A/N: Hey people!!! This is a really messed up, bizarre, crazy, screwed up
version of Snow White. Usually, I don't write fanfics on Disney movies, but
my friend, Eleia, and I came up with this story for an English
assignment... anyway, just read. it's really funny!!! And by the way, it's
after the prince and snow white gets married.
Passions.or a really screwed up version of it.
It was a quiet and sunny morning at the castle of Snow White and The Prince.
With great effort, Snow White woke up and went into a sitting position. She yawned and
looked at the Prince. He was still sleeping, hidden under the covers. She started stretching
her arms when she heard crashing and screaming noises coming from outside the
bedroom. Voices were heard.
"GET OUTTA MY WAY YOU LONG POINTY NOSED SERVANT!! I'M
HERE TO SEE SNOW ABOUT SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS!"
Snow began to feel alarmed. The voice was heard again.
"Where's the main bedroom Garcon?!"
Snow White was worried. She started biting her nails. However, she did not wake
the Prince because if it were just a lunatic peasant, there would be nothing to worry
about.
The footsteps of the stranger were getting nearer and nearer. Suddenly, the door
flew open and to her surprise, standing in the doorway was Grumpy the Dwarf.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH SNOW WHITE?!" roared
Grumpy. "After seeing that Prince just kiss you and take you like you were his own?! Do
you even remember that day? That-that day of torment of which you bestowed upon
me?! It was five years ago."
And the flashback begins.
"Me and my six buddies almost broke our backs to carry you in that heavy trunk.
We couldn't fit you anywhere in the house. So it just happened that there was this
mystical garden in the forest. Yeah so we took you there. Some forest creatures appeared
and were crying and sulking. Some flowers began to wilt for some reason even though it
was spring. It was all sad. But do you know the one person who wasn't crying Snow?
Yeah, that's right, ME. I knew the secret to bringing you back to life. It's in every
fairytale. Your Prince Charming was supposed to come and break the spell. That day, the
day where all your dreams came true.THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY
TOO!
"I put on my best cologne. My best jacket. I EVEN COMBED MY HAIR.or
what was left of it. I wrote you a poem. Anything I could do for you, I did it!
"But then, that cheap excuse for a man came, AND STOLE YOU FROM ME!!
YOU WERE MINE SNOW WHITE! MINE! YOU TAUGHT ME TO LOVE!! I WAS
EVEN GOING TO CHANGE MY NAME TO 'The Loving Unicorn'."
Present time returns. Snow White was pale and speechless.
Grumpy continued, "After seeing that Prince just kiss you and take you like you
were his own! What you have Snow White is a boy, what you WANT is a MAN!"
Snow White began to stutter.
"Did you stop and think that we, the dwarfs, all liked you and did not want you to
leave with some.PRINCE!!" Grumpy paused for a second but then continued
explaining, "Then the dwarfs found out that I was going to get you so you could be my
wife. So they threw me out of dwarf club! THIS IS ALL THAT PRINCE'S FAULT!"
Snow White didn't budge. It wasn't only that some short old guy stomps into her bedroom while she's still in her nightgown. It was that the guy who Grumpy swore hatred to forever, was right beside her under the covers.
"WHEN I SEE THAT PRINCE.I'M GONNA POUND HIM TILL HE DOESN'T SEE
THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN!!" screamed Grumpy
Tears now started coming down Snow White's face. She knew that her servants
were probably knocked out and could not help her.
"By the way," said Grumpy, "Where is that Prince?"
Someone started groaning under the bed cover and said, "What's all that racket?"
Then he lifted his head over the covers to reveal himself.
Without realizing it, Grumpy leaped onto the Prince and started punching him.
There was banging, crashing, and the cracking of bones.
Suddenly, there was a loud scream in the background.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Snow White as the utter chaos seized.
Snow grabbed Grumpy in a full nelson and said in a strained voice (the Prince
was weeping in the background on the floor), "There is only ONE WAY we can resolve
this."
