A/N: Hello and welcome to my latest movie fusion! In which I fuse our beloved Sherlock characters with my favorite romantic films, in this case 10 Things I Hate About You. If you like this sort of thing, may I recommend Strange as Angels, my Just Like Heaven fusion and The Affair of the Star-Crossed Lovers, my An Affair to Remember fusion. I had fun doing them both.
If you seen the movie, there will have to be changes made as Sherlock and Mycroft are very unlikely to get pregnant (the reason the father forbade them dating in the movie.)
Also in my head I think that early on Sherlock would have wanted to fit in at school until he learned that nope, there was no point. They wouldn't like him regardless. So in this story, he's Bianca, the Stratford sister who just wants a chance at a normal life.
And Mycroft as the older, now wiser sibling that has decided to hell with everyone and do what he wants.
John as the army brat Cameron was of course too hard to pass up. Plus it makes him the center in which everything starts. Which is the point of the original stories. ;)
And then it came down to Patrick Verona. The no-nonsense bad boy Australian who becomes the foil for Kat in the movie. There are two choices that I could go with, Anthea or Greg. But considering we see so little of Anthea, I thought she better fit the role of the best friend Mandella and Greg as Patrick would be just divine. (I might admit to the epicly long Give Me a Label by IBegtoDreamandDiffer influencing my decision a bit. Maybe. A lot.)
You know, trying to find a man of color in either Sherlock or ACD canon is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Freaking hell. But for the character of the English teacher Mr Morgan to work, he had to be a person of color and Sally was already snapped up to play the role of Chasity, Bianca's friend. And then I hit on it. Corporal Lyons from THoB. So the Rastas have been swapped for Otakus.
Actually, find people to replace the teachers and counselors were hard all around. I finally set Mrs Hudson as Miss Perky, the inappropriate school counselor, and Lady Smallwood as the soccer coach Mr Chapman.
Mike Stamford was easy, I didn't even have change the name of the character from the movie, it being Michael. ;) And we know that Mike would do anything to help John get Sherlock. LOL!
And lastly the role of Joey, the stuck up male model wannabe who is chasing the younger Stratford sister. I scoured the cast lists of the 13 episodes of Sherlock that would fit everything that happens with this character (no spoilers, I promise) and came up empty handed. So I went digging into ACD canon. And oh boy did I find a real dick. Baron Adelbert Gruner from The Illustrious Client. So we have for this story, Bertie Gruner.
And as with all fusions I must remind you that I have to combine two characters (the Sherlock character and the movie character) so OF COURSE THEY WOULDN'T ACT LIKE THAT! THEY'RE TWO PEOPLE! Sorry about that. I feel it had to be said. Because every time I do one of these that's the criticism I always get.
Thanks, of course to my beta Old Ping Hai. Seriously, guys. I would never get anything done without her.
When John walked into the office, he wasn't sure what to make of it. Sitting at the desk behind a placard stating her name was Mrs Hudson and a fancy, new laptop was an older woman with glasses, typing away and muttering something about members. And John really, really hoped she was talking about about a club and not what he thought it was.
She finally looked up from her laptop. "John Watson, is it?"
"Yes, ma'am," John replied.
She grabbed his file and began flipping through it. "Nine schools in ten years, an army brat, eh?"
"Yes, ma'am, my father is‒" he began, but she cut him off with a wave her hand.
Handing him a yellow piece of paper and she said, "That's your schedule, now fuck off."
John looked around him, "Am I in the right office?" he asked, wondering about her language.
"Not anymore you're not," Mrs Hudson huffed. "Look, I have deviants to see and a novel to write, so shoo!"
John stood up in a daze and walked out into the hall, and as he did so he brushed past a tough-looking bloke in a leather jacket and plain black backpack. John murmured his apology but the guy ignored him.
John shrugged it off, he had better things to do than worry about this guy now. If he turned out to be the school bully he'd know to watch out for him, but until then he had to find out where his first class was.
He struck out into the hall and was immediately greeted by this stocky kid with wire-rim glasses and a friendly smile.
"Hello, I'm Mike Stamford," he greeted John with a handshake. "They asked me to show you around."
John was impressed, "Wow, usually they send like the biggest nerd to show me around."
Just then a group of kids passed by calling out, "Nerd!"
