Cute Italians on Sugar Rush's Will Annoy the Hades Out of You
For the past 15 minutes Nico hadn't stopped moving and talking. Whether he was tapping his foot on the floor or his hand on his leg; stroking his fingers through Will's unruly hair or doing the Macarena which Will didn't even know he knew. He kept asking completely weird and insanely deep questions that would probably end up keeping Will up at night. Will suspected he knew why. He was guessing someone had given his boyfriend sugar. Lots of sugar. It seemed Nico was suffering a sugar rush. Will would be having a talk with Percy and Jason later on.
Interrupting his thoughts, Nico spoke after a 3 second pause for air.
"Hey Will, do you think if you were bitten by a snake, you would turn into like Spiderman but with snake powers?"
"I don't know, Nico," was the reply Will had used countless of times in the past few minutes. He sighed as cute as Nico was in this state – his boyfriend was starting to get on his nerves.
"If Hades punishes sinners, why isn't he considered good?"
"Because people are dumbasses and don't see the fairness in him."
"If the pope dies is he being promoted or fired?"
Will realised Nico wasn't paying much attention to him, just kind of stuck in his own bubble of deep thoughts. He had been surfing the internet (on one of the new Hephaestus Monster Free phones) for the last five minutes saying yes, no and I don't know in response to Nico when needed. Now he had come across a list of responses to literally anything, when you have nothing else to say. Might as well try some of them out.
"In this economy?" he retorted. Nico just continued to ask the next question.
"What happens if you put a werewolf on the moon?"
"That's just what they would have said." Will then stared into the far corner like he was on the office to which Nico promptly ignored in favour of restarting his nonstop talk.
"Why do sandwiches taste better cut diagonally?"
"Is this why fate brought us together?" wondered Will, more to himself than the boy next to him who was bobbing up and down.
"Why do old people drive so slowly?" he asked miming driving a car, "they barely have any time left, like go your dying!"
"They obviously haven't been given the memo," chuckled Will.
"What if all the scenarios we make up in our head are actually real events happening in an alternate universe and we're actually connecting with our alternate self's mind."
"Well my alternate self is having a great fucking time right now."
"Why are goose-bumps called goose-bumps?"
"Because there are little geese living under our skin and when it is cold, they believe it is time to break free and travel to the south, not realising they are trapped beneath our skin." He looked towards Nico's shocked and possibly scarred face.
"Or the people who wanted to name this phenomenon were just hella high." To which Nico's face went back to smiling.
"Why can't we understand dogs but dogs can understand us?"
"Be that as it may, still may it be as it may be."
Nico spent a full 30 seconds (the longest he had been quiet so far this night) trying to unravel what seemed like a riddle to him. To be honest Will had no idea what he had just read from his phone either.
"What if the asteroid that hit the Earth and killed all the dinosaurs was a UFO and we're the aliens?"
"That's what the government wants you to think."
"So like do caterpillars know that they are going to be butterflies or do they just build a cocoon and be like 'what the fuck am I doing'?"
"That is some deep shit which we will probably never find out unless there is a way to communicate with them or…" ended Will deep in thought.
"How come when Harry gets bitten by the basilisk in the chamber of secrets that doesn't destroy the horcrux inside of him?"
Will was silent. He had no response to that question.
"Which way does a Cyclops wing their eyeliner?"
"It doesn't matter because Nobody is going to criticize their makeup."
"Why isn't eleven pronounced onety one?"
"Because… because… because…"
"Are Medusa's leg hairs tiny snakes?"
"I sincerely hope not although you could probably ask Percy tomorrow I mean he's fought her at least once I'm sure."
"How much dirt do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?"
"Like 8 dirt."
"How come Tarzan doesn't have a beard?"
Will didn't answer; instead he got up from where he was sitting and started banging his head on the wall. Incoherent mutterings could be heard coming from him.
"If your cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?"
Will had sat back down next to Nico after a minute or so and smiled, "Hell yes."
"What if birds aren't singing, they're screaming because they're afraid of heights?"
"I'm just not gonna respond."
"Hey Will, have you ever realised, the brain named itself?"
"It's too late for this shit," Will cried into his lap.
"Are children small, or just far away?"
"Well I don't know but you're quiet small and you're sitting right next to me."