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" cheered the loud audience.
"Thank you, thank you and welcome! On today on the show we have Deep Dark
Secrets Revealed," Springer said, "Our first guest is Snow White. She's a drop
dead gorgeous chick with black hair and luscious red lips. But don't let that fool you. As
caring and emotionally deranged she is, she's not the sweet, innocent fancy girl we all
thought she was!! Here she is everyone! Snow White!"
The loud introduction music played and Snow White came onto the stage being
cheered by all her fairytale friends.
"You rock Snow!" yelled Sleeping Beauty
"So what's going on Snow?" asked Jerry
Snow began, "Well Jerry, my husband, the Prince, and I have been married for
five years. It's really the whole package. Big castle, satisfaction that I got rescued while
teaching a valuable lesson and whatnot. It really is! But, sadly, my heart isn't so pure."
"What do you mean Snow?"
"I've been cheating on my husband."
"BOOOO!!" went the crowd.
"Well lets bring out the actual guy who kissed your dead frozen lips, your
husband, The Prince.doesn't this guy have a normal name or something.anyway, here he is!"
A Burly man came onto the stage wearing a red cape and looking courageous as
usual. All the teenage girls cheered and wailed as he strutted down the stairs.
"So Prince, why do you think you're here today?" asked Jerry
"I don't know, but it probably can't be good." he replied
"Okay Snow, why don't you tell him?" said Jerry backing away slowly
"Okay honey," she began taking his hands in her own, "You know we've been
married for five years, and you KNOW that I love you."
"Oh YES SNOW!! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY SOUL!! FOREVER AND
EVER!! NOTHING WILL EVER BRING US APART!! NOTHING!! I'VE DEVOTED
EVERY SINGLE PARTICLE OF ME TO YOU-"
"Okay, okay!! Enough with the vow thing, it's really starting to give me a
headache. Now then.what I'm trying to say is."
"Yes.Snow?"
She sighed, "I've been cheating on you for quite some time."
The Prince went into a nervous frenzy.
"How could you?! Who is it? What's his name, age, and fairytale story!! I want to
hear it all!! NOW!"
"Stop shouting it's not like were deaf you know."
"Snow!! WE GOT MARRIED!!! THAT'S A LABEL!! WERE BOUND
TOGETHER FOR LIFE!! YOU CAN'T JUST THROW ALL THAT AWAY!!"
"You see! That's what made you so.un-appealing.your such a lovey dovey
guy! It's not what I want at all!"
"I want to know who this guy is now!"
Snow sighed deeply and began to cry.
"That's it!" yelled someone
"Who could that be?" asked Jerry
Loud banging and voices were heard backstage.
"CHILL OUT BUDDY NO ONE'S GUNNA HURT NOBODY OKAY?"
"The names Steve you old midget!!"
"What's the problem?" asked Jerry
Steve, the security guy came on the stage carrying a short, old guy wearing a red
jacket with a face completely covered in a tangled gray beard.
You guessed it, Grumpy.
"Oh god, not him again." Said Snow
"OHH SNOOOW!! WHERE ARE YA HOT STUFF?" yelled the insane dwarf
"Hey buddy, she's mine!! She may have done her wrongdoings, but she will be
forgiven. Tis the word of true love." said the Prince
"Bah, pipe down Little Red Riding Hood," said Grumpy pointing out the red cape
The Prince always wore, "Why don't you go back to your grandma, the only lady who
probably cares for you!" said Grumpy
"You know, that offended me dwarf man!" shouted Little Red Riding Hood from
the audience.
Jerry raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "Anyway.Grumpy, what part do
you play in this extremely idiotic episode?"
"Right, well, I'm Grumpy, the handsome man Snow White has chosen!"
"She didn't chose you.you.over stuffed, pompous, OLD MAN" yelled the
Prince.
Grumpy turned around in a fit of anger.
