back to the farm. He is not moving Anders, please." Tomas looked at him in pure agony; this man who was at his side almost from the beginning, helping him with the patients as well as with the Templars, this man never asked him anything for exchange of his kindness.

"Of course Tomas, place him on this bed and move back." Anders closed his eyes and concentrated, commanding his magic at his fingertips. He touched the body of the little boy and he started healing the broken bones and the internal bleeding. He was getting tired and ready to collapse when the boy drew a breath. He moved back and almost collapsed on the wall. Tomas was talking but he could not hear his words. He needs to shut the clinic for a few hours to rest. He hasn't slept probably for the last four days in a row.

"Tomas... Can you lock the clinic behind you when you leave please? I really need to sleep. Also I am not opening tonight." Anders turned around, touched his staff and rubbed his eyes. Maker please! He didn't want to dream of her tonight.

Suddenly a raw energy of magic walked into the room. Templars Anders!

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation, why do you threaten it?" Makers breath is her! No! He couldn't believe his eyes. He stared for a few more seconds until he realized it wasn't her. Her nose was a lot smaller and her lips a lot fuller. She carried herself with confidence, a confidence that she never met on a mage. A dwarf, a human and an elf were standing at her side. The elf was the most peculiar thing he ever saw.

"Strange occupation for a Warden. Aren't you more about taint and death, not healing and salvation?"He laughed at her own joke and the dwarf snickered next to her and the man groaned. Who are this people, and most importantly who is this mage?

"Did the Wardens send you to bring me back? I'm not going. Those bastards made me give up my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-a-lot. He hated the Deep Roads." A gift from her, to keep him warm at night she said with a smile. He was such a good cat. He missed him, he missed them.

"You had a cat named Ser Pounce-a-lot? In the Deep Roads?"She was looking at him with disbelief, probably thinking that he was insane.

"He was a gift. A noble beast. Almost got ripped in half by a genlock once. He swatted the bugger on the nose. Drew blood, too." The blighted Warden said he "made me too soft." I had to give him to a friend in Amaranthine." Nathaniel better look after him or I will kill him.

"So you came to Kirkwall just to escape the Wardens?"This girl really started to irritate him. So cocksure of herself and… by the Maker she looked like her.

"You say that like it's a small thing. Yes, I'm here because there's no Warden outpost, no darkspawn, and a whole host of refugees to blend in with. And some reasons of my own." Could he trust them? No Anders! The Templars might have sent her to lure him out. QUIET!

"I've always heard that joining the Wardens was for life."Maker! The elf's tattoos are made with lyrium. Is it even possible?

"That's only partly true. The "hopelessly tainted by the darkspawn" and "plagued by nightmares about the Archdemon" parts...don't go away. But it turns out if you hide well, you don't have to wear the uniform or go to the parties." She gave him a mischievous grin and his heart skipped a bit. The man punched her on the shoulder and her face went dark and her palm lit with fire.

"I need to know how to get into the Deep Roads and you can tell me, willing or not." Is she for real? Who the fuck does she think she is. She is just a kid. He could see it now. His love was more wise, more mature and kind. And that elf keeps staring at him like he will turn to an abomination at any moment.

"Don't threaten me, little girl. You can't imagine what I've gone through to get here. I'm not about to…! Although...a favor for a favor. Does that sound like a fair deal? You help me, I'll help you?"He didn't really have a choice did he. He has to ask her. Anders no!

""Let's be more specific. I don't do anything involving children or animals." What is wrong with this girl?

"I have a Warden's map of the depths in this area. But there's a price. I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend. A mage; a prisoner in the wretched Gallows. The Templars learned of my plans to free him. Help me bring him safely past them, and you shall have your maps." He held his breath and waited for her answer. She was studying him, her eyes never leaving his. The dwarf suddenly pulled her sleeve and whispered in her ear.

"How are you planning on breaking him out of the Gallows?" With a relief he breathed out. At least she was considering it.

"I'm hoping it won't come to that. I sent Karl a message to meet me in the Chantry tonight. Maker willing, he'll be there, alone. But if there are Templars with him, I swear, I'll free him from them. Whatever the cost." The man and the elf growled, the dwarf slapped his forehead with his palm. The girl just smiled. A warm smile, an understanding smile.

"Oh, that's all? I think I'd rather take my chances with the darkspawn." Her companions smirked but she didn't. She just nodded and winked at him. Thank the Maker.

"I welcome your aid. I've already sent word for Karl to meet me in the Chantry tonight. Meet me there and, regardless of who is there with him, we all walk away free." He watched them walk out, while the man was shouting at her and the elf glowing like a candle. The dwarf just shook his head and laughed.