Nico hit Will in the arm playfully (or not depending how you looked at it) with a frown on his face.
"I'm not small," he mumbled.
"How many times do you think you've seen the same bird twice?"
"I don't know. How many times have you?"
"Exactly 315 times not counting harpies."
"I can't tell if you're joking or not," Will frowned.
"I think Wally, from 'Where's Wally', wears stripes because he doesn't want to be spotted."
"That is… actually clever where the Hades are these coming from?"
"If a plant is sad, do the other plants photosympathise with it?"
"Yes," Will said without hesitation.
"Are you my mummy?"
"I can't tell if that is supposed to be a fandom quote or something sexy but either way…"
"Do dogs think in barks?"
"I guess the only way to find out is to become a dog. And since we aren't wizards I guess we'll never find out."
"Will, we don't know what dinosaurs sounded like. I mean they could have been speaking fluent German for all we know. Like 'Hallo, ich bin ein Dinosaurier und ich kann BRÜLLEN!'"
"Nico, since when have you known German!?"
"Since I accidentally time travelled back to the Jurassic period and met dinosaurs!" he explained to an unbelieving Will.
"How do you rewrite stars?"
"I'm guessing that is also another quote. I think I might be a bit concerned if it wasn't."
"Imagine if teeth giggled when you brushed them because they're ticklish."
"Nico, what the fuck did Percy and Jason give you?"
"How come your lips don't touch when you say touch but do when you say separate?"
"The idiots in charge of naming stuff really wanted to fuck us over."
"If you are given homework that is to do no homework, doing it would mean you failed the homework but not doing it would mean you haven't done the homework and…"
"I fucking hate paradoxes," said Will back into his lap.
"When you bite down on something, you are actually biting up because you can't move your top jaw."
Will then spent the next 20 minutes whilst Nico continued to talk trying to move his top jaw and failing. He knew the human anatomy word for word yet here he was.
"Blinking is like clapping for your eyes."
"Then what would happen if everyone blinked at the same time?"
"The world would end," he concluded waving his fingers.
"Do you think fish ever get thirsty?"
"If they were caught out of water maybe…"
"What if one day you wake up and you don't have any eyebrows?"
"Byebrows."
"What if rain came down all at once and not in tiny rain drops?"
"We'd all die from the sheer force of it. Or we'd be soaked a lot quicker."
"Lasagne is just spaghetti flavoured cake."
"Well I do love cake so…"
"What's your current mood?" he asked squinting at Will's face in a way that was totally not cute.
"Not annoyed at all," Will said with a sarcastic tone.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?" Nico then burst into laughter at the punchline of the oldest joke in the book. It did make Will smile though at his significant others antics.
"How do mermaids have babies?"
"I have never thought to ask."
"Do centaur babies suckle from the horse nipples or the human nipples?"
"Maybe you should ask Chiron later. On the other hand that might not be a good idea."
"What if people had food names and food had people names?"
"Hello spaghetti."
Nico grinned, "Hi chili pepper. You're looking hot today!"
Will blushed a bit, surprised his boyfriend could flirt when he was this high on sugar.
"What should I do if my arms hurt?"
"Saw them off," Will joked.
"But how do I saw the second arm off?"
"Ask Siri."
"Do twins have the same sized dicks?"
"And you want to know why?"
"Will?"
"What?" he sighed.
"What is the meaning of life?"
"To just fucking live," he couldn't take the stupid deep questions anymore.
Will wasn't sure how much longer he could deal with a sugar high Nico. If he asked one more question about the meaning of life and the universe…
"Will-"
"Nico, just shut up," Will said as he leaned forward and planted a kiss on his boyfriend's lips effectively shutting him up.
Translation of German: 'Hello, I am a dinosaur and I can ROAR!'
A/N – I hope you enjoyed this short Solangelo story which gave me the excuse to spend time on Tumblr looking up stuff to put in this. I got some of it from there so it is therefore not mine although the idea is. This is roughly 1,800 words which is quite good for me as well.
Hopefully I might post a bit more for a while because I have Easter break! Happy Easter and happy Pesach, for those who celebrate.
Also please can some American person explain to me what the hell calculus is?
Don't know what else to say except from thanks for reading! Leave a review if you enjoyed! Have a great year (because that can encompass any time frame of when this is read)!
~a-halfblood-with-attitude