Mike turned back to John and flashed him a grin. "Uh, just ignore them."
John looked mildly dubious but followed Mike out the door anyway.
"So we have all sorts here at Baker Street Academy," Mike began. "Over there we have the posh snobs."
He pointed to a group of well-dressed young men.
John looked them over, "They can't be that bad."
Mike raised an eyebrow, "Watch this. Hey, guys!"
"Piss off!"
John blinked and allowed Mike to lead him on. He continued to point out groups while John nodded.
"And then we have the Otakus," Mike said pointing to another group of students. "They like to think they're Japanese and know everything about it, but mostly‒"
"They're in it for the hentai?"John asked.
Mike scoffed but agreed. "Pretty much."
He stopped by a table and tried to be friendly, but was driven away by the extremely cold shoulder he got from them.
"Wow, who are they?" John asked.
"The Future Doctors Association, I used to be their god," Mike replied and John rolled his eyes. Mike shrugged.
"So what happened?" John asked, mostly because Mike wanted to tell him and not because he was actually interested.
"Sarah Sawyer spread it around I buy my clothes from Selby's instead of Selfridges."
John winced. He could see why that might cause some friction in a group like that. "Tossers."
Mike nodded. "Don't worry, I'll get my revenge."
Just then a dark-haired boy walked past talking to a black girl. "And what group do they belong in?" John asked with a low whistle.
"The 'never going breathe the same air as us' group," Mike snorted. "That, my friend, is Sherlock Holmes and Sally Donovan. And he's not allowed to date."
"What?" John asked. "Why not?"
"His mum is a bit of a nutter," Mike explained. "But seriously, mate. Forget about either one. It is not going to happen."
"Come on, Mike," John implored his new friend. "There must be something."
"He is looking for a French tutor," Mike admitted.
"That's perfect," John exclaimed.
"Why? Do you speak French?" Mike asked.
"Not a word, but I'm a very fast learner?"
Mike groaned.
Bertie Gruner was taller than average, with classic good looks and an arrogance matched only by his self-absorption. He and his best friend, Jim Moriarty, watched as the new sophomores walked by.
"Mhmm," Jim muttered as Sherlock and Sally walked by. "Now there is something special." He indicted Sherlock with his chin.
Bertie looked Sherlock up and down. "Indeed."
"I bet he's still a virgin," Jim replied.
"I can tap that," Bertie claimed.
Jim laughed. "Like hell you can. Care for a gentleman's wager?"
Bertie ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "Money I have, this I'll do for pleasure."
Jim smirked.
Greg looked at the scrawny kid who had squeezed past him as he walked into Mrs Hudson's office and immediately pegged him for the new kid. As long as he stayed out of Greg's way, he didn't really care.
"Welcome back, Mr Lestrade," Mrs Hudson said, standing up. "I see we're making these visits of yours weekly."
Greg smiled. "Only so we can have these moments together. You want me to hit the lights?"
Mrs Hudson rolled her eyes, "Nice try, you frog. I understand that you flashed yourself in the dining hall today."
Greg rolled his eyes. "It was a joke. I was playing with the server and waved a bratwurst around."
Mrs Hudson laughed. "Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pants. Now, shoo!"
Greg rolled his eyes again and stormed out.
John watched in awe as Sherlock and Sally walked past him and Mike.
Mike elbowed his new friend hard in the ribs.
"When are you going to learn that people of that quality will never to talk to the likes of us?"
John turned to him, "Come on, you don't think that a guy like Sherlock wouldn't be interested in me?"
"No, I don't," Mike ground out. "Look, he's like the stars. You can love them, but they won't love you back."
John sighed and then straightened his shoulders, "No, you're wrong. And I'm going to prove it to you."
Sally and Sherlock were talking about their English assignment and didn't know that they were being discussed.
Suddenly Bertie stepped out in front of them.
"Hello, gorgeous," he said to both of them.
Sally and Sherlock blushed.
"Hey," Sally said.
"Hello, Bertie," Sherlock said, lifting his chin.
"Hey, I just got the latest Jaguar, and wondered if you lovelies would like a ride after school," Bertie suggested. "It's a convertible."
Sally and Sherlock shared a glance.
"Hell, yes," Sherlock replied for both of them.