"Rose, we can't go killing Templars, they are on to you already, sister please!"He said with agony and fear in his voice.

"Carver have I ever told you that you worry to much? Templar this, Templar that! Please Ser Templar please don't smite me. Let them come Carver. I do not fear them."She turned and looked at him and laughed while her brother kept talking.

Rose; that was the mage's name. A beautiful name and a relief swooped over him knowing that that man was just her brother. But with what right should he feel relief? No! He will not go down this road again. That part of him was long gone; no woman will ever replace Solona Amell.

DADADADADADADADADADA

Karl is dead, by his own hand. That man taught him everything he knew, and more. And he killed him. It was the Templars fault, the Chantry's fault, the Maker himself was to blame. Even Rose had problem understanding him and she was a mage. She reminded of himself before he met Solona and Justice. So care free, full of life and expectations, everything was a joke, and everything was fair game. The Maker had a sense of humor for sure though. To send her his way, her cousin, in the dark probably nobody will be able to tell them apart. He needed a drink fast. He got up, locked the clinic and made his way through Darktown, up to Lowtown. He knew she will be there. She was always there. How she managed to do any of her tasks is a mystery to him, but damn she knew how to fight! Her fighting techniques were definitely not taught by the Circle. Quick with her magic, her staff was used as a melee weapon as well as for spells. He secretly started training himself with her techniques and he found out that they worked better together and more sufficiently. She commented on it, not to mock him or to make fun of him, she actually meant it. All he did was to blush, lower his head and mumble something like, oh is ok, or, I am not good as you are. Fenris was behind him and heard the whole discussion. He moved and knocked him with his shoulder while glowing like a firework. He gave him the stare of a feral dog. It was beyond him why Hawk had him around, or why she enjoyed his company so much. He stood in from of The Hanged Man debating whatever to get in or not when he thought how pissed off Fenris will be to see him there.

He walked inside the Hanged Man and the smell of piss and ale slapped him on the face. Maker, even Darktown smells better than this place. He climbed the stairs into Varric's room. Everyone was here, even Aveline. Hawk was sitting between Isabela and Fenris sharing a joke, dirty one probably, Aveline and Varric were playing diamondback, while Merill was trying to read Carver's palm. He sat next to Varric and watched them playing until Hawk burst out laughing. Her laugh was a lot rougher than Solona's, more loud, more… not hers.

"Come on Hawk, just a small kiss. I can't have the broody elf telling me he is a better kisser than me?"Anders tried to eavesdrop to their conversation without looking to suspicious.

"So let me get this straight. You want me to kiss you and Fenris and I have to tell you who is better at it? Alright, for scientific reasons only of course." Anger started to boil inside Anders. NO! She didn't belong to him. He didn't want her anyway. She was obnoxious and childish. Fenris was blushing, but seeing Anders staring at them through his mug of ale, he smiled and grabbed Hawk's face in his hands and kissed her like the hungry wolf that he was. Carver just groaned and looked the other way. Merill looked fascinated. He let go of her and Anders could see that her eyes were glazed.

"Isabela dear, your turn!" said with a smile. Isabela jumped on her which made Hawk fall on Fenris lap, and then on the floor. Everyone burst out laughing, even Carver. Her mabari, Queen Anora started barking and jumping. Aveline shook her head and declared that he was going back to the barracks before she had to arrest them for public indecency. That brought new burst of laughter. Isabela was off Hawk and they went back drinking, while Hawk declared they were both amazing kissers and she was too drunk to decide. Suddenly the discussion revolved around Fenris tattoos where Hawk kept poking them, Fenris flinched but he never stopped her. He looked glad that Hawk was touching him. Carver also wanting to show everyone his mabari tattoo with the only willing participant Merill.

"I have a tattoo as well, would like to see it?" he gave a shy smile at Fenris, and when he hard- swallowed and nodded, she started unbuttoning the top buttons of her robe. He got up and turned around, having her back at them. She dropped the top part of her robes around her waist and removed her top small cloth. Anders was mesmerized. Her whole back was covered with a black rose vine, where black and red roses ornate the vine. The vines hugged her back and her sides, and Anders noticed that the vines were coming out from the bottom part of her robes with small movement. Maker! The vine is actually moving! A head of a wolf was also popping out, moving left to right, trying to climb the vine. He felt his trousers getting tight and sweat forming on his forehead. No, Anders! Fenris turned red, where Isabela got up and stroked the wolf's head. Silence was in the room. She was just standing there, naked at the top, with her head tilted on the side staring at them and the tattoo.