"That's it pretty boy! I'm gonna kick your BEEP right now!"
"Too bad you can only reach my legs you BEEP midget!"
"Oh no you didn't you Backstreet Boy! You DID NOT just call me a midget!"
And with that, the fight was on.
The Prince picked up Grumpy and started banging his head against the wall. The
Prince then dropped him onto the floor and began kicking Grumpy who had a big size
advantage.
Steve quickly came and broke the fight. But not for long.
Grumpy ran under Steve's legs and flew into the Prince crashing him onto the
floor.
"JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" yelled the crowd
"Think you can discriminate the short people?! Do ya?!" said Grumpy
Grumpy began punching the Prince in the face repeatedly until Steve picked him
up and Jerry ran onstage.
"Yeah well, this is going to take a while to clean up so.TO THE
COMMERCIAL DAN!"
After the commercial, the show resumed, only this time is was actually
normal.sort of.
The camera zoomed to Jerry where he began to explain the situation.
"Righty folks. If your just tuning in, this is Deep Dark Secrets Revealed" Here we
have Snow, who's today's fairytale vixen. First, she resided in a house with SEVEN
SHORT MEN. She makes one fall in love with her, and then just goes off with a cliché
Prince Charming only to tell him today that she has been cheating on him!!
"Next we have the Prince who's deeply hurt by the situation and is calling his
mom on his cell to tell him that he's moving back in with her."
The camera zooms onto the Prince with a cell phone clutched in his hand
explaining the situation with his mom with tears forming in his eyes.
"Now, this mini-me guy over here, is Grumpy. The misunderstood short guy who
only wants Snow's affection after she tricked him into falling in love with her."
The camera zoomed onto Grumpy who was tied to a chair with a brown paper bag
on his head and two security guards watching him.
"THIS IS NOT DIGNIFIED FOR THE SOON TO BE HUSBAND OF SNOW
WHITE YOU KNOW!!" shouted Grumpy, struggling to be set free.
"Whatever. Now, would anyone from the audience like to question our guests?"
asked Jerry staring at his watch wondering when the show was going to be over.
"Like.WE DO JERRY! WE DO!" shouted two girls
"Alright ladies. And your names are?"
"Well, I'm the Princess from The Frog Prince, and this is Aurora, the Sleeping
Beauty! And we just wanted to say that SNOW IS THE COOLEST!! We do all of our
pedicures together and stuff! We love you Snow!! But we just wanted to know why you
never told us about that short dude!"
"Short dude?! Who are you calling a short.wait a second, those two girls sound
cute!! I think we need to be introduced Jerry!!" said Grumpy
"Ewwww, no way beard man, were taken!" replied the two girls
"Uh huh.next? Anyone else have a question?"
"I do." Said a deep voice in the back to the audience
"What's your name Sir?"
"The names Philip. Prince Philip. Now, I got the whole story and everything. But
one thing just isn't too clear for me. Who are you cheating on the Prince with Snow?"
Everyone turned to Snow, eyes wide open.
Snow blushed and said, "Well."
A man suddenly stood up from the crowd and said proudly, "I'm him!"
Everyone gasped.
A woman shouted, "WHAT?! NOO!! HOW COULD YOU SNOW?"
A blonde haired woman wearing a diamond colored dress and glass slippers ran
onto the stage wailing.
Snow White had been going out with The Prince from Cinderella.
"I though we were best friends Snow?! How could you backstab me?!" shouted
Cinderella
"Thought you could beat me out with the movie viewer rating didn't you?!
Always Cinderella, Cinderella! IT NEVER GOT OLD!! Well I got my payback!!"
The two girls began a catfight, Grumpy was still struggling out of his chair, and
the Prince was already outside the set waiting for his limo to come pick him up.
As usual, Jerry had the last word.
"Okay Dan, CUT NOW!! Alright everyone, this is the end of Deep Dark Secrets
Revealed! I'm Jerry Springer, never to watch a Disney Movie again!! Goodbye!"