Mr Lyons stood in front of his English class with his arms crossed in front of chest. "All right, which of you lot did your reading for the weekend?"
There was some grumbling. "So what did you all think of 'The Sun Also Rises'?"
Mary Morstan said from the back, "It was so romantic!"
Mycroft rolled his eyes, "Oh, for heaven's sake! Hemmingway was a drunk narcissist who squandered his life trying to get a leg up on Picasso's leavings."
Then the most popular boy in school, Bertie Gruner, spoke up, "As opposed to a bitter, self-righteous tosser who has no friends?"
Mr Lyons rolled his eyes. "Shut it, maggot."
"Can't we get at least some intelligent authors?" Mycroft complained. "Hell, at this point I'd take Jane Austen over Ernest Hemmingway."
But before Mr Lyons could answer, Greg walked in, "What did I miss?"
"Just our intelligence being assaulted by meaningless drivel," Mycroft snarked back.
Greg looked around the class for a moment and said as he walked back out of the door, "Good."
"Wait!" Mr Lyons shouted but it was too late, Greg had already gone.
"Mr Lyons, could we all agree that Mycroft should take his Aderal before he comes to class?" Bertie sneered.
"One day, Mr Gruner, someone is going to bitch-slap you," Mr Lyons replied. "And I won't do a thing to stop it." He turned back to Mycroft. "And while we're on the subject of 'intelligent' writers, perhaps we should ask why there isn't anyone of color on your reading list!"
"Sansei shite!" the Otokus said from the back.
"And don't get me started on you lot!" Mr Lyon barked and the Otokus subsided into a low murmur.
"Anything else?" Mycroft asked.
"Yes," Mr Lyons replied, "go to the office, I can't deal with you today."
"Excuse me?" Mycroft asked. "Mr Lyons‒"
"Now!" Mr Lyons interrupted.
Mycroft rolled his eyes and grabbed his bookbag, making sure to "accidentally" clip Bertie on the way out.
Mrs Hudson sat at her laptop and chewed on her lip. She was trying to find the right word. "Miss Hooper!"
The mousy school secretary poked her head into Mrs Hudson's office. "Yes, ma'am?"
"What's another word for engorged?"
Molly blinked. "I'll look it up." She slinked off and Mrs Hudson smiled and went back to her novel.
"Tumescent," Mycroft muttered as walked into her office.
Mrs Hudson cocked her head to the side and smiled, "Yes, I like that."
She added to her paragraph, then looked up at Mycroft. "Terrorizing Mr Lyons's class again, are we?"
"I don't believe that voicing one's opinion can be classified as a terrorist action," Mycroft argued.
"Just like you didn't terrorize Charles Magnusson?" Mrs Hudson asked. "His testicle removal went very well, if you're interested."
Mycroft smirked. "I firmly believe he kicked himself in the bullocks."
Mrs Hudson glared at him.
"Fine," Mycroft said standing up. "I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering shaft."
Mrs Hudson repeated the words a couple times as Mycroft stormed out the door. Then she added those words to her page as well.
John and Mike got out of class at the end of the day and Mike hopped on his Vespa.
"See you tomorrow, John," Mike said, strapping on his helmet. Just he was about to reverse, a red car came screeching behind him.
"Get your head out of your arse, and then drive, Stamford!" Mycroft screamed and backed out of the parking lot.
John trotted up to Mike, "Hey, you okay?"
Mike scoffed. "I'm fine, that was your new beloved's older brother, Mycroft Holmes. The Shrew of Baker Academy."
John raised his eyebrows. "Him?"
"Yep," Mike said. He shook his head and turned the throttle.
Just as Mycroft was about to exit the parking lot, he spotted Sherlock and Sally in the back of Bertie's sports car.
He wrinkled his nose and tore out of there in a squeal of rubber.
Mike, who was also turning at the same time, had to swerve out of Mycroft's way to avoid being hit. Immediately, Mike lost control and began careening down the slope that led to the football field. When the Vespa leveled out, he was able to skid to a stop. He stood up to see that the entire school was watching him. He raised his hands in the air to show he was okay and the crowd erupted into cheers.
John shook his head. This school was going to be interesting, to say the least. And if he swung this right, he'd even get a boyfriend out of the deal.