by s1ncer1ty
a need to leave the water knows
we're closer now than light years to go
~ r.e.m., "find the river"
I love days like this, when the sun shines down through the bluest of skies and the air is so cold as it's spun into breath. When the trees are nothing more than spindly skeletons against a cloudless sky -- this is when the earth is sleeping, hibernating before an infinite rebirth.
Kouran used to mourn the winter, her eyes growing dim and melancholy once the first scarlet leaves began to slip from the trees, when the white cranes she so loved would take to the skies for warmer climates. She never could simply lift her chin to the skies, take in the sun that warmed the skin even through the cold winter air. Instead, she would long for warmer days, harvest season at its peak, the laughter of children as they splashed in the waters of the river.
She loved the summer; she loved the winter. It's only appropriate that, in the end, she returned to the very stream that brought our village its life.
I suppose I'll never completely recover from her death, her seeming betrayal, and, most of all, my own weakness. My own inability to save her. If my village flooded now, I'd easily construct a watertight barrier and save everyone -- Kouran, Hikou, the two sisters and parents I'd left behind, everyone.
But for now, the river flows on at a laughing pace, impervious to the frigid air that dusts its shores with sheets of ice, unmindful of the disaster it wrought not seven years ago in this very spot. The river holds no memories of my village, having swallowed it entirely in a flush of tide. Not a single house remains, and only one person is still alive to remember that, where there is now a deep pitch of water, there once had stood an industry of laughter and life.
The river took my left eye in the great flood. I would gladly have paid -- twice -- with my life instead, if only to be with her one last time, or to cling to her down the rushing depths to a dreamless sleep.
A warm hand comes to clasp my shoulder, relaxing only when I turn to see who's summoned me. Tasuki, my sole traveling companion these days, stares back, fire-tinged eyes momentarily narrowed with concern, before he breaks into a wide grin.
"Oi. You going to stand there an' brood all day, or are we gonna go?"
"Is it time?" I ask, raising a hand swiftly to my face to brush away any stray dampness that might remain upon my cheek.
Tasuki rolls his eyes in supreme exasperation, deliberately ignoring the tears. "Jeez, it's been time to go for ages. I'm hungry, and we've still got a ways to go before we hit the next town."
"I see."
I tilt my chin, raising the ever-grinning kitsune mask to my face -- but a swift, firm grip of hot fingers around my wrist stays its return.
"Not now," Tasuki says, his voice unnervingly raspy in its softness. "Go crazy 'soon as we hit civilization again. But for now, you don't need that."
I smile faintly, and I lower my hand, the mask falling limp in my fingertips. "Of course. No barriers. For now, na no da."
I feel like such a liar, as I turn back to gaze out over the fast expanse of water. The mask might be down, but the barriers are as high as the floodgates that should have held the river so many years ago. Looking back is always the most painful mistake to make.
As I look over the surface of the now-still water, I'm reminded that there had once been life here, so much life -- and all the mass trappings of humanity. All had been washed away in that great flood, left to ruin at the bottom of the powerful river. Kouran's life, Hikou's life, everyone's lives dashed away in a single swoop of the river's anger.
A bark of laughter breaks through my thoughts, and for a moment, I find it strange that Tasuki is here, that Tasuki is still alive. Hadn't the river --?
"Chichiri, you're doin' it again!"
Compulsively fingering the mask in my hand, I say elusively, "Did you know there was once a village here?"
Tasuki says nothing, merely grunting in acknowledgment as he watches me in curiosity.
"It was one of many villages along the shorelines, lost in a great flood that swept over the land some seven years ago. Do you remember?"
He shakes his head. "Not really, no. I was a kid at the time. Ten, eleven years old? I remember hearing from the town's elders that a great river had flooded, but it didn't mean much to me at the time. We were inlanders."
"Yes, that makes sense."
"Was it -- your village?" There are times when Tasuki can be infinitely more observant than he lets on. There are also times -- rare times -- that I can be read as easily as a book.
"It was. Seven years ago, I couldn't save anyone. No one but myself." I attempt to grin, but it comes out almost as a grimace.
Tasuki rolls his eyes, impatient with a melancholy I almost never let another soul witness.
"So what, then? It wasn't your fault something like that happened! You couldn't have helped a damn flood -- hell, you probably couldn't move an entire wall of water now if you tried, even with your power!"
"I would try, no da," I whisper.
"You'd probably kill yourself in the process, ya idiot." Tasuki grins, sharp teeth visible over his bottom lip. "An' if you died, then I'd just have to kill you!"
"I -- don't know if that's possible," I say, too stunned for wiser words. Tasuki's teasing jolts me from my mortal grief; in his own, grousing way, Tasuki is trying to cheer me.
"'Sides, you got a lot to live for. Our time as celestial warriors may be over, but it doesn't mean there ain't so much more we can do. We still have the power to do good, don't we? We're still together, right?"
I turn my head to face fire-singed eyes, burning softly in determined concern. Tasuki would be crushed if I were to return home -- truly home. And even if I didn't return to the waters that brought me life, I couldn't leave him alone out in this part of the prefecture. The ex-bandit can't manage to swim or find himself supper to save his life. In spite of myself, I can't help but laugh.
"Let's go downstream some, shall we? I'll catch something to eat for dinner?"
Tasuki screws up his face, nose wrinkling in disgust. "Not fish again! Wouldn't you want to get to a proper inn once we get to town, sit down by a warm fire, be served sake by a lovely waitress?"
"I --" For a moment I hesitate, but Tasuki's smile is infectious, like a spark taking blaze in a dense, dry forest. "Yes. That sounds nice."
"Great!" Tasuki exclaims, slapping me on the back as I accept his olive branch of friendship. "You're buying the first round!"
Yes, Tasuki needs me. But, more than that, I need him. Especially now, as my thoughts turn dark and the light grows dim upon my face. He's light, he's the sun -- he's who I'll live to protect from here on out, the same way I lived for Kouran and for Hikou. Friends, comrades in arms, for as long as we walk this earth.
Water begets life.
Life begets life. And in place of a bustling village, there now swim fish in the laughing waters. Where a flood once took life, there is now a flood of life. Ever cycling. Ever returning to another cycle of birth, happiness, despair, rebirth.
From water we're born, to water we'll return. And until that time comes that we're to re-enter life's circle, the river will flow ever on and on. Time will wait, fishing will wait. For as long as I walk this earth, the river will still rush on, headlong into life.
And so will I.
...owari...