~FIN~ A/N: lol. well, that's all folk!! Please R&R!!
Passions.or a really screwed up version of it.
It was a quiet and sunny morning at the castle of Snow White and The Prince.
With great effort, Snow White woke up and went into a sitting position. She yawned and
looked at the Prince. He was still sleeping, hidden under the covers. She started stretching
her arms when she heard crashing and screaming noises coming from outside the
bedroom. Voices were heard.
"GET OUTTA MY WAY YOU LONG POINTY NOSED SERVANT!! I'M
HERE TO SEE SNOW ABOUT SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS!"
Snow began to feel alarmed. The voice was heard again.
"Where's the main bedroom Garcon?!"
Snow White was worried. She started biting her nails. However, she did not wake
the Prince because if it were just a lunatic peasant, there would be nothing to worry
about.
The footsteps of the stranger were getting nearer and nearer. Suddenly, the door
flew open and to her surprise, standing in the doorway was Grumpy the Dwarf.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH SNOW WHITE?!" roared
Grumpy. "After seeing that Prince just kiss you and take you like you were his own?! Do
you even remember that day? That-that day of torment of which you bestowed upon
me?! It was five years ago."
And the flashback begins.
"Me and my six buddies almost broke our backs to carry you in that heavy trunk.
We couldn't fit you anywhere in the house. So it just happened that there was this
mystical garden in the forest. Yeah so we took you there. Some forest creatures appeared
and were crying and sulking. Some flowers began to wilt for some reason even though it
was spring. It was all sad. But do you know the one person who wasn't crying Snow?
Yeah, that's right, ME. I knew the secret to bringing you back to life. It's in every
fairytale. Your Prince Charming was supposed to come and break the spell. That day, the
day where all your dreams came true.THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY
TOO!
"I put on my best cologne. My best jacket. I EVEN COMBED MY HAIR.or
what was left of it. I wrote you a poem. Anything I could do for you, I did it!
"But then, that cheap excuse for a man came, AND STOLE YOU FROM ME!!
YOU WERE MINE SNOW WHITE! MINE! YOU TAUGHT ME TO LOVE!! I WAS
EVEN GOING TO CHANGE MY NAME TO 'The Loving Unicorn'."
Present time returns. Snow White was pale and speechless.
Grumpy continued, "After seeing that Prince just kiss you and take you like you
were his own! What you have Snow White is a boy, what you WANT is a MAN!"
Snow White began to stutter.
"Did you stop and think that we, the dwarfs, all liked you and did not want you to
leave with some.PRINCE!!" Grumpy paused for a second but then continued
explaining, "Then the dwarfs found out that I was going to get you so you could be my
wife. So they threw me out of dwarf club! THIS IS ALL THAT PRINCE'S FAULT!"
Snow White didn't budge. It wasn't only that some short old guy stomps into her bedroom while she's still in her nightgown. It was that the guy who Grumpy swore hatred to forever, was right beside her under the covers.
"WHEN I SEE THAT PRINCE.I'M GONNA POUND HIM TILL HE DOESN'T SEE
THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN!!" screamed Grumpy
Tears now started coming down Snow White's face. She knew that her servants
were probably knocked out and could not help her.
"By the way," said Grumpy, "Where is that Prince?"
Someone started groaning under the bed cover and said, "What's all that racket?"
Then he lifted his head over the covers to reveal himself.
Without realizing it, Grumpy leaped onto the Prince and started punching him.
There was banging, crashing, and the cracking of bones.
Suddenly, there was a loud scream in the background.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Snow White as the utter chaos seized.
Snow grabbed Grumpy in a full nelson and said in a strained voice (the Prince
was weeping in the background on the floor), "There is only ONE WAY we can resolve
this."
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" cheered the loud audience.
