You Can't Always Get What You Want
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own neither Saving Hope nor Daniel Gillies.
Pairing: Alex & Joel (Jalex)
Rating: T
Summary: Set somewhere after Naked Love. Lyrics to You Can't Always Get What You Want belong to The Rolling Stones.
Joel Goran smiled as he unlocked the front door at nine o'clock on a Monday evening and found his wife standing in the kitchen, sipping a glass of wine as she unloaded the dishwasher. The soft glow of the kitchen light shone on the dark wig she wore.
My wife even makes drinking wine look sexy.
It was almost as beautiful as Alex's real hair.
Almost.
Seeing her Joel was suddenly reminded of the lyrics to a Rolling Stones song.
I saw her today at the reception,
A glass of wine in her hand…
"Hey Reid," Joel said softly, "Are the kids asleep?" As he spoke he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him. He felt her nod, and heard her sigh as she leaned back into him.
"I just got them down a half an hour ago. Do you want something to eat?" She asked, taking another sip from her glass.
Joel shook his head, "No, it's been a long day. I just want to hold you."
Alex nodded against his shoulder and replied, "For me too. I'm glad you're home, Doctor Goran."
Her voice soft in his ear as she kissed the mole behind it.
"So am I, Reid." He whispered, "Did you miss me? Or do you just want to start a dirty weekend a little early?"
"A little bit of both." Her reply was soft and breathy in his ear. "That and I needed a distraction."
Alex Reid you saucy minx.
Joel flashed her one of his trademark grins. "And what exactly am I distracting you from, Doctor Reid?"
"A headache," She mumbled, brushing her lips softly against his neck.
"Another one?" Joel asked, pulling away slightly so that he could look into her eyes.
Alex nodded, "I thought the surgery would help. But I swear they've gotten worse since then. And my hair hasn't grown back either. Hence the wine, household chores and the impromptu make out session with my incredibly sexy husband."
"Happy to be of service, Doctor Reid. But I'm sorry you're still in pain. Did you talk to Shahir?"
Alex shook her head, "Not yet. I will tomorrow after work."
"Alex, you shouldn't wait. Call right now." His voice was gentle, yet authoritative just like the one he used in the O.R. as he reached across the granite countertop and handed her the cordless phone.
Alex flashed him a half-hearted smile, "Joel baby, I'm…"
Joel saw Alex's eyes drift in and out of focus for a moment before the sound of shattering glass startled him and he watched his wife sink to the floor as if she were in slow motion.
"Alex!" Joel shouted, catching her in his arms as she fell. "Alex, stay with me, love." Joel called out ignoring the wine-stained kitchen floor and the broken glass at his feet.
"Don't you leave me! Do you hear me, Alex Reid?"
He used the cordless phone that he was still holding to dial 911.
He spoke frantically into the phone as he cradled Alex in his arms and thought of the fact that the siren would wake the children who were upstairs sleeping peacefully.
"This is Doctor Joel Goran. I need an ambulance. My wife is two months post-op from a brain tumor removal and she just collapsed. She needs to be taken to Hope Zion. Have Doctor Hamsa waiting when we get there."
A half hour later the children were asleep in the on-call room while Joel followed the gurney that carried Alex into the O.R.
"Check her intracranial pressure! You must have missed something. She's been complaining of headaches ever since the surgery" Joel shouted, holding Alex's hand as she lay unconscious on the gurney.
"Joel, you can't go in this time." Shahir replied, barely looking up from Alex.
"The hell I can't…I'm scrubbing in…"
A hand on his shoulder stopped him, "Joel, the kids are asking for you." The gentle voice of Malanda reminded him that it wasn't just Alex that he had to worry about.
Luke.
Charlotte.
Theo.
He wouldn't let them lose their mother.
He refused to lose his wife.
Joel watched helplessly as Alex was wheeled into the O.R.
He felt as if he was being torn in half.
Part of him was going into surgery with Alex.
The other half of him would remain here with his children.
"Shahir, come find me the second she's out of surgery!"
Joel shouted before he turned and followed Malanda toward the on-call room.
As Joel turned the corner into the on-call room, a teary, wide-eyed Charlotte ran into his arms. Luke was silent but was instantly on his feet when he saw Joel. Theo was whimpering softly from his baby seat on the floor.
"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?"
"Hey guys, Mommy's going to be okay." Joel said softly, as he let Charlotte rest her head on his shoulder the same way Alex often did. "She just had a bad headache and she fell down. Doctor Hamsa's doing another surgery just to make sure everything is okay."
"Another surgery on her brain?" Luke asked, his voice almost as soft as Charlotte's had been.
He knew his son was scared.
Just as scared as he was.
"Yeah, mate," Joel replied, crouching down in front of his son without letting go of his daughter, who was now asleep against him shoulder. "But she's going to be okay. We just have to wait for Doctor Hamsa to finish her surgery."
"You promise?" Luke whispered, looking at his father for reassurance.
"Yeah, I promise, little man." Joel replied holding up the palm of his free hand for a high five.
He hoped he didn't just lie to his son.
But the alternative was unthinkable.
Life without Alex…
Joel shuddered at the thought and Charlotte cried out at the sudden movement. "Shh, Daddy's here, angel. Go back to sleep."
Joel sat in the uncomfortable chair in the on-call room for another hour. When Theo started to fuss, Joel laid Charlotte down on the cot, and picked up the baby.
"What's the matter mate? Do you need a change? Are you hungry? Or are you just worried about Mommy?"
The minute he heard the familiar word, he settled.
That's what I thought.
Just like the rest of us.
Joel closed his eyes for a few seconds, sighing as he leaned against the wall with his infant son in his arms.
But when he heard footsteps in the corridor, Joel was instantly alert.
Seconds later, Shahir appeared in the doorway still wearing surgical scrubs and smiling widely.
"It was a clot…It must've developed when I removed the first tumor. That's why she was experiencing the headaches...It could've developed into an aneurysm if I…Or maybe I should say you…hadn't caught it in time…"
"Shahir? "Joel interrupted, "Is she okay?"
Shahir nodded, still smiling, "I removed the clot. She'll be groggy from the anesthetic. And she'll be sensitive to light and sound for a while. But other than that and the shaved head…She's fine."
Joel took a step forward and hugged Shahir without hesitation.
Even though he was still holding the baby.
"Thanks mate. " Joel said, pulling the other man toward him, just before Shahir took a step back clearly uncomfortable.
"You're welcome," Shahir mumbled, "She's in recovery if you want to see her. But you might not want to bring the kids in. They'll make too much noise."
Those kids want to see her as much as she wants to see them.
Joel knelt down and shook Charlotte's small shoulder, "Charlotte, let's go see Mommy."
His daughter stirred at the last word got to her feet and followed Joel and Luke towards her mother.
Joel shifted Theo in his arms as he stopped just outside the door to the recovery room.
"You guys have to use your inside voices okay? And Mommy's going to be pretty sleepy for a while."
"But Mommy's head doesn't hurt anymore?" Charlotte whispered.
"I hope not, angel." Joel replied, ruffling his daughter's dark hair.
"I hope not, too Daddy." Charlotte said, softly, reaching for Joel's hand and squeezing it.
Joel stopped in front of the door, looking at Luke, "Are you ready?"
Luke nodded, and pushed open the door for his father.
Joel stepped into the recovery room with the baby in his arms and his son and daughter right behind him.
He stopped right beside Alex's bed, leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, despite the thick bandages wrapped around her head. He exhaled, slowly letting his warm breath caress her skin.
"You belong here. Do you hear me, Alex Reid? You belong here."
The words were an echo of what he'd said to her after she'd been stabbed.
You belong here.
You belong with me.
You belong with us.
At the sound of his voice, Alex stirred and then blinked into consciousness. "Joel?" Alex whispered uncertainly. "Joel, baby, what happened? She asked again, more urgently as her eyes danced back and forth with panic.
The hint of fear that he heard in her voice broke his heart. He laid his hand on her shoulder, hoping his touch would ground and calm her.
"Alex, love, it's okay. You're okay. You're in the hospital. What's the last thing you do remember?"
Alex closed her eyes against the noise and the brightness, and took a deep breath, "We were at home…in the kitchen... I'd just put the kids down…Oh my God, Joel, the kids…"
Suddenly everything came flooding back.
All she'd wanted was to climb into bed and fall asleep next to Joel.
But Joel wasn't home yet.
And there was a searing pain in her head.
So she poured herself a glass of Churton Marlborough 2012 and started unloading the dishwasher.
Joel came home.
They talked a little.
They kissed a little.
She wanted Joel to take her upstairs to bed.
She was about to tell him so when he handed her the phone.
She told him she was fine.
Just as the pain returned.
After that she remembered nothing at all.
Joel was about to speak, just as Alex's panic began anew, but Charlotte spoke up before he could, "We're right here, Mommy."
"There's my sweet pickle," Alex whispered, "Are you and your brothers okay?" Alex asked, looking from her daughter, to Luke, before her gaze settled on Joel and the baby once more.
Charlotte nodded, her shoulder length dark hair swaying a little as she did so.
"We're okay, Mommy. Are you okay?"
Alex tried to push herself up in bed, pulling against the I.V. in her arm trying to put on a brave face for her kids.
But Joel's gentle, yet firm arm held her back, "No, Alex…Hey, Alex…Just relax…Okay?"
After a moment, Alex nodded and sighed, "What was it?"
"A clot." Joel answered, "We're lucky Shahir found it in time. You scared me, Reid."
"I'm sorry, Joel baby." Alex whispered, "Would it make you feel better if I told you I was scared too?"
Joel leaned forward and gave her a kiss so passionate that it left her breathless for a few seconds.
"No, ma'am it definitely would not."
Alex sighed, "I just want to go home, Joel. I want to sleep together in our bed."
Joel shrugged, "You can't always get what you want Reid."
As he spoke he climbed into the bed next to her, with their infant son cradled against his chest.
"I know it's not our bed. But it'll have to do for now."
"Yes, I suppose it will, Doctor Goran."
"Good night, Doctor Reid. I love you."
"I love you too, Joel, baby." Alex mumbled the words running together as she fell asleep.
Just before Joel drifted off he heard The Rolling Stones lyrics in his mind.
You can't always get what you want…
But if you try sometimes…
Well you just might find…
You get what you need.
As he fell asleep next to his wife, with his children in the same room, Joel Goran had both.