"I got it from a Tevinter Magister. He was visiting Lothering, it was a couple months before father died remember Carver?" she looked at him and they both smiled, while she quickly glanced at Fenris to see her reaction when he mentioned the Tevinter Magister. He didn't care; he was blushing watching the black wolf trying to climb her back.

"Yeah I remember, I got my mabari with the other guys. I wasn't joking when I said I can make it bark. It can actually bark. So anyway, we got grounded to plow the fields and not visit the village for three whole months. It was a nightmare. But it was worth it" They kept looking at each other, sharing font memories of their past.

"Yes, it was worth it alright." She was smiling while she was covering herself. Anders, never saw anything more beautiful in his life. It was not lost to him though that she had a wolf on her, and the looks that Fenris gave her. He knew what he was thinking, because he had the same thought. He wished he was the wolf climbing her back.

They spent the next two hours playing cards, which Isabela as usual won every single game. She looked at Hawk with a mischievous smile and Hawk had a worried looked on her face, as worry as she could get after the amount she drank. Hawk could take her drink. Solona couldn't. Hawk grew up with her family, with freedom, she had a loving childhood. She did all the stupid things that normal teenagers do. Worst case scenario for her getting caught was missing the Harvest Ball, him and Solona in the Circle got a beating and raped. Maker he missed her, he felt so alone!

"You know, I met your cousin… the Grey Warden. What a charming woman she is my dear. More lady like than you of course, well she was a little minx between the sheets though." Anders was fuming, Justice tried to come out but he controlled himself.

"Wait, wait! You want to tell me that Solona and you slept together?" She started laughing and shook her head in disbelief.

"Well none of us did any sleeping I can assure you. And that King of Ferelden knows how to please a woman or… two!" A mischievous smile broke on her face. Anders could not take it anymore. He will not sit here and listen to these vile people, smothering her name with their filth. He jumped off his sit and walked to the door. He stopped, and without turning around he said:

"You don't know her enough to speak like that about her. She is a good person, a loving person and she deserves your respect. She saved all of us more than once. And that King Alistair is a fool, using her and nobody can see it… Not even her."He walked away, everybody in silence, until he heard Hawk's voice declaring it is time for a visit to the Blooming Rose. No, nothing like her at all.

DADADADADADADADADADA

Hawk was laying naked on the bed with Serendipity half snoring next to her. She was her favorite; it was a girl, well man, which knew exactly what she wanted from life. But Hawk was not thinking of Serendipity. Why Blondie reacted the way he did? She knew that her cousin recruited him to the Grey Wardens, and she understood the loyalty he felt for her, but she could see more in his eyes. He was a very disturbed man. She saw him looking at her with Fenris and Isabela at the Hanged Man or the way he was looking at her back when she showed them her tatoo. The look of hurt and longing, but she could also see that it wasn't looking at her. She needs to talk to her mother; she needed more information about this Solona Amell. She got up and dressed, thanking her stars that she wore one of robes this morning. Serendipity moved and Hawk placed a kiss on her lips and with a smile left the room. At the same time Carver came out of a room and blushed seeing his older sister.

"Carver" said with a serious face.

"Rose" replied and followed her out in the street. They walked in silence for a while until Hawk stopped. Carver came to a hold as well and looked around for any bandits.

"Have you noticed anything strange about Anders behavior tonight?" It really bothered her the way it looked at her.

"Well you mean more than his usual annoying self? No, not really. Well except when Isabela mentioned Solona Amell. He didn't look very happy about her talking about her like that. It's understandable though. She was his Commander and soldiers follow and respect their Commander above anybody. Not that I except you to understand." Yes, her brother was a tit, but she loved him anyway. What she couldn't understand is why she was so disturbed about the way Anders looked at her. She thought he was boring, irritating and above else dazzling. Wow! Did she just think that? No, no. Keep walking Rose this is stupid.

"Hey Carver…If you want Merill to start paying more attention to you, you better limit your visits at Faith's" Her brother blushed and walked in the front to avoid his sister's snickering.

DADADADADADADADADADA

"Mother….psst. Mother wake up." She shook her mother, and her mother opens her eyes with a fright.

"Are you OK? Is Carver ok?"Life has not been easy for Leandra since she met Malcolm Hawk, but they lived a good life together. Now her husband dead, her daughter dead, her coming home and discovering she had nothing. To top everything up her, her two remaining children were mercenaries for the last year and now they were planning an expedition to the Deep Roads.

"Mother I have a question for you. Have you ever met Solona Amell? Can you describe her to me?"Her mother gave her an exasperated look. She woke her up to ask her that? Then again her oldest child always had reasons beyond anybody's understanding of doing or asking things. Except her father. He understood her more than anybody.