"Thank you, thank you and welcome! On today on the show we have Deep Dark
Secrets Revealed," Springer said, "Our first guest is Snow White. She's a drop
dead gorgeous chick with black hair and luscious red lips. But don't let that fool you. As
caring and emotionally deranged she is, she's not the sweet, innocent fancy girl we all
thought she was!! Here she is everyone! Snow White!"
The loud introduction music played and Snow White came onto the stage being
cheered by all her fairytale friends.
"You rock Snow!" yelled Sleeping Beauty
"So what's going on Snow?" asked Jerry
Snow began, "Well Jerry, my husband, the Prince, and I have been married for
five years. It's really the whole package. Big castle, satisfaction that I got rescued while
teaching a valuable lesson and whatnot. It really is! But, sadly, my heart isn't so pure."
"What do you mean Snow?"
"I've been cheating on my husband."
"BOOOO!!" went the crowd.
"Well lets bring out the actual guy who kissed your dead frozen lips, your
husband, The Prince.doesn't this guy have a normal name or something.anyway, here he is!"
A Burly man came onto the stage wearing a red cape and looking courageous as
usual. All the teenage girls cheered and wailed as he strutted down the stairs.
"So Prince, why do you think you're here today?" asked Jerry
"I don't know, but it probably can't be good." he replied
"Okay Snow, why don't you tell him?" said Jerry backing away slowly
"Okay honey," she began taking his hands in her own, "You know we've been
married for five years, and you KNOW that I love you."
"Oh YES SNOW!! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY SOUL!! FOREVER AND
EVER!! NOTHING WILL EVER BRING US APART!! NOTHING!! I'VE DEVOTED
EVERY SINGLE PARTICLE OF ME TO YOU-"
"Okay, okay!! Enough with the vow thing, it's really starting to give me a
headache. Now then.what I'm trying to say is."
"Yes.Snow?"
She sighed, "I've been cheating on you for quite some time."
The Prince went into a nervous frenzy.
"How could you?! Who is it? What's his name, age, and fairytale story!! I want to
hear it all!! NOW!"
"Stop shouting it's not like were deaf you know."
"Snow!! WE GOT MARRIED!!! THAT'S A LABEL!! WERE BOUND
TOGETHER FOR LIFE!! YOU CAN'T JUST THROW ALL THAT AWAY!!"
"You see! That's what made you so.un-appealing.your such a lovey dovey
guy! It's not what I want at all!"
"I want to know who this guy is now!"
Snow sighed deeply and began to cry.
"That's it!" yelled someone
"Who could that be?" asked Jerry
Loud banging and voices were heard backstage.
"CHILL OUT BUDDY NO ONE'S GUNNA HURT NOBODY OKAY?"
"The names Steve you old midget!!"
"What's the problem?" asked Jerry
Steve, the security guy came on the stage carrying a short, old guy wearing a red
jacket with a face completely covered in a tangled gray beard.
You guessed it, Grumpy.
"Oh god, not him again." Said Snow
"OHH SNOOOW!! WHERE ARE YA HOT STUFF?" yelled the insane dwarf
"Hey buddy, she's mine!! She may have done her wrongdoings, but she will be
forgiven. Tis the word of true love." said the Prince
"Bah, pipe down Little Red Riding Hood," said Grumpy pointing out the red cape
The Prince always wore, "Why don't you go back to your grandma, the only lady who
probably cares for you!" said Grumpy
"You know, that offended me dwarf man!" shouted Little Red Riding Hood from
the audience.
Jerry raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "Anyway.Grumpy, what part do
you play in this extremely idiotic episode?"
"Right, well, I'm Grumpy, the handsome man Snow White has chosen!"
"She didn't chose you.you.over stuffed, pompous, OLD MAN" yelled the
Prince.
Grumpy turned around in a fit of anger.
"That's it pretty boy! I'm gonna kick your BEEP right now!"
"Too bad you can only reach my legs you BEEP midget!"