"Well I saw her once when she was just two and once at the Circle. I went at the inn near the Circle to see if they were any rumors for apostates before we moved to Lothering. She was escorted by a Templar back to the Tower. I think they went to Red Cliff to buy some things. Anyway, she is beautiful you know. She… she looks exactly like you. Maker! Why I didn't noticed it before. Well her hair was long while yours is… well… it looks like ummm… never mind. Same eyes and same milky white skin. You are both the spitting image of your great- grandfather Leonidas Amell. He was such a stunning man in his youth. His mother was a mage you know. Anyway, why are you asking these questions in the middle of the night?" Her daughter's face was in the shadows but she could hear her voice was uneven. Rose Hawk was not a fool. She knew that look that Anders gave her. But it was not meant for her. His heart belonged to her cousin, and her cousin… broke it.

"No reason really! Isabela said that she met her at Denerim and I want to see if the description matched. Goodnight mother." She kissed her mother on the cheek and lay next to her to go to sleep. She's been sharing the bed with her mother over a year now. She loved laying next to her and hug her when she got cold. Sometimes they will talk and joke in the dark, remembering their past life, when Bethany and her father were alive.

DADADADADADADADADADA

They were leaving for the Deep Road in two weeks time and Anders didn't even know if she was taking him with her. He didn't want to go but an unknown force compelled him to follow her to the ends of the world. He was amazed how she placed herself in front of every mage that ever needed her. She knew freedom and she wanted to share it with everyone. Even with her feral wolf, Fenris. It seems the Amells have that power of command. He found himself wandering what kind of a person her father was. Was he a patient instructor with his girls or was he strict like the ones in the Circle. She had this raw energy of life, hopping around like a cricket, making as much noise as possible and fuck the rest. How much she envied that, her power to walk into a room and everybody's mood would relax and be happy. Except of him of course. He will never be happy again, only when he dies. The mages plight is his reason for living now. She is here Anders!

"Hellooooo, Anders? Are you here? Why on earth you are sitting on the floor? You have plenty of chairs. Let me guess! Justice told you to. JUSTICE PEOPLE SIT ON CHAIRS YOU KNOW. Seriously these spirits are such a pest!"The smile never left her face when she pulled him up. Suddenly she blushed and looked the other way. Anders looked at his feet in amazement wondering what could possibly make Rose Hawk blush.

"Ummm, so the whole gang is going to, ummm, the Wounded Coast for a picnic, you know at the beach, go for a quick dip. Ummm, is really hot in these robes, right? Hehe! You know what I mean, right?" Maker her ears are turning red.

"I am a bit busy Hawk. With my patients, you know."Hawk looked around and there was nobody but them. She lowered her head and turn to go.

"Oh! Ok yeah, sure, I understand. I will see you later then?"Maker she is so beautiful! He groaned and looked at her moving away from him with her head lowered.

"Hawk wait. Let me get my backpack and lock up." Her face lit up. He knew he will regret this. He knew Justice will scream in his head the whole time. He didn't care. He made her smile. He made Solo… no, he made Hawk smile. They walked in silence, well; he walked while she skipped, where everyone else was standing. Aveline was the only one not coming, something about mixed up rota. Everyone got excited to see him, except the usual ones, Carver and Fenris. He gave them one of his legendary charming smiles, passed them by with a wink and Hawk jumped on his back and commanded him to move. Queen Anora was jumping around and half tripped him, while Hawk giggled in his ear. Fuck it, he was happy right now.

DADADADADADADADADADA

They found a nice spot and placed some blankets and a good spread of fruits, breads, cheeses and of course white Orlesian wine, which Anders and Hawk took turns to cool. They were chatting and laughing when Hawk jumped up and declared she is ready for a swim. Varric said something about dwarfs being lousy swimmers, so he will sit there and watch them drown at his leisure. Isabela took her boots of and run fully clothed into the water.

"Huh! To be honest I expected her to take everything off. Quite disappointing if I may say so." Everybody agreed with Varric until Isabela turned around and it was quite clear that the thin linen shirt she was wearing wasn't actually concealing anything when it was wet, and she was not wearing anything under it. Everybody laughed and Isabela knew exactly why. Fenris and Carver removed their shirts and boots and rolled their trousers up to their knees before they raced into the water, while Merill took her clothes off but her small clothes. Anders and Varric stared at her in amazement. She looked puzzled.

"What! The Dalish always bath together like this. Oh no! Did I do something wrong?"She tried to put her clothes back on until Hawk took them from her hand and hugged her.

"No Merill you did nothing wrong. They were surprised that's all. Here look. I will take my robe as well."With a swift move she removed her robe from the top and stood there in her smallclothes. Anders choked on his wine and Varric slapped him on the back while laughing. Hawk and Merill giggled and they run into the water holding hands.

"You are not joining them Blondie?"Varric poured himself another cup of wine and one for Anders.

"Nah, I am not in the mood. Also is a bastard to remove these robes of mine. I mean, shit, have you seen the shoe laces on my boots?"Varric chucked to himself and they sat there in silence watching the rest, laughing, while Queen Anora layed next to Anders and he stroked her belly.

Hawk was sitting on Fenris shoulders, while Merill was sitting on Carvers and they were trying to knock each other down; Isabela was the referee. Merill was not a match for Hawk as Isabela pointed out so Isabela swapped with Merill. Isabella started cheating so after an hour of arguing and laughing they decided it was a tie and they all came out except Fenris and Hawk. Anders back stiffen seeing Fenris holding Hawk's hand and kissing it while she lowered her eyes with a shy smile. Anders control yourself! He knew he was kidding himself, he knew that he had no chance with her. It was so obvious that Fenris and Hawk had something. That was for the best anyway. He was doomed, no reason to drug her down with him, she deserves happiness. She is just a child Anders, stop thinking about her! They walked out of the water holding hands but she released his when she saw him looking at them. Fenris face turned sad but he said nothing and went and sat down to nurse his wine while Hawk put her robe back on. With a quick spell she dried and warmed herself. She looked at him and gave him one of her secret smiles, the one he knew is only for him.

The sun was setting when Merill and Carver brought some wood fire and they lid it to cook the hares that Fenris and Queen Anora managed to catch for dinner. Hawk decided to go for a walk by herself. Anders saw her walking away with a blanket wrapped around her, her bare feet leaving footprints in the sand. What he didn't noticed was that Fenris was looking at the same direction, but Anders was quicker which made Fenris growl to himself. Anders went after her.

"Hey, need company?"She smiled at him and walked in silence for a while.

She stopped and sat down and he sat next to her. She leaned her head at his shoulder and he placed his arm around her shoulders. They sat in silence for what it looked to him forever, but he didn't care, she was in his arms, even for a while.

"I am not her Anders. I will never be her!" Her voice was uneven. He froze on the spot; he didn't know what to say to her. How did she know? Did they exchange letters? He didn't know if they ever met.

"What do you mean Hawk?"That was all he could think to say. Hawk got up and threw a fireball at him, missing, but he wasn't sure if it was on purpose or by accident.

"We look the same but we are different Anders! Can you comprehend that, or Justice is clouding your mind to much. You can't have her! She chose King Alistair." He could not see her face clearly but he could hear it in her voice that she was crying. There was no reason to lie about it. But he was getting angry, Justice was taking over.

"We had a few months of happiness together. If you lived in the Circle you would know that a few months of happiness go a long way, especially if you never had a single happy memory in your head. So yeah! When I saw you for the first time in the clinic, I hoped, beyond hope that you were her and you came back to me. But you have one thing right. YOU ARE NOT HER! You will never be her; you are just a little girl, playing with forces she can't possibly understand! She was kind where you are mischievous; she was wise while you are fool, she has a purpose while you just drift and hope for some luck, and most importantly, she never played with people's feelings like you do. I see you with Fenris and at the same time with Isabela and the looks you gave that choir- boy, and me? What do you want from me Hawk? You are just a child and I want you gone."He was furious, Justice, telling him that he did the right thing, and he could hear Hawks sobs behind him, seeing Fenris running at his direction.

"She is all yours; I hope you are happy together. Hurt her, and I will break you elf!"He went passed the others and headed back in the city, Queen Anora at his heels. Luckily they came on horses otherwiase would have been a very long and dangerous journey by himself. When he was back at his clinic the mabari left him and headed back to her home.

DADADADADADADADADADA

Hawk didn't come to visit him, she didn't ask him to go with her to the Deep Roads; Varric told him that him, Fenris and Isabela are going. Carver was so pissed off that he threatens he will join the Templars.

"Varric… look after her please. She is a nut- job. A careless nut-job." Varric chuckled and looked at Anders and he turned serious.

"Blondie, I… I don't know what happen that night at the beach but she didn't deserve that. She is a sweet kid with a good heart. Sort yourself out around her or you will regret it. Everyone is really pissed off with you. Well except Daisy, she thought it was a lover's row, nothing more. Was it Blondie?" Anders looked at his friend and with a bitter smile patted him on the shoulder, and then he turned away and went to check on a patient.

Varric walked away with sadness in his eyes. Anders thought is for the best. They left for the Deep Roads the next day.