"Oh no you didn't you Backstreet Boy! You DID NOT just call me a midget!"
And with that, the fight was on.
The Prince picked up Grumpy and started banging his head against the wall. The
Prince then dropped him onto the floor and began kicking Grumpy who had a big size
advantage.
Steve quickly came and broke the fight. But not for long.
Grumpy ran under Steve's legs and flew into the Prince crashing him onto the
floor.
"JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" yelled the crowd
"Think you can discriminate the short people?! Do ya?!" said Grumpy
Grumpy began punching the Prince in the face repeatedly until Steve picked him
up and Jerry ran onstage.
"Yeah well, this is going to take a while to clean up so.TO THE
COMMERCIAL DAN!"
After the commercial, the show resumed, only this time is was actually
normal.sort of.
The camera zoomed to Jerry where he began to explain the situation.
"Righty folks. If your just tuning in, this is Deep Dark Secrets Revealed" Here we
have Snow, who's today's fairytale vixen. First, she resided in a house with SEVEN
SHORT MEN. She makes one fall in love with her, and then just goes off with a cliché
Prince Charming only to tell him today that she has been cheating on him!!
"Next we have the Prince who's deeply hurt by the situation and is calling his
mom on his cell to tell him that he's moving back in with her."
The camera zooms onto the Prince with a cell phone clutched in his hand
explaining the situation with his mom with tears forming in his eyes.
"Now, this mini-me guy over here, is Grumpy. The misunderstood short guy who
only wants Snow's affection after she tricked him into falling in love with her."
The camera zoomed onto Grumpy who was tied to a chair with a brown paper bag
on his head and two security guards watching him.
"THIS IS NOT DIGNIFIED FOR THE SOON TO BE HUSBAND OF SNOW
WHITE YOU KNOW!!" shouted Grumpy, struggling to be set free.
"Whatever. Now, would anyone from the audience like to question our guests?"
asked Jerry staring at his watch wondering when the show was going to be over.
"Like.WE DO JERRY! WE DO!" shouted two girls
"Alright ladies. And your names are?"
"Well, I'm the Princess from The Frog Prince, and this is Aurora, the Sleeping
Beauty! And we just wanted to say that SNOW IS THE COOLEST!! We do all of our
pedicures together and stuff! We love you Snow!! But we just wanted to know why you
never told us about that short dude!"
"Short dude?! Who are you calling a short.wait a second, those two girls sound
cute!! I think we need to be introduced Jerry!!" said Grumpy
"Ewwww, no way beard man, were taken!" replied the two girls
"Uh huh.next? Anyone else have a question?"
"I do." Said a deep voice in the back to the audience
"What's your name Sir?"
"The names Philip. Prince Philip. Now, I got the whole story and everything. But
one thing just isn't too clear for me. Who are you cheating on the Prince with Snow?"
Everyone turned to Snow, eyes wide open.
Snow blushed and said, "Well."
A man suddenly stood up from the crowd and said proudly, "I'm him!"
Everyone gasped.
A woman shouted, "WHAT?! NOO!! HOW COULD YOU SNOW?"
A blonde haired woman wearing a diamond colored dress and glass slippers ran
onto the stage wailing.
Snow White had been going out with The Prince from Cinderella.
"I though we were best friends Snow?! How could you backstab me?!" shouted
Cinderella
"Thought you could beat me out with the movie viewer rating didn't you?!
Always Cinderella, Cinderella! IT NEVER GOT OLD!! Well I got my payback!!"
The two girls began a catfight, Grumpy was still struggling out of his chair, and
the Prince was already outside the set waiting for his limo to come pick him up.
As usual, Jerry had the last word.
"Okay Dan, CUT NOW!! Alright everyone, this is the end of Deep Dark Secrets
Revealed! I'm Jerry Springer, never to watch a Disney Movie again!! Goodbye!"
~FIN~ A/N: lol. well, that's all folk!! Please R